Music tip:
Jess Glynne – Take Me Home
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fate

chapter 5:
control

He stays in control.
Always.

It's what he does and what keeps him going in the end.

Back at the academy he had been the one to patch up his mislead and lost friend, when he had crawled bruised and battered back into their shared dorm. There had been a lot of angry words and the typical, cynical mumble – but he had stayed in control. Always.

Then the Enterprise happened and for the first time since his ex-wife had taken his daughter away from him he had stumbled. With Pike having his brain being eaten by alien slugs and Jim falling unconscious after saving them from certain death with pure willpower, he had found himself back in his quarter hours later on the verge of losing it.
But he had managed to save Pike from a life being bound to a wheelchair despite the limp and Jim from running headfirst into a similar fate his father had been tragically doomed to. He had stayed in control. Always.

Khan though –
They had lost Pike. Jim had lost a father. The crew of the Enterprise had lost its Captain.
And that's where it all went wrong, didn't it?

Jim died. Actually died.
His face had never been so pale, his form never so still. Not even after the Narada incident had he been like this, when he had annoyed the nurses, chatted with Pike to hide the doubts and worries and driven Bones into insanity.
He was dead, there was nothing he could do this time to save his friend and Captain, literally nothing, because there was no return from the dead –

Until there was.
Jim was alive, there had been a way to save him after all and only the little tribble on his desk had pulled Bones back from losing it completely.
He had stayed in control. Brought Jim back to the land of the living.
But barely. Oh so very, very barely.

Now he stands in a hut-like structure and stares off into the night on a planet that might very well kill them, while their first Commander internally bleeds to death behind him. It's as peachy as always.
He should have known that the peace of the last months was only temporary. There was trouble left and right, but nothing that wanted to smash them to pieces and kill each and every one of them (usually it was just Jim).

The Enterprise – their home really – had been destroyed. Completely.
During his rather unintentional escape from the ship in an elevator and later in an alien ship he had caught a glance from their usually gleaming star in the thick blackness of the universe.
She had been enveloped in explosions, debris and death.
It had hurt more than he thought it would have, but then again all he could think of – beside their dead crewmates – was Jim. He loved that ship more than any of them on a level Bones couldn't quite comprehend yet.

He had to be devastated.
…if he was still alive out there.

His clenched fists are hidden under his arms as he fixes his position near the window-like hole and stares out into the night looking for enemies, a sign or someone familiar. Anything at this point, because Spock needs urgent help.
He wants to go out there and look for Jim, make sure he's alright even when he isn't on the inside, since that's how they work after all, and then help him get back at the bastard who caused them so much pain.

But he has to stay in control.
It's his job and the only thing he is sure of in this situation, so he turns around with a silent sigh and checks up on Spock's wound he has sealed for now. It's not looking good, not at all actually, but he will pull through for now. Jim and his first Commander are like day and night – it's the reason why they are so dangerous together – but on one point they are more similar than anyone else. No one is more stubborn than they are, even if the odds are completely against them. Like now.

How in the world are they going to find each other?
How many of the crew are still alive?
How can they escape, how contact Starfleet?

His head is beginning to pound again and with an agitated groan he stands up to let Spock rest and walks back over to the window.
It's hard to stay in control when he has no fucking clue what to do.

Spock needs medical attention.
Walking is not an option either, his wound is too bad.
Leaving him alone is too irresponsible and despite their petty quarrels Bones cares too much about his stoic friend after all they've been through to abandon him to his fate.

What else can he do than wait for a miracle that might never happen?
Maybe they are all dead, maybe the only survivors are spread over the planet with no way of contacting anything at all, maybe help will never come.
His resolve shrinks and with a shuddering breath he supports himself on the cold stone wall.

And then the broken communicator is in his shaking hand again and with a furious whisper he tries to contact someone, anyone out there to help them.

"Enterprise, come in."
Nothing.

"Can anybody hear me?"
No one.

"Jim?!"
Not even him. Not this time.

He closes the communicator and winds up to throw the damned thing out into the deadly nightlife, but an unexpected voice holds him back.
"It is unwise to get rid of our only way to reach the Captain and the rest of the crew, doctor."

"It's broken. We're lost," he answers with a voice that is throaty but holds something else in it that surprises even Bones himself. He needs the cold logic he always shrugged off with a scornful glare, he needs some form of hope and Spock is the best he can get in a situation as messed up as theirs.

"Then we'll fix it and find our way back to the crew."

"…and what if they're all dead by now?"
He barely turns around and throws a cautious glance over his shoulder to the Commander, who still sits on the opposite wall and studies him with an expressionless face – as always. Bones wouldn't say it out loud, but he is thankful for it.
For him being steady, being himself despite the wound that has to take its toll on him no matter how almighty he seems to be.

"Many crewmembers made it out via the escape-pods and since our enemies were busy destroying the Enterprise, the chance that they captured all of them is nominal. Also you are aware that our Captain has an interesting talent of getting out of certain situations against all odds, doctor."
It's his way of saying 'It's gonna be alright', so Bones nods and then lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. You can't beat logic. Surely. Not when there are lives on the line.

"And how exactly are we going to find or contact one of them?"

Before Spock has a chance to reply, a booming sound fills the silence of the night and flinching Bones turns around to stare out of the window with wide opened eyes.
In the distance bright lights are filling the blackness and illuminate an unusual sight in between the trees and the dirt. Hours before, when the sun had started to set, he had made out the sad and unmoving form already, but it was too far away for them to reach, a mere dot in the distance.
But now it's obvious. It's her.

"The Enterprise!"

The familiar sound is like a reassuring pat on the back, while a side of her reaches for the sky, a last gasp, a stubborn rebellion against the laws of physics for chaining her to the ground, where she never belonged.
The sight is unsettling but breath-taking all at once.

She is thought dead, but like Jim manages to fight back against the impossible.
And just like that, watching her illuminate the night and going down with a bang, he veers back from the cliff again and falls back into something more familiar.

"They are right there, doctor. Nothing is lost yet."
It's unusual for Spock to say something so illogical –
They don't know who started the Enterprise, they don't know how things will turn out in the end, they do know that the odds are definitely not in their favor…
But for once Bones simply smiles at him and nods. There is still hope, as long as they are breathing and willing to fight.

He stays in control. They will make it out alive somehow.
As always.

AN: Thank you all so much for the support! Here a little thing a lot of you guys had requested with these characters one way or another! Keep the ideas coming, guys. :)