Omg, guys. I am so sorry it took forever to update. I didn't have a long break from school after the semester ended because I'm taking summer classes now. But anyway, the chapter is done! And it's much longer than my other chapters. (:

The song recommended for this chapter is:

"My Best Friend" by: Tim McGraw - Recommended by inlovewithtwilight16

Thanks!

Enjoy the chapter!

- JayBee

EPOV

"How's that?" I took a quick glance at her ample breasts and bare torso before looking up at her.

She pulled at the knotted tie. I watched as it gave way. She pulled again, and her hands came free. "Tighter."

I took the tie before looking down at her with a sigh. "Bells, are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Um…yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because…" Because the last time your wrists were bound, it didn't end well.

"Because of what happened?" I nodded, looking everywhere but at her. "Because of the time you grabbed my wrists?"

"Yeah," I said softly. I didn't want to think about it.

"What?" She sat up and leaned back against the headboard of her bed.

"Yes. When I grabbed you and wouldn't let go. Bella, I can't explain how much it hurts me when I think of that day. I'm so sorry."

"Edward, please stop bringing this up. It happened. I forgave you. I'm over it. It's done."

She didn't understand. It wasn't that simple. I'd stop bringing it up if that's what she wanted, but I could never let it go. "But this is gonna be the same thing. Your
hands are gonna be tied up and I'm not gonna let you go."

She let out a small laugh. "Uh…yeah. That's the whole point. Edward, I trust you with my life. I know that if I ever wanted to be untied, you'd let me go in a heartbeat."
She scooted closer and put her hands on my knees. "Is that why you're not as aggressive as you used to be?"

Not as aggressive? I hadn't realized that I was acting different. Had I changed in general, or just in bed? "I am?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry?" It ended as a question, though I don't know why. Does she not like the way I am with her?

"Don't apologize. I'm not complaining. I'm just trying to understand."

"Did I change after I got back from rehab?"

She shook her head. "Before."

"After I hurt you?" It killed me to ask.

She closed her eyes and let out a sigh before looking at me. "You didn't hurt me."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyes shut. "You said it. You yelled out. You said I was hurting you." I felt the rage of that day wash through me, and
waited for it to subside before looking at her again. "You were scared. Of me. I'm supposed to be the one who protects you…comforts you."

"Please, I'm begging you. Stop talking about this. You didn't hurt me."

"How can you say that? Your wrists were covered in bruises." I couldn't stop thinking about it. If I stopped talking now, I'd just be thinking about it for the rest of the day.

"You know I bruise easily." I let out a sigh. I was so sick of going back and forth – she needed to stop trying to justify what I did. She ran a hand through my hair
and let it rest on my neck. "Edward, this is completely different. I want this, and so do you. We have a safe word for a reason. Even when I tie you up, we have one
for a reason."

I smiled down at her as I took her hand from the back of my neck and played with her fingers. "Yeah, but it's not like you're going to hurt me." I guess she could if
she wanted to, but she had never tried. All Bella did when she tied me up was tease me until I couldn't take it anymore. I felt my dick twitch at the memories and
pushed the thoughts out my mind before I got carried away.

"Maybe not physically, but I don't want to feel uncomfortable, especially when you have such little control. I promise you, I'm not scared of you one bit. You weren't
sober when you did what you did. I knowyou won't hurt me. It's not in you to do anything like that."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Do you think I would ever hurt you?"

"Physically?" We had hurt each other plenty of times over stupid fights and arguments. But never on purpose, and never physically – until I bruised her.

"In any way."

"Not intentionally."

"How can you be so sure?" She smiled as she repeated my previous question. I was glad that things were lightening up a bit.

That was an easy question to answer. "Because you love me too much to hurt me."

"Well, Eduardo, you just answered your own question."

I groaned and jokingly rolled my eyes. I nudged her leg with mine. "Stop it or I'll call you Izzy for the rest of your life."

Okay, I'd never call her that for the rest of her life. I hated that nickname just as much as she did.

"Why can't I call you that? It's not as if you named your dick Eduardo. He's my little Eddie."

"He's not little!" I growled.

I watched her breasts bounce as she laughed and forced myself to look up at her when she spoke. "I know, I know. He's not average, either. He's longgg."

She side-eyed me with a smirk and I couldn't help but laugh. "And…?" I raised my eyebrows craned my neck forward, waiting for her answer.

"Thick." I sat back, pleased with her answer. I knew she's kidding when she calls my dick small, but it still hurts my ego. I only jokingly get mad, but if I were to
ever say, 'Awww, I love my little girls.' to her boobs, she'd probably have a fucking hissy fit. "But…I will always love your little wee-wee."

I snorted at her comment. I tried not to laugh, but it was no use. She was too adorable for words.

I grabbed her calves and pulled her down so that she was lying on her back. I crawled over her body, running my fingers over her tattoo as I bit her earlobe and
took the soft flesh in my mouth to soothe the pain.

I dropped my voice as I spoke into her ear. "Shut your mouth before I fuck it."

I pulled back to look at her expression, but she quickly wrapped her hand behind my neck and pulled me back down. "Ha, my jokes. They will love it."

I kissed her cheek and smiled from ear to ear. God, I love this girl so much. Every other girl I was with before Bella would've gotten mad at what I'd just said, even
if it was from a song.

But this girl in front of me – well, under me – not only did she not mind when I said shit like that, but she completed the lyrics…the same way she completed me.

I could have regular conversations with her while she was sitting half-naked on her bed. She wasn't ashamed of her body, she didn't feel uncomfortable – she had
no reason to be either, and she knew that. She gets shy at times, but then again, so do I.

Every other girl I ever slept with or did anything sexual with would tell me to look away while she was getting dressed, as if I hadn't just fucked her six ways from Sunday.

I lowered my mouth and latched my lips onto one of Bella's nipples and brought my hand up to roll the other one between my thumb and index finger. She arched
her body as I nibbled on her nipple.

"Edward…more."

I stood up and looked her up and down, ignoring her whimpers of protest. I couldn't let her needs affect me right now.

I tilted my head to the side and smirked down at her. I loved the way the necklace I got her fell along her collar bone. She hadn't taken it off once since Christmas,
and I was more than happy that she seemed to love it.

She never takes it off, the way I never take my watch off. Wearing the watch helps me feel closer to her when I'm not actually with her, primarily when I'm stressed at work.

I walked over to her desk, pulled back the chair, and sat down facing her. She stood up and started walking toward me. "Stop."

She froze in place. I couldn't help but blatantly stare at the way my blue Rangers pajama pants rode low on her hips. An involuntary groan left my lips and I audibly
shut my mouth. Shit. I hope she didn't hear that. I was the one in charge. I couldn't show any weakness.

She just looked so fucking…delectable. Fuckkk.

"Get back on the bed."

I watched her perfect ass sway from side to side as she walked back to the bed and sat with her back against the headboard. How could someone be so effortlessly sexy?

I took my blue Rangers jersey off, pulling my white v-neck t-shirt back down as it rode up, and tossed the jersey to her. "Put it on."

She looked disgustedly at the jersey and looked back up at me. "But I'm already wearing the pants."

"I don't give a fuck. Put it on. Now." Was that too mean?

No. She wants this. I'm not degrading her in any way. We're just…playing.

