Ch. 4

"Jack?" Eric was calling out. He couldn't remember what he wanted but he felt that it was important he find Jack. The parking lot was dimly lit and he could still hear the slow music from inside. He scanned the empty lot before eyeing the trees off to the right. No way Jack was there, he hated being outside for short periods of time. Why would he be in the woods?

But their car was still in the lot so where else could he have gone? Eric slowly made a trail through the trees when he noticed a black shoe on the ground. He kept walking and along the way he found a tux jacket, another shoe and a bow tie and even Jack's shirt. He was growing increasingly worried as he kept coming across pieces of Jack's suit but saw no signs of Jack at all.

"Jack? Jack! Where are you?"

"Up here, Eric." A slurred voice from above his head said happily. "S'okay. Everythin's going to be okay in a minute. Everythin's… going to be fine."

Hands, hands all over him but they didn't feel good. They felt wrong, they were holding him down. He kept calling out for Jack, reaching for him blindly in the cold air. He couldn't move his legs and his chest hurt like someone or something was resting on top of him. Someone's voice kept repeating over and over that everything was going to be okay.

But everything wasn't okay and it wouldn't be ever again.

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"Eric. Sweetheart? Wake up." Amy said, shaking Eric's shoulders gently. She hated to wake him up, especially because he looked like he really needed the sleep. But Shawn was letting them visit Jack for the first time since he'd woken up and she doubted Eric would've wanted to sleep anyway.

Eric sat up, resisting the urge to check his shirt like he had so many mornings. "Mom? What are you doing here?"

"Get dressed. We're going to the hospital to see Jack. He woke up." She watched as Eric froze, disbelieving. "Shawn feels that Jack is… ready to have other visitors now." Eric got up slowly and started to get dressed only to decide that he was filthy and his hair was sticking to his neck uncomfortably.

As Amy heard the shower start in the bathroom, she sighed and covered her mouth. She didn't know if this would put Eric together or further tear him apart. Eric was an idiot if he thought she didn't know what had gone on between the two men. She could put things together and she was his mother after all. She only hoped she would eventually be able to get over it and not let Eric push her away further. She just didn't know if he would able to handle this alone.

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Shawn helped Jack sit up and put on his shirt. He was still sore and weak but the lightheadedness had gotten better. He still had trouble grabbing small things like silverware and pens which made it hard to sign things. Sometimes he'd be in the middle of a conversation when a flash of dark woods and the sound of someone's voice talking and then screaming would wash over his senses. They were starting to prolong and bits and pieces had started flowing into his dreams. Shawn still wouldn't tell him despite how desperate his questioning had become. Jack knew Shawn had warned the Matthew's not to tell him anything either. He only hoped Eric would tell him but part of him doubted that. If he'd stayed away when Shawn asked him to, he'd stay quiet because Shawn asked him to. Jack wondered what their relationship would be like now.

"Now remember, if you feel like you can't handle this, they'll be gone before you can blink." Shawn warned, helping Jack lay back. His eyes looked cautious and unyieldingly worried. "And if they ask you something you can't answer-"

"Shawn." He snapped. "Please. You kept everyone away from me for long enough."

Shawn ran a hand through his brown locks and frowned. "I just… love you. I don't want to see you get hurt. You don't know what it was like to see you like that. There was blood everywhere and you weren't breathing on your own and the doctors were shouting all kinds of stuff and everything was going by so fast. I made a promise to you that night that I would do whatever I had to do to make sure I never had to see you like that again. I…" He trailed off and Jack covered his hand with his own.

He smiled sadly. "I know. But they love me too. I'll be fine."

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"And here's Morgan and Cory on the swingset. Cory kept trying to get her to push him higher." Amy said, watching Jack laugh. She noticed that his voice was gruff and edged sometimes in the middle of sentences unintentionally. She'd also noticed how he kept trying to avoid staring in Eric's direction and that Eric was doing the same thing.

Alan wrapped an arm around Amy's waist and put the album away. "Amy, I think he's seen enough pictures. How are you really doing son?"

Jack watched Shawn tense slowly and lean further into the wall. "I'm getting better really. Some days better than others, but Shawn has been great." He gave him a comforting smile and accepted the hug from Mrs. Matthews as best he could. Everything seemed to be going well until Cory asked the question Shawn had been dreading.

