_Author's Note_
I just wanted to say, thank you all so much for coming back and reading! This is so exciting! I just hit 3,025 views today and I'm on Cloud 9! Can't wait to hear from you guys! 3
My GoFundMe is still up to try and make my Trinity cosplay for the convention this year, so please check that our and share too. :)
And don't forget to like "Abomination's" Facebook page for extras, "behind" "the" "scenes" haha, and more. :))
Also, I hope I can keep it up, but it will be harder to post as often, as you might have noticed, because I'm one of the stepsisters in my high school's production of Rogers and Hammerstien's Cinderella! :D But I'll try to post at least once a week. ;))
This was going to be an even longer chapter than what it already is, but it probably would've been too long, so I split it. Anyway, enjoy and don't forget to leave reviews, follow, share and all of that fun stuff!
_Chapter 25_
"Pain of Yesterday"
_Author's Song Note_
"SAIL" by Awolnation
Sam
Her cackles filled the room.
Dean, Bobby, Jody and I all stood around the circle that withheld Trinity. Cas wasn't back yet with the holy oil, but she had started to wake up. So we tied her up in a chair in the devil's trap lined with salt and holy water. We had no idea if it would hold her.
Her arms were bound on the armrests, the rest of her tied up against the chair as well. Her knuckles were white from gripping to it. She hung her head and her short, curly, black hair dangled in her face. Her shoulders shook as she laughed.
"You think this, will stop me?" she called from underneath the cloak of her hair.
No one said anything.
Where the Hell was Cas?
She quickly tilted her head up to look at us from just below her wild bangs and straggles of curls. Her strange eyes pierced the darkness, the glowing blue lighting up amidst the blackness of the sclera. The galactic pupil constantly swirled and moved as she peered at us.
Her head twitched to the side and a wicked smile spread across her lips. She stared straight at Jody and narrowed her eyes. Jody caught her breath and grasped at her neck. Slowly falling to her knees, she was trying to breathe, but couldn't. Bobby sunk down with her, wrapping an arm around her and holding her shoulder with the other. He was still silent, but looked up and glared at the person who was no longer Trinity. He mouthed words like he was yelling while Jody started lurching forward, breathless.
"Trinity! Stop!" I yelled stepping forward, almost over the line into the trap.
"Sam! Don't!" Dean grabbed my arm to stop me from walking into the circle.
"But, Dean!" I looked at him in shock, but saw his eyes looking past me, past Trinity. He was watching Cas start to line the devil's trap with holy oil. But he could only go so far without Trinity seeing him and ruining it. Because she could obviously still use her powers inside of the circle.
He looked up at us and tossed the jar over to Dean. She saw and her brows furrowed, but then her jaw dropped in pain and she squeezed her eyes shut. I watched Cas' hand stretch out to her, palm facing the back of her head, a light emitting from it.
Dean quickly finished the circle, "Sammy, now!" he looked at me and I pulled the lighter from my pocket. Flipping it open and lighting it, I dropped it onto the wet part of the floor. The fire quickly travelled around the edge of the trap, lighting the room.
Jody gasped for air, breathing heavily and holding Bobby's hand. He cupped her cheeks and mouthed, Are you okay?
"Yeah," she grumbled, "I'm fine," she glared up at Trinity. Cas let his hand fall back down to his side and Trinity's head fell forward in exhaustion.
He walked over to me and Dean joined. "If the whole thing isn't complete, she may be weaker, but she can still use her powers. Now she won't be able to effect any of us, unless someone steps inside that line."
Her giggles echoed against the walls again, joining the crackle of the fire. "Now what?" she breathed, and then huffed a laughter once more, "What do you plan to do?" she slowly lifted her head to look at us.
What did we plan on doing? I wasn't even sure. I looked at Dean and he just watched her, eyes glassy, a frown on his face. This form of Trinity wasn't just making Cas sick, which was still showing, but it was hurting Dean.
_Author's Song Note_
"Angel's Fall" by Breaking Benjamin
…
Her screams bounced off the wooden walls as her head was thrown back.
She clutched the armrests so hard that the veins in her hands were showing. The IV lines we had stuck in her arms were flowing into her blood. One was filled with the mixture of holy water and oil that Cas told us would work. The other had highly concentrated salt water.
We stood by watching her skin glow, whether it was pain or anger, we weren't sure. The veins that were protruding all over her body were emitting steam.
She gave off a low, pained cackle. We all gave each other uneasy glances.
Cas nodded and Dean and I stepped forward to pinch off the flow. We stepped back away and Trinity flipped her head down, her hair flying across her face. Sweat dripped from her nose as her chest heaved. Her body shivered every once in awhile, even through her evil cackles.
Without raising her head to us too much, she flicked her eyelids open. "That. Tickled," she heaved and gave us a mischievous one-sided grin and laughed some more.
"What do we do? This obviously isn't working," Jody looked at us.
"Cas?" I asked, I honestly had no clue what to do to get our Trinity back.
Cas stood, thinking, for a moment, confusion, wonder, hurt, and worry switching places all over his face.
