"The rules of fair play do not apply in love and war." - John Lyly

Chapter 26

Elizabeth walked quickly to her father's book room. Her father was found within, as she anticipated; however, after a brief greeting, Elizabeth was confident that her father would leave her be. She had considered retreating to her room, but silence was rarely found there when Kitty and Lydia were at home as they were today.

Elizabeth's hands shook as she opened the envelope. She was surprised to feel that the letter was several pages, much longer than any that had been exchanged in the past. With some trepidation, she commenced reading.

Dear Elizabeth,

I will not delay for a moment…my brother confirmed that he is happy for us to continue our correspondence and friendship! I hope that you find the same relief upon reading this as I found in hearing his response. I greatly value your friendship and would be grieved indeed if it were now lost to me.

I know that you do not wish for me to inquire as to what transpired between you and my brother but please forgive me for writing the following. My brother would not break your confidence as to your last meeting in Hunsford; however, he did make it clear that he was solely to blame for your argument. I hope that you are able to find it in your heart to forgive Fitzwilliam. I cannot fathom what my brother could have done to cause such discord; however, I know that he is feeling the effects of his poor actions. I hope that my sisterly interference does not pain you and will now say no more on the subject.

On to lighter topics, I was able to visit the bookstore you recommended near my modiste last week…

Elizabeth let out a sigh of relief. She was both fearful and hopeful when she received a response from Georgiana so quickly. After Mr. Darcy's confusing behavior at Hunsford, Elizabeth did not know what to expect from him. He claimed affection for her, love even! Elizabeth could not understand what he hoped to achieve from testifying such emotions after the reprehensible things he said to her.

The weeks after her return home had been difficult. She was unable to focus on any tasks without her mind drifting back to her time in Hunsford. Mr. Darcy's behavior and subsequent attack on her character had caused more than just anger. It brought to light that Elizabeth's own feelings had been engaged more than she cared to own. Unfortunately, she was forced to acknowledge this when the pain of Mr. Darcy's accusations caused her heart to hurt long after the event.

Elizabeth shook her head slightly to clear away such painful thoughts and continued to read news from Georgiana. Her friend's words even brought a smile to her face which was not a common occurrence since her return. As she continued to read, Elizabeth was surprised to see the closing at the bottom of the second page of the letter.

The thickness of the letter was explained as Elizabeth discovered a sealed envelope between the pages of Georgiana's letter and a blank sheet. Laying the completed two pages aside, Elizabeth was perplexed as she inspected the enclosed envelope. Why would Georgiana not allude to an additional letter? Especially, considering the letter that Elizabeth just read was recently dated. Her curiosity piqued, Elizabeth opened the seal and glanced at the letter.

Immediately, she realized that this letter was not from Georgiana. The writing was decidedly masculine. A glance at the signature revealed what she deemed impossible. Two letters in elegant script…FD. Mr. Darcy had written to her! Elizabeth could not stifle her gasp.

"Are you well, Lizzy?" Her father inquired.

Elizabeth quickly glanced up. She had completely forgotten that her father was in the room.

"Yes, father. Just a letter from Miss Darcy. Perhaps, I will finish reading it in my room so that my ill-timed outbursts do not disturb you, Papa." Elizabeth smiled at the end in what she hoped appeared a good humor.

"You are never a bother to me, my Lizzy. Even with your ill-timed outbursts. However, young women must have their secrets so you may go to your room to fully immerse yourself in youthful silliness."

Elizabeth chuckled and gathered the letters, careful to conceal the second envelope from her father. With a quick curtsey and a kiss to her father's cheek, she walked as slowly as her nerves would allow to her room.

As soon as she reached her room, she gently closed the door. Her relief was great to find that none of her young sisters appeared to be about. Her hands shook as she once again opened the letter from Mr. Darcy.

Dear Miss Bennet,

I hope that this letter finds you well and that you will pardon my presumption in the sending of it. You once said that you were doomed to embarrass yourself whenever we met; I fear, that I am doomed to break the rules of propriety. This letter is just further proof of that truth. However, my feelings are such that I could not continue without doing all within my power to atone for my deplorable conduct.

If you are generous enough to read this, I hope to explain what brought on my actions that day by the stream. I must begin by explaining that I have long been struggling with my feelings towards you. Early in our acquaintance, you intrigued me. It was not long before I felt a firm friendship with you. Somewhere along the way, the feelings grew stronger…much stronger. I do not say this to make you uncomfortable but only to convey why certain things affected my state of mind so powerfully.

You may know that my aunt has long harbored hopes of an alliance between her daughter and myself. It is my belief that she observed my preference for you and sought to poison my opinion of you by appealing to my greatest fears. You have observed how I am hunted when in Town. I cannot express to you how relieved I was this past Season to have you by my side without fear of entrapment. Although I know my aunt's motives for interfering, I struggled all night to reflect on our interactions and attempt to determine if there was any merit to such accusations. I am sorry if this gives you pain. That is not my intention but only to explain why I acted the way that I did.

The morning that I met you by the stream, I had had few hours of sleep and my thoughts were a muddle. Although I did not know how to proceed in our friendship, my heart was determined that you alone can bring me felicity. I have not previously known the level of jealousy that overcame me at your innocent comment regarding my cousin. This does not excuse my hurtful response and I apologize again. You could not have known how I envy the Colonel's ease in company and affable manners.

When I unintentionally mentioned Wickham's name and saw that you knew who I was referring to, something in me snapped. My utter heartbreak at the thought that you were not who I thought you were sent me to a very dark place. The result was that I hurt my friend, a woman I esteem and respect. I regret my actions that day more than any other in my life.

I hope that, in time, I can become the man that you lost that day. A man that you can call friend.

F. D.