"Shawn, why did you keep Eric from coming?" Cory asked, trying to ignore the way the temperature in the room completely dropped. Amy gasped quietly but ducked her sight to her hands in her lap. Alan stared at the window and tried to put himself away. And Eric, Eric looked as if he'd never been more proud of Cory.

Jack didn't say anything because he'd been wondering the same thing. Shawn sensed there was no way to get out of this and eventually answered. "I don't know anything about what was going on or just how bad it got. He built this bubble around Jack and himself and I never saw him. Not even for Christmas. I kept wondering if maybe he'd told me, or you or anyone, it could've been avoided. I wasn't sure then, but I am now. I couldn't be sure if it wasn't-" he swallowed heavily and glanced at Mr. and Mrs. Matthews. "… his fault."

Flashes or not and whether he remember or not, Jack highly doubted this. "You're wrong Shawn. Eric didn't do this to me. He couldn't." He would never hurt me. He told me, Jack left out when Eric had made that promise.

"How would you know? You can't even fucking remember!" Shawn muttered. Amy and Alan stared and Cory looked stricken but not altogether surprised at the outburst. Jack's face took on that blank, flat expression as he laid back and crossed his arms.

i He laughed and the warm hands on his waist shook him playfully. Big, brown eyes brightened and crinkled at the corners. "We should..." Jack trailed off.

"So what." Eric responded and Jack was being pulled off of the dancefloor./i

Jack shook the image away. Shawn was rushing to his bedside trying to apologize. "Jack, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Me too."

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Out in the hallway, Cory tried in vain to talk to Eric. He was banging his forehead against the wall next to the elevator trying to drown the choking sounds. It was obvious he was livid and just wanted to be alone but Cory refused to leave him that way.

He tentatively placed a hand on Eric's shaking shoulder blades only to be pushed off. "Get off of me." He hissed. He resumed the rhythmic beating and when it started to hurt, he ignored the pain. Amy and Alan had no idea what to do and Cory looked conflicted between trying to comfort him again and telling Shawn off for being the cause of this. The only time he could remember feeling this unsure was that night when Shawn had slammed Eric into the wall of Jack's hospital room. He remembers it not for the crack left in the plaster but because he'd noticed that Eric had somehow arrived in the ambulance with an already darkening black eye.

Eric was breaking inside. He felt stupid for it really. Shawn had only said what Eric lay awake at night thinking and telling himself. Cory and his parents and even Mr. Feeny could try to tell him otherwise but nothing would change the fact that what happened to Jack was his fault. He was in so much pain and I didn't know how to help him. Me and my stupid pride.

Amy whispered, "That was uncalled for. I've forgiven him for a lot of things over the years but this? I don't think we should come back."

Alan objected. "No. He didn't mean it. He was just… overwhelmed. Try to imagine what he must be feeling and this is the same hospital."

"I still don't think we should come back—"

"Shut up. Stop acting like I can't hear you. He's right! I did this to Jack. This is my fault and if I could change it, I never would've left him alone that night. He was… he was having problems that I just made it worse. He had so much shit to deal with and… I just gave him more…" his voice broke off and the pain in his throat became unbearable.

The elevator door finally opened and he stumbled inside, closing the doors before his family could say anything. He slid to the floor and managed to press all the floor buttons before burying his face in his knees. He didn't care if he looked like a petulant child at the moment. He kept coming back to Jack. He looked fine. He was breathing, he was even smiling but Eric couldn't shake away the vision of Jack covered in blood and not moving, his body limp and unchanging. He saw it every time he closed his eyes and he heard the sirens in every silence.

Eric resumed banging his head against the wall, his Converse making a slapping sound as he tapped his feet to an unheard rhythm. The doors eventually opened to reveal and mother and child. One look at Eric's reddened eyes and strained face, she nodded and stepped back deciding to wait. Trapping Eric in his nightmares alone again.

Jack watched what little he could of the Matthews through his windows. He knew that if he could just somehow get Eric alone, Eric would definitely tell him what happened. But with Shawn wary to even let nurses touch him, was that possible?