Then all of a sudden he looked up at the rest of us. "Dean, I need your blood," he looked at my brother. He just got a confused look in return, but Dean nodded and flipped out his pocket knife. "Sam," Cas unsheathed the angel blade and twirled it around to hand me the hilt, "I'm going to need you to open the scar on her chest with this."
"What?"
"Trust me," he looked into my eyes as I grabbed the blade. They were so full of guilt, but at the same time hope was trying to shine through the sea of blue.
He pulled Dean over as they walked around the outside of the trap and Cas whispered something to him. Dean slowly nodded, his mouth slightly open and eyebrows furrowed. Cas walked past the IVs and took off the clamps holding back the fluids. As they started to flow into her again, her fingers gripped the armrests, turning her knuckles white.
Trinity's eyes silently followed us, flicking to each of us over and over. She tried to keep her grin, but occasionally it would fall to a worried snarl. Her jet black hair letting some of its crazy curls swing in front of her face. She obviously was in pain, but she was strong enough to try and not show it.
Cas positioned himself in the back of the circle and mouthed to me, Don't step in until I say so.
I nodded as my heart rate picked up, I only knew what I was supposed to do, not what the overall plan was. And that made me nervous.
"Cas, whatever you're planning…" Trinity spoke through clenched teeth.
He stepped in the trap and before Trinity could react, he placed one hand under her chin, the other on her scalp and forehead. A bright blue light started to shine from under his palms and fingers. The same light began to shine from Trinity's eyes and mouth as she screamed blood-curdling screams.
"Cas! Please! Cas! Stop!" she screeched as tears dripped from her eyes.
_Author's Song Note_
"Salvation" by Skillet
Cas hesitated for a second as guilt and misery filled his eyes, and the light dimmed down. Just enough that Trinity's eyes flew open and Cas flew back against the wall. As he stood a few more black feathers fells from his wings that I still wasn't used to seeing. He jumped back in and resumed his position and her screams filled the air once again.
"Sam! Now!" Cas yelled at me. I stepped over the flames and used the angel blade to start slicing open the white scar that was paved down her sternum in a jagged line. Her neck muscles tensed as she shrieked in pain. Wind began to swirl wildly around us, blowing papers and dust. Light bulbs blew even though they weren't in use. The house began to tremble.
"Dean!" Cas shouted over the commotion. My brother joined us in the circle, his eyes squinted, like the rest of us, against the wind and light. He held his arm over the gash that I just opened and sliced a line across his skin. Blood seeped out and pooled before falling down into the open wound.
As the blood mixed in with hers, the angelic light started coming from that too. Dean and I stepped out, next to Bobby who was holding Jody, and watched.
Her hands were holding onto the chair with so much strength that blood started to drip from her palms. I kept my eyes partially shut, to keep out some of the bright holy emission. Just as I wondered how someone could hold out a scream so long, Cas let go and jumped out of the devil's trap. He leaned against a bookshelf and I gripped his shoulder to help keep him steady. If he already wasn't so weak, I wouldn't be worried about him, but the state that he was in earlier made me so.
As the light faded and the wind calmed down, Trinity was shaking in the chair. All of her muscles tensed and convulsing, the chest heaving deeply, her fingers still curled around the armrests. Blood dripped from her palms, her mouth, and her eyes. As she lifted her head, it lolled sideways and in circular motions. Dean stepped ahead to help her, but Cas held him back.
Dean looked at the angel like he was being betrayed, but as Cas looked in his eyes, my brother looked back to the weakened creature trapped in a circle that I never thought I'd help conjure up. He let out a breath and closed his eyes, then nodded when he opened them again.
Her head fell forward like she lost consciousness. But per Cas' directions, everyone stayed where they were. Either we were all holding our breath, or everyone was so focused on Trinity, no one was listening to the nervous breathing around us.
_Author's Song Note_
"Through the Ghost" by Shinedown
…
Trinity had woken up as Trinity. But only briefly. She looked at us each in the eyes, and pleaded. She pleaded for us to continue, even if it kills her. Because she didn't like what this was making her become.
So we repeated these steps over and over for hours. I had lost count and after so long, though I was going deaf from her piercing screams.
…
It had been the early night when we had first appeared at Bobby's. It was now mid-morning. The sun shined through the big window and the sky was incredibly blue. Birds flew outside and tweeted like everything was perfect.
Trinity had completely passed out an hour ago, maybe two, and we had all tried to find a place to at least rest. We still didn't venture into the trap, so we had no idea of her state.
Every so often, after the "treatments" our Trinity would emerge and inform us that she still couldn't hold it back, that we had to keep going. It was killing us all watching, because before the pain would take complete control, it was just us torturing the Trinity we always knew.
Dean was becoming pale, so I helped wrap up the cut on his arm and we sat down on the couch. Neither of us slept, we just watched the still Trinity.
All of a sudden a loud gasp came from her. She very dazed-like, lifted her head, like it weighed a hundred pounds, and looked at us. Her face had a stream of drying blood coming from each eye and nostril. The gash on her chest was still bleeding and the area around it was spotted with my brother's blood. There were faint burn marks on her hairline and under her chin, they could've only been from Cas.
