((Chapter heading's from Never Go Back by Evanescence. Quote is taken out of context.))

Chapter 14

The Only World I've Ever Known

The night was moonless, the clouds hiding the stars. Sirendor couldn't see further than an arm's length. A sound to his right caught his attention and he stared in the direction, wondering if Varilia would look for him if he didn't show up for their first lesson. She had given him her silver dagger, telling him to keep it with him just in case. She had also destroyed any illusions he might have had about monsters staying away from a city.

That night, she had told him that he was most likely to run into more necrophages or vampires. Everything else was significantly rarer in a larger settlement. Should he venture into bogs and forests, he would encounter other things vaguely resembling insects or spiders, only a lot larger than them.

No other sound came, and Sirendor continued walking. He saw the movement in the last possible moment and simply let himself fall to the floor. Whatever it was followed his movement, impossibly fast, keeping him down. Sirendor reached for the dagger and got it, lashing out wildly and hitting nothing. With a hiss, the thing vanished into the dark, leaving him scrambling back to his feet with his heart beating wildly.

Cautious, listening to any possible sound and looking over his shoulder, he moved on. He could already see the house when a hand grabbed his wrist so hard he let go of the knife while the other closed around his throat. 'You are dead, Sirendor Larn.' A chuckle, and the pressure left him. 'Or you would be, if I were a threat to you.'

Still scared, he turned and glared at Varilia. 'What the hell was that about?'

'I want you to be reasonably frightened. You need to understand that monsters are not something that you can ever underestimate, even for a second. Come with me. We will talk, and then you will learn.'

When they reached Varilia's home, Sirendor was feeling marginally less unnerved by his host. She had made her point: If she wanted him dead, there was nothing he could do, silver or no silver. 'I think I can just as well go back,' he said. 'I don't stand a chance. Ever. I need to become a witcher.'

Varilia tutted. 'No, Sirendor. You can't. Only little children stand a chance to survive the transformation.'

He shrugged. 'Well, I think even if I take my chances I'm more likely to survive. You made that abundantly clear.'

'It isn't just mutations, you know. It is technique and knowledge. You cannot learn to fight like a witcher, you are too old. But you can learn the weaknesses of post-conjunction creatures, so-called monsters, and use them.'

'You told me. Silver. But I didn't even get to use that dagger.'

'No. Because you don't know anything else you can do to someone like me.' She rested against the back of her chair, her legs crossed. Her hair was cropped short, the finely cut features androgynous and fitting with her physique. Like Regis, she was very slender. Perhaps a vampire-thing. 'Fire, for example. A grenade would work wonders. If you hear something and are positive it is a vampire and throw a grenade at them, your chances to do significant damage are very high.' She smiled. 'And even if it's a ghoul and not a vampire, you will still find that the effect is beneficial. For you. Not so much for the ghoul. Wraiths, too. In fact, there are very few things that aren't hurt by fire.'

'Wraiths? Please say you're kidding.'

'I'm afraid I'm not. But your chances to run into them are slim. If you do, try and flee. Silver works, but only to a point. They aren't all that solid.'

'Figures, seeing how they're wraiths.'

Varilia laughed. 'Indeed. What you need to do is learn to incapacitate your enemy, or at least damage it. A burning monster is slowed and frightened. With any luck, it will flee. If it attacks rather than that, you can deflect it with your sword. And move in with the dagger to finish it. Don't try to fight fairly. You will die.'

'I realised.' He ran a hand through his hair. 'I still think I'm a goner if I try and fight these things. It makes sense that you'd need a mutant.'

'Not only witchers face monsters and live,' Varilia said. She sighed and leaned forwards, her elbows on her knees. 'Huntsmen know how to kill our kind, some of them are quite effective. And there are others, too, knights that refuse to even be paid for removing threats to humanity. Let's go out of the city, to the river. You will kill your first monsters. Have no fear, you will never be alone. I shall be only a split second away, ready to step in if things get out of hand. Do you trust me sufficiently?'

Sirendor thought about it only for a moment. 'Yes. I do, Varilia. Let's go kill stuff.'

Ϡ

The gentle splashing of the water was soothing, lulling Sirendor into a sense of security he knew was false. 'What do we expect?' he asked, his voice hushed.

'Drowners. Vicious ones. A long time ago, criminals were thrown off the bridge there into the river with their arms and legs tied. A cruel death creating cruel monsters. They have no rest. And they have a hunger impossible to satiate.' Varilia spoke normally. Apparently her concern to draw their attention was limited.

'And I am to do what with them?'

'Approach the water. They will be prowling the shore. Take this.' She handed him a glass vial. 'It will shatter, and the contact with the air will set the substance inside ablaze. Perhaps the one or other will die outright, the rest will be frightened.' She placed a hand on his arm. 'Remember, Sirendor. I am here. You may not see me, but I am here and I will not let you die.'

