Ch.9
"Jack. You look horrible. What happened to you?" Shawn asked, lifting Jack's chin and staring at the bruised marring his face and the dark circles under his eyes. Shawn hadn't seen Jack in a while. He'd been practically shut up that apartment with Eric, only coming out of it to work and go to classes. And even then, Jack always rushed out of the classes he shared with Shawn that no one really had the time to say anything to him. He looked thinner, looked like he hadn't eaten in weeks.
"I'm fine Shawn. I'm just a bit tired. I've been working and falling behind on my schoolwork. That's all it is. Have you seen Eric?" He stood on his toes, trying to see over Shawn, eyeing the party for the familiar blonde.
"Jack. Don't lie to me. I haven't seen you in months, man. What's up?"
Avoiding again, "Nothing. Now can you please help me find Eric." Jack knew Eric would help him home. He was starting to really feel the effects of the all-nighter he pulled last night. And the night before that. And the night before that.
"Jack, please, just tell me what—" Shawn tried again.
"Eric." Jack cheered, wrapping his arms around Eric. Shawn frowned. He had noticed their sudden closeness but hadn't really put it together properly. Now, watching Jack's arms fluidly embrace Eric's body, Shawn understood.
"Hey. Shawn." He nodded, Shawn took the time to notice that Eric didn't really look much better than Jack. "You ready to go home?"
Jack nodded, leaning his head against Eric's chest. He was really too tired to care what Shawn or the Matthews noticed right now. He'd found himself kissing Eric or touching him more often in public lately. That part of him that cared about keeping up appearances seemed to be wearing away with his fatigue. He just couldn't get himself to care anymore. Not when he was tired and cold and Eric was soft and inviting.
Eric's chin rested on the top of Jack's head as he spoke to Shawn. "I'm going to take him home. Can you tell Cor that we—"
Shawn shook his head. "Eric, I need to talk to you."
Eric frowned, blinking slowly. "Can this wait? He's really—"
"Now." Eric's eyes widened. They stared off for a minute before, with a vague expression of irritation, Eric gently shook Jack off and whispered something to him. Jack nodded and walked away sleepily with car keys in his hand.
"What?"
"He looks like shit." Shawn said bluntly, noting that Eric didn't appear too objective.
"Well you're feeling friendly tonight."
"Eric." Shawn stepped closer to Eric, frustration obvious. "Don't play with me."
"I'm not. He's just been working pretty hard. And he's had trouble sleeping."
"That explains the circles under his eyes but not the bruises. What happened?"
Now Eric looked nervous. He shifted his weight from his let foot to his right and refused to meet Shawn's eye. When he finally spoke again, it was with great reluctance. "That, I can't explain."
"You can't explain? Eric, if you guys are having problems… if you did anything—"
"No! Nothing like that. I would never—how could you think that I would—no. That's ridiculous. I would never hurt Jack."
"Yeah, maybe not intentionally but—"Shawn started, his face quickly becoming flushed.
Eric leaned in closer, his face inches from Shawn's. His eyes intensely sincere. "No, never."
Shawn wasn't hearing him. "Maybe you got in an argument and it got heated. I can understand but you—" Eric shoved Shawn, he stumbled backwards but didn't fall. He looked more surprised than angry.
"I didn't hurt him." He paused, a guilty look shadowed in his eyes. "At least not in the way you think."
"Eric, I'm just trying—"
"Now I've got to get back to Jack. He's too tired to drive home by himself." The skeptical look on Shawn's face suggested he didn't think Eric would be able to make it home much better than Jack would. "You want answers and I can't give them to you."
"Eric." Shawn insisted, realizing he was losing the fight.
"They're not mine to give."
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"Is this payback? Are you punishing me?" He shouted aloud. Jack had managed, with help from Shawn and Cory, get Eric into bed. "Why would you do something so fucking stupid."
Eric winced, but he couldn't answer. His tongue felt glued to the top of his mouth. He managed to get out a stuttered "I'm sorry" through clenched teeth.
"Don't be sorry, explain this to me."
Jack watched Eric struggle for a coherent response. It was a long while before he finally answered through difficult breaths. "Wanted to … stay awake. In case… you came back."
Jack was actually stressed for words. He managed a, "In case I came back… where the fuck was I going to go?" And in response to Eric's confused expression, "You two have kept me prisoner for over a month now. I doubt I have any friends left."
"Your-" Shawn started.
"Yeah, because I was really going to go running back to my stepfather after he cut me off."
Eric shut his eyes and rolled over onto his side, facing the wall rather than Shawn and Jack's argument.
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Eric playfully pushed Jack into the wall behind him. His hands were sneaking into Jack's tux shirt, lingering on the warm skin underneath. His mischievous smirk widened as Jack shivered. He brushed kisses along Jack's neck, the starch of his shirt collar brushing his chin. He could hear the soft sounds Jack was making in his ear.
Jack let his head fall backwards, smiling up at the dimly lit ceiling. Everyone from the party was inside the ballroom. There were in a quiet secluded hallway, the bass of the music making the walls further down shake. Eric pulled back, grinning at the affronted look Jack gave him.