She looked at Jody and Bobby first, opened her mouth like she was about to say something, then saw Cas, sitting on and leaning against Bobby's desk. With a sore voice she mumbled, "C-Cas…?" her hazel eyes filling with tears. Her eyes continued to travel our small crowd and found me. It was like a gust of wind sailed through her body, she blinked tears out of her eyes as she struggled to find words, let alone my name, "S-Sa.." she began, but her eyes turned to my side.
And then they landed on Dean.
It was like something broke inside of her at the same time that something was being repaired. She didn't blink, I wasn't even sure if she was breathing. But tears fell down her face, coming down pink from mixing with the blood.
I looked over at my brother and he was in about the same state, minus the blood.
…
"So, how do you feel?" Bobby asked Trinity after we had untied her. We had made sure she was, well, Trinity.
"Better," she hadn't said much since she woke up.
She was sitting on the couch next to me under a few blankets. A violent shiver had taken over her body not long after the awakening. I had cleaned the blood off of her face and chest and tried to patch up her wound. I kept wiping sweat away from her face and pushing her hair back as Bobby and Jody inspected her, for injuries mostly, but I'm sure for secrets too. They weren't coming up with any, and most of her injuries were starting to heal. Her veins were still infected looking and Cas had said that that wouldn't go away for a while.
"Hey," I wiped her cheek with the rag and softly turned her face to look at me, "We've got you now, okay? You're home."
She tried for a small smile. But I still saw something reminiscent from the night before in her eyes. Something that wasn't there the last time I had seen her.
"Come here," she beckoned Cas over with a shaking hand. He stood up and slowly walked over. He just seemed to be getting worse, a trail of several dark, shining feathers followed him.
She grasped his hand and pulled him gently towards her. He kneeled down, from the looks of it from pure exhaustion, with tears in his eyes. She held both of his hands in hers, his making hers look so very small. But she brought one up to the side of his face and pulled him to her. She softly placed her lips on his forehead. They sat there like that for a moment as a tear fell down her cheek.
Parting, she immediately went back, but this time to his own lips. It wasn't a feverous kiss, but a gentle, apologetic kiss. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dean shift uncomfortably. Was that jealousy I sensed? But as I watched, a dim aura made itself seen around them. From beneath their eyes, a blue, angelic light shone. As I watched, Cas started to heal. His skin brightened, the dark circle under his eyes disappeared, even his hair seemed to regain some of its fluff, although the seemingly permanent disheveledness stayed. As I watched, his wings perked up and feathers filled in the missing spots, and they extended partially and gave a small flap. As I watched, Trinity healed Castiel.
They parted and she kept her eyes closed. Cas leaned back and looked down at himself and back at his wings, giving them another slight flap. A small smile appeared on his face. He looked back to her and his smile started to fall, but then he realized something.
"That's something I taught you years ago," his voice not very loud.
"Yup," she croaked. Opening her eyes, "I never forgot. I'm just more powerful now," she shyly shrugged. She stopped and made a face showing the pain her throat was causing her. After a minute, "But I don't want to do much else. I don't want to, ya know, take two steps back on the game board."
All the angel did was lean forward and embrace her, tears, I think happy ones, fell from their eyes.
I couldn't help but smile. She was back. My little sister was back.
_Author's Song Note_
"I'll Be Good" by Jaymes Young
…
Dean
There she was. The love of my life. Back in front of me. Back to being her.
I just watched her heal my best friend and stood in the doorway, in shock.
She would look across the room at me, and I couldn't read her expression.
"Well, I'm gonna take Jody home, kay?" Bobby said. Trinity had restored his voice a little while ago.
After they left, Sam's curiosity got the best of him, "How did this all happen?"
Trinity's voice started to heal, so it wasn't as raspy anymore. "When the bond broke, what's called the Surge occurred. It was when all of my powers crashed down on me. Cas had been trying to ease me into them over the years, in hope that the Surge would never happen," she paused to cough. She went on to tell us how Cas tried his best to take care of her on his own, almost dying a few times in the process. And then instead of just informing me and Sam, Cas now was learning to information. She told us how she when into a coma-like state or something and made Cas think she was dead, just to save him from herself.
"Not very long after that did things start to get hazy and painful. It was like I was literally fighting myself inside, all the while being the ref. I don't remember when it was when I first completely blacked out for days. All I knew when I resurfaced was that I had killed people. Or maybe demons or angels, or monsters… I, I don't know," she rubbed her forehead.
"Soon I started to go weeks without seeing much of the world. It was like being possessed I imagine. But worse, since not even an exorcism could get me out. I would wake up to see bloody scenes, dead bodies. I realized after a while that you guys had to be picking it up, or at least I hoped you were. So I started leaving Marks. To try and show you the connection, was me. I knew I only had so much time before I'd go back under, so I'd fight as hard as I could and I would somehow draw the thing I thought you'd understand and find me."
"Your Marks," Sam nodded towards her Marked arm in realization.
"Yep. I know it wasn't much to see, to go off of. But I needed to try. I needed you help to stop, well, me."
