_Chapter 9_

"Absolution"

Trinity

It was the most peaceful sleep I had ever experienced in my entire existence. When I began to wake up, I didn't want to. But then I felt a calloused hand caress my face, a familiar hand, and then a voice in my head saying, Yes, Trinity, I have come back to you. And right before I felt a soft kiss on my sweaty forehead, there was a voice next to my ear, "I promised I would."

I opened my eyes and blinked, "Cas?"

"I apologize, I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay," I smiled. I tried to sit up but fell back to the bed in pain.

"Hey, take it easy," Cas warned. The events that the day and evening that just passed, began rushing through my head, making me squeeze my eyes shut in horror. "I'm so sorry, this shouldn't have happened to you again."

"Hey, I'm out now. Aren't I?" I tried to be positive, but it was really hard. Tension inside of me was building up, ready to burst. I felt my eyes brimming with tears. "I'm, I'm fine…" there should be a drinking game for every time I say that. But the tears began to fall quickly and heavily. Cas leaned down and hugged me, letting me sob into his shoulder. Some time passed as we sat there, I was being cradled by my best friend, whom I never thought I'd see again, let alone to have him remember me. When my tear ducts ran out, he pulled away some, but left his hand on mine. I tried to get my mind off of it. My eyebrows raised with an excited grin, "Hey, so, you remember?"

"Everything now," he replied with a sad smile.

"How?"

"Your letters. I hope you don't mind."

"No! Not at all, Cas!" I giggled in joy, my Cas was back. I squeezed his hand tight, "I missed you."

"I could tell," he looked back and forth between my face and the floor.

"Cas? Can you do something for me? Can you take that picture of the Winchesters down? I don't want them to see," I pointed and Cas reached up and peeled the tape off and handed the photo to me, still holding my hand with one of his. "Hey, sorry about the whole angel blade thing. It was hard to lie to you, but I could tell you didn't remember, and the truth would've been worse in our circumstance. You remember giving it to me now, right?"

"Of course, it was when I was teaching you how to fight with it. I let you keep it," he had such a sorrowful, reminiscent face at the thought of the memory. "You can have it back when you heal," he gave me a bittersweet smile, placing his other hand on my softly shoulder, I could see it on his face, guilt, surely about a lot of things right now, so I decided to change the topic.

"How are you feeling?" It was a lot for him to take in I'm sure.

"I should be asking you that," he found a loophole.

I appeased him, "As good as you'd expect I guess. I'm just angry more than anything. At Asmodeus, at the angels for hurting you and taking you away from me, at life, at myself, at the Winchesters-"

"They mean well, I promise,"

"I'm sure they do, but it doesn't lessen my feelings of them." I sighed, "Where are they anyway?"

"On the way."

"You left them there?" I had a slight smile that I didn't mean to have. It was just that, I could tell Cas had become like a brother to them and they to him, and he left them there, to get me home.

"They can handle themselves. There was no one else there."

"Dead?"

"Partially, they don't like killing innocent people, despite what you might've heard."

"I suppose I can tell, I sense a righteousness about them, except Sam, he had the demon blood, didn't he?"

"You know about that?"

"Oh yeah, they are certainly a popular topic in our special universe, aren't they."

"You could say that," he looked down at our hands and smirked a bit.

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Don't leave me, ever again, please don't leave me," I pulled him closer by his hand, to which he followed and encircled me in his strong, warm arms once again.

We sat there like that, letting the silence rule us as we just enjoyed each other being here. And then we heard the door open, no speaking, just open and close.

Dean

It was all my fault. I shouldn't have let Sam talk us into it, I shouldn't have gone through with it, I should have protected her, I should've been smarter. It was a silent ride back to Trinity's loft. Even though I didn't trust this girl much, Cas seemed to, he even seemed to know her. It made me a little less weary.

I parked Baby beside the '67 Beetle and thought how in just mere hours, we could go from smiling and talking about our cars, to frustration, pain, and anger. And I knew she was furious, the look she gave me in that chamber just emanated pure rage.

And then Cas even looked at us like we had not only let her down, but him as well. They had a history, I was sure of it. But how?

Sam opened the door and entered first. We sat our things down by her closet in the entryway. I headed straight to the table chairs. I sat and put my head in my hands. I let too many people down.

"Hey," I felt my brother's hand on my shoulder, "It's not your fault, Dean."

I huffed in disbelief and disagreement.

"If it's anyone's fault, It'd be mine. I'm the one who made us go. I should've listened to you."

"Did you see her, Sam? What he did to her?!" Not only was I mad at myself, I was consumed by wrath at the thought that that demon had ever even walked the earth.

"Dean, I feel just as bad as you do! You don't think I saw her?! You don't think I realized how bad the situation was, how she could've died?! 'Cause I did!" he sat down at the table with and hung his head. "It seems like we can't do anything right."

