Chapter 3: Amends

After a long day of meeting with the wedding planner, Yuri and Victor returned home to go over the things they had planned out so far and what they needed to do next. They had quite a few bags in their hands from all of the shopping that they had done. Makkachin excitedly greeted the both of them at the door, then ran over to an empty food bowl. Victor placed his bags down in the living room then went to the kitchen to feed Makkachin. Yuri set his bags down too and immediately went through them to sort things out. As Yuri went through everything, he came across the box of wedding invitations they had picked out. He then remembered that there wasn't exactly a set list of people to send said invitations to.

"Hey, Victor, we should probably get started on the guest list at some point"

"Yeah, we should."

Victor didn't sound too excited about this aspect, and he has mostly avoided it up until this point, but he couldn't ignore this forever. He took a seat next to Yuri and helped him sort through the bags and talk about the list.

"There are obviously invites, like Phichit and Chris and the rest of the skaters" Victor started.
"How about Yakov?" Yuri suggested.

"Yeah, he and Lilia" Victor said "Then of course there's your sister and your parents"
"What about…your parents?" Yuri asked carefully, prepared to change the subject if needed.

Victor paused. He knew this was coming. He knew it would come up one way or another. Victor moved his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but didn't. Yuri knew very well that this made Victor uncomfortable, but he could also tell that Victor had something on his mind. He had noticed that Victor had been kind of off over the past few days, but didn't want to say anything. Mention of his parents sparked a wave of thoughts in Victor. Yuri debated between pressing on or trying to switch gears, but he sensed that it may be hard to switch topics at this point.

"Have you talked to them recently or at all? Do they even know…?" Yuri asked with caution not sure where this question would lead.
"Yeah. Actually, I have talked to them recently…" Victor finally said. Yuri was shocked for a moment but went on.
"O-oh! When was this? How did that go?"

"My mother called me about a week ago. She said she and my father want to try and make amends."

"Does that mean you're going to go visit your parents sometime?"

"I don't know. I— what should I even do?" Victor said as he looked up at Yuri.

Yuri thought for a brief moment so not as to leave too much time between Victor's questions and a response. Yuri, wasn't used to being the one giving advice, but when needed he knew he could.

"Well, the worst that could happen is things don't get better between you and your parents. Best case scenario, you and your parents patch things up and start new" Yuri replied.

Victor was silent again before finally suggesting that they continue with the guest list. They could always go back over it later, but having a general idea of who to invite was more important now. Victor already had made up his mind about his parents though. He just wasn't sure if the decision he was making would turn out right or wrong.

A few days went by and Victor still had his parents on his mind. This was the most he has thought about them in years. On this particular morning, Yuri woke up before Victor to go on his morning jog with Makkachin. Victor remained in bed until after Yuri left. He finally got up, and started getting ready for the long day ahead of him. He got in his car and began the journey to a place filled with familiar roads. A place he once felt comfort in long ago. He drove until he came to a sizable house with a long driveway. Victor got out of his car, closed the door, and approached the house. He hesitated a moment before knocking on the door. He finally did and waited anxiously. Seconds which felt like eons went by before the door opened, and a pale faced woman with bright blue eyes peered from behind the door to see who it was.

"Oh! Victor. I certainly wasn't expecting this. Please, come in" the woman said motioning for him to come inside.

Victor kept silent as he stepped into the home, following the woman inside.

"Honey! It's Victor" The woman called as she walked into the living room. "Please, have a seat. Can I get you anything?"

"No thanks." Victor replied finally saying something.

Victor took a seat in an armchair that was adjacent to the coffee table as the woman sat down on the loveseat nearby. A man about the same height as Victor with shoulder length hair in a ponytail had appeared in the living room and took a seat next to the woman. The usually cheerful and charismatic Victor had been overshadowed by a more anxious and nervous version of himself. He hadn't felt this way in years, not even while ice skating. Victor could hardly look at the man and woman right before him.

"Victor. It's been a while hasn't it." The man said jeering over at him.

"I'm so glad you decided to come over!" The woman said countering the man's tone.
"Yes, we heard the big news." The man said, "So, who's the lucky lady?"

That took a dig at Victor and he could already see where this is going.

"Dad, you can't be serious," Victor said unamused, breaking his silence. "How can you know I'm engaged and not know—" he stopped himself as he felt anger boiling inside him.

"Oh, stop it. You know your father didn't mean it" the woman said, putting her hand on the man's. He took his hand away and looked sternly at Victor.

"You know I told you never to step foot into this house again until you've changed your ways." his father said coldly, repeating the exact words he once heard as a teen. Victor still felt the pain of those words stinging deep.

