Candace took a bottle of nutrition pills off the shelf and inspected the label. She did prefer to eat real food whenever she could, but the pills were good for emergencies. After a second, she made up her mind and threw the bottle into her basket. If she was lucky, maybe this week Xavier would try making a sandwich first like she kept suggesting, and the pills would actually last.
Amanda ran up to her. "Mom! Xavier and Fred are doing nothing again!"
"You came all the way here to tell me that?" Candace asked. Amanda had been been at home the last time she'd checked, which had been five minutes ago.
"Of course I did, mom!" said Amanda. "Do you know what they could be building?"
"What?" said Candace, taking a few tins of kidney beans off the shelf.
Amanda folded her arms. "They could be building a time machine. Can you imagine if they built a time machine?"
Candace scanned the shelves for the only brand of dehydrated Sunday roast that Fred would eat, but it looked like they were all out. "Why a time machine?"
"Because, they said they weren't building one!" said Amanda. "They even had some kind of... buildy-thing in the backyard."
Candace smiled. She was a little worried about Amanda's inability to see the obvious, but it was good to hear that the boys were finally showing an interest in... anything. Provided Fred wasn't just going along with whatever Xavier wanted to do, as usual.
She'd always known they were late bloomers. She'd have to have a talk with them about the dangers of time travel before... before they...
Can you imagine if they built a time machine?
Fine. But when I catch you up, you are so busted!
"Uh-oh." Candace started towards the checkout. "Okay, time to go!"
"Already?" said Amanda. "What about icecream? We're almost out!"
Candace quickened her pace. "Later." No kids of hers were going to time travel without permission.
.
Finally, after more than an hour, Xavier fused the last oobahoobaleeba to the frame, and the time machine was complete. Alicia stood back and admired it. She particularly liked the egg shape. It was like some kind of metaphor for something.
"Before we go, we gotta make a solemn pact not to talk about the future." she announced. "We can't tell anyone who we are, or we might never be born!" That should have been obvious, but she was dealing with a couple of kids who'd handed something her dad had invented recently over to her dad from twenty years ago. There was no such thing as obvious.
Alton tugged at his hair. "This is like wearing a big green sign on your head that says 'I am the son of Ferb Fletcher. Please kidnap me and hold me hostage.'"
That did seem to happen a lot. Alicia wished her dad had as many enemies as Alton's.
"Past mom already knows who me and Fred are," Xavier put in.
"I'm not gonna-" began Alicia.
"Your head is shaped like a triangle," Alton interrupted.
Alicia felt her nose and scalp. The corners weren't as sharp as her dad's, but the shape was still obvious. "L... lots of people have triangle shaped heads."
"They do?" said Xavier.
"Not really," said Alton.
Fine, whatever. "Okay, we tell them we're their kids from the future. But we can't tell them who they married!"
"Mom and dad never got married!" protested Hal.
"You know what I mean!" Alicia snapped. "We can't mess up the present. Okay?"
"Okay," said Xavier.
"Okay," said Fred.
Alton shrugged. "Sure."
"Fine," said Hal.
Alicia led the way into the time machine. It was completely bare on the inside except for a big purple button on the far wall. "You programmed the coordinates, right Hal?" It was controlled remotely, like most things, but she had no idea which frequency it used.
Hal looked offended. "Of course! You just press the button."
Alicia pressed the button.
.
Candace pulled into the driveway, hit the brakes so hard that the hovercar screeched, and raced outside. Just in time to see something flicker out of existence.
She growled, then took a few deep breaths. She needed to stay calm. This was not the time for a freakout. "Amanda?" she called. "Honey? Can you put the groceries away? I need to make a couple phone calls."
.
There was a lurch, and suddenly they were in the past. Alton wished that the time machine had windows. Cars made him sick enough, and they only travelled in three dimensions.
He had no doubt that they really were back in time. Hal was a genius, in some areas.
Alicia apparently disagreed. "We better be in the past, Hal."
Hal opened the door. "Relax!" He opened the door and looked outside, then pulled his head back in. "Told you."
Alton peered over his shoulder. They were in a very retro-looking backyard. Two boys their age were sitting under a tree and staring at them. One of them had green hair. The other had a triangular head.
The triangular headed boy said "Hmm... Are you a clone army from another dimension, here to learn how to have the best day ever?" His voice was much higher pitched than uncle Phineas's, but there was something familiar in his tone.
Hal and Alton looked at each other. That was a new one.
"We're just twins," said Alton eventually.
"Let me see!" said Alicia, from behind them. "Let me see!"
Hal jumped out of the doorway and Alton exited more carefully. Alicia, Xavier and Fred followed.
"Oh, I get it!" said probably Uncle Phineas. "You're time travellers! Hi, guys!" The last sentence was addressed to Xavier and Fred.
"Hi," said Xavier.
"Hi!" said Fred, bouncing on the soles of his feet.
Uncle Phineas and Alton's dad stood up. "So, if you're Candace's future kids, that means..." he looked at Hal, then Alton.
