prologue: kiss; part one: jealous; word count: 2,007
It was June. Haesoo was nineteen years old and graduating high school. Kyungsoo sat in the front row of the audience between his parents and one of his good best friends from university, Jongin. Jongin also conveniently happened to be Haesoo's boyfriend, but Kyungsoo tried not to focus on that. He was twenty-four years old and the only thing close to any sort of relationship he'd ever had was the kiss he'd given Haesoo when they were young.
It wasn't for lack of trying though. He'd gone through high school without bothering to try his luck at asking out any of the snarky cheerleader girls, or the obnoxious smelly jock boys. Throughout his university years, he'd kept his focus on his studies rather than finding love. But he always had this nagging feeling that maybe there was more to it than just not wanting to find it. Maybe, just maybe, he already had.
"Do Haesoo." Kyungsoo was quickly snapped out of his thoughts by the principal calling Haesoo up to receive her diploma. The Do family and Jongin stood up to give the youngest Do a standing ovation as she approached the podium.
"Thank you" Haesoo smiled as she accepted her diploma and bowed to the principal.
The rest of the ceremony seemed to drag on, and Kyungsoo didn't particularly care to pay any attention to the rest. He remembered how boring his own graduation ceremony had been, and how his mind had constantly wandered during it.
"Oppa." His thoughts were interrupted once again. This time, by his little sister tapping his shoulder. "The ceremony is over." When Kyungsoo glanced at her, she was sitting on Jongin's lap. A pang of something Kyungsoo couldn't explain washed over him. It was almost as if it made him angry to see Haesoo in Jongin's lap.
"We should get home. We have to finish packing for the camping trip and make sure Chanyeol is ready too."
Chanyeol was another friend of Kyungsoo's from university. His best friend in fact. Jongin and Haesoo had invited him along for Haesoo's post-graduation camping trip so that Kyungsoo didn't feel like a third wheel.
"Chanyeol, we're on our way to your house," Kyungsoo said into his phone as he, Jongin and Haesoo left the Do family home to head out on their camping trip. "Wait for us outside okay?"
"I'm already outside" Chanyeol laughed. "I'm one step ahead of you Kyung."
"Alright, then we'll see you soon" Kyungsoo grinned and hung up.
Soon, the foursome found themselves at the campground. While he and Chanyeol were setting up their tent, Kyungsoo couldn't stop his eyes from wandering over to Hae and Jongin setting up their own.
"I know you don't like the thought of them sharing a tent," Chanyeol said.
"Yeah, right. That's the problem," Kyungsoo nodded. "I don't like that thought. She's too young to be sharing a tent with a boy." At least, that's what he was trying to convince himself he believed.
"Kyung, you can't hold onto her forever you know," Chanyeol sighed. "She's nineteen, you've gotta let her grow up."
"I know, I know."
"Yah Kyungsoo! Chanyeol!" Jongin called. "Come on, we're headed to the lake!"
Kyungsoo and Chanyeol followed Kyunghwa and Jongin to the lake. Kyungsoo felt that weird, unknown feeling creep back into him when he saw Haesoo giggling and smiling while splashing around with Jongin.
"Let's have a chicken fight" Chanyeol grinned. "Brother versus sister. Kyungsoo you get on my shoulders, Haesoo you get on Jongin's."
Haesoo nodded and climbed on Jongin's shoulders. Kyungsoo hesitantly followed suit and climbed on Chanyeol's shoulders.
"Ready! Set! Go!" Chanyeol grinned.
Haesoo and Kyungsoo started pushing each other, both competing to knock the other off their partner's shoulders. Kyungsoo stared at Jongin and gritted his teeth. Without meaning to, Kyungsoo pushed too hard and Kyunghwa fell off Jongin's shoulders and into the lake, inhaling some of the water as she fell.
"Haesoo!" Jongin quickly lifted her out of the water, seeing that she was having trouble surfacing. "Are you okay? Hey, hey look at me! Can you breathe?" Haesoo was coughing and having trouble catching her breath. She coughed up water as Jongin softly patted her back while carrying her to shore. Once she had coughed up all the water and finally caught her breath, she clung tightly to Jongin as tears filled her eyes.
"I thought I was going to die."
By this time, Chanyeol had joined the two on shore, and Kyungsoo stood on the edge of the lake staring at the three of them, shocked by his own actions.
"Kyungsoo what the hell is wrong with you?!" Jongin asked, shaking his head as he carried Haesoo to their tent, holding her close and softly stroking her hair. "Shh, baby don't cry."
It was then that the realization finally hit Kyungsoo like a ton of bricks. He was jealous. He was angry that Haesoo loved Jongin instead of him. No… no that can't be it. He tried so hard to deny it. He tried so hard to force himself to believe that wasn't it. She's my sister, I don't love her that way… I can't love her that way… That's wrong…
He shook his head and quickly ran back to his own tent, ignoring Chanyeol's gaze.
"Kyungsoo?" Chanyeol softly tapped on the tent's small door. "Can I please come in?" The only sound he received in response was Kyungsoo sniffling. "Kyungsoo please?" When he still received no answer, Chanyeol's hand found its way to the zipper of the tent door.
"Whatever…" finally came Kyungsoo's answer from inside the tent, where he was huddled in his sleeping bag.
"Care to explain why you just tried to kill you sister?" Chanyeol asked.