I saw the anguish in his eyes, "Hey, Sammy, there's one thing I know we've done right. We've stuck with each other. You're what's keepin' me here, brother," I gripped his shoulder and tried at a weak smile.

He did the same and tried to return the gesture.

Behind him I saw a trench coat descending the stairs. I stood, "Cas?" He looked like he couldn't pick a feeling, angry, sorrowful, or even happy. "How is she?"

"Resting, healing," whatever was happy about him diminished.

"But she's going to be okay?"

"If you mean okay as in like she was before, no. But physically, she will heal completely soon."

"Why can't you heal her all the way now?" I asked the angel.

"Because, Dean," he almost growled looking into my eyes, "there are some things, even an angel can't heal," but as he said that last part, his expression faltered for just a moment. He wasn't a good liar.

"Cas, what are not telling us?" I took a couple steps closer to him, suspicion on my face.

"Nothing."

I wasn't going to get anything out of him, at least not yet. So I dropped it for now.

"Can I go see her?" Sam looked up from his seated position, giving Cas the puppy eyes. He really did feel responsible.

"That is not my decision. But if you do, knock first," he stepped aside and walked into the kitchen.

Sam stood and started toward the steps. I grabbed his arm and turned him so he was facing me. I had to be the rock, I'm his big brother. "Hey," I pulled him into a strong hug, we both needed it. As we held onto one another I told him, "Listen, we can't keep doing this. You know blaming ourselves for everything."

We let go, "You're one to talk. But yeah, I know," he turned and walked up to her room.

He hesitated before knocking and she must have replied because he said something and a moment later slowly opened the door with caution.

Sam

When I knocked on her bedroom door, at first I didn't hear anything, but then I heard a quiet, "Cas?"

"Uh, no, it's me, Sam."

There was a pause, "It's open," her tone made me nervous to enter. I slowly walked into the threshold. Her room was covered in grey paint and plastered with pictures and drawings, maps and info sheets. She had only her bed, a desk, a window seat, and a pile of blankets in the corner and a stack of weapons and hunting gear in the other. Above her bed there was a collage of what looked like photos from her past. As my eyes searched the room, they landed upon Trinity lying on her sheets that now had blood and grime on them. She was glaring at me with such cold eyes, I froze like a statue. "What do you want?" she was propped up on a couple pillows, but tried to sit up some and winced, falling back into them. I took a few quick steps, but she held up a hand, "Don't, I'm fine," she glared at me, readjusting as much as she could.

"I just wanted to see how you were dealing."

"Dealing?! Dealing with what?! The fact that I was just thrown back into a position I vowed to never be in again?! The fact that the demon who ruined my life in more ways than one used me as a, a play thing again?! The fact that ever since you and your brother have been here, I've been in pain?! Or the fact that I'm terrified?!" Her voice softened, "Pick one," she turned her head to the side so her face was outlined in shadow on the white of her pillow, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"I... I'm sorry. I don't know what we, I, could ever do to show how sorry I am," I took another few steps.

"Leave."

That stopped me where I was, "What?"

"I was better off without the famous Winchester brothers boarding in my loft," she still wouldn't look at me.

"We can protect you, I promise,"

"Yeah? Well, your word is apparently worth crap."

"Okay," she was stubborn like Dean. I started back to the door, "Stay safe," and just as I opened it and almost walked out I heard an almost inaudible voice behind me.

"Sam?" I turned back around most of the way. She was looking at me with child-like eyes. "Thanks for the stitches.'

"Wait, how'd you know-"

"Your hands, they're gentle and slender, they've had to do it more than they should've... I can tell," her expression had softened some.

A small smile appeared on my face, "Goodbye, Trinity," and I closed the door behind me.

Cas

I looked around the kitchen. This is where she was in the one letter, when her wings appeared for the first time outside of the dream world. I looked closely at everything, I don't know why, I don't even know what I was looking for. I was looking at the floor when I saw faint markings of handprints on the tile. I crouched down to inspect them and noticed that the burns weren't from fire or anything, but they were from a chemical, like acid. I touched them gingerly and felt the slight indentations they made. Theories that had no explanation pumped through my mind. The only certain conclusion, Trinity.

"We're leaving," I heard Sam say in the other room.

"Wait, what, why?!" Dean questioned, with the sound of his chair scooching across the floor abruptly, signifying his standing.

"We just, have to okay?" Sam sounded guilty and hurt.

"What's wrong, is it her?" No response, "Sam talk to me!"

"Yes, it's her!" Father no, he couldn't have found out. Even if he did, he wouldn't have let her live. "But not what you're thinking," a pressure released in my chest, "She just would like for us to go, we've caused her too much trouble."

I heard no response from Dean, only movement and then the door opening. "Cas, we're leaving," he sounded stern yet, strangely… against it. The door slammed shut and I heard the purring of the Impala ignite.

I appeared outside at the front of Baby. I didn't say a word.

"You still mad at us, or what?" Dean was extremely disgruntled.

"No, I wasn't mad at you in the first place."

