_Author's Note_

Hey guys! Thanks so much for reading! My views are as high as ever and it makes me so happy! I just wanted to remind you, you can leave comments/reviews, and are strongly welcomed to, I don't usually bite, ;) I love reading them! :D Also, don't forget my invite to make some epic fanart, I know our SPN Family has some crazy talented artists. :)

Hope you enjoy this chapter! :)

~ WaywardSiren98

_Chapter 8_

"Paid Emna"

Sam

Cas gently let a sleeping Trinity lay back down. He looked at her for a little while longer. It was completely silent now. Then he slowly lifted his head to meet our eyes. He looked furious. I quickly and angrily walked over to us and broke the metal cuffs holding us in the air against the wall. "How could you let this happen?"

We dropped to the floor and rubbed our wrists. He turned and walked back to Trinity who hadn't moved. We followed, stepping over Asmodeus, whose eyes were burnt out and mouth was hanging open, pooled with steaming blood. I watched him and I stepped over him, "We tried Cas, you have to know that. He was more powerful than we thought he would be, and he knew we were here."

He picked her up under her knees and shoulders, her one arm around his neck, the other dangling in front. She looked so beat up and tired. "I'll be at her apartment. Meet me there," and with that and the gust of his invisible wings, Dean and I were left alone in the torture chamber.

Dean was silent the whole ride back.

Cas

I placed Trinity's limp body on the bed. Even though I healed her, I couldn't heal her demonic and angelic wounds. For some reason, I wasn't able to, it might have something to do with the combination of the three bloods. I'm not sure.

She looked so broken, like she was just a normal human. I was proud of her though, she was able to keep her powers at bay. Although I had the feeling it was because she was so weak in that moment.

I inspected her. She had many cuts and claw marks, all rimming with burns. I've never seen anything like it. It had to be an effect of the angel blade and his nails, there must have been something in him. Even though I have all of my memories back and everything I felt for her, not romantically, but paternally, protectively, and they were restored to how it was last year when she wrote those letters, so much was still unexplained. What happened between then and now, it was an eight month difference. I wonder if there were more. I looked down at her one more time, she was sound asleep, like she needed to be.

I knew it would take a while for the boys to get back, so I went back over to her desk and picked up the box of letters that I had dropped earlier. I sat down on the edge of her bed and began to search through what I had read and what I hadn't.

"September, October, November, December…" I mumbled to myself fingering through her collection. Then I found a few more, not many, but hopefully enough to clarify things I didn't remember, like why I had forgotten in the first place.

January

"This is too dangerous. Be strong and I will see you again." That's what he said. What did he mean. It was cold in my apartment, they shut off my heat. I've been a nervous wreck, terrified of every little thing that could set me off. Flinching at every little sound and movement of the wind. I was sitting in the corner of my room shaking under a blanket, aching from putting my will to let my wings out down. I just kept muttering his last words to myself over and over again. Then the curtain blew and I looked up from my upwards fetal position and saw him there, sitting on the corner of my bed. I'm sure I looked insane, sitting in the dark, cold corner of my room, rocking back and forth, clutching my head, and muttering to myself while shivering and convulsing.

"Hello, Trinity," Castiel said with a kind smile.

"You're back."

"Yes, the other angels don't know I'm here. I've already caused a lot of trouble up there. They don't like me conversing with you."

"Why?"

"Because you're powerful, dangerous."

"I know, but that's why I need you."

"I know," he looked down at the floor. I ran over to him and hugged him. I don't know why. But I think it was because he was the only thing that was actually there for me, and still is. He comforted me. He even saved my ass multiple times now.

I pulled back and his face made me smile. He actually made me smile. "It's a hug, Castiel."

He somewhat smiled too, "I know, it just surprised me. And you can call me Cas, other people do."

I sat down beside him. His body had warmed me instantly and his angelic aura lightened the room just the slightest. "Cas?"