Their dad looked at Alicia.
He was so young. Alton guessed that he couldn't always have been strong and wise and capable and the best person in the entire world, but it was really hard to think of this boy as his father. He hadn't said a word, which wasn't unusual for him, and he still seemed like a completely different person.
"Are you... our future kids?" said uncle Phineas, with widened eyes.
"I think so," said Alton. "Is your name Phineas?"
Uncle Phineas' eyes lit up. "Yes. Yes it is."
"We're not telling you who you marry!" said Alicia quickly.
"We're gonna get married?" said Uncle Phineas. He looked a lot like Alicia had when she'd learned that there were pills for lactose intolerance. Alton didn't know how the daughter of a famous inventor had missed that.
"But..." began Hal.
Alton hit him on the leg with his crutch.
"Ow! Hey!"
"We come on an important mission!" said Alicia, after glaring at Hal and for some reason, Alton. "Tell them, Fred!"
"Huh?" said Fred, who'd been staring blankly into space. "Oh yeah. Uh..." He stood next to Alicia and copied the way she was standing. "We're on a quest to recover my fwooshawizzledoo!"
"Your what?" said Uncle Phineas.
"The tool he gave you that fuses wood to metal," said Xavier. "Alicia isn't very straight-forward."
Uncle Phineas looked confused. "But that's Fred."
"He's being Alicia," said Xavier with a shrug.
Uncle Phineas and Ferb - Alton couldn't think of him as "dad" - looked at each other.
"Oookay," said uncle Phineas. "We'd love to give it back, but we gave it to Baljeet to study."
"Oh no!" said Alicia and Fred at about the same time.
"Who's Baljeet?" said Alton.
"We can't let the professor see it!" said Alicia.
"I agree!" said Fred.
"Can you imagine what would happen to the present if the fwooshawizzledoo was invented twenty years early?"
"No," said Alton, who was getting sick of Alicia's overdramatics. And of nobody telling him who Baljeet was. Some people hadn't lived in Danville their entire lives, and didn't know every single one of their parents' childhood friends.
"I'll get it," said Xavier.
That was weird. Normally he never volunteered for anything. He did what adults asked him to, but he never seemed to do anything on his own.
Xavier took out his Steale and fiddled with it. "Uh... Uh... I think my GPS is broken..."
Hal took it from him and started pushing buttons. "Weird," he said. "It's not picking up anything. It's like it's out of range."
"It probably is," said uncle Phineas. "I don't think that kind of technology has been invented yet."
Hal slapped himself. "Oh yeah! We're in the past! I totally forgot!" He gave Xavier his computer back.
Xavier put it in his pocket. "How did people get around in the past, anyway?"
"Ferb's drawing you a map!" said uncle Phineas.
"Map...?" said Xavier, confused.
Alton looked over his dad's shoulder. He was drawing a very detailed picture, but he couldn't tell what it was supposed to be. It was full of straight lines and geometric shapes.
Ferb looked around and saw him staring.
"Hi," said Alton. It wasn't that he was shy. He wasn't. He just wasn't used to meeting kids who'd grow up to be his dad.
"Hi," said Ferb.
They looked at each other.
"Don't tell him who your mom is!" called Fred.
"Oh yeah, don't do that!" agreed Alicia.
Alton rolled his eyes.
There was a chirping chattering sound.
Uncle Phineas looked down and said "Oh, there you are, Perry!"
There, on the ground, was a very young looking platypus.
Hal sprinted over and picked him up. "Uncle Perry! You're so cute!"
"'Uncle' Perry?" said uncle Phineas.
"That's what grandpa calls him," said Hal, still holding uncle Perry. He stroked him a few times.
Alton considered hitting him again, but decided against it. "Don't tell them about grandpa!" He understood that uncle Perry's job had been a big secret for a long time. He didn't know what would happen if they revealed it ten years early, but it probably wouldn't be anything good.
"He must be their mom's dad," Uncle Phineas said to Ferb.
Ferb handed the drawing to Xavier.
Xavier ran his finger over it. "Are... What are all these lines?"
"Those?" said uncle Phineas, looking over his shoulder. "They're streets! See, that's our street, and that's Baljeet's street over there..."
Xavier stared at it. "I... think I get it..." He turned it around a few times, and started walking.
Uncle Phineas waved. "Good luck, Xavier!" Then he looked around. "Hey, where's Perry?"
Alton looked around too. Uncle Perry was gone again. He hadn't even seen Hal put him down.
Hal glanced at the house, said "I know where he went!" and ran inside.
"Don't go in there!" yelled Alton, following him. "It's someone else's house!" He didn't know what was wrong with him, sometimes.
Hal climbed the old-fashioned stairs two at a time. Oh, now he wanted to exercise. Typical. "I'm looking for Uncle Perry!" he called. "It'll be fun!"
Alton had a lot of trouble with stairs. He wasn't looking forward to climbing them. "Hal!" he called. "Come back!"
Of course, Hal ignored him and disappeared around the corner.
Alton groaned to himself and began making his way up the stairs.