Beta read by Duesal10

Madara/Toka

Madara never liked his sister-in-law. In his opinion she was loud, crude and raucous, constantly abusing his precious little brother. To boot, Izuna seemed to be spending less and less time with him, preferring the company of that woman, even though it was painfully obvious both of them hated each other's guts.

And they bickered. All. The. Time.

Naturally, after one of their most drastic arguments which left half of the kitchen demolished in flames, he had taken the liberty to storm out of the house.

Only this time, he had to visit them; it was Izuna's birthday after all.

Trudging gloomily into their living room Madara was instantly engulfed in a bear-crushing hug by none other than Hashirama Senju, the bane of his existence. (Well not really, not in this context.)

"Madara! You know, there's this cake I specifically ordered from the Daimyo's personal chef! Oh, Madara, we're gonna have so much fun while we try to make your brother and Toka have sex!" Hashirama bellowed, oblivious of the fact that, no, you're not supposed to say such things to people.

Mito, sitting listlessly in the corner, facepalmed.

"My faith in humanity grows weaker and weaker as my days in Konoha pass by…" he thought he heard her mutter under her breath.

"Where's Izuna?" he interrupted Hashirama's ardent monologue rather brusquely.

"Eh… arguing with Toka. In the kitchen. Best not disturb them, the sexual tension is fluttering in the air," Hashirama smirked. "Oh, and Izuna's invited a few of your cousins, this chick called Naori, Setsuna, Itsuko and eh… yeah."

Madara nodded and approached the kitchen. Instantly he was engulfed within a horde of screams and shouts.

"Toka! Do you not realize that it's not the brightest idea to have a Sharingan-eye-shaped chocolate on the cake?!"

"It took me five minutes to make that myself, now stop complaining!"

"Don't you realize how creepy it is?! Imagine eating eyeballs!"

"Oh, quit complaining!"

The sound of smashed plates erupted from the other side. Both Toka and Izuna, were obviously unaware of a fuming Madara, perched on the door.

"What is going on?!"

"Nothing," Izuna muttered.

"Yeah, nothing," Toka concurred.

Madara raised his eyebrows in doubt.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing," Toka replied rudely. "Now get out."

~X~

The party was torturous and chaotic, almost half as bad as Izuna's wedding. Part of Madara felt guilty about thinking so; after all he loved Izuna… just not that ridiculously ill-mannered woman that accompanied him 24/7.

Hashirama had ordered a disco ball and a bunch of ludicrous 'singers' donned in pink, fluffy robes, who apparently tried to imitate rabbits.

"They sang for the Daimyo!" Hashirama defended himself multiple times, yet all Madara did was shake his head and drown himself with another shot of whisky. Frustratingly, Hashirama, being Hashirama, misinterpreted that as a sign to initiate a drinking competition.

Shortly afterwards, Madara found himself inebriated, fuzzy and warm in the head, as well as being oddly content with his surroundings. Scrambling his way through the guests, he found his brother, desperately trying to fend off different drinking challengers, including his 'wife'.

"Man Izuna… how's life?" He placed an arm across Izuna's shoulder.

"Good…" Izuna appeared wary; whenever Madara's drunk, fishy things are bound to happen.

"That chick next to you is hot! Can I have her? Look how valuable her assets are!" Madara exclaimed.

"Brother… that's Toka…"

"Who?'

"My wife…"

"Whatever, Izuna. We share lots and lots of things. Our list of co-owned properties goes way back into our childhood, and one more addition would be perfectly fitting."

Quick as a flash, Madara dragged a screeching Toka away, leaving Izuna wide eyed and confounded.

Hashirama/Kagami (Plus a traumatized Tobirama)

"Hey! Hey! Hashi-nii! What's sex?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah what's sex? Izuna-nii said that it's basically similar to how you insert a kunai into the whole of a shuriken…"

"Would you like me to show you?"

Tobirama was jostled out of his miserable reverie by his ridiculously immature big brother and the insufferable Uchiha brat.

"Brother, I'm not sure—"

"Tobirama! Quit being so sullen!"

"Can you show me? Can you show me?"

"Sure!"

"I want a live demonstration!"

"No problem, kid!"

(This section of the text has been censored due to the vivid amount of graphics it encompasses. This story is rated T after all)

"Hashirama, STOP!" Tobirama couldn't stand the blasphemy in front of him anymore. He'd likely spend the rest of the year bemoaning the sheer amount of trauma that had been inflicted on him.

And he thought he had lost his innocence at 6 when he accidently stumbled across his parents doing that.