Her eyes grew wide as she grabbed the jersey and mumbled, "Holy cow. Alright. Making me get dressed after I already got undressed…"

"Shut up. You are not to speak unless I permit you to do so. Is that understood?" I watched as she put on my jersey and flipped her hair out through the collar. She
stared at me, blinking a few times, but saying nothing. I didn't know if it was because she was surprised at the way I was acting, or if it was because I told her she
wasn't allowed to speak. "You may answer."

"Yes."

"Yes, what?" I seethed.

"Yes…Master?"

I almost burst out with laughter, but caught myself in time. I have to show her that I can do this. I can be aggressive. I can be dominant.

I wanted to do this. I have to be assertive, strict. I wanted to be in control, so I'm going to do it. I let Bella take control most of the time, but I had been waiting to
use this coupon for a month. No one was in her house except us, neither of us had to work today, and we didn't have any plans until later tonight. I was going to take. Full. Advantage.

"Try again."

"Yes…sir?"

"Good girl." It felt weird having her call me Master, but she needed to call me something that showed her I had authority over her.

I felt the weight of my cock against my thigh and looked down at my lap. Fuck. When had I gotten this hard? I palmed my cock through my sweats for a few
seconds to relieve some pressure. How was it possible for her actions to be so erotic when all she was doing was putting on my jersey?

I pushed up the hem of my shirt and tentatively ran the tips of my fingers over my abdomen. "Instead of a safe word, we will use a system of words. This system
contains the words green, yellow, and red. Though, there really is no need to use yellow. If at any point you feel the least bit uncomfortable, you will say red and I
will stop this entire thing. However, if you disobey me at any time, you will be punished. The word 'no' means nothing in this situation. The only two words that will
have any meaning are 'green' and 'red'. Is that understood?"

"Yes…sir."

Though she addressed me as an afterthought, I let it go. At last she remembered, even if it was a bit late. She stared at me with raised eyebrows, apparently
wanting to say something. "What is it?"

"What will the punishment be?" She asked in a meek voice. I didn't know if she was pretending to be submissive or was unintentionally speaking in such a soft
voice, but the way she was acting just made me want to say 'fuck it', throw her down on the bed and fuck her senseless.

"You'll see what it is if you disobey me." I didn't plan on doing anything extensive. I was thinking of maybe slapping her ass. I don't know what else there is to
do without taking it too far.

"O-okay."

What was that expression on her face? Fear?

I was at her side in less than two seconds. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Go back. Please."

"Bella..." I searched her eyes for any signs of discomfort. I sat back on my heels with a sigh when I didn't find any. "We don't have to do this."

She shook her head. "Please. I didn't say red. You're breaking your own rules."

I sighed and slowly retreated back to the chair. She was right. If we were going to do this, I couldn't stop for every little thing. It was evident that she trusted
me, but I had to trust her as well. She would let me know if there were any problems.

I got comfortable in the chair and resumed. "Does my girl want to know what her punishment will be?" She shook her head and I raised an eyebrow at her. "No?"
She kept quiet, and I almost smiled at the way she obeyed the rules. "You may speak. Do you want to know?"

"Not if you don't want me to know, sir."

Great answer. "I'd rather it be a surprise."

"Then that's what I'd like as well."

Did she realize that we were speaking differently? In a more...proper way? Whatever. It didn't matter. I just need to do something before I fucking explode in my pants.

"Good. I want to watch you play with yourself," I stated bluntly.

Her eyes flickered for a quick second before she brought her legs up, bent at the knees and feet flat on the bed. She slowly lowered her body and her hand crept
down her stomach.

I watched her hand move beneath the waistband and she began to tentatively rub herself. I understood why, and I wasn't going to force her to be bolder about it.
She'd never touched herself while I just sat and watched – I don't blame her for being self-conscious.

My own hand found its way into my pants, and I watched her through hooded eyes as I jerked myself slowly.

"Take the jersey off." My voice was husky. I let out a soft moan as I watched her sit up and take the jersey off. She moved to take off the pants. "No. Keep them
on." I wanted to be the one to take those off. I motioned between her legs. "Keep going."

Her hand disappeared again, but this time, her movements weren't as timid. I watched as she bit her bottom lip and brought a hand up to her breasts, rolling one
nipple, and then the other, between her fingers.

I teased the head of my cock with light touches and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from making any sound. I could come like this – fuck – just like this. Just by watching her.

But I wouldn't. I was going to be inside of her when I came. I had to be.

I pushed my waistband down and tucked it under my balls as I pulled my dick out, drawing out a gasp from Bella. Her brows creased as she closed her eyes and
worked her clit furiously. I alternated between squeezing and stroking myself slowly, watching Bella as she neared her climax.

"Stop." Her eyes snapped open, but did she stop or even so much as slow down? Of course not. I don't think she knew what I had in store for her. "I said stop!"
She flinched and slowly withdrew her hand, her toes curling as she whimpered at the loss.

It took all my strength to let go of my cock – now fully swollen and red – and walk over to her. I straddled her waist and grabbed her hips in one quick motion. "When
I fucking tell you to stop, you stop! When I tell you to do something – anything – you do it. Do you understand?" I asked through clenched teeth.

She nodded slowly, staring at my dick, which lay heavy against her stomach.

"You're here for one reason only – to pleasure me. Not to get yourself off. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

I scooted up to her chest and tapped the head of my cock on her bottom lip. "Open."

I felt a movement behind me and heard her moan. I whipped my head around to see Bella touching herself, and fuck me if that wasn't the sexiest thing ever. But I
had to keep up the façade. I turned back toward her and reached a hand back to swat hers away – and she had the nerve to whimper. "What did I just say?" I slapped
the inside of her thigh, and then slapped it again, harder, making her moan. "Tell me what I just fucking told you!"

She moaned before answering. "I'm not here to get myself off."

"What's your purpose here?"

"I'm here for you, sir. For you to do whatever you please."

I couldn't help but smirk at her answer. "Since you don't know how to follow rules, Isabella, I'm going to have to tie you up." I got off of her and tied her wrists to the
headboard with minimal effort.

I held her forearms and looked down at her with a hard gaze. "If you come without permission, I swear to God I will leave you here like this, go home, just jerk myself
off, and this will all be a wasted effort."

She nodded weakly and rubbed her legs together, trying to get some sort of friction.

"Stop it! Turn around."

She looked up at her bound wrists and I rolled my eyes before grabbing her sides and turning her around. I brought my hand down hard and slapped her bottom,
surprising even myself with the sound of the smack. "You need to learn some damn control." I slapped her again, switching to the other cheek when her skin began
to turn pink.

The harder my slaps became, the louder she moaned – but I would never come close to using all my strength.

I turned her back around and pulled down her pants before undressing myself. I straddled her chest again and took hold of my cock, the head purple and
leaking. "Open," I rasped out. I didn't dare look up at her wrists – I'd come on the spot.

I prodded her plump lips apart with the head of my cock, nudging it between the soft, full flesh. I was met with a wall of teeth, and I swiped the tip across them all
before pulling out. I slapped her cheek with my cock, leaving a trail of pre-cum on her skin. "I said open…your…fucking…mouth."

She parted her lips slightly, and I placed the tip of my cock in her mouth. She closed her mouth on me and suckled gently, making my hips buckle. Holy mother of
God. I composed myself quickly and pulled back when she moved her head forward.