"Yes?"

"You are going to help me, right?"

"That is why I have come back, isn't it?"

I leaned my head on his shoulder. And we just sat there awkwardly for a long time.

It was beautiful.

I smiled while reading this one. I made her happy, even in the darkest of times. That brought me joy. The next one was in the same month.

January

Cas, my angel, has been visiting me for the past few weeks, daily. It's been 18 days since I wrote last. I haven't needed to. Cas ha been here for me. Teaching me ways to handle my abilities and control them as much as I can. We've talked about flying, letting my wings extend without calling on my powers, talking to each other through the Angel Radio System, how I can speed up my own healing if I have enough power, as well as my other "gifts" as he calls them. He would come back with information he got from a demon here and there on that section of me. He would personally teach me my angel abilities and he would write down what he learned from the demons and read it to me. We would have practice sessions and often times just chat. It was the happiest and safest I've felt in the longest time.

One day he came to me with an eager face, his eyes excited, almost animated, his dark, black hair tousled.

"I want you to come with me."

He grabbed my hand, "Wait, where?" I giggled.

"I have a surprise. Do what I've taught you," he meant my newly found skills of flying. I rolled back my shoulders and my wings burst out, without pain now, and I think it still made him nervous sometimes that they were so strange, but he gave me kind eyes, "Are you ready?"

"Do I have a choice?" I chuckled. He let his wings out and we teleported via Angel Wing Highway. I had gotten used to the strange sensation of constantly falling and soaring, twisting and turning.

When we landed we were in an abandoned warehouse with all but one light broken. "Cas… where are we?" I warily checked out our surroundings.

"Come with me," he took my hand again and took me to an isle where the lone light was shining.

I gasped. He had someone bound in chains in the center of a demon trap sigil painted on the dusty floor.

"Well, hi there beautiful, you think you could talk some sense into your friends there, I did nothing wrong," the man who wore a business suit and had a small line of blood dripping from the side of his mouth, looked at me with suave eyes.

I looked up at Cas, "Why'd you bring me here?"

"I want you to practice. You haven't yet and you need to."

"Practice what?"

"Exorcising."

"Wait… what…"

"It'll be okay. Trust me."

"I do, you know that,"

"Then what are you afraid of? Hurting him?" he gestured to the tied up demon.

"Of course not."

"Nice to meet you too," demons… always so freaking sarcastic.

"What if I mess up?"

"Then I'm right here with you," he put a hand on my shoulder and bent his head down and looked up at me reassuringly.

"Okay."

"Now just take your time and go through the steps just like we talked about," he nudged me forward. I nodded and took a few deep breaths.

I held out my hand and my index finger pointed out with the others hanging below. I closed my eyes and pulled on my thoughts. I began thinking of the exorcism chant in my head. The demon in front me began gagging and cursing me. But then I felt blood start down from my nose, my mind began to clog and jumble. I opened my eyes and inhaled sharply. Dropping both of my hands down to my knees, I tried to catch my breath, Cas rushed over. I swiped above my lip and my hand came away red.

I looked up at the angel by my shoulder. "This isn't supposed to happen, right?"

"No, but you just need to use a little more power, it's okay. Try your wings, I know I've taught you you don't need them, but you can use them."

I nodded again and rolled my wings out, surprising the demon.

"Woah… what even are you?" he asked staring at me with a disgusted tone.

"Your worst nightmare." I smirked at him and let my wings fill me with the power I needed, closed my eyes, held out my hand and instead started saying the chant aloud for good measure, "Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica..." and then transitioned into my head. I felt powerful and then I could feel the demon inside this meat suit being forced out, energy surged through me and I finished the chant in my head and closed my hand quickly and jolted it up, like I pulled on the rope he was attached to. I opened my eyes and the man's head was drooping, but I could sense his heartbeat.

"How was that?"

"Impressive," Castiel nodded once.