As she explained a thousand thoughts rushed through my mind. She was trying the whole time to contact us. She wanted to be caught. She needed to be caught.
I looked down at her small arm covered in the swirling patterns. Parts black like a tattoo, others red like a burn, or like the angel wing designs on her back, the design I hadn't seen in so long. And then there were the parts that were white like scars. All of this had become so familiar to me, because I had the matching one on my own arm.
She hung her head and Cas held her hand.
All I wanted was to run over to her, to wrap my arms around her, to kiss her like nothing had happened. But I knew that wasn't the right thing to do. I still couldn't read her, I still couldn't tell what she wanted for me to do.
"So, what did we just do? How are you alright now?" Sam rubbed his thumb in circles on her shoulder.
She made a nervous laugh slash scoff, "I'm far from alright, Sam. I still need help to get on my feet."
"She still needs help to get her powers under control. Right now, she's still ast risk."
"We'll get you through this, Trinity," my brother comforted her.
She genuinely smiled at him. "As far as how I got to this point," she looked to the angel beside her, "Cas?"
"When Dean's blood mixed with hers at the sight of the scar, the bond was mended, at least temporarily," he glanced up at me with a look in his eyes like he wanted to speak with me privately. "I used my angelic powers to do an almost exorcism-like expulsion. But since it's in her blood, it just stunned it so to say. The IV lines were to harm it as well. I didn't even know if it would work, but it was a theory I was willing to try," he looked down at Trinity from his perch on the sofa's armrest and rubbed her back in between her wings. Somehow I hadn't really been paying much attention to them. I was more focused on the fact that she was here, alive, and not trying to kill us. But as I was looking at them, I noticed they looked bigger, shinier. The barbs looked sharper and the feathers fuller and there were a few more black ones now.
After a minute or so, I felt a pair of eyes trained on me. I looked over and Trinity was watching me with a careful eye. I did see something new, well, more than something. I saw a more powerful aura inside them, even in her normal, beautiful hazel. But her emotions showed tiredness and when she looked at me it was a mixture of sorrow, regret, betrayal, but then they flashed hope and love.
She blinked and looked away, as if she didn't want me to see what she was feeling inside.
"Hey! You want something to eat?" Sam broke the silence.
"Sure," she gave a bashful, sleepy smile. He helped her up and as they walked, wrapped one of his big arms around her back for support. Her wings covered most of his arm and he took one quick look at them before looking forward into the kitchen.
Cas looked at me with about the same emotions as Trinity, but less hurt. "Dean, you need to talk to her."
"I, I don't know what to say to her, Cas."
"Yes you do. But you can't force her to reveal everything just yet. She needs to adjust and tell you on her own time. I don't want to risk something triggering something inside of her. I'm sure neither do you."
"Of course not," I paused. "How do we seal the deal or whatever?"
"If you're meaning to make her fully her again. That was her, just the part of her with demon blood."
I started to complain that I still didn't know why she was the way she was when he interrupted me. "I know, I know, you don't know about all of that yet. But you will. But Dean, I need you to remember one thing most importantly."
"What?"
"No matter what she says, because she doesn't even believe this herself, but no matter what, you must always keep in mind… Trinity is still human. You saw her when nothing demonic or angelic harmed her, it still causes her pain like any human. And how else do you think she's kept this down all these years. Her humanity has kept her in tact. Her love for you kept her going. Just remember that."
Cas' words filled me and they processed slowly.
_Author's Song Note_
"Coming Home" by Skylar Grey (A.N.O. Remix)
Sam
"Thanks, Sam," Trinity smiled at me as best as she could. Sadness and pain still lingered in her eyes and with the blanket wrapped around her, her hair a complete mess, she looked so small and helpless. But everyone here knew that that was far from true.
After I sat the plate of grilled cheese down in front of her I rubbed her shoulder and stepped back out of her line of sight. I stood there for a moment, and she didn't once touch the food.
"Are you gonna watch?" she peered over her shoulder with a small smirk.
"Yeah, actually I am," I came back to sit beside her at the table.
"You don't have to-"
"I think both of know that's not true. I want to make sure you eat."
"Sam-"
"No, don't," I stopped her because I knew what she was going to say. "I saw you before. I, I should've, I should've done… something."
"Sam, listen to me," she reached up from under the old wool blanket and grabbed my hand with her cold ones, "I don't blame you-"
"But-"
"I'm aware of what I-" she cut herself off and held up air quotes with her other hand, "I said in there. I just want you to know, that part wasn't true. I don't blame you, Sam." She looked into my eyes so kindly. But when she said, that part, that meant there was some truth that had been spoken. Her small hand squeezed a little tighter, "Yeah, I felt you there, I even thought I saw you, but you wouldn't have had any idea how to help. And you know why that is?"
"Why?"
"Because there was no way to help. I need you to understand, that ultimately this was no one's fault truly, no one here at least."
"But-"
"Sam, c'mon, just, just trust me on this, kay?"
"I do, you know that."
"Good, I don't want to have to kick your butt," she winked at me, the bags under her eyes starting to slowly disappear. This was probably one of her powers that Cas was talking about.
