Here's Chapter 22! (Finally!)

BPOV

"Bella! Look what I found!" I turned to see Alice running toward me with a bunch of clothes in her arms. "Isn't this pretty?"

I nodded as she held out a brown ruffled shirt. "Yeah. It's nice."

"Okay, what about this one?" She rummaged through everything in her arms before holding up a black mini skirt.

"Yeah." I heard the bland tone in my voice, but I honestly couldn't help it.

Alice put everything on top of a rack and threw her arms in the air. "Bella! Can you at least try to be a little more enthusiastic?"

I shrugged, not knowing what to do. "Sorry."

"Do you wanna get something to eat?" I was grateful that she was speaking in a softer tone.

I wasn't really hungry. "Um…sure?" I followed her as she picked everything up again and put them in their places. We left the store and drove to Chili's, Alice singing songs as she
drove. As soon as "Umbrella" came on the radio, I changed the station.

"Hey! I like that song."

"Sorry. That was our song." Is. Not 'was.' Is.

We finally got to Chili's, and I threw myself out of the car as quickly as I could. If I had to hear Alice scream "My body's too bootylicious for you, babe" one more time, I was
going to leave
her here and start walking home.

I was thankful that we were seated in a booth. I pushed myself to the very end and leaned against the wall. Alice got the Honey BBQ Chicken Crispers and fries, and I got a root beer.

"That's all you're having? Here." She pushed her plate forward for us to share.

I shook my head and looked away. "I'm not hungry."

She let out a sigh and I turned my head to her. "Bella, you're starting to get dark circles under your eyes. I didn't want to say anything, but you look really bad."

"I know." My dad tells me every day.

"I know you miss him. We all do. But it's been two weeks. You can't mope around the entire time."

Yes I can. "I know."

"Can you please talk?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Anything. Just talk." She dipped a fry into her ketchup and looked at me expectantly. I didn't know what she wanted me to talk about. "Do you wanna talk about him?"

"No." I immediately felt guilty when her face fell. "Do you?"

"Kind of. Emmett and I always talk about him now. I like it, actually." Her lips pulled up into a small smile.

"I really don't want to talk about him – or even think about him."

"Okay."

"Sorry. I just – I miss him a lot. I can't even explain it." I stopped talking once my voice cracked. I didn't need to break down and cry in the middle of Chili's.

"You don't have to. I get it. He's my brother. But being this way all every day isn't gonna bring him back sooner. Do you think he'd ever want you to be this way?"

She stared at me for a few seconds. Was she waiting for an answer? "No…"

"So stop it. I'm trying really hard to stay positive, Bella. You can't just do this to yourself whenever he leaves. Life doesn't always go as planned, but it could be so much worse. There
are some things that are out of your control, and if you can't control them, you just have to take them as they come." I let out a small laugh as I twirled my straw between my thumb
and forefinger. She sounded like an after-school special on TV. "I'm being serious."

"I know. I'm sorry. And you're right."

"Besides, he might be back in two weeks. Remember? It said online that it might only take a month."

"Alice, I think they'll keep him there longer than a month. A month is like…well, it seems like a lifetime, but I don't think one month is enough for something like this." I looked down and
took a sip of my drink. I don't know if she realized how pained her face looked, but I couldn't look at her.

I felt my stomach flip as she forced a smile. "Come to the pool hall with Em and me tonight."

"I don't feel like playing pool." To be honest, I didn't want to be the odd one out.

"What do you feel like doing?"

Nothing. "I don't know."

She smiled brightly. "Great! Then you're coming with us."

I groaned and dropped my head on the table before picking it back up. "I don't want to hang out with you guys."

I held my hand out as soon as I saw the hurt look on her face. "That's not what I meant. When I see you with Jasper, or Em with Rose, it reminds me of what I don't have. I know
it's selfish of me to think that way, but I can't help it. Everything reminds me of him." I thought time would ease the pain, but the emptiness inside me was only growing with each
day that passed. When would it get to be too much?

"Well, Rosalie and Jasper aren't coming."

"No, Alice, don't tell them not to come –"

"I promise, we didn't invite them. Emmett said that if you don't come, he's gonna beg and beg and beg and beg and –"

"Okay! I'll come." I couldn't help but smile. I would never be able to say no to Emmett if he so much as said "please."

I flinched as Alice squealed and clapped her hands together. "Finally!"

We went to her house and waited for Em to get home, reading old magazines to pass the time.