"How'd you like the Batman quote?" I smiled at him, proud of my work both quotation-wise and my ability to exorcise.

"I didn't understand that reference, but it seemed appropriate enough," he slightly chuckled.

"So," I looked over at the sleeping business man, "what do we do with him?"

"I'll take care of it. Can you make it home on your own?"

I looked at each of my wings, flapping them, and then back at Cas, "I think I can handle it," I winked and hopped on the highway.

I smiled remembering this. She was so proud, I was too. She was finally learning how to control them. Our lessons and meetings were going so well, we became so close, she was like a little sister. But then, wait, not long after this, she had a downfall… but when? Oh, yes, April. I picked the next letter up…

April

I had been praying to Cas all night long. It was getting bad, I wasn't able to control it anymore, even trying all of the things that he had told me to do to keep it bay. But something snapped, I literally felt something inside me tug and tug and tug, until finally it felt like someone was holding a rubber band in my core and pulled it tight, but then someone cut it. It hurt. It it hurt so bad. I prayed and prayed, but he wasn't showing up. I became desperate, I started shouting his name, over and over again.

My neighbors began hearing, they knocked on my door, I screamed to go away, but that made them more worried. They brought the police.

The next thing I knew, I was sitting in a puddle of blood in the empty lobby of my apartment building, five cops and four neighbors. All innocent people again. I killed, again.

I sat there, staring at the blood splattered wall, covered in the red, sticky substance, my ears ringing, my body aching, constantly shivering, from nerves and the sheer energy and power coursing through my very being.

"Trinity… what happened…?" I heard from behind me.

"Where were you?" I asked Cas not looking away from the wall, not even moving.

"Look at me…"

I slowly turned and our expressions became the same. Shock, horror, sadness. Mine was covered in these humans' blood and his was his own.

"The angels, found out, that I've still been contacting you, teaching you," he cough and blood dripped from his lips, "I'm sorry, I heard you," he staggered to me, "I tried to come, I heard you, I promise, I tried, I heard," he fell to his knees, his eyes slightly rolling back, head lulling.

With as much effort as I could, I put my hands on the side of his face, and he did the same. "We're here now though, right? We've got each other," I repositioned my right hand behind his neck.

He then let a melancholy look wash over him, "Trinity, they will kill us if we keep this going."

My eyes widened, no, he couldn't leave me, I couldn't be on my own again, "No, Cas, no, I need you."

"I know," he coughed more blood up, adding to the sticky puddle we were kneeling in, "I need you to be strong, I need you to be safe, because I will see you again, I promise, I kept my word last time, didn't I?"

"Yes, but Cas, what if this," I gestured to the corpses around us, "happens again. I can't keep killing people, but it keeps happening!"

He brought our foreheads together, for support mostly, he was so weak, but for compassion as well, "I'm so sorry, this ever happened to you," more coughing, "You have to promise me something, okay?"

"What?"

"You have to always keep fighting, always. Never stop, you're stronger than you think, I know, I've seen it, you're stronger than I am, than anything that will try to bring you down, anything inside of you, your humanity is the strongest blood you have, I don't care what gifts the others give you," he gasped for air, "Promise me, promise me, that when I see you again, you'll still be the same Trinity I care for, the same fighting spirit," he took a shaky breath.

"Cas, please, please, don't go," I was bawling now. Not only was I terrified of what was ahead, but Castiel, my only friend, the only person who cared about me in so long, and so genuinely, was saying his goodbye. I knew he said that he would keep his promise, but the way he was speaking was almost as if, this were a final goodbye, from everything.

We sat there for hours, just holding each other, amidst blood and gore, tears streaking down my face, our hands cupping one another's faces, foreheads leaning against each other, silence ruled over the room. He doubled over in pain and I lifted his face to look at me, how was I being the stable one here? I just killed nine people. But what I saw shock the Hell out of me, the angel that most of the time had a confused, stern look about him, looked heartbroken and then I saw it, the two tears, one from each of his mesmerizing eyes. I pulled him in forcefully for a hug, I didn't want to let go.