"C'mere," I gently pulled her into my embrace. I hadn't forgotten the feeling of how small she was compared to me. I smiled knowing she was home.
After a couple minutes, I pulled away first and she gave me a warm smile. She was glad to be back, I was happy for that. "Now, eat!" I grinned at her, giving a small wink, "You're not leaving this table until you do," the big brother tone I only used when Dean was off being, well Dean, came out.
She shook her head and chuckled. She was already feeling better. I sighed of relief internally. But she ate and she never let go of my hand. As she was finishing, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her massive wings behind her.
She gave me a sideways glance, noticing my staring, "Still not used to seeing them?"
"No, not really."
"Is it just me and Cas, or can you see other things to?"
"Like what?"
"Ya know, other angel wings, demons for how they really look, et cetera?"
"I guess not, just you guys."
She watched me looking at them, "You can touch them, I don't mind," she smiled.
I raised my eyebrows at her, but slowly lifted my arm to smooth down the fluffy, red feathers.
They were different from the last time I saw them. They looked more regal, yet more wild. My eyes travelled from the white, silky bone protruding from her back, to where it turned into the red-tinted, translucent rubbery-looking skin-like parts that were sectioned off by smooth, shiny, obsidian black barbs. Then I continued up to the short, puffy feathers near the top and the long, stiff feathers covering the rest. There were more black ones and black-tinged ones throughout along with long, frilly tendrils poking out here and there.
"Those ones are new," she saw me looking at the lengthy, wispy ones.
"They're so soft," I retracted my hand slowly, letting one of the wisps slide through my fingers as I pulled away. "So, is this, your bone?"
"Yup, it felt like it was killing me the first time they showed up, but yeah, those are my shoulder blades, just, ya know, extended and stuff," she was so casual about it.
I pointed to the webbing, "And I'm guessing this is the, um-"
"Demon part of me? Yeah. That's the most visible part."
I treaded slowly afraid to hit the wrong nerve, bringing something up, "Your eyes, those are the other visible part then?"
But she just gave me a lopsided smirk and looked down, "Yeah, and Sam? Don't worry about hurting my feelings bringing these things up," it was like she read my mind, "I actually hope to talk about it with you guys, tell you everything."
I made a soft scoffing noise, looking up at her, "Okay," I watched her for a moment more and gathered up some courage. I don't care that she said she didn't mind, I still felt like I was intruding. "Trinity?'
"Yeah?" she wiped off her mouth.
"Can, you, um, can I see them?"
She just huffed with a smile and looked down at her lap.
"Can you switch them quick like a demon?" then I realized, "Oh, or do you have to use your powers to activate them?"
She blinked and looked up at my face across the table. I suppressed a gasp. I had seen them before, but she wasn't in control then, she was now, and she was giving me an all-lip smile, warmly, shyly, and genuinely.
"Wow," they were actually pretty amazing, "They're… gorgeous," I really looked at them for the first time.
"Sure they are, Sam."
"No really," I leaned in and looked a little closer. She backed away just a bit, her smile faltering for a second, "They are," I grabbed the side of her face.
"C'mon, Sam, they're terrifying," she made a nervous chuckle.
"Hey, if we're gonna get through this together, you have to stop putting yourself down."
"But-"
"And start listening," I raised my eyebrows and corners of my mouth. I stood up, "C'mon, you better get some rest," I went behind her, her wings on either side of me, and rubbed her shoulders and in between her wings. She shivered and bent her neck down. I couldn't help but smile, "Feel good?" I laughed.
"Haven't heard either of you laugh for a long time," Cas appeared in the threshold. We both looked up and saw him with a fond smile on his lips. "I just came into check on you guys."
"I was just about to help her to her room," I ruffled her now short, crazy curls on top of her head.
"Good," he strode over to us, "I have to go, but I'll be back."
"But, Cas-" Trinity began to protest.
"I'll be back before morning," he comforted her, "It's important," his eyebrows turned down on the outsides and his smile stayed.
He bent down to hug her, and after hesitating, she returned the favor. He went to pull away, but she squeezed him tighter.
Barely audible, "Be careful, I need you… back here especially," she buried her face in his neck and the rim of his trench coat. Her hand positioned skillfully around his good-as-new wings.
"I know, I told you, I'll be back before you know it."
I wanted to ask where he was going, but I felt like he would have told us already if he wanted us to know. I trusted it was angel business if anything. It maybe even could have been surprise for Trinity.
But of course, when is that ever our luck?
_Author's Song Note_
"Fix You" by Coldplay
Dean
The sun had set. Sam had walked Trinity up to her old room. Cas had gone off to do something, who knows what. And Bobby just pulled in the driveway. I had started trying to clean up the living room.
"Hey, Dean," Bobby closed the door behind him.
I looked over to respond, but my words stopped in my throat, "Um, Bobby?" a smirk began to play on my lips, "What's with all this?" I held out my free hand and gestured to his appearance. His hair was sticking out funny beneath his baseball cap, his shirts and vest were all disheveled, his shoe laces untied, and his belt buckle on the loosest setting. To top it off, his cheeks were pink and his breath slightly out of his normal beat. But there was a light in his eyes, joy, playfulness, giddiness, mischievousness?