He nodded. 'Right.' Clutching the vial firmly in his hand, he inched closer to the murmuring river. Slowly, his eyes were getting adjusted to the dark. He wished he had a witcher's potion, but according to Varilia he would die as soon as he drank one of them. It seemed this simply wasn't to be.

When Sirendor saw movement near the water, he stopped dead. Surely they must have heard him. But it didn't seem so. They were wandering aimlessly, not even looking in his direction. He estimated the distance and realised he had no hope to throw the vial so far with any accuracy. He had to be closer.

He didn't get far. After a few paces, one of the creatures let out a shriek and started in his direction. Not overly fast but determined, the wet sinewy body glistening in the scarce light. The Garonin had been worse. It struck him with the force of a hammer that this thing was mindless, or close to, not like the calculating creatures with their horrible weapons. This thing might not feel the sting of steel, but it was pure instinct. He was more than that. Aiming quickly, Sirendor threw his vial at the closest enemy. It wailed, a horrible sound, and tried to get back to the water. It fell before it got close. The small explosion had injured two more of them, leaving only one that was unharmed and approaching. Grinning, Sirendor drew his sword. As they came closer, the stench of rotten flesh assaulted his senses, but in the end, they were just that: flesh. And flesh could be cut.

The first drowner to reach him lashed at Sirendor. He blocked the weaponless arm automatically with the sword and registered that indeed it didn't do much damage. There must be more to these things than being reanimated bodies, something that gave them an unnatural resilience.

Watching one of the wounded monsters try and flank him, Sirendor took half a step backwards. 'Come on, get me!' He didn't expect them to understand him, and it had nothing to do with him speaking Balaian. The closer drowner raised both arms to hit him, and Sirendor held his sword high to catch the blow. Considering the creature's height and built, its strength was incredible, but he had expected that. Letting the force bend his knees, he moved in closer and buried the dagger in the drowner's side where the liver was – if these things had one.

The small blade bit deep into the monster's flesh, and it fell to the ground squirming for a few heartbeats before it stilled. The second and third drowner were both close now but cautious. Sirendor ducked a blow from the one to his left and tackled it, hurling it bodily to the ground. He saw the other following quickly but ignored it for the moment aside from raising his sword hand to protect his head and neck from the claws. The moment he slashed his dagger over the fallen drowner's neck, he felt sharp teeth biting into his lower right arm. Yelling fury at the creature, he pushed to his feet and finished it by ramming the silver blade into its exposed throat. Only now he took the time to look at the carnage he had wrought. He could be content.

Ϡ

'Brilliant. Hilarious, even!' He hardly felt the bite in his arm that Varilia was tending to with mixed concern and amusement.

'These things aren't exactly clean, you know. We need to go home, I'll disinfect the wound.'

'But it works!'

'Yes. It works. But you were reckless.' She poured a sharp smelling liquid over the wound and wrapped a piece of cloth around his arm. It was certainly tighter than it had to be and now it did hurt like hell. 'You could have evaded.'

'Yes, but …'

'If that thing had been a cemetaur, you'd be dead or at least dying fast.'

'You said you weren't going to let me die.'

Varilia threw her arms in the air. 'Yes! And I thought drowners were a good thing to start with because they aren't all that powerful.'

'Look. It's like that. Sometimes you get injured in a fight. It's the same with humans. Sometimes you catch a blow, sometimes to finish an enemy you have to.'

Varilia closed her eyes and shook her head. She stared at him and swallowed. 'Yes. My fault. I should have told you. Let's walk.' She waited until he fell into step beside her. 'It's good that you weren't too scared to face them. Also the way you fought, using the sword to keep them away and the dagger to kill them were excellent. You know what you're doing, I can see that.'

'There's a but coming up.'

'Yes. A big one.' She placed a hand on his arm and stopped him, looking at his face. She was within an inch of his height, tall for a woman. 'Some monsters are highly toxic. Not drowners, but even ghouls are hazardous. A bite can have serious consequences including a sepsis that could very well kill you. Others … if you get bitten no-one will be able to save you unless there's a mage standing right next to you, able to cast cleansing and healing spells within the minute. You can't fight them like humans. You must be careful. Very careful.'

Sirendor looked at the makeshift bandage. 'Understood. Next time.'

'Good. I want you to take on something bigger next time. A ghoul.'

'And here I thought you didn't plan my death.'

'I'll be with you. I don't look like much of a fighter, but I can defend you all right. But you need to be more careful.'

Ϡ

Ilkar shook his head at the innkeep offering a refill of his wineglass. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Thaler rise from the table he'd shared with Regis and rush out. Frowning, he walked over. 'What was that about?'