"Oh, my God! Look how young Britney was here!" Alice tossed a magazine to me and I looked at the cover. Britney Spears on the cover of Tiger Beat.

"Wow…I remember these magazines. How did she ever deny getting a boob job?"

Alice fell onto her back on the bed, cracking up. "I don't know! That would be like…if Jessica denied it. They're huge!"

"At least Britney's are a normal size. Oh my God! Look at this one." I folded the cover back and held the magazine up to her.

"Ew! I can't believe we thought he looked hot like that!"

It was a picture of Justin Timberlake with bleach blonde curly hair and big gold hoop earrings hanging from his ears and cartilage. Whoa.

I closed the magazine and lay on my back, looking up at the ceiling. "Eh, whatever. At least he's hot now."

"And so is Chace Crawford."

"And Jake Gyllenhaal."

"And Brandon Flowers and Travis McCoy…"

And him, I thought. Wow. For the first time in God knows how long, I stopped thinking about him for a few seconds. Did that make me a bad best friend? Did that make me a bad
girlfriend?

I let out a sigh. I wish he was here right now. We could be lying down in his bed together, his warm hard body pressed against mine. I always wondered how that was possible – how could
his body be so soft and so hard at the same time?

I wonder if he'll seem different when I see him again.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of footsteps coming up the stairs. I assumed it was Emmett because whoever it was went into his room. I pushed myself up as Alice
went to the door and craned her neck out to sure it was Em. She came back as he appeared in the doorway.

He looked at Alice. "Hey." His eyes widened when he saw me. "Hey, Bella!"

I laughed at the way he drew out my name. "Hi, Em."

"Are you coming with us?"

"Yupp."

"Yes!" He came over and sat next to me on the bed before giving me a big hug.

"Ew…you're all sweaty." I gave him a quick hug and pushed him away with a grimace.

"Emmett! Get of my bed!"

He stood p and walked toward the door, turning back before he walked into the hallway. "Relax. I just got back from the gym. It's not like you and Jasper don't get the bed
dirty with your body fluids."

Alice's jaw dropped and I fell back on the bed laughing. She shut the door and we waited for Em to take a shower and get dressed.

A few minutes after the water stopped running, there was a knock on Alice's door before Emmett walked in. He closed the door and looked at himself in her full-length
mirror. "Bella, does this look okay?"

A grey wife beater and dark-wash jeans. Always a plus. "Looks good to me."

"Don't you want my opinion?"

He turned to look at Alice. "'Alice, does this look okay?'" He put one hand on his hip and let the other hang in the air as he mimicked Alice's voice. "'Ugh! Who cares? It's not like
anyone's gonna see you.'"

Alice and I started cracking up as he turned back to the mirror and flexed his arms. His biceps and pecs bulged.

"Em, do you ever get sick of being so big?"

"Nope. Does Edward?"

I felt my heart jump into my throat at the mention of his name. I know Emmett wasn't looking for an answer, but I managed to let out a meek "no." It was quiet for a few seconds
and I tried to speak as my throat opened up a bit.

"He's not a bear like you are." I tried to let out a small laugh to lighten the mood.

Emmett turned around and cocked on eyebrow. "A bear, huh? Do I look beastly?"

Alice and I laughed again as he flexed and scrunched up his face to look mean. "No. More like a teddy bear."

"Oh."

I saw someone tall whiz by the door, toward his room, out of the corner of my eye. My heart was pounding in my chest as I whipped my head toward the door. I stood up slowly
and walked out into the hallway, vaguely hearing Alice telling me not to do something. I walked toward his room slowly, counting my steps to keep myself calm. I could hardly focus
on my own thoughts through the sound of the blood flowing, pounding between my ears. I wiped a clammy palm on my pant leg before turning the doorknob and pushing his
bedroom door open slowly.

"Hello…?" I whispered before turning on the light and taking a step forward.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply as his scent surrounded me. I opened my eyes and looked around, willing myself not to cry.

He wasn't here. Of course he wasn't here.

I looked at his plaques and medals, his trophies and his baseball signed by Mickey Mantle. I looked at his bed, his TV, his dark blue walls, his desk, and his bookshelf. Why hadn't
I come in here for the past two weeks? I couldn't explain the level of comfort I felt when I was in his room.

It was as if I was waiting for him to come back, as if he was out running an errand and he'd be right back. I stood by the door and imagined just that.