He opened his mouth to deny my assumption, but closed it again.
"You and Jody?"
"Oh, shut up, ya idjit," he quickly replied and turned into the hallway.
I shook my head as I faced the work I had done. Almost everything was back to normal, except the burnt circle in the floor. It was strange, usually angel traps don't leave marks behind. I guessed it was because both the angel and demon traps were fused.
"She's up in her room, ya know," Sam's voice forced me away from staring any longer at the burn marks.
"Uh, yeah, I, I know," I looked from him to the rag in my hands, that I was nervously twisting without realizing it, and back.
He pushed himself off of the threshold where he had been leaning." Go see her, Dean," he tilted his head to the side, pleadingly.
"I, I want to, Sam. But, does she want to see me?"
"How will you ever know until you actually go see her?"
I sighed and dropped my shoulders. I looked back up, but into puppy eyes. I swallowed hard.
Without another word, I walked past him and pushed the cleaning rag against his chest.
I walked to her door and hesitated, my fist ready to knock.
"Trinity?" I gently knocked against the wood separating us.
"Sam?" her voice, a whisper.
I slowly opened the door to her room, "No, it's, it's me."
I was taken aback by what I was looking at. Trinity was sitting on her bed diagonally, the sheets pulled back, her legs outstretched, slightly bent, her hands habitually fussing with a piece of worn paper. She was dressed in an oversized, v-neck, Guns N' Roses t-shirt and underwear. She didn't even look at me. Her eyes wandered the room slowly, scouring everything. But she wasn't even fazed by me seeing her in underwear, I guess, well hope, some things never change.
She looked the same, yet so different. Not only was her hair short, but she had an almost natural glow about her now, like she just emanated ethereal power, but there was another type of power mixed in, a darker one. She also looked more distant and worried, almost like a lost kitten in a place she once had been long ago, but almost had forgotten.
"Trin-"
"Everything's the same," she cut me off, still worrying at the paper in her slim fingers.
"Wha-"
"The room," she stopped my question with an answer.
"Oh," in the back of my mind I had been hoping she meant everything between us. But I knew better.
She continued to scan the room as I took a few more steps in. As if she sensed my movement, she shifted slightly on the bed.
"You, you kept everything the same."
"Yeah, of course."
She didn't move but her eyes slid to the side to look at me through her peripheral vision. She swallowed hard. The small piece of paper didn't stop moving. It was like she was nervous to be alone in the same room with me.
"Trin," I sat down on the bed so if there was a wall, we'd be on opposite sides, leaning against it.
"No, Dean… no. I, I can't…" she ran out of words.
I stayed silent and waited like Cas said.
After a little while, "I told Sam not to believe everything that was said down there last night."
I looked sideways at her, "Why?"
"Because not all of it was true, Dean."
"But some of it?"
"Yes, of course some of it," it sounded like she wanted to yell, but kept it under control. I didn't push.
Instead, I changed the subject to her well being, "How, how are you?"
"I feel broken," she paused. "I have three pieces of the puzzle that just won't fit together no matter how hard you try. One's on fire and the other solid ice, constantly going at each other, warring. And the third is mere air stuck in the middle, nowhere to go, always in pain from being caught in the crossfire. I ruin everything I touch," another paused and a shaky breath. Quietly she said, "I want to trust you, I want to come back to you…"
"But you can't forgive me," in an almost questioning tone. I looked at my knees.
She sighed, "I don't know. I want to."
We sat in silence and her feathers ruffled, constantly moving even in the slightest.
"If Cas hadn't helped me back by saying what he said, I would've killed you all. I don't care about the world, I fought back against myself, because I heard him and I… I couldn't let Lucifer win. I couldn't let the vision come true."
I was kind of confused about what she was talking about, but I was curious, "What did Cas tell you?"
"Pi vavn apila paid, caripe ge erm periazoda pi aziazor. It means, She might live forever, but not with those she loves," pause, "Enochian." she added.
"What about the other part, before that?"
"Paid emna?" she huffed quietly with a small grin, "Always here. Cas and I have used that almost since we met," her hand came up and wiped a stray tear away. I hadn't even realized her crying.
I waited another little while before continuing. "I'm so, so, sorry, Trin. I, there are no words, I just, I'm sorry."
She glanced over at me, so many feeling in her eyes, I had a hard time keeping up.
I reached a single hand up to wipe away a tear, caress her face, comfort her, anything to touch her again. But as soon as my fingers came in contact with her skin, she flinched away and pulled her knees up to her chest, still rubbing the paper in between her fingers, her eyes still constantly moving around.
I retracted my arm and realized why she did this. The last time I had touched her, was with my fist in that barn. I watched her face with so much regret filling me. I could see the faint scar on her face, at the top of her cheekbone. I imagined it was because of our bond, or what it had been, that this wound left a permanent mark..
God I hope I didn't ruin everything.
"Trin," my voice came out sorrowful and apologetic.