"So much for making amends" Victor said getting up ready to leave.
"Victor wait. Look, we're still trying to understand" the woman said.

"Mother, you had over ten years to try and understand. What is there to still get?"

"We've supported you throughout everything, even your skating, why can't you just do this one thing for us?" said his mother.
"Because it's not about you! Neither of you. It's not about who you want me to be with or fall in love with. If you truly supported me, you would have accepted things as they were."

Victor's usual calm and cool composure was long gone now.

"If you truly cared for and supported me, you would have never forced me to walk out that door at sixteen."
"It was tough love" explained his father.
"Love?! No, you guys didn't love me. You didn't love me after you realized it wasn't 'some phase'. You let me go because you rather not have a son at all than love one you have."

Years of anger and resentment began to swell through Victor. His mother tried to come up with an excuse but fell short.

"Victor, we loved you, we always did. We just…"
"Then why didn't you love me enough to accept me for who I am?!" Victor blurted out, with tears stinging in his eyes ready to roll out at any moment.

The room fell completely silent. Victor took a moment to regain control of his breathing and emotions. He felt the tears coming, as memories of the past began to resurface, but quickly blinked them away. He wouldn't give his father any reason to start berating him again. He stopped the tears but the memories came flooding…

When Victor was only sixteen, he left his parent's house. At least that's what he tells most people when questioned about it. He usually tries to avoid the conversation altogether, but when he can't, that's the answer he usually gives and leaves it at that. Truth is, his parents kicked him out. His mother and father were very strict people. Everything had to be done their way and perfectly. Sure, they let Victor have some freedoms, but only at the cost of doing something for them or if it benefitted them somehow. Whatever they wanted they got with little to no argument. This clashed with Victor's carefree personality, but he had to deal with it as a child.

Things changed during his teen years. Not only were his parents strict, but they were very old fashion and had outdated views on a lot of things, one of those being relationships. A year before his parent's final decision to exile him, Victor had fallen for a boy in his grade. He had always heard his parents talk about how they can't wait for the day he finds the perfect girl to settle down with, but he never really had feelings for anyone. There may have been a guy or girl here or there but nothing profound. Besides, he was too focused on skating at this point in his life to be worried about dating. Not until this guy came along. Victor started to gain feelings for him and they started seeing each other regularly. Victor's parents found out about Victor's new relationship with this guy and weren't too happy about it.

His parents immediately told him to end things, but Victor refused which resulted in a fist to the sternum from his father that knocked him to the ground. His mother slapped him across his face then dragged him by his long silver locks to his room and chopped off half of his hair. The silky strands fell around him and he was left alone to cry in pain. In an effort to sway him, his parents would belittle him anyway they could. They were more strict than usual. They didn't allow him as much free time. He was only allowed to go to school, practice, then home, and he was never sure what kind of abuse he would endure when he got home. They would tell him that what he was doing was wrong, unnatural, disgusting, repulsive, and that this isn't how his life should be. His father would use his failures and weaknesses against him, blaming them on his love for another man. His mother soon began to ignore him, as if he didn't exist. All of this began to take a toll on Victor and his blossoming relationship which soon ended due to all of the stress.

After his first relationship ended, there was a sort of peace between him and his parents. Things didn't go completely back to normal, but he found wasn't scared to come home to his parents anymore. A few months after his first breakup, he found himself seeing someone else. It wasn't anything serious this time, but of course his parents found out. The hate and hostility towards him returned. His parents had thought the "problem" had been fixed after he ended his first relationship. After they realized that any tactics and methods they tried weren't working, his father came up with an ultimatum. One day, after a fun date night out with the new guy, Victor came home to his parents standing in the entryway with his bags on the floor packed for him.
"What's all this?" he asked concerned and confused.

"You were out with that boy again, weren't you?" his mother asked rhetorically.

"Yeah…so what…?"

His father drew in a breath and stared at him dead in his eyes.
"You are never to step foot into this house again until you change your ways."

At that moment, Victor felt his heart sink down into his stomach, his chest grow heavy, and his body became numb at the realization of what was happening. He tried to reason with his parents and even begged them not to do this to them. They remained silent and refused to listen.

"You know I can't… I can't just… 'change' " young Victor said defeated.
"Well then you can't stay here," His father said firmly with no remorse. He went over to the door and opened it. "Get out."