"I was jealous…"
"Of what?"
"Chanyeol… I have feelings for my sister."
"Kyungsoo, do you realize just how—"
"Crazy that sounds? I know. It'll sound even crazier when I explain it, so brace yourself." He cleared his throat and sighed. "When we were younger she asked me what kissing was like. She was eleven, and I was sixteen."
"I can already see where this is going."
"Will you shut up and listen you bozo?"
"Sorry, continue."
"Anyway, as I was saying. She asked me about kissing when we were younger. I got really annoyed with her constant pestering, so I kissed her. Just so she'd leave me alone."
"But you ended up getting more than you bargained for, didn't you?"
"Yeah… I used to try to convince myself that the reason I didn't try to get romantically involved with anyone for the remainder of my school years after that was because I was more interested in my studies than love."
"But that wasn't it, was it?" Chanyeol asked. "The real reason you didn't try to get romantically involved with anyone else was because—"
"I thought by some miracle I could be my sister's freaking boyfriend! God how weird and stupid is that?! I'm such an idiot!"
"No, not an idiot. Just confused." Chanyeol softly pulled his friend into a comforting hug. "And I feel like what happened out there in the lake was one of those 'if I can't have her, no one can' kind of things. But it was way in the back of your subconscious, so you had no idea you were feeling it."
"So I just tried to kill my sister because my brain decided 'oh, if you can't be her boyfriend you might as well kill her'? Wow, imagine how insane I would've sounded in court if I had actually killed her! They would've thrown me into an asylum or something!"
"Kyung, chill. First of all, asylums don't exist anymore, they'd just put you in a retreat."
"That's the same—" Kyungsoo began, but Chanyeol cut him off.
"No, actually it's not. Retreats are much safer and much more civilized than asylums. In a retreat they're not going to give you shock therapy or lobotomies. They'll actually help you, instead of treating you like an outsider. Now, can I finish what I was trying to say?"
"Fine…"
"You need to calm down okay? Go talk to her and explain the situation. I feel like if she understands why you did what you did, maybe you two can work out… whatever this weird thing is that you've got going on."
"She's gonna think I'm crazy…"
"No she's not, Kyungsoo! You just need to go talk to her, okay? And then talk to Jongin once you have everything figured out. I'm sure he'll want an explanation too."
"But Yeol—"
"Just gooooo!" Chanyeol gave his friend a push out the tent door and zipped it back up, holding onto the zipper so that even if Kyungsoo wanted to, he couldn't open the door back up.
Kyungsoo made his way over to Jongin and Haesoo's tent. "H-hey, can I talk to my sister?" he asked in a slightly shaky voice. He was fully prepared to turn around and walk away, expecting Haesoo to want nothing to do with him. But as he was about to turn around, the tent door opened and Jongin stepped out.
"Just don't try to kill her again," he grumbled bitterly. "You're lucky I even trust you alone with her right now."
As Jongin walked away, Kyungsoo let his words sink in. You're lucky I even trust you alone with her right now. Those words swam through his mind as he softly stepped into the tent.
"H-Haesoo… I'm sorry…"
She was curled up in her sleeping bag, refusing to look at him.
"You'd better have a damn good explanation for what you did back there Do Kyungsoo!" she demanded, still refusing to look at him, even as she spoke.
"I do, but I need you to listen to me. And… not to think I'm crazy."
"Alright, then explain." Haesoo sat up, giving her brother her full attention.
"Remember when we were kids?" Kyungsoo asked quietly. "That time you asked me… what kissing was like?"
"What about it?"
"See, this is the part you're going to think is crazy…"
"Kyungsoo…" Haesoo stared at him, eyes wide and mouth agape. "You… you have…"
"Feelings for you…" Kyungsoo mumbled, his shoulders rising as his voice lowered.
"Kyungsoo," Haesoo softly took her brother's face in her hands, stroking his cheek tenderly with her thumb. "I don't think you're crazy."
"Y-you don't?"
"Nope. Not even a little bit. Because if I'm being honest, after that night I thought about kissing you again…"
"Y-you did?"
She nodded, looking down at her hands in her lap and softly fidgeting with her fingers.
"I even thought… for just a little while that I… that I loved you…"
"Well I would hope you loved me, I'm your bro—"
"No Kyungsoo… I thought I loved you… the way you're saying that you love me…"
"Y—" but before Kyungsoo could stutter out another "you did?," Haesoo's lips were softly pressed against his. All of his feelings resurfaced. The same strange feelings from when he was sixteen, mixed with whatever new feelings he felt now at twenty-four. Suddenly his head and heart were spinning as he let his lips softly mesh with his sister's. How could something so wrong feel so right?
"Haesoo, what the hell are we doing?"
"I have no idea, it just… felt right."
"We'll figure it out in the morning," Kyungsoo said, softly braiding Haesoo's soggy hair. "Right now, let's just get some rest okay?"
"But I'm not tired."
Kyungsoo softly played with his little sister's hair as he began to sing to her.
"She's dreaming, she's dreaming
A night thick with moonlight
It's our only time together
She's dreaming, she's dreaming
You're asleep in me
I can't help but smile
I'm just looking at you, because
In the morning, as if nothing happened
You'll wake up"
He looked down at Haesoo who was now sound asleep in his arms. He gently tucked her into the sleeping bag beside him, then curled up beside her as he too drifted into a peaceful and quiet slumber.