She swallowed. "I needed you," she was turned so I couldn't see her face. "I needed you then more than ever."
"I know."
"No, Dean, I don't think-"
I interrupted her this time, "No, I do, Trinity, you know why? For a while I was dying right along with you. I realized what I did, but you and Cas were gone. Sam doesn't know this, but I went back to that barn over and over again, shaming myself, cursing myself for what I did to you. So many times I've wanted to go back, to fix everything. So many times I've woken up wishing you were lying beside me."
She was quiet for a moment.
I continued, "It's not you who ruins everything she touches. It's me," I scoffed, "It seems to be what I'm best at."
Still no words, but she and her wings had become incredibly still.
"I do need you Trin. So much," my vision became blurry and I sniffled.
Her head raised and slowly turned to look at me. Her eyes watery as well. There was a faint glowing light coming her under her chin. She saw where I was looking and looked down at herself. Where the scar was on her sternum, that we had used to bring her back to now, there was a soft blue light emerging from it. It wasn't bright like it was in the past, but it was an almost mist or fog, maybe cloud, like substance. The colors changed from blues to purples, to greens, and finally to faint red. It was a very calm emission, very unlike what we're used to. There were speckles of shining dots, almost like stars. It slowly tumbled around like a galaxy in a telescope.
We both just stared as it swirled around her, growing bigger and bigger, making a gentle breeze, blowing her short, bouncy curls. Her big, beautiful eyes widened and her chin fell slightly in surprise. I had to say mine did too. Her Marks on her left arm began to do the same. I felt a warm sensation under the skin of my own left arm, almost like that feeling when you get in a shower at the end of a long day, the steamy liquid flowing through my veins, warming my body. I looked down and my Marks were matching hers.
She held out her hand, turning it slowly over and over again. She glanced back and forth between her chest and arm, wind picking up a bit, the colorful light making her eyes glow, her plump lip pouted out a little in astonishment. As it grew and grew, engulfing us in the soft, warm air, a rhythmic thumping sound echoed on the walls and in my core. Our eyes met as I was actually listening to her heart beat being amped in the cloud of light.
Then suddenly, it all was sucked quickly back into her chest, she let a gasp escape, holing out a little longer than usual.
The room was dark and silent again.
I looked on the floor where the small, worn piece of paper had been blown to. It had creases and tears, it was wrinkled and yet smooth from her fingers passing over it over and over. It's white edges frame the black and white picture. The same photo that had been taken of us at that Christmas party. I stared at it for a moment not really believing what I was seeing. Even through this whole change and self-torture she's been going through, she still managed to keep this special memento. In the back of my mind, I was hoping that that small piece of paper that withheld years of memories is what helped keep her as together as she was. I saw the indents of the writing on the back and couldn't help but feel my mouth quirk up at the side. She was still here, she could still come back to me. I only hope that this light show was a good sign.
We both looked down to the space that the long scar had been. But there was no scar. She reached up and gently let her fingers swipe over where it just was. As she stared at the clear skin a tear dripped down.
I looked down at her trembling hand covered in Marks. I slowly reached out and with mine, gingerly undermined her fingers so our hands made a sideways S shape. Hers jumped slightly, but didn't move. I waited and watched.
Slowly her slim fingers curled tighter around mine until our two hands formed one fist. I shifted them so that our fingers were locked.
_Author's Song Note_
"Ashes of Eden" by Breaking Benjamin
We looked up at each other at the same time, her lips shook ever so slightly and she stared straight into my eyes. With my other hand I cupped the side of her face and this time, she leaned into my touch instead of jerking away. Her eyes closed almost in pain.
I watched her magnificent features, from her chubby cheeks, her long eyelashes, her full lips. It was like she was battling with herself, should she come back to me or not?
She decided the former.
She sighed and leaned in to my body. I wrapped my arms tightly around her like I never was going to let go again. Her head positioned beneath my chin, her own arms squeezed my back. My hands held her body against mine, settled around her wings. My face was so close to her and her wings that I could smell the faint scent of fresh air and Trinity's natural smell. I had never forgotten that smell, it was like warm vanilla and juicy orange.
I bent my head down and kissed the top of her head, then as she looked up, her forehead. She closed her eyes again, I grinned, she still loved that.
And then she initiated, leaning up to meet my mouth with hers.
Everything inside of me blew up.
The feeling of her lips on mine was something I missed so much and longed for each day and night. I pulled her closer, if that was even possible, and she wrapped her arms around my neck and I lowered us to her mattress. I felt like I was smiling, and I probably was, but I couldn't help it. She had accepted me again.
I kissed her neck, her clavicle, her shoulders that I had uncovered. My one hand slid down her side softly, and slipped underneath her shirt. I didn't pull up yet, just rubbed my fingers across her smooth skin. Her hand came down to match mine and squeezed, she was giving me the OK. I slowly lifted her grey, cotton shirt up and over her head. I kissed her chest and sternum, her ribs and stomach. All the while massaging her side with my hands.
But as I rubbed to the side, I felt raised bumps. I looked down and saw faint white scars at random places on her body, the longer I looked, the more I saw. I felt my eyebrows furrow.