And with that, Victor grabbed his things and walked out the door he had just came in. His legs felt light as feathers and nothing felt real to him as he left his home. With nowhere else to go, he went to the ice rink to spend the night where Yakov found him the next morning. He explained everything that had happened, and his coach kindly offered his home. He stayed with Yakov and Lilian for a few months, but after a while decided he didn't want to impose on them anymore than he felt he did and decided it was time to live on his own. After earning enough money through sponsorships and working, he got his own place at eighteen. He only returned to his parent's home one last time to get the rest of his things, never to return again.

That is until today. In the present time, Victor's head was completely filled with these memories of his past. He felt a range of emotions. Sadness and fear from the memories. Resentment, anger, and contempt towards his parents. He could still feel the bruises and remember each scar left on his body. He felt that numbness he had experienced before as all of these feeling fought for his attention. He felt like he was drifting only to be brought back by the sound of a woman's voice.

"Victor, we did what we had to" his mother said at last.
"We just thought that maybe you would realize that what you were doing was wrong and that that would motivate you to want to come back. Clearly you didn't" his father said.

"You think I didn't want to come back!?" Victor stated shocked and angry. "God, there were nights where I wished I were different, where I wished I could change— just turn it off or anything, just so you guys would love and accept me, but I couldn't. And I knew you wouldn't take me as I am… You made it very clear how you felt."

"You know why we did what we did, right?" his mother asked.

"You mean besides your ignorance and hate? Yeah, you were afraid that I'd ruin the family name or your reputation" Victor replied. He paused before he went with what he said next.

"But I guess that's why you kept silent about what happened, because you couldn't admit to doing something as shameful as disowning your own child and kicking them out of your house."

His parents were silent, reveling in the truth of his words.

"You haven't been a complete disgrace. Sure, having a 'Living Legend' with you family name is great—" his father started to say.
"No! You don't get to piggyback off of that. You don't get to take the time and hard work I've put in all those years, and act like you've had some part of it! Especially, when you don't even claim me as your own."

Nobody said a single word. His parent never saw anything wrong with what they did to him. Even now they felt justified in their actions, but they couldn't help but feel a tinge of guilt as Victor's words sank in. The woman looked at her son and his now short hair and felt regret.

"I'm…we're sorry" his mother said. "Sorry for the physical pain we've caused you."
"Look, things got off to an awful start, let's just try this again" the man said looking at his wife.

Victor didn't look up at either of them and there was another moment of silence before anyone spoke again.

"So, his name's Yuri? Right?" his mother asked.
"Yeah…" he replied trying to hide a smile he felt tugging on his face as he felt a flush of positive emotion at his fiancé's name.

"Does he at least make you happy?"

"More than anyone in this world."

His parents began asking him questions about Yuri, as they tried to lighten the mood and distract from their rising guilt.

"What if you brought him over one day for us to meet?" his mother suggested. Victor was taken aback by the question.

"We think maybe meeting him might help us understand… you… better" his father added.

"…I'll think about it…" Victor said.

Feeling emotionally drained, Victor began to wrap things up at his parent's place. He said his goodbyes and began his trip to his home in St. Petersburg.

Meanwhile, Yuri had gone out to run a few errands after his jog. He returned to find Victor still wasn't home. He began to wonder where on earth he could have gone. Victor hadn't said anything to him earlier in the week, nor was there a note or anything left behind. And normally, if Victor was out on a run, he would have been back by now. Yuri kneeled down in front of Makkachin, who was now sitting in front of him, and patted his head.

"Where's your dad?" He asked the fluffy poodle.

Makkachin placed a paw on Yuri and barked.

"Not me you silly. Victor."

Makkachin laid down in front of Yuri and whined.

"Guess you haven't seen him all day either" He sighed.

Yuri got up and went to the kitchen to heat some water in a kettle for tea. He began to wonder where Victor could have gone or what he was doing today. Would Victor really have…? His thoughts traced over one idea but he quickly rejected it. Yuri started pouring a cup of tea, and as he did, he noticed Makkachin excitedly get up from the couch and bound towards the door. The grey dog waited patiently as he heard keys turning the lock and the front door open. Victor entered and the excited dog jumped up to him, standing on his hind legs. Victor kneeled down and embraced his old companion.

"Hey, Victor! Where have been all day?" Yuri asked ready to hear about his day.

Victor didn't reply. Instead, he took his shoes off at the door and trudged towards the kitchen.
"I just made some tea. Want a cup?"

"Yeah. Sure." He said in a somber voice as he leaned on the counter next to one of the barstools.

Yuri became concerned by his tone of voice, and when he finally saw Victor's face, became even more concerned.

"Hey, are you alright? Geeze, where'd you go?" Yuri asked slightly panicked.

Yuri handed Victor his cup of tea, and he took it to the couch. Yuri followed and sat beside him. Victor took a sip of tea, then drew a deep breath in.