I shook my head. "Just the tip."

She opened her mouth willingly and I put the head in again, resting it against her tongue. I clenched all my muscles to keep my orgasm at bay while she sucked
hard. I just about lost it when she flicked the tip of her tongue against me and pushed it against my slit. "Fu – fuck. Just like that."

I grabbed her hair with both hands and slid in slowly, careful not to gag her. She gazed up at me, and I couldn't help but groan at the emotion pouring out of her
eyes. "You feel so good…so good…"

She moaned, and my hips bucked up from the force of the vibrations, causing her to gag. She tried to continue, but I pulled out, internally groaning at the loss of
contact. I looked down at her worriedly and tilted her head up. "Shit, what the hell was that? Are you okay? I thought you were ready."

She'd never gagged before. Maybe I should stop. Maybe this was a mistake.

"I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

She rolled her eyes with a sigh. "I didn't say 'red'! Just give me your fucking cock!"

Alright, we're back on.

I grabbed her wrists with one hand. "That's enough. Shut your mouth. Now, as much as I'd love to continue fucking that pretty mouth of yours…" I ran my thumb
over her lower lip before lowering my head to nibble on her neck. "…I have better plans for my dick…" I tweaked one of her nipples before bringing a hand down
to finger her clit. "…and your pussy."

Fuckkk, she was sopping wet.

I smiled against her neck when I felt her struggling against the tie. I knew what she wanted, but I couldn't untie her just yet. This was too much fun.

I looked up at her with a smirk. "What's the matter?"

"Please…"

"Please, what?"

"Your…hair."

I nipped at her neck before licking the same spot. "Mmmm…what about it?"

"Let me…let me grab it. Please." She was writhing, grinding herself against my hand. It took everything in me not to rub myself against her thigh.

"Um…" I pulled back to look down at her. She looked up at me hopefully. "No." I dipped my head down and bit her bottom lip before kissing her hard. I slipped
a finger into her, and then added another. She let out a guttural moan into my mouth, and I returned it with one of my own.

I added a third finger, pushing in and out of her pussy with vigor.

"Fuck! Oh…shit! More…harder!"

As sexy as she was when she cursed, I forced myself to stop. I pulled my fingers out at once and turned her around, slapping her ass hard. "Who gave you
permission to fucking speak? Huh?" I slapped her again, harder. "Who?"

"N-no one, sir."

"Will you speak out of turn again?"

"No, sir."

"Are you sure?" I slapped her again, eliciting a moan from her perfect lips.

"Y-yes, sir."

"Good. Let me ask you something." I rubbed the pink skin under my hand before slapping her again. "Are you a good girl, Isabella?"

She writhed on the bed, stopping only when I grabbed her hips hard. "No, sir!"

I placed my middle finger at the top of her perfect ass, right between her cheeks. I traced the line slowly, all the way down to her dripping pussy.

Jesus Christ…fuck – had she gotten even wetter?

I played with her slit, moving further down to rub her clit in small circles. "And why is that, my beautiful girl?" I lay down on top of her, breathing in the scent
of her hair before pushing it away with my nose and nibbling on her earlobe.

"Because, I – Ungh!" She pushed herself onto my finger, moaning out an unintelligible answer.

"Stay still!" I clutched at her hip with my free hand, digging into her skin with my nails. "Now, what was that?"

"Because I'm your slut, sir!"

Oh. My. God. My jaw dropped as I laid there. I quickly closed my mouth and composed myself. I felt like scum for thinking that was hot, but I couldn't help myself.

I sat up and slapped her ass one final time before turning her back around. "What color are we, Isabella?"

"We're green, sir."

I grabbed my weeping cock and rubbed it up and down her pussy, mixing our juices together.

She whimpered and writhed under me, pulling at the knot uselessly. I rubbed the head of my cock against her clit, making both of us moan in unison. The heat
at the pit of my stomach was getting to be too much. I looked up at her when I heard her whimper, and let out a groan when I saw her biting her bottom lip,
her brows furrowed.

I pulled my cock away and looked down as she lifted her hips to meet mine. "Beg for it. Beg for it like the fucking slut that you are." I looked up at her again,
willing myself not to give in too easily.

"Please…please. I need you!" She looked so desperate. It took all my strength not to give her what she asked for.

I slapped her pussy with my cock, and she spread her legs even wider. "You can do better."

"Unghhh…please!" She looked…I don't know. I couldn't tell if the look on her face was frustration or desperation, but she looked…fucking pissed. "Fuck me! Please!
I need your cock…please, sir…please."

Fuck! Okay. I couldn't stand this anymore. "Fuck…look at you begging for it. You want it?" I prodded her clit with the head of my cock and rubbed it in circles.

"Yes!"

I kneeled over her body and pushed the head in slowly. I watched as her pussy stretched to fit around me, and stopped when I was half-way in. I had to take
this slow – if I didn't pay attention, I'd come in less than a second.

"What are you doinggg? Faster!" Bella thrashed around, trying to take me in deeper.

I pulled out and looked up at her. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I slapped her thigh hard, and then gave it another blow. "I didn't give you permission to fucking
speak! Maybe I'll just come in your mouth. Or, better yet…maybe I'll just come all over your tits…or your stomach. And you won't get off at all. Sound good?"

Sounded great to me.

She shook her head frantically, pleading with her eyes.

"Then keep your fucking mouth shut before I stuff my cock in there."

I plunged into her, spearing my cock in and out of her tight pussy. "Is this what you want?" She nodded quickly, thrusting her hips up each time I thrust
down. "Answer me," I said through gritted teeth. I grabbed one of her calves and wrapped her leg around my waist to get in deeper.

"Yes! Keep going…ungh…sir…sir!"

"What…is…it?" I spoke between thrusts. I could barely think straight anymore.

"Please, may I…Please, may I come?" She whimpered.

"No! Not yet." I – shit, was she crying? It was too dim in the room to tell. I brought a hand up to her face and rubbed the pad of my thumb over her eyes. Dry. Thank God.

I thrust into her with fervor and brought a hand down to rub her clit.

"Unghhhhh…" I felt her clench around my cock. I laid my entire body, from my arms to my legs, over hers and buried my face in the crook of her neck. "Untie me! Edward!"

I turned my face to put her in her place, but my heart plunged into my stomach when I saw the troubled look on her face.

I slowed down my thrusts and lifted my head to look at her. I licked my lips before whispering, "What color are we?"

"We're – please, just let me touch you…"

"What…color?" I panted and slowed down even more.

"Red." She looked defeated and – even worse – disappointed.

My hands flew to her wrists, my cock slipping out with the quick movement. I untied the knot as quickly as I could and pulled her to me, cradling her in my
arms as she straddled my lap and guided my dick back in. She moved against me slowly, cooing and moaning softly.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Never again." I kissed her cheek before moving down to her neck.

She ran her hands through my hair and kept them at the base of my neck, pulling at the small hairs there as she rocked herself back and forth. I moved
with her, nearing the edge.

I couldn't believe I pushed her far enough for her to say 'red'. Never again will I do this. I actually made her uncomfortable. I went too far. I don't exactly know
what I did wrong, but it doesn't matter. I'll never tie her up again.

