Twenty minutes later they were still sitting, silently, across from each other.

All the while she was trying to find something to say to him but…

He had told her he love her, and she didn't even remember, and now after all this time, this is the way she finds out?

Because he's pissed?

Because he thought she remembered?

She finally gathered herself enough to speak. She needed to say this maybe it could help. Help fix the broken mess that their relationship was in.

"I have never wished for a single moment that I could remember getting shot," she started quietly ", I didn't want to remember the pain of the bullet searing through my body, never wanted to know what it felt like when you tackled me into the grass. I didn't want to know. I was happy that the amnesia took away the pain." She paused letting him think about what she had said.

"But now. Now after you told me that, that you said—that you said you—you loved me." She looked up to meet his eyes. "I wish I could remember. The pain be damned. I want to remember, so badly. But I can't Rick I can't remember and I really wish that I could. I want to remember for you and for me. For us. I want to… I just I can't, but help me. Help me make this better because I can't lose you. I can't Rick."

She heard him sigh and when she looked back up at him his eyes were full of longing. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to take her in his arms and never let go.

But he was scared she wouldn't want him to.

Maybe she had just said she didn't want to lose him, but did that mean she wanted him as a friend or as something more?

He honestly didn't know the answer.

So he continued to sit in silence. Waiting to figure out what move to make.

Waiting.

Always waiting.

After another long moment of silence Kate stood and made her way to the emergency button.

Pressing it in she turned back to him and spoke again.

" I'm sorry Rick, I know I hurt you by not remembering," she paused to take a breath and school herself to hold back the tears ",and I really wish I could change that but I can't and since you obviously can't get past that I think you should just go. We won't be able to do this if you can't forgive me. You and I both know that. So just go home, when you're ready to forgive me—to give me another chance. Just know that I'm waiting."

With that the doors to the elevator opened and she walked out and left him sitting on the floor.

Thirty minutes later Kate was curled up on her couch.

Desperately trying to hold herself together. She hadn't cried yet; she knew that once the tears started they wouldn't stop and she didn't have it in her to do anything other than fight the emotional tidal wave that was pushing against her.

She wished she could sleep.

Just to escape for a little bit.

But her mind was refusing to shut down. To give her any peace.

She would have to do this the hard way.

Standing she made her way to the liquor cabinet.

She knew this was wrong. She knew it wasn't right to drink just to forget.

But she wasn't going to stay sane if she didn't do something soon.

So she took the top off the Tequila and took a swig straight from the bottle. The alcohol burned all the way down her throat as she made her way back to the couch. With the bottle and no glass.

She didn't need one tonight she planned on drinking the whole thing.

He didn't know how he had gotten here. Standing outside of her door.

He didn't remember getting a taxi, or paying the driver, or even the elevator ride up to her door. He just knew he was now standing here and he couldn't bring himself to knock.

He checked his watch; it had been almost two hours since she had stormed away from him and out of the precinct and now..

She told him she would be waiting for him.

Waiting for him to come and do what exactly?

Forgive her? Let him into her life for good? Just stay friends?

He had no clue. No clue.

Just then he heard a loud crash sound from inside her apartment and before he knew what he was doing he pulled the key he had stolen from her two years ago out of his pocket and shoved it into the slot and unlocked the door.

Looking around he didn't see anything at first but stepping into her kitchen he almost broke down with what he saw;

Kate unconscious on the floor, blood flowing freely down her arm, a puddle of what he was sure was strong alcohol surrounding her, and the broken glass of the bottle that had been holding it.

AN: I know I should have had this up here a lot sooner and that it's really short and that I left you with a cliff hanger(I'm a terrible updater if you hadn't already realized) I do apologize and promise the next chapter will be up a lot sooner and it will be longer. Thank you for reading. I apologize for any and all mistakes.

P.S.- HAPPY ZOMBIE CASTLE MONDAY! :D

-Jordan