I imagined I was lying down on his bed, watching TV. Maybe he was out with Jasp– Jacob, like the day I overslept and missed dinner. Then maybe Emmett would come in and offer
me "juice or cookies or something." I smiled at the memory. And then he would come home and we would try to study for our exam but watch a movie together instead. And then he'd
lie about his pink eyes and he'd lie about Jasper–

I looked down at my shirt when I felt my tears hit the fabric. In one swift motion, I took a step back and turned around. I closed my eyes and shrieked when I felt two strong hands
on my shoulders.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down. It's just me."

I opened my eyes. "Emmett?"

"Yeah. Emmett." He wiped the tears from my eyes. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. But I called your name like five times." He wiped at my tears again and wiped his hand on
his shirt. "Are you ready to go?"

I didn't want to go. I wanted to turn back around and sleep in his bed until he came back. "Yeah."

We walked down the stairs, Alice and Em behind me. I don't know if I was supposed to hear it or not, but Alice was telling Emmett not to say his name around me.

When we walked into the pool hall, Emmett paid the guy at the front desk to get a table for an hour. I was glad smoking wasn't allowed in here anymore. That was the only thing I
used to hate about this place.

After we chose which cue sticks we'd use and Alice set up the balls, I realized that we would have had an even number of players on each team if he was with us.

"Alright. You two can be a team if you want. Girls against…guy. But, since you guys have an extra player, I get to break. Fair?"

Alice chimed in before I had a chance to say anything. "Yupp. Just be prepared to lose."

Emmett laughed as he hit the cue ball and a striped ball went into a corner pocket. "Wait. What are we playing for? Losers buy the winner coffee?"

"Yeah. Loser buys the winners coffee," Alice said as she hit the cue ball.

I saw a man walking up behind Alice, approaching her quickly. She was still bent over the pool table, and I gave Emmett a worried look. He stood between the man and Alice
quickly, putting a hand on the man's chest. "Don't touch her." The man looked at me, and I looked away quickly. "Or her. Don't even look at her."

He turned his gaze back to Emmett. "Bro, I didn't even do anything. I swear, I wasn't gonna be rude or nothing. Chill."

"You were coming at her like a fucking rhino. I'm asking you nicely to leave both of them alone."

"Alright, alright. You won't even let them speak for themselves. Damn."

The man turned around and left, calling Em a psycho. Em turned back around to us and continued the game like nothing had happened. No one mentioned what had happened, and I was glad.

We played two games and Emmett won both of them. We went to Starbucks afterward, but he didn't let us pay for anything.

When we got back home, Alice hugged me as soon as she got out of the car. "Thanks for coming, Bella."

"Thank you." She went inside as Em turned off the ignition and got out of the car. "Next time, I'm paying for everything."

He let out a laugh. "You can try to. Thanks for finally leaving your cave and coming out tonight."

"What cave? I'm not the bear. You are. I mean, you made that guy back off quick enough."

He let out another small laugh before speaking. "Yeah, well…it was obvious he was gonna try something. So are you gonna be coupe cooped up in your room for another two
weeks or will we see you again soon?"

"You're going back to school tomorrow night?"

"Yeah."

I gave him a small smile. "I'll come over tomorrow."

"You better." He pointed a finger at me and I laughed.

"I will, I will! Good night, Em."

"Good night."

I couldn't thank them enough for trying to make me feel better. This had to be hard for them as well, and not once did I hear them or their parents complain.

I turned around and walked quickly toward my house, eager to get in bed. I was greeted by my dad as soon as I walked in. His head turned from the TV to me slowly. "Hey, Bells."

"Hi, dad."

"Went out?"

"Yeah. With Alice and Emmett."

He gave me a small smile and I forced myself to smile back. "Good. I was worried you would go stir crazy soon." I rolled my eyes at the remark and let out a small laugh. "Bella, trust
me when I say that I know how you feel. But at least he's coming back, you know? At least you have that to look forward to."

I kept quiet for a few seconds, not sure what to say. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"You shouldn't have to see me sulking this way for something like this. He's coming back…she's not."

"Bells, that's not what I meant."

"I know, but it's true. But I feel like I literally can't function when he's not here."

He let out a long sigh. "I'm only gonna say this once, Bella."

"What?"

"Now, don't get mad…"

"What, dad?"

"I know you can't help the way you feel, but this is exactly why you shouldn't make someone your everything."