She laid her cheek on my shoulder and panted in my ear, nearly sending me over the edge with the puffs of air. "Edward, I'm close," she mewled.

I felt her clench around my cock and looked down when she ran a hand across my abdomen and let it rest there. I felt the familiar tightening in my stomach as I
pulled her in for a deep kiss.

"I am too, baby. It's fine. Let it…go."

Her jaw fell slack and I searched her face, a wasted effort. There wasn't enough light in the room to see any details, to look into her eyes.

"Bells…I'm –" My words got caught in my throat and escaped as a groan. My balls felt as heavy as fucking boulders, and I was sure they were hard as
rock. Oh – my God, I was gonna – "Fuck, I'm coming!"

"Edward!" Her pussy clamped down on my cock as she clawed at my back.

I let out a series of grunts as I felt my abdomen spasm and streams of cum shot through my cock, into her body.

"Bella…" I gasped unsteadily.

I pulled her down with me as I laid onto my back, my head almost hanging off the foot of the bed.

She placed a tender kiss on my chest and laid her head on my stomach. I lifted my head to look down at her as I ran a hand though her hair. "I'm so sorry."

She kissed my chest again, making my skin rise with goosebumps. "Don't be sorry. Please. No one has ever tied me up before." She rubbed my chest and
brought her hand up to cradle my jaw. "I liked it."

I let out a small laugh and slapped her butt playfully, mumbling an apology when she hissed at what I assumed was the sting.

"You're the worst liar ever."

"I did. I liked it. I just wanted to touch you."

"Bella, the look on your face was…" I closed my eyes and willed the image out of my mind. "You looked…I don't know. Scared or something. And I saw it
more than once."

"I…I just got freaked out."

"I know. I saw it."

"Is that why you kept stopping?"

"I thought you were hurting." Even after the fact, it killed me to think about it.

She laughed and I held her hips as her body shook against mine. "You didn't hit me that hard."

"I don't mean physically." I ran a hand through her hair and kissed her gently. "Thank you so much."

"Thank you. That was amazing."

I don't know if she understood how much this meant to me – that she trusted me enough to let me experience this.

She rolled onto her back and we both gazed up at her white ceiling.

It seemed darker in the room. The sun must be setting. One of the few things I hated about winter – shorter days. Where had the day gone? All I'd done today
was shovel Emily out of the snow and hang out in Bella's room. Then one thing led to another and...here we are.

I turned onto my side and propped my head up with my hand to look down at Bella. "We should shower."

She groaned as she looked up at me. "I don't think I can move. My whole body feels like jelly."

I grabbed her arm as she moved to pull the covers up. "Uh, excuse me, but if I'm naked, you don't get to cover up."

"Oh? Is that a new rule?"

I pretended to consider the question. "Yes. Yes it is."

She rolled her eyes and laughed as she lowered the covers, kicking them completely off the bed when they bunched up at our feet. I was completely talking
out of my ass, and she knew it. I just didn't want her to cover up her body.

She turned onto her stomach and turned her head to the side to look down at my body. I followed her gaze to my cock, still at half mast, but no longer glistening
with our fluids.

It twiched, subsequently making Bella laugh.

I smirked down at her with a cocked eyebrow. "Don't laugh. You call him pretty, small, and then laugh at him."

She looked up at me apologetically. I leaned down and kissed her forehead to let her know I was joking.

She smiled and looked back down at my crotch. "It's just funny when it moves on its own."

"It's because he likes you. He gets excited." When I was around Bella, it really didn't take much for me – or my dick – to get excited. "Watch."

I laid back. I clenched and relaxed my groin muscles, making my cock lift up an inch before falling back down against my thigh. Bella buried her face into her
pillow and started cracking up, subsequently making me laugh.

"Do it again." I made it move a few more times, making her laugh even harder. "I know it's a muscle, but I've never seen a guy do that before! Is that what you
were doing before?"

"No. What happened before was completely involuntary."

"One more time, one more time."

I did it again and slapped her butt before pulling her up. "Come on. Shower."

I tried to take a shower as quick as possible, because honestly, my legs were beyond tired.

Still, we both managed to come a second time. It began innocent enough, but one thing led to another, I ended up fingering her, came by rubbing against her
hip, and needless to say, we were now both completely spent.

I turned to Bella as we got dressed in her room. "I'm gonna go home and rest for a bit. Do you wanna come?"

"Only if I can play XBox."

I feigned shock and let my pants drop to floor. I stared at her hard before picking my pants back up and flipping the light switch on.

"Are you trying to tell me that if I don't let you play XBox, you're not gonna come over?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

I feigned shock. "Is-a-bella! I feel used."

"You just had me tied to my own bed, and you feel used?" She laughed and pulled her shirt on as I walked over to where she was sitting on the bed. I leaned
down to take my jersey from the bed and stood back up quickly when Bella raised her head up.

"Whoa. Sorry, baby. I almost hit you." I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "What?" I asked as I put my jersey on.

"Nothing."

"Why are you turning red?"

Her hands flew up to her cheeks. "I'm not."

"Okay..." I gave her the side-eye and mentally replayed what happened, smirking when I realized why we'd almost banged heads. "Did you think I was going to kiss you...?"

"No." She turned beet red and started to get up.

I held her shoulders and pushed her back down.

I held her chin, noting how small it was in my hand, and rubbed the soft skin with my thumb before gently tilting her head up and leaning down to kiss
her. I massaged her tongue with mine gently, moaning into her mouth at her sweet taste.

I pulled back to look at her and leaned back in when she opened her eyes with a sigh. I ran the tip of my tongue along her bottom lip before kissing her gingerly.

I pulled back and leaned in again.

And then again.

And again.

I would never tire of kissing her. Bella's kisses were like...my heart clenched at the thought. They were like my own drug.

I still couldn't believe I'd left her for four months. Fuck the chances of relapse. I wasn't going to be another statistic. I couldn't leave Bella again.

I pushed the thoughts from my head as best I could.

I cocked my head to the side and frowned down at her. "I'm sorry. Did you not want to kiss me?" I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from laughing at
the look on her face.

"What? Why wouldn't I want to kiss you?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I'm really, really sorry. I just – next time, I'll kiss you only if you want to kiss me."

She narrowed her eyes at me when she realized what I was doing.

"You're not funny." She grabbed the collar of my jersey and pulled me down for another kiss before pulling me down on top of her.

Her hands crept under my waistband, and believe me when I tell you it took all my strength to stop her. "Baby, we can't. We don't have time." Not to
mention, I was beyond tired and I'd probably fall asleep during dinner if I didn't get a chance to rest.

Bella was going to take me out tonight, and I intended on being awake.

I pulled her up and held her close to me. "Don't…ever…be embarrassed about wanting to kiss me. You think there's ever a time that I don't want to kiss you?
You're crazy. I didn't know that was why you were raising your head, but that doesn't matter. If you want to kiss me, just grab me and kiss me." Why was I even
telling her this? She knew this. I couldn't believe the same girl I just had tied to her own bed was now in front of me listening to me tell her that she didn't need
my permission to kiss me.

I kissed her cheek before holding her hand and pulling her along. "Come on."

"Am I gonna get to play?"

I smiled at her as we walked down the stairs. "We'll see." Of course she'd get to play.