Then I heard a soft, barely audible whisper next to my ear, "Don't forget me,"

The very next moment, I was holding nothing but empty air and a single iridescent, black feather.

The angels, I knew it now, they are why I couldn't remember. The memory of it all filled my mind. After I left Trinity, Raphael and Zachariah caught up with me, I was already so weak. They brought me within an inch of my life, literally holding an angel blade to my torso. They then wiped my memory of her completely away. But, they must have only camouflaged it, because as soon as I saw her pinning Dean down, a spark went off in my head and everything she was, she did, she said, kept sending of fireworks in my mind, trying to light up the shadowed image of the Nephilim with demon blood.

But she was so much more than that.

I read the next letter full of sorrow and guilt…

May

Cas was dead. He had to be. Whenever I used to call him and not receive an answer, there would be a fuzzy sound, like a dropped call. But now, it was completely silent, like I was standing over a black abyss. I broke down and didn't leave my room for weeks. The FBI had come to investigate the murders that were committed down stairs. Somehow I wasn't a suspect and the case closed. Two of them looked familiar, but I didn't see them fully, I only heard a snippet of their conversation, and they definitely not real FBI agents, talking about shapeshifters, ghosts, werewolves, and demons.

But I promised Cas one thing, that'd I'd always keep fighting no matter what. And that's what I was going to do.

It was incredibly tough sometimes, I almost broke every other time and I'd think about calling him, but then I'd remember. I'd force myself out of my own head and focus on something simple like counting. Something steady and real. It was like I had schizophrenia or something, I always had to calm myself down. Cas' advice helped me, even though he wasn't there. Oh how I wish he was, is, though. I really miss him. Everyday I have to remind myself that my best friend is gone and there was nothing I could do but sit aside. Cas, if you hear this from whereever you angels go when you die, I just wanted to let you know, I'm doing okay, I've began learning how to hold it down, how to be okay, thanks to you. I miss you Cas, so, so much. Paid emna, my friend…

Paid emna… always here… I taught her that one night in one of our late-night Enochian lessons. It somehow became our saying, when we would say goodbye or when one of us needed a pick-me-up. I think she didn't say it when I left, in hopes that it wasn't really a goodbye. There was only one letter left, I unfolded it gingerly, as though it held the secrets of the universe…

June

I think this is the last letter I'm going to write. Writing them reminds me too much of Cas. I need to get away. Drive, travel. It should be good for me, nothing to set me off. Maybe save a few people as I drive through towns, that'll be good for my conscious. Every now and again, practice my abilities and controlling them, but for the most part, just be a regular hunter, that's the closest thing I can get to being "normal". Hey, myself that's reading this now, stay strong, for Cas, for yourself. Try to think of seeing him again. Okay, … bye.

I closed the last letter. That must have been why she was driving so far out of the way when Sam and Dean crossed her path. I'm so glad they did. I put all of the paper back in her box and dat it down where it was, I went to walk away, but something caught my eye. I glanced over to the center of her desk and there was an open notepad and pen next to it. It had something written on it, not much, but it had me wondering. I picked the pad up and began reading…

Cas is alive. My friend is alive. But he doesn't remember me. It is so painful to see him without recognition in his deep eyes. I don't know what's going on, something big I'm sure. But my savior is back, my angel has come back to me.

I've

And that was where she stopped writing. A smile appeared on my face without even thinking about it. I wondered what she was going to write, I'll have to wait to find out. But I sat the notebook down and walked over to her still motionless, beat up body. I sat down on the edge next to where she was lying. I softly touched the side of her bloodied face with the back of my hand. I thought to myself, Yes, Trinity, I have come back to you.

Out loud I whispered, "I promised I would," I bent down and placed a small kiss on her fevered forehead.