My face fell flat. "Why? Because when that someone is gone, I'll be left with nothing?"

"Well, yeah."

I felt my blood boiling. "He's not gone! And how would I not make him my everything? Would that even be possible? When I'm sad, he's there. When I'm happy, he's there. Before I go
to sleep, he's there. When I wake up, he's there. For fourteen years. Almost every freaking day!" I was panting hard, the tears threatening to escape. I would not cry.

I waited. I waited for him to tell me not to raise my voice at him. I waited for him to tell me not to be so dramatic. He said nothing. He merely reached toward the table in front of him
and picked up a light blue envelope. He held it out to me and I took it from his hand tentatively.

It was addressed to me, written in a very neat script. I looked at the upper left corner of the envelope. His clinic. It was sent from the clinic he was staying in.

I hurried to open the envelope, careful not to rip whatever paper was inside. My heart plunged to my stomach when I saw the handwriting on the letter.

Hi, baby.

I looked up at my dad. "It's from Edward." I choked on his name. I wasn't able to speak above a whisper. I grabbed the envelope and ran upstairs. "Thanks. Good night."

I ran into my room and shut the door before turning on the light. I put my bag on my desk and hurried to my bed, leaning back against the headboard before looking down at the
sheet of paper. There was no way to stop the pounding heart in my chest.

August 15, 2010

Hi, baby.

How's everything? I've only been here for a day, but I already miss you so much. They said I could send out and
receive letters, but they check everything before it's sent out or before I get it. They don't read the letters though,
so we can write whatever we'd like. The only thing that sucks is that it'll take five days for your letters to get
here, but it'll take about two weeks for mine to get there. I'm only sending out two letters, though. One for you
and one for my family. The doctors and nurses here speak to me like I'm a five-year-old, and it's really starting to
get on my nerves. I met a 19-year-old kid here, though, and he's pretty cool. He's a heroin addict, and on top of
that, he's schizophrenic. I know…wow, right? His name is Aro. I think he's Greek or something. He introduced me
to his dog and cat – named Dog and Cat. I mean, they don't exist, but I pretend I can see them. There's a psych
ward here, so they help him out in the rehab clinic and in the psych ward. They said I might have to go to the
psych ward too, but I don't know why. I thought of you when I heard there was a ward here (not that I ever stop
thinking of you), but I don't think you'd want to work at a place like this. It would be nice, though. I mean, if you
were working here right now. That would be nice. More than nice. I could see
you every day.

But I think you should know that they said I'm going to be here for 90 days.

I looked away and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I couldn't read through the tears. Three months? What was I going to do without him for three months?

I waited for my tears to subside before looking back down at the letter.

I know it seems like a long time from now, but if we take it one day at a time, it might not be so bad. I'm going
to go into detox a bit later, and it's supposed to last like five days or something, so
I'll write again when I get the chance. I know it sounds harsh, but it shouldn't be too bad, so don't worry.

I forced myself to control my crying. He was trying to make it seem as if the withdrawals would be a breeze to get through.

How's everything back home? Anything new? There's nothing special here. I have my own room, but with
almost nothing in it. It's completely white, just like everything else in this place. Oh, and besides all the bedrooms,
there's a cafeteria. But we can only eat at designated times. I could really go for a Philly Cheesesteak right now.
I miss everything back home already. And I miss you. I know I already said that, but I don't care. I miss you. I
miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

Please write back.

I love you.
Edward

P.S. Don't think I forgot that you still owe me a date!

I laughed through my tears at the way he made it seem like he wanted me to pay for everything.

I ran my fingertips over the small crinkled spots at the bottom of the letter. My breath caught in my throat when I realized they were his tears. But why? If he's hurting this
much, he should tell me.

I sat for a few seconds and though things through. He wrote this letter the second day he was there. He's been there for two weeks already, and he's going to be there for three
months all together, which means there are two and a half months left. I felt a little bit better to know that half a month had gone by already. And if he wrote this letter two weeks
ago, that means he should be done with the detox by now. He should have been done with it last week. So why hasn't he written any other letters?

He must be waiting for a reply.

Screw sleep.

My heart ached as I folded the letter and put it on my bedside table. I got a piece of paper and a pen and sat back down quickly. I stared at the blue lines on the blank sheet of
paper, not knowing where to begin.

I touched the tip of the pen to the paper and wrote down everything on my mind, everything I could think of.

August 30, 2010

Dear Edward…

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-JayBee