I smiled when I heard Connor barking as we approached the front door of my house. I opened the door slowly and he came running up to us, jumping up and
down, almost knocking Bella to the ground when she bent down to take her shoes off.

She laughed and picked him up as we walked around the house to greet whoever was home. We found Emmett in his room, but everyone else was out.

Bella put Connor on the couch and turned on the XBox before getting settled next to Connor, who was taking up more than half the couch.

"Uh…?" I stood over them with my arms out, gesturing toward the lack of space on the couch.

"What?"

I cocked a brow at Bella. She was trying to hide a smile. She knew what.

"Where am I gonna lay down?" My bottom lip jutted out in an involuntary pout.

"I don't know. On one of the other couches?" I saw the smile threatening to pull at the corners of her mouth.

She was obviously joking around, which was completely fine with me. Two could play at this game.

"But I don't fit on those…" I was full on whining at this point. Right now, my only goal was to get Bella to invite me to lie down on the couch with her.

She moved her head from side to side, craning her neck to see the TV behind me. "Then go sleep in your room. Edward…I can't see!" She put the controller in
her lap, crossed her arms, and gave me a stern look. I didn't budge. She rolled her eyes. "Ugh…Edward!"

I crossed my arms and stared down at her mockingly. "Ugh…Bella!" I mimicked.

I knew it would piss her off, just like it always did. That's what added to the fun.

"Stop!"

"Stop!"

"Edward."

"Bella." I all but laughed at the look on her face. I couldn't help it. She looked adorable with her face scrunched up the way it was.

She put a hand on my hip and tried to push me to the side. A futile attempt.

I removed her hand and leaned down, placing my hands on the couch, on either side of her head. I held her gaze, making sure she didn't look anywhere but
into my eyes.

"You're…in the way." Her voice faltered.

"I am?" I cocked my head to the side, feigning innocence as I straddled her lap.

She closed her eyes, and I smiled at the affect this had on her. "Yeah." Her breath fanned over my face.

"Bella." My voice was just above a whisper. I glanced over at Connor, who was staring at the front door, before looking back at Bella.

"Hm?"

I kissed the space just under her eye and placed a hand on her hip. "Open your eyes."

"Un-uh."

"Why not?" I moved my hand under her shirt and across her warm skin, letting it rest on her smooth stomach. I lowered my head and alternated between
suckling and nipping at the skin behind her ear.

"I…can't." I dipped my fingertips into the waistband of her pants and rubbed the soft skin there. She laid her hand over mine but made no move to stop
me. "Edward…no. Connor's here."

"You know he won't bark if we're not loud…" I dipped my fingers lower and – oh, my fuck – she was already wet. Shit. This wasn't going as planned. "…and he
doesn't pay attention, anyway."

Okay, I know. We shouldn't have sex when the dog is around. But when he's stuck in my room with us because my parents won't let him roam around the house
when everyone's sleeping…we have no other choice. Not having sex is not a choice. Besides, like I said, he doesn't even pay attention – unless we get too loud
for him. Then he starts barking at us. I think it's because he thinks we're hurting each other or something.

Bella let out a soft sigh, bringing me back to reality. I smiled against her sweet skin and suppressed a groan when she ran her nails through my hair, scratching my scalp.

I – fuck…fuck fuck…I had a goal. What was it? Think quickly, you idiot.

I felt the couch move as Connor stirred and the light bulb turned on in my otherwise empty head. "Baby…" I breathed into her skin.

"Yes, Edward…"

Oh, my God. Please don't say my name like that again. I can't handle another session right now. Especially in the living room. Especially on this cramped
couch. And with Connor on the couch with us. And with Emmett right upstairs.

"Can I lie down? On this couch, I mean. With you." She didn't answer, so I pulled back to look at her. I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers, pulling
away before it turned into anything more. "Please?" I pouted again, hoping she'd crack and give in. Sometimes it worked, but I guess sometimes I didn't do it
right. At this point, I was so tired that I was contemplating on giving in and just sleeping on one of the other couches.

"Of course." She nodded and patted Connor's behind. "Connor, baby, get up." She nudged him and he jumped off the couch and onto another one, burying
his nose under his paws and closing his eyes.

I got settled on the couch and laid my head on Bella's lap as she picked the XBox controller back up. I tossed and turned a bit, trying to get comfortable, apologizing
for getting in her way. I finally found a comfortable position, facing Bella, my hands tucked under my cheek.

I got a whiff of her sweet scent mixed with laundry detergent each time I breathed in. I watched her stomach move as she breathed, watched it twitch once in a
while when she gasped at the TV screen.

"Edward."

"Yeah."

"Can we try it again? Another time?" Tap, tap, tap against the controller's buttons.

"What?"

"Tying me up."

Fuck. What could I say? I didn't even want to try it again, and she was ready to try again. Just be honest. "I don't really want to."

"Why?" She turned the controller left and right like it would help her with the game, and then yelled at the TV. "Crap, crap, crap. No!"

I laughed and looked up at her. "Real-life movements won't help control the game."

She nudged me with her elbow. "Shut up. You do it, too." She had a determined look on her face as she frantically pressed the buttons on the controller. She
glanced down at me quickly before looking back at the TV. "So why can't we try it again?"

I turned my head back to the side and closed my eyes. "Because I don't want to. I like it when I'm in the moment, but afterwards…I don't know. I don't
want to try it again."

She didn't say anything else, and I was glad that conversation was over.

I hadn't paid much attention to which game she was playing, but by the sounds of it, I guessed it was Call of Duty. Someone shouted, there were gun shots,
and Bella groaned in frustration as she repeatedly tapped a button on the controller.

She sighed and laid a hand on my cheek as the sounds of gunfire subsided. "I'm sorry. You didn't have to do all that. I was going to let you lay down here, I swear.
I was just joking around."

I turned to face her and kissed her palm. "I know, love." I turned back to my side, kissing her covered stomach and smiling as she giggled. She continued playing
the game, and I stared at her stomach for what seemed like a long time. "Bells, what are you playing?"

"Black Ops."

I smiled at my correct guess, and at the fact that she went above and beyond the best girl I could ever ask to have. Not only did she not mind if I played video
games, but she enjoyed playing them as well. Hell, she even bought me the system and the games.

"If I asked before you'd gone to rehab, would you have said yes to doing it again?"

I sighed, and suddenly I wished I'd gone to sleep upstairs. She was still thinking about the previous conversation.

"Probably. Yeah. I wouldn't have even fucked up this first time."

"You didn't fuck up."

"Whatever." Obviously I did fuck up. I couldn't even get through the thing without stopping every time Bella looked worried. Maybe she was never worried. Maybe
she was just playing the part. "I'm not the way I was before. I know that. I'm trying to be, but I can't." I wasn't changing back to the way I was before I went to
rehab, no matter how much time passed. "I'm boring, I know. Sorry."

She put the game on pause and looked down at me. "Edward, shut the hell up and stop having a pity party. You're not boring. Yeah, you're different, but I don't care.
People change. That's life. If this is who you are now, then that's great. You're still as amazing as you were before. Maybe even a little more. I fell in love with you
because you were Edward. You're still Edward. My Edwrd. Don't try to be someone else, even if it's your old self."

I didn't say a word.