"I may not be able to die, but I can still get hurt," she said quietly, seeing my face. I let my fingers brush past a few. Everything Cas said was true. She's plainly still human. And that means everything that scars a human, angel, or demon will scar her. My eyes widened and I gazed up at her abdomen. There was a white line about an inch and a half long.
"Trin, I…" realizing it was from when I stabbed her the night before.
"It's okay, Dean," her hand caressed my cheek, the other gripped my bicep holding me above her. I looked into her eyes for a moment longer before her hand cupped the back of my neck, bringing me down to her mouth.
My eyes were closed as I was in complete bliss. I felt her small hands fumble with my belt buckle and jean buttons. Then I felt their familiar coldness on my skin around my waist. My own hands slid under her back and found her bra clasp. I unhooked it and as I went to pull them back, I grazed over her wings. I don't know how it worked with lying down, but I didn;t care.
It shocked me at first, but they felt soft. Even the bone that was merged from her skin was velvety, it kind of reminded me of a deer, elk, or moose antlers. I couldn't help myself, my hands found their way up her wings, crossing the leathery webbing, intersected by three smooth lines, that I could only assume were the barbs.
Then I felt the feathers, I had never experienced something so soft. They were unlike any regular bird feathers. The small fluffier ones drowned my fingers as they swam through them. I couldn't reach the other feathers, but before I even said anything, Trinity sat up and straddled my legs. Her wings became closer to us and without thinking, my hands pet the long, slick feathers, these were more stiff than the others, not quite as soft, but still like a warm blanket. I went to pull my hand away, but as I did, two extra long tendrils wrapped around my fingers and they were like strands of silk.
I hadn't even heard her, but as I travelled her wings, Trinity was making small noises of joy into my neck. I grinned and kissed the side of her head. When I brought my hand back to her body, it landed in between her vast wings, I swear that they had gotten bigger.
I rubbed and massaged her spine between her joints. Her shoulders lifted and goosebumps popped up all over her skin. Her back arched like a cat and her throat emitted low noises of pleasure.
Apparently she enjoyed this like a cat likes its ears scratched.
We fell back against the bed, this time she was on top. She kissed me all over, squeezing my arms and pecs, caressing my neck. And then, just like she always had, her hand came up to tangle its fingers in my hair. As she kissed and nipped here and there, that was somewhat new, she gently tugged and I suppose I couldn't help the small groans I let out either.
The heat between us was so comforting, as was the lack of space. The only way we could get closer happened and my head bent back even more into the sheets than it was, and my eyes looked up at the ceiling. My jaw dropped as I gasped and she clutched my shoulders as our bodies formed against one another. To feel her chest, her stomach, against mine, to feel her thighs caging my waist, her hands holding onto me, I had to have been blushing, and that said something for me. My hands gripped her sides and back, I knew I was holding fast and strong, I could feel her skin and muscle surround my fingertips. Her small whimpers in my ear made me smile, and apparently mine made her too.
My head turned to the side as she kissed my neck, nuzzling with her button-nose. In the mirror, I saw our silhouette against the big window letting in soft moonlight.
My long body stretched out across the sheets, my head at the foot of the bed, Trinity on top of me, curled up in a fashion similar to fetal position, she legs squeezing my hips, and her enormous wings partially folded for convenience, yet extended some, they kept moving and somewhat flapping, similar to the pattern of Trinity's own sounds and movements. If I didn't know any better, it reminded me of a dog's tail wagging when it sees you, or its foot twitching when you rub its belly.
She tugged on my hair again and I couldn't stand it. I hoisted her up and she stayed, straddling me, but we were sitting up now, I on my knees. She wrapped her legs around me and locked her ankles together behind my back.
We pressed our foreheads together and our heavy breathing shared the same air. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I heard my Trin, giggle, I saw her white teeth smile, her delicious lips form a happy grin.
I joined in with the quiet laughter as I held the small of her back and in between her wings and she held the back of my neck with both of her hands, fingers clasped together.
…
I had lost count of what time of night it was. But I didn't care, we had nowhere to be. I could've stayed right here for the rest of my life.
We were laying on our sides under the blankets, facing each other. Her top leg spooned my hips. One hand was under her head, resting, the other fondly traced invisible lines on my chest. I had one arm above her head, running my fingers through her hair, the other running up and down the curvature of her side tenderly.
The moon lit up her hazel eyes and emphasized their beauty. It also shined down on her colossal wings, making the blood red color, more of a dark purple, defining the blackened feathers, and making the shiny blackness of the barbs glisten.
We hadn't said a word the whole time. We didn't need to. We both had a faint smile playing on our lips as we just enjoyed being in each other's company once again.
Our eyelids drooped as more time passed and it had to be nearing early morning. As I lost the battle with my eyes, I heard her sweet voice whisper.
"I've missed you."
"I missed you more than you know," I replied. She quietly giggled and I could hear her falling asleep as well.
Her soothing voice uttered the last words I heard before I lost consciousness.
"I'm still in love you, Dean Winchester."
I just got out, "I'll always be in love with you, Trin."