He stopped because he needed to tell Jack how he felt. He thought maybe Jack had guessed at some point, but he needed to say it. He needed to hear and feel the way the words sounded coming from his mouth. Jack tilted his head to the side, a bemused look coming over his face. Distracted, Eric whispered the words before he had even realized they'd crossed his mind. "Do you know what you do to me?"
Jack froze, a sudden tension arising between them. Jack's face seemed to wash away, leaving a twisted, distorted version in its wake. An ugly, gut-wrenching rage, turning Jack's face into a fierce pained expression. For a brief moment, Eric was more afraid than he could ever remember being before in his life. "Jack?" He moved to brush Jack's arm but he jerked away as if he'd been burned.
"Get the fuck away from me." He shoved away from the corner and Eric and turned the corner before Eric could stutter another word. It was only as Eric followed Jack into the ballroom that he realized what he'd done wrong. He sighed, smacking his head into the wall. "Christ."
"Jack. Jack. I'm sorry, will you talk to me?" Eric asked, following Jack as he drunkenly maneuvered his way around the desert table.
Jack shook his head childishly. "Nope. I'm tired of being your plaything."
"Jack. You're not—" He tried to grab his arm again but Jack laughingly jerked away from him, almost stumbling onto a seated elderly couple.
"Don't touch me."
"Jack, if you just let me—"
Jack laughed harshly. "Let you what? Grope me? Fuck me? Or do you just want to 'talk' to me again?" He spat, stopping Eric's ministrations. "Cause obviously that didn't work out too well the last time."
"Jack." He tried hopelessly as the younger man was swept into the crowd. "Jack!" Bodies tall and short, old and young blocked his view of the shorter, drunken man. He hurried as fast and as rudely as possible to get through to Jack who was shoving his path to the double doors. When Eric finally caught up to Jack outside in the parking lot, he was out of breath and flushed.
"Jack, I didn't mean to say what I said. I wasn't thinking." Eric gasped, trying to breath steadily.
Jack glared at him, eyes glassy. "You never do."
"Jack, please. If you just talk to me, I can explain." Eric swallowed, having finally caught up to Jack outside in the parking lot.. "What I mean to say is that—"
Suddenly Jack gripped the front of Eric's suit and jerked him forward into Jack's chest. He crashed their lips together, teeth gnashing Eric's bottom lip. His hands quickly traveled into Eric's shirt and along the curve of his waist. Jack met his hips with his own and seemed to bite harder at the sounds Eric made. His hands were so swift, movements so sure and despite the situation, Eric felt his body start to respond. He soon met the intensity of the kiss and matched Jack thrust for thrust. Jack started to unbutton his shirt, he whispered words that blended into the violent kiss.
"See, this is what you want. This is what you want from me." Eric's eyes snapped open and he finally saw the pain in Jack's features. He tried to halt Jack's ministrations only to find himself being slammed into the concrete wall of the building.
"Jack. Jack, stop." Eric said between breaths. "You don't want this."
At these words, Jack shoved him back, hard into the wall. "How do you know what I want?" He snarled. "You don't know anything about me." He made a move to shove Eric again and swallowed a scream when Eric caught his hands.
Eric held on as tight as he could, looking Jack straight in the eye. "I know that I love you. I also know that the Jack I love would never hurt me."
"This Jack you love isn't real. He was perfect and I'll never be perfect."
Eric reached for his wrist again but Jack was faster. He threw a fist into Eric's face and hurried to his feet. He raced toward the woods, his tuxedo jacket trailing behind him.
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"I just wanted to stay awake. I took a shower to stay awake. I didn't know what to do. I woke up and you weren't there. I felt like it was all gong to happen again." Eric whispered, aware that Jack could barely hear him. He eyed the skeptical look on Jack's face. "I wasn't trying to kill myself. I'm not you."
Jack's eyes darkened and he withdrew all contact with Eric. "That's for damn sure. At least people trust that you won't do something stupid when you're out of their line of sight for more than a minute. God forbid I swallow dishwashing liquid or cut myself with a box cutter. You should probably move me to a safe room. I don't think I could stop myself; there's so many things I could swallow or burn myself with."
"Jack-" Eric started, regret showing on his stiff features. He wasn't shivering but he should've been.
"No." He leaned in closer to Eric's bed. "Eric, I leave for an hour and you freak out." He shook his head, looking around the bedroom. "I just don't know. I don't think this is going to work. Not if you don't trust me. I'll… I'm just going to pack up some of my stuff and I'm going to stay with Shawn for a while." Eric winced, not even bothering to hide the fear in his eyes. Jack lowered his head, studying his running shoes. He couldn't keep speaking when Eric looked so pained.
"Jack, it's not that I don't trust you. I just don't know how to help you—"
"You mean you don't know how to control me. Crazy Jack, right? Can't control him. Can't save him from himself." He kissed Eric briefly on the lips before slipping out of the room, swallowing hard at Eric desperate grasping fingers. "Well you don't have to work so hard anymore."
Eric sat there for a moment, listening to every sound Jack made throughout the apartment. "Jack! Please!" A quiet click as the front door closed.
Cory waited approximately twenty minutes before daring to check on Eric. He felt like he should've waited longer. Seeing Eric return to his former self, seeing the similar shadows haunting his face made Cory wish Jack had never woken up in the first place.