She continued playing the game, and as much as I forced myself to go to sleep, I couldn't. I peeked up at Bella once in a while, and she caught my eye a few times.

She reached over to get something, and at once the sound of the soldiers shouting and the guns firing got cut off. I felt the silence of the muted volume of the
TV wash over me.

The only noises I heard were my own breathing and the faint sound of music coming from Emmett's room.

Bella brought a hand down to play with my hair, and my eyes drooped closed.

"Thank you."

I vaguely heard her respond before drifting off to sleep.

I woke up to Bella stroking my hair and calling my name out softly.

I sat up and stretched before rubbing my eyes and looking at her. "Hi." My voice was hoarse, but it didn't matter. I didn't feel like talking anyway.

"Hey, sleepyhead." She giggled and stood up, pulling me up with her.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"An hour." She turned off the XBox, turned off the TV, and walked over to me. I turned my head to yawn and turned back to her, my vision blurred by tears. "I'm gonna go home and get ready. We have to leave in forty minutes."

I walked her to the door and kissed her goodbye before going upstairs to get ready. Connor was asleep in his bed in my room, so I crept around quietly. I really
didn't want to wake him and hear him cry when I left.

I showered quickly and got ready. I dressed in a grey button-down shirt and black slacks. I didn't know where we were going, but Bella said to dress up. I told her
not to bring me anywhere expensive, but Bella being Bella, she just rolled her eyes and sighed, ultimately making me shut my mouth.

I dried my hair with a towel and put a little bit of gel in it to...well, to hold the mess in place. I contemplated parting my hair to the side, but quickly squashed that
idea. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It made me look like such a goody-goody.

So I just left it in its normal messy state, put on my pea coat and scarf, grabbed my stuff, and went downstairs to wait for Bella.

I played on my XBox for a few minutes, mainly because it was beckoning to me with its shiny, sexy white self.

I opened the door for Bella when she rang the bell and gave her a quick kiss before looking at her. She looked breathtaking. She had on a navy dress. Her hair
was pin-straight and I was glad to see she hadn't taken the necklace off.

"Are you ready?"

"Yupp. Let's go." I stepped out, locked the door behind me, and followed Bella to her truck. "We're going by car?"

"Yeah."

I climbed in and turned to look at her as she turned the car on and pulled away from the curb.

She glanced at me before looking back at the road. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Do I have something on my face?"

She rubbed her cheek, and I reached over to take her hand. "No." It's perfect.

I looked at her hand in mine. No matter how many times I saw our fingers intertwined, I couldn't get over how delicate her hands were.

I kissed the top of her hand before she took it back to make a turn. "You're gonna get cold without a coat."

"I'm fine. We're going to be inside."

I sighed and looked back at the road. Wasted effort. No matter how hard I pressed the subject, she wasn't going to listen.

I looked back at a sign we passed, then at Bella. "Are you going through the tunnel?"

"Mhm."

"We're going to Jersey?"

"Yupp."

I turned off the radio when we drove into the Lincoln Tunnel. The static was beyond annoying. "Are we going to Hoboken?"

"Nope."

I felt kind of disappointed, only because I love Hoboken. I love going to New Jersey in general, but there was something about Hoboken that I especially
loved. It might be that it reminds me of The Village and the area around NYU back home. There are restaurants and bars everywhere in Hoboken, but I don't
know if sitting in a packed placed is in my best interest right now. It was getting easier to be around people, but I still felt uneasy. The only improvement was
that it didn't get so bad that I had to leave and be by myself.

"Weehawken?"

"No," she laughed.

"Edgewater?" She kept quiet, which meant only one thing. I'd guessed correctly. I couldn't help the cheesy smile that formed. "So, where are we going? P. F. Chang's?"

"No. Stop guessing! It's supposed to be a surprise."

"Alright, alright." I laughed and sat back in my seat, watching the New York skyline across the Hudson River as we drove on River Road. I tried to think of all
the restaurants in Edgewater and tried to guess which one we were going to. I gave up after a few minutes, because really, it was useless to try guessing without asking.

I loved being in Edgewater too, mainly because of the New York skyline and the places to eat. Also, I liked the fact that people didn't drive slow as fuck like they
did in other states. People in Jersey knew how to drive aggressively, which was a plus for them when they came to New York. Bella was no Speed Racer, but she
was pretty damn aggressive when it came to driving. I respected that more than she'd ever know. If you didn't drive aggressively in New York, you would – well,
you'd probably get killed.

Bella said she liked Edgewater because there were so many places to shop, but really, Bella was in the mood to shop, like, twice a year.

We pulled into City Place, a shopping strip by the Hudson River. Bella immediately went to the garage level parking, not wasting any time looking for parking by
the stores and restaurants. The place was always packed.

Bella shivered as soon as we got out of the car. My hand was at her elbow as we walked up the stairs to the shopping strip. They hadn't taken down the Christmas
decorations yet, so the entire place looked like it was out of a movie scene. I looked around at the bare trees, their branches and trunks drenched in white Christmas lights.

Bella took my hand and led me across the street toward Fleming's Steakhouse. I stopped walking when I realized where she was leading me. We weren't going
to eat there. It was expensive.

"Bella…"

She turned around and I almost flinched at the heated look she gave me. "Edward, no! I'm fucking taking you out to eat, and I can take you wherever I want
to. And I want to go to Fleming's!"

Why was she acting so hostile today? "Is something bothering you?"

"Yeah. You." She grabbed my arms and pressed me up against the concrete wall by the entrance to the restaurant. "Edward, please. Please don't make this
difficult. We're only two people. It won't be too expensive."

I shrugged, not knowing what to say. "We could go to Outback. It's a nice steakhouse." Though it didn't even compare to Fleming's.

I knew it was a futile attempt to change her mind.

The look on her face confirmed that thought. "I didn't get dressed up to go to Outback. If you're gonna be this way the entire night, then I'll just take you back home."

I tried to hide my smirk. She looked too cute when she got worked up. "I…yeah, sure. That's fine."

She poked my chest with her finger and kept it there. "I hope you know that if I take you back right now, I'm not spending the night. I'm not coming over."

I bit my bottom lip to keep it from quivering and tried not to lose my composure at the blow of her words. "Why not?"

"Because you're pissing me off. I always feel like I don't put as much into this relationship as you do, but that's because you don't let me fucking do anything
for you. You don't accept anything I give you."

Her voice was low, but it didn't matter. She didn't need to yell it out. "I'm – I'm – I'm – Okay, we can go to Fleming's."

"Why? So I can spend the night?"

"No. Because I want to." She raised an eyebrow. "I want to eat here."

She looked at me skeptically, but I didn't know what else to say. I did want to eat here. Please, God, just don't let her be mad at me. This wasn't the first time
she'd gotten mad about this. I didn't mean anything bad by wanting her to save her money.

"I want to eat here." Repeating myself seemed useless, but it was all I could say.

She nodded and held my hand, pulling me along.

I pulled at her hand and she turned her head to look at me. "Tell me you love me."

She closed the distance between us and kissed me fully on the lips as I embraced her in my arms. No tongue, just her lips pressed against mine. She pulled awa
to look at me and kissed me again before murmuring against my ear. "I love you. I always will."

I hugged her tighter. "I love you, too." I pulled back and looked at her, our breaths visible in the ice-cold air. I cradled her rosy cheek in my palm and rubbed
my thumb over her reddened nose "You're freezing."