"Bull crap," huffed Dean.

"I was just frustrated, that's all."

The boys both had their doors open and one arm on the roof, the other holding their weapons, not facing me, but the road.

"Fine, whatever you say," Sam added.

The door clicked close behind me. We all turned around. Shock fell over us. A blanket covered Trinity stood in the threshold, looking very pale, but determined.

Trinity

After Sam left my bedroom, I immediately felt bad. I don't even know why, it might've been those puppy eyes he seemed to be a pro at giving out. But deep down, I knew it wasn't their actual fault, either of the times that I was hurt, they just weren't prepared. But I didn't want to admit that to myself.

When I heard Dean and him raising their voices downstairs, I shook my head and sighed. Ah! What the Hell?! Let's try this… I placed a hand to my chest above my heart, if this healing myself thing was going to work, might as well do it at the place that everything's connected to. I put as much effort into it as I could. I felt a cold sensation slowly run through my veins and bones. It actually started working pretty well until I ran out of energy and blood dripped from my nostril. Crap… this'll have to do I suppose, I thought to myself as I wiped my nose with my already grotesque sleeve.

I threw my sore legs over the side of the bed and stood up. Too quick, too quick… I fell back down into a sitting position. With another sigh, I, slowly this time, stood and wrapped a blanket around me, I had a fever for sure. My shivering hand twisted the knob and as I quietly closed it behind me I heard my front door slam shut.

When I opened the door, none of them heard and continued with their clipped conversation. As I watched the trio the image was familiar, Cas closest to me with two tall boys facing the opposite direction holding hunters' weapons. They must have been with Cas when he came to me in the dream where Castiel first showed me my wings. This was almost exactly how they had been then. I felt a small smile creep onto my lips. That told me that they'd been friends, no, brothers, longer than I had thought, before Cas even met me.

I pulled the door handle shut behind me, letting it click, causing all three men to turn and face me.

"Hi," I threw up an awkward wave. I took one step down and nearly fell over. All at the same time they moved to help, but I held up a hand, "Nope, I got it," I let out, somewhat recovering. I held onto the railing and took the last two stairs and wobbled over to the phenomenal '67 Impala, next to Cas. The brothers shut their doors in synchronization and came to the grill of Baby side by side. I took a shaky step ahead of Cas to be right in front of the hunters. Even though they towered over me, I told them, "Don't.. go," I couldn't quite believe what I was asking of them. I never thought that I'd ask the deadliest hunters ever known to man to stay with me.

"But-" Sam began.

"I know what I said up there. And I thought about it. I know you tried, I know you tried your damnedest," tears, wait, no, no tears, no tears… crap… my eyesight blurred some with the unexpected waterworks, so I tried to cover it up by giving a weak, embarrassed smile. "I know that it wasn't your fault-"

"I shouldn't have made you go," San interjected.

"Sure, but he's dead now. Let's just leave it at that. The thing is, I wanted someone to blame, someone other than me," a tear rolled down and I used my blanketed hand to wipe it away, still with a shy smile, they didn't need to know it, but they still scared the crap out of me, not knowing whether they'd find out or not, what their next move was, how they'd react to an angel hybrid in the same vicinity as them.

I stepped closer to Sam, "I know you meant well and honestly wanted to help. I forgive you, Sam." He had pity traced on his face and understanding, he gave me a slight, quick nod, the side of his mouth twitching up.

Dean had guilt still, "Dean, could you please not feel like you hold the world?"

"What are you talking about?" he looked at me incredulously.

I moved to stand directly in front of him, close enough to smell his natural smell, he gave of a clean soap and leather jacket scent. I could faintly sense a men's cologne somewhere under the sweat and grime. "It is stamped on your forehead, I can see it in your eyes, you think everything's your fault,"

Dean didn't say anything. He just looked down at me with his intense eyes that held quite the story. His plump lips parted in surprise. We had a stare down. My God was he stunning.

"Now if you would please escort me inside, because I can't particularly feel my legs," I started to fall to the ground. Dean's reflexes reacted instantaneously. He scooped me up, whether or not he wanted to or not. I let my head fall against his warm chest, listening to his heartbeat, it calmed me down, reminded me that they were only human. I wrapped both of my arms around his strong neck for support. "Thanks."

When we got back inside, he gently placed me on my couch and I let my weight fall to the cushions. I took a few deep breaths and said, "Now, if you would so kind as to stay here, it would please me," I let out a rough chuckle and coughed.

The brothers both let themselves have a loose-lipped smile.

"Of course," Sam looked at me with caring eyes.

"Yeah, we will," Dean agreed.

"Good, now if you don't mind, I'm going to fall asleep, hopefully for a long, long time," I leaned my head against the pillow and before I drifted off, I saw Dean place another thin blanket over top of me. As my eyes closed, I saw his eyes stay on my face for a moment longer than they should have, but then sleep overcame me and everything was peacefully quiet. For once, I didn't have a single dream, just serenity.