'The usual.' Regis rubbed the bridge of his nose. 'One day my control will slip, one day I'll forget myself and drink every last drop of blood from her. I'll be responsible for her death and he will see that I am hunted down.'

'Well. How can you be sure you won't?'

Regis looked at him. 'I care about her. And I have gone without blood for a very long time.'

'Yet you've slipped before.'

'Yes. In a battle with too much blood everywhere. And I didn't hurt my friends. I hurt their enemies. I knew what I was doing. Even when I was drunk I knew enough not to harm them.' He lowered his voice. 'You have no idea how that … lapse haunts me. I will not allow that to happen again. I will avoid getting in any such situation, and if I can't avoid it I'll have to do whatever it takes to stay in control. I cannot kill this way. I cannot lose that war against myself. But I know I would never hurt Shani.'

'Just how old do vampires get, Regis?'

'Very.'

'You'll outlive her by a very long time, then. Doesn't that bother you?'

The vampire frowned. 'Why are you trying to dissuade me? Thaler is extremely protective because she saved his life. And you?'

'I have … cause to ask such a question. You see, I will outlive my human friends as well.'

'Parting with friends is hard. Parting with someone you love is a different matter entirely.'

'Get out of my head.'

'I wasn't in it, but you just answered a question I didn't even ask. Let me answer yours. Let's assume that she really wants this … me. Wants to be with me, and wants that for life. You never know that, do you? But let's assume it. It will be incredibly hard because she'll grow old and frail, and knowing her, she'll try to send me on my way. I'll have to make sure she understands that I knew what I was getting myself into from the start. And when she dies …' He swallowed. 'When she dies, I'll have to deal with that. Somehow. One day after the other until time makes it bearable.'

'You didn't say until time heals the wound.'

Regis smiled vaguely. 'I don't think that is possible.'

'Is that worth it, Regis?'

The vampire contemplated a spot on the wall for almost a minute. 'Yes,' he said then. 'It is worth it.' He shook his head almost fiercely. 'But that will be then. This is now. I refuse to mourn her while she is so young.' He tilted his head. 'What about you? You seem to have someone in mind, judging from your reaction. Does that person know?'

'No. And that won't change. It's probably the worst idea I've had in my life.'

'Why?'

'None of your business.'

'True. But you should answer it for yourself. This feeling doesn't just go away, I can tell you that much.'

'I know. It hasn't so far.'

'Been there long?'

'Longer than I care to admit. But it's moot.'

'I think you should, when you have the peace of mind, run the mental experiment what the worst outcome if you tried would be. But there is something else I have to tell you. Thaler … well. How do I say that without sounding obnoxious? Thaler doesn't like Thraun and Will much.'

Ilkar grinned. 'Will's an acquired taste.'

'Is he?'

The elf's ears pricked. 'Look here. You admitted that you read our minds. I'm sure you picked something up.'

'I picked up that he is a marked man, but that was all and that isn't Thaler's problem. He can't read minds, you know, and I am not going to tell him what I know about any of you. No. Thaler's problem is that they are an item, and he isn't alone in that. I've met enough Balaians to know that you don't give a damn about that. But here, people tend to get violent.'

'That a threat, Regis?'

'Ah. So careful, and still I gave the wrong impression. Quite the contrary. It's a heads-up. Thaler's harmless. He'll scoff and glower but that's all. But next time it may not be me the angry mob is after. You can either tell them to keep their relationship secret, or you should be prepared to protect them. Prepared to step in if someone decides the sinners must die. We have religious fanatics, you never know what gets into their heads. Trust me, I've met some. I'll warn them.'

'Rather you than me. They love each other. How's that something that needs hiding?'

'Humans are strange beings, Ilkar. They have prejudices, in case you didn't notice. It isn't in the nature of a prejudice to be rational or fair.'

'You know, I thought Balaia was bad.' Ilkar shook his head. 'But here … even Erienne and Shani. I've seen the looks they get. Looks that say very clearly what would happen if these two weren't the women they are. Just how common is rape here?'

Regis's expression was full of disgust. 'You don't want to know. A woman is nothing. A woman who fights like Erienne … Well, I'm not too worried about her ability to hold her own, but she, too, should be on the lookout.'

'For what crime?'

'The crime of being female and not staying at home to raise a horde of children. Not that this would be any protection, mind you.' Regis leaned closer. 'You've come to a dangerous world, but that doesn't mean that you have to sit tight and do nothing that might be the best thing ever in your life because someone else could take offence. Find the courage, Ilkar. Face what you want, and see what happens. Maybe you are right and the answer is no. But maybe you'll be surprised.' He smiled. 'Trust a love-sick vampire. Who'd be better to advise you?'