She took my hand and brought it down between us. "I'm fine."

The corners of my mouth pulled up in a small smile. "You look like Rudolph."

She looked really cute, but it definitely wasn't worth the expense of her health. I turned her around and wrapped my arms around her, covering as much of her
body as possible as we walked toward the entrance of the restaurant.

Bella gave her name at the front desk and turned to me as we were led to our table. "It's packed."

"So?"

She looked at me worriedly as we were handed our menus, about to speak when the waiter asked for our drink orders.

Bella smiled up at him politely. "Hi. The…Silver Oak Alexander Valley, please."

"Excellent choice. I'll have it right out." The waiter beamed down at her, not so much as giving me a glance.

I watched him walk away and looked back at Bella. She looked so innocent and coy in the dim lighting, but oh, if everyone knew what a little sex kitten she could be.

I smiled at the thought and took a sip of my wine, locking eyes with Bella.

"It's good to see you smile. Especially after you almost murdered our poor waiter."

"What? No I didn't." I took another sip, trying to act nonchalant.

"Edward, if you could kill with your eyes, that man would've been a pile of dust by now."

The waiter came back with our red wine and filled my glass for me to taste-test. He didn't even see me tell him it was good. He just smiled at Bella as he filled
both of our glasses.

"Well, if he kept his own eyes in their sockets, I wouldn't have a problem."

She let out a small laugh and opened her menu, ending the conversation. The only thing that made matters worse was that he was a handsome guy. Blue eyes,
brown hair, tall, built. Almost every girl I knew would go for a man like that. Oh, and let's not forget that he has a deep voice, because apparently, girls love that shit.

Bella leaned in to me and whispered so only I could hear her. "Are you sure all these people aren't overwhelming you? I even feel overwhelmed. There are so
many people!"

"I'm fine. Really."

"We can go home."

I raised an eyebrow. Now it was fine not to be at Fleming's? "No. I want to stay."

"I'll spend the night."

I would have laughed if the expression on her face wasn't so serious and…sad.

"That's not it, Bells. I really do want to be here. I feel fine. I'm serious." I did feel overwhelmed, and I did wish the room was completely empty, but if I just
focus on Bella, it's not so bad. If I focus on Bella, I don't feel like running out of the place.

Our waiter came back a few minutes later, and we ordered the Sweet Chili Calamari as our appetizer.

I looked at Bella's necklace as I filled our glasses with more wine. "I'm sorry I didn't get you something more substantial. I know you wouldn't have wanted
something clunky, and this seemed delicate, so…I thought it suited you well." My voice died out at the end. I didn't even know what I was saying. Why was I
apologizing? She clearly liked it.

She touched the pendant and her facial features softened. "Don't apologize. It's perfect, and I love it."

I smiled at her as our appetizer came, the smell wafting in the air and making my mouth water.

We ate in silence for a few minutes, and I made sure to keep my head down. I didn't want to acknowledge anyone else, and I didn't have Bella keeping me busy
with conversation.

Bella didn't want to get full before her entrée arrived, so I ended up eating most of the calamari.

Our what's-his-name-waiter came back, and we both ordered steaks. Bella got a side of Fleming's Potatoes, thinly-sliced potatoes stacked on top of each other
with cheese, jalapenos, and cream between each layer. I got a side of Chipotle Cheddar Mac and Cheese, which is pretty self-explanatory.

When our entrées arrived, I immediately eyed Bella's potatoes. "I'll trade half of my side for half of yours."

She held a hand out. "Deal."

We shook on it and traded sides. I ate the potatoes before touching anything else. I think my mouth just had an orgasm. My God, they were so fucking good.

Taking the Lord's name in vain popped a question into mind. "Bells."

"Yeah."

"Do you ever feel bad that you believe in God but you don't go to church every Sunday?" We attended church literally a total of two times every year.

She chewed on her piece of steak slowly. "Sometimes, yeah." She looked down at her plate before looking back up. "Do you?"

"Not really. But I question His existence. You don't." I wasn't trying to put her on the spot. I just wanted to know. "I mean…no one can prove He exists, but no
one can prove that He doesn't exist. But…it's not possible to prove that He doesn't exist. It's not possible to prove a negative. So, then…I don't know." I cut a piece
of steak and chewed it slowly, savoring the flavor.

"You can prove a negative. Nothing can be true and false at the same time. If something isn't true, then it's false. That thing would be a negative."

"Okay…yeah. Could be." She had a point. "But you can't prove that something doesn't exist."

She considered this for a moment. "I guess you're right. No one can prove nothingness."

"Try to think of it."

"Of what?"

"Of nothingness. Try to think of nothing existing."

She took a sip of her wine. "Okay." She sat up straight and looked past me.

"You got it?"

"Yupp."

I smiled knowingly. "What are you thinking of?"

"Infinite white space."

My smile grew wider. That's what I'd thought of when I first tried to think of nothing. "White space is something."

Even in the dim lighting, I could see the red color stain her cheeks as she looked at me. "Oh. Yeah."

"Try to think of nothing. No white space, no black space. Nothing."

She closed her eyes, and after a few seconds, her brows furrowed. "Baby."

"Yeah." I let out a small laugh.

"My head hurts." She opened her eyes, took a bite of her potatoes, and washed them down with water.

I laughed wholeheartedly, the look on her face too much to take. "I know. Same thing happened to me. It's because it's not possible to do. The human mind
can't grasp the concept of nothingness."

She kept quiet for a few minutes, probably trying to think of nothing.

I wanted to ask her about her belief in an afterlife, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew why she believed in an afterlife, and it made my heart ache to
even think about it. She didn't like to think that her mom was completely gone, and if there is an afterlife, she'll get to see her again.

I didn't know whether to believe in an afterlife or not, just like I didn't know whether to believe in God or not.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I looked up from my plate.

"What are you thinking about?"

"God."

"What about Him?"

I let out a sigh and played with the corner of my napkin. "I feel bad about questioning His existence, but His existence goes against all logic."

Most people believed in a religion out of pure fright. They might say they believe in a god because they love that god, but ultimately, it's because they don't want
to end up in Hell when they die. Religion helps keep people under control.

But, what if there is no Heaven and Hell? What if you die, and that's it?

"Bells, what if I end up in Hell?"

Concern splayed over her features as she put down her knife and fork. "What?"

But, what if there is a Heaven and Hell? "You're gonna go to Heaven. What if I don't?"

"Don't say things like that."

I shrugged and look down at my plate. "It can happen."

"How are you so sure I'm gonna go to Heaven?"

I locked eyes with her. "Because you're an angel." She had such an amazing heart. If there is a Heaven, she has a front row ticket.

"I…thank you." She looked down, blushing. "But I'm not free of sin. I…curse. I've…had sex before marriage."

I let out a small laugh. I loved the fact that she considered those sins. I mean, they were. But those were so trivial compared to the things I've done. Oh, and
those seven deadly sins. How could someone not carry out each of those sins every single day?

"You can try praying. It might help you believe. Or…not believe. Or…I don't know."

"I know what you're trying to say, don't worry. I'm just…confused. I just want to stop being caught in the middle. I want to strongly believe or not believe. And
I did pray. Every day I was in rehab, I prayed."