"I went to go see my parents" Victor said, staring into his cup, confirming Yuri's thoughts.

"Wha—? How did… Well, I imagine that went about as well as expected…"
"Ha, yeah. God, why did I expect any different… I'm not even sure what I expected."

"Well, things literally couldn't have gotten worse between you and your parents… could they?" Yuri added wondering if things did in fact get worse.

"No, you're right. They've already done their worst" he said setting his cup down.

Victor became quiet as he began to analyze what happened today and endless thoughts raced through his mind.

"Is… something else on your mind?" Yuri asked curiously.
"You know, after all they've done to me and how they've treated me… I still somehow feel…guilty. Like maybe some of the things I said were too harsh."
"But you've done nothing wrong. Plus, I don't think anything you say can compare to what they did." Yuri said also setting his cup down.
"I know… I just—" Victor looked up at Yuri with pain and sorrow in his eyes.

The memory of it all still remained fresh in the forefront of his mind after being repressed for so long. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he began to sob. All of the emotions that had built up over the day were finally being released. Yuri wrapped his arms around Victor and held onto him tightly. Yuri didn't say anything at first. He only raked his fingers through Victor's silver hair, comforting him, as he wept into his chest. Victor felt secure wrapped in Yuri's arms and gradually relaxed. Once he had calmed down a bit, Yuri thought of something to say to help him feel better.

"I know that I can't even begin to even feel a shred of what you've been through, but just remember that you've moved on to a better life without them, and that you have a great future ahead of you, and I'll always be here for you. Promise."

Those last words resonated with Victor and he began to feel warmth in his heart.
"Thank you" Victor said lifting up his head, thanking him, not just for this moment, but for everything.

Yuri smiled and cupped Victor's cheek, wiping away some of the tears with his thumb. Makkachin, who had been laying across Victor's lap this whole time, sat up and licked the tears off the other side of his face. Victor began to smile as was being comforted by his two favorite guys. Victor decided to go take a shower to decompress and get his mind off of things, while Yuri got up to get started on dinner. After the shower, Victor went to the bedroom with Makkachin to relax alone for a while. He ended up falling asleep, but was awakened from his nap by the scent of food filling the apartment. He got up and went to check on things.

"Smells great" Victor said as he entered the kitchen. "Need any help?"
"Well, the food is almost ready, but you could start setting the table" Yuri responded.

Victor went over to the cabinets and grabbed plates and drinking glasses from them. Yuri brought over the finished dish to the table and took a seat. Victor filled the glasses with water from a pitcher he had gotten out of the fridge, then sat down across from Yuri. The both of them served up a plate and enjoyed dinner together.

"So, we already know my day was a shit show. How was your day?" Victor asked.
"Good, I suppose. Nothing too exciting. Usual morning run with Makkachin. Came back and noticed you weren't here, took a shower then went back out to take care of some errands for a few hours" Yuri stated, listing off his day.
"Hey, sorry if I made you worry at all today. I thought about telling you something, but I figured that would make you worry more."
"Victor, it's fine. I'm just glad you're okay… for the most part."

"Yeah…"

"They didn't…?" Yuri didn't finish the sentence not sure what words would be appropriate.
"No, I'm fine. It's just the memories, and the fact that they still feel justified in their actions. But I guess they at least apologized for some of what they did."
"At least there's one good thing."
"I suppose. Things actually turned out somewhat okay towards the end believe it or not"
"Really? Like how?"

"I don't know. I guess what I said might have got through to them? They also seemed to be pretty curious about you."
"Huh?"

Victor took a moment before he decided on whether or not to tell him about potentially meeting his parents now or later. He figured he might as well at least say it since it was still relevant.

"Yeah, they actually want to meet you."
"Wait. What?" Yuri said shocked. "That's really unexpected."
"Don't worry, I was just as shocked when they mentioned it too. But they figure maybe meeting you and seeing us together will help them see things differently."

Yuri didn't say anything, still shocked and unsure of what to even say.

"I understand if you don't want to, and quite frankly I don't really want to bring you around that kind of negativity." Victor said interpreting his non-response.

"No, it's not that… it's just—well what do you want?" Yuri asked.
"I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable."
"Well it's not really about me at this point."

Victor thought for a moment. Part of him wanted things to get better for him and his parents, but he didn't want it to be at the expense of Yuri. Yuri saw the look in Victor's eyes and knew what he was thinking.

"If it'll help things between you and your parents, and this is something you want…" Yuri started to say.

"You don't have to if you don't want to."
"But I want to help if I can."
"Yuri… would you really?"
"I'll do it."