"To get out?"

"No. I prayed for Him to let me see you. And in the end…I ended up being held there for an extra month."

"But your health was more important. We were going to reunite sooner or later."

"I know…" I let out a long sigh. "But at the time, I didn't care. Anyway, I've prayed other times. Just…randomly. Only to thank Him for giving you to me."

She sat silent for a few seconds, and I caught the sight of a tear glistening in the outer corner of her eye. She blinked it away.

I reached over and laid my hand on top of hers. "Bella?"

"Edward, I swear, there are no words to explain how adorable you are sometimes."

I sat back, smiling. "Same goes for you, Ms. Swan." I do pray once in a blue moon, but I feel like it's useless. If there is a God, and I don't pray every day, why
would He listen to me? And on top of that, I question His existence. "This is what will happen. When I die, my spirit will rise, rise, rise. It'll get to the gates of
Heaven, and then bam. The gates will shut closed and God will laugh and say, 'Edward Anthony Cullen? I think not.'"

I meant to make her laugh, but she looked as if she was in pain. "No, He won't. You're his child. He wouldn't turn you away."

I really wanted to believe that.

We got our dessert to go, because Bella was too full to eat anymore, and I was stuffed. I'd eaten more than half of the appetizer, my entree, and half of Bella's
entree. I was going to tell her to finish her food because she needed to work on gaining more weight, but she would've called me 'Dad' so I just finished her food for her.

We got our dessert, Bella didn't so much as let me pay the tip, and we stepped out into the freezing air. I put my hands in my coat pockets and Bella slipped her
arm through mine.

"You're so warm." She leaned into me.

"Yeah, they make these things called winter coats. They're made to keep people warm. You should try one on one day." I smirked down at her.

She bumped her hips into mine. "Shut up."

We took a few steps before Bella tugged at my arm.

I raised my eyebrows in silent question.

"Can we walk by the river?"

I looked out at the water, then across at the New York scene, and then back to Bella. "Sure." I took off my coat and held it out for her, happy when she thanked
me instead of protesting.

She slipped her arms through the sleeves and buttoned up as we walked down and toward the river.

We walked slowly along the stone path, with benches and trees to our right and the Hudson River to our left.

I was glad the talk of religion was behind us, back in the restaurant.

"You're gonna be cold."

I looked down at Bella with a smile. "I have my scarf."

"You're too nice." She wrapped her arm around mine as we walked.

"Yeah? I've been told otherwise."

"That's not possible."

She had to be kidding. She knew the way I'd treated girls in the past. I mean, not my girlfriends, but just the one-timers. It wasn't that I was mean to them, but if I
just want a fuck, that's all I want. Not a relationship. Plus, I tried not to have relationships with sluts, and that sluts were always the one-timers.

"It's possible. I've been mean to you."

"Yeah, but none of those moments count. That's just when we fight and stuff. And I'd rather fight with you every day than be with someone else."

I leaned down and kissed her, whimpering when she pulled away and led me toward the fence that overlooked the skyline. Specs of silver shone on the river under
the moonlight. The water was splashing lightly against the boulders under the walkway.

Bella turned to face the city and I put my hands on the bar in front of us, on either side of her. We stood in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying the crisp air and
bright lights of the buildings across.

The Empire State Building, the Chrysler Building, The New Yorker building...the list went on and on and on. I felt a pang of pain in my chest when my eyes landed on
the empty space between two buildings, the empty space where the Twin Towers used to stand tall and strong.

I slipped my hands in Bella's coat pockets, covering her hands with mine. I sighed into her hair. Warmth.

She shivered at the contact and leaned back against my chest.

"I'm sorry. My hands were cold."

"Warm them up."

"Good idea." I smiled as I guided her hand between her legs.

She gasped and moved our hands back when she realized what I was doing. "Edward..."

"Yes?"

She muttered something that sounded like a 'no.'

I let out a small laugh as I turned my head to look around. Not a person in sight. "Mmm...You don't sound convincing. And besides, I just want to warm up my hands."

"My dress will get wet."

"It'll dry." I stifled a laugh as I looked out across the water. I wasn't going to do it. I just wanted to see how far I could take this. "And nothing can be seen. Minimal
movement, hands in pockets. A rub here, a rub there, bam, boom, you're done."

She giggled and moved our hands between her legs. This time, I was the one to stop us.

"No, no, baby. I was kidding." She was only doing it for me, but besides that, I wasn't in the mood to do something like that and ruin our nice night out.

I kissed her cheek before resting my chin on top of her head.

"Edward, if I ask you something, do you promise not to get mad?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No. One, I can't make that promise because if I do get mad, that promise is gonna go out the window. And two, if you have to ask me to make that promise, then
chances are that I'll probably get mad."

I pulled the collar of the coat up to cover her neck from the chilly wind, my knuckles brushing against the back of her neck before I put my hands back in the coat pockets.

I rubbed her hands and intertwined our fingers. "Ask me."

"I'm scared."

"You weren't scared enough to menton it." I sighed and took my hands out of her pockets before turning her around and pulling her to me. I wrapped my arms around
her waist and held her tightly. "Tell me. Please." I'd rather know what it is and get mad tha n never find out what she wanted to ask me.

I looked into her eyes, the chocolate color lighter than usual.

"If I..." She turned her head to the side and rested her cheek agains my chest. "If I cheated on you, would you leave me? I mean, like, if I slept with someone else..."

My body went stiff and my breathing picked up. I...what? I pulled back and stared at her. "Why would you ask me something like that?" She shrugged and began
turning back around. I held her shoulders and made sure she looked at me. "Why, Bella?"

"I – I don't know. I was just curious."

"Curious? Don't ever fucking ask me something like that again." I forced myself to keep my voice calm, but some panic and anger seeped through. "What if I
asked you that? Would you like it? What if I asked you what you would do if I relapsed? Would you like that?"

She said absolutely nothing. Whatever. I didn't expect her to say anything.

I did my breathing exercises as best I could, but I couldn't concentrate on my breathing.

She couldn't be cheating on me.

My stomach clenched at the thought. My heart felt as if it wasn't there, as if there was just a hole in my chest instead.

I couldn't take it. I clasped my hands together. "Bells, if you have something to tell me, please tell me right now.

Her eyes grew wide. "No! No, no, no, no. I'm not – I don't have anything to tell you. I swear. I wouldn't even think of it." She wrapped her arms around my
neck and hugged me tightly.

But she did think of it. The question had to have come from somewhere.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in closer. We stood in silence for a while, until I finally found my voice.

"I wouldn't."

"What?" She was leaning against my chest, her voice muffled by my shirt.

"I wouldn't leave you. I couldn't." I don't know what I'd do without her, and it scared me to death to think that I was so dependent on just one person. But that
person was my Bella, and I knew that no matter how big of a fight we got into, we'd always come back for each other.

She kissed my chest. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too." I ran a hand through her hair. "But please, tell me why you asked."

"I figured me cheating on you would be the worst thing I could possibly do. And…if you wouldn't leave me for that, you won't leave me for anything."

I couldn't believe she still had doubts about me leaving her.

I put a hand on top of her head before letting it slide to the back of her head and pulling her in. I kissed her forehead before gently kissing her lips.

"I'm not going anywhere."

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