_PART TWO_

"The Phoenix"

_Chapter 28_

"Be Careful What You Wish For"

_Author's Song Note_

"Brother" by NeedtoBreath

Sam

The Impala sped down the long, straight road in the evening. In the bright light of sunset, the tears in my eyes would blind me at certain angles. I hadn't looked over at my brother in at least an hour. We'd been silent almost the entire ride. Well, silent in speech, but the sounds of crying and pure agony were more than present.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dean, one hand on the steering wheel, fingers constantly tapping in no beat in an almost nervous fashion, the other elbow propped up on the door, thumb fiddling with the corner of his mouth, teeth pulling at his bottom lip, as tears consistently streamed down his face.

Dean always hid his emotions behind a facade of strength, a mask of humor. But that was broken. I didn't dare say anything, but I knew he knew I was here. And I knew he was there too.

One thought kept slipping into my mind. What are we going to do? She's gone. How can we just go back to the way things were before? We can't.

Cas took her with him to meet us at the destination we were heading to now. I knew we, especially Dean, couldn't handle having her body in the car with us the entire ride. I knew what it was like to take a loved one's body in the car with you, memories flashed through my mind of when the Hellhounds took Dean all those years ago and I carried him out to bury him. Cas understood, even in his grief, he was there for us. Right now was one of the times I was most grateful for his friendship.

"Dean…"

"No. Sammy… I- I just can't…"

And so we kept driving. We kept driving until we reached the old field we had been to a few years back. The field that we spent the night at. We had been so happy.

Cas

Her skin was so cold. More than her fingers had ever been. I sat beside her lifeless body in the dimming light in the tall-grass field. I had my knees drawn up and my arms wrapped around them, holding me up, keeping me from falling to the earth.

She had sent me away to protect me. The girl I was supposed to protect sent me away selflessly. I was trying to make my way back, when I felt a pain inside of me, and I healed, like that. I knew Lucifer's hold on me had been broken. But I didn't know with what consequences until I reached them.

Everything was gone. Everyone I loved was broken. Everything that had been, left with her.

It felt like a piece of me was missing. And something was missing. It would be burned along with her tonight.

Dean

_Author's Song Note_

"All I Want" by Kodaline

My mind was blank. Except for one thing. My eyes saw the road paved out before me, but the only thing I could really see, her hazel eyes. The life that they were full of last time we were at this field. The corners drawn up with her bright smile. The long shadows her eyelashes cast on her cheeks. The smile that made one appear on my own face, that pulled the laugher from my core. The kaleidoscope of colors that I followed up until she tripped on her own feet and fell below the tops of the tall-grass, yelping. When she popped back up, her long, curly hair covered her face. She flipped her arm underneath and pushed the majority of it away from her face. Our eyes met and we both burst into fits of laughter. Sam and Cas joined in when they saw her too.

It was one of the happiest memories I withheld.

I wished I could hear that laugh again.

I wish those lips would form that gorgeous smile again.

I wish I could find her eyes piercing my very soul, filling me with joy.

I wish I could hear that heartbeat that filled the room hours ago, echoing in my ears, I wish that it didn't slow down, I wish I hadn't heard her life stop.

I wish. I'm constantly wishing.

…

Baby's headlights lit up the weeping angel sitting in front of the field of slowly blowing grass as the moon conquered the sky.

I eased her to a stop, not being able to bring myself to look at the motionless form beside Cas. Before I turned her engine off, I spotted the pyre he had built hours before. I felt horrible to have made him spend all day with the reminder beside him, constantly letting him know that her heart had actually stopped this time.

Sam and I slowly stood up and closed our doors. I kept my eyes trained on the ground beneath my boots. I knew if I would look up I'd see not only her, but Cas's broken face.

We were all broken. We knew we would be if she ever died. And we let it happen. We couldn't stop it. And now we can't keep the pieces together. The fragile shards are falling one by one and shattering before us.

And there's nothing we can do to stop it.

She's gone.

…

_Author's Song Note_

"Somebody to Die For" by Hurts

All day Sam had researched and called and did everything he possibly could through tears to find something to bring her back.

There was nothing. Not even Cas knew what to do. The three of us were left alone without her bright life to fill our dark pasts.

It was as if ever since Her blade pierced her skin, time was slow, the world around me almost stopped. It was hard to go on, it was hard to spend this long without her. And then I'd realize, it hasn't even been a day.

What was I going to do?

…

We all slowly added dead grass and branches neatly around the pyre. The entire time tears silently streamed down my face in course rivers. Not only was I dead inside, but the skin on my chest, arm, and thigh were on fire. The marks that I was permanently left with to remind me of her death were still sore and blistering. The acid burn still wasn't as bad as the pain I felt inside.

We had had to turn on Baby's headlights to light us as we worked. When I'd turn into the beams, looking down I would see my left hand, inked all the way up to my elbow, with the tendrils snaking off around my arm. The black, red, and white Marks sent aches through me, I almost wish it would go away, it was too much of a memory, too painful.

The demons are back and stronger than ever. They are looking for a fight. Looking to win. And this time… I might just let them.

Sam

We had just finished filling the pyre with things that will be easy to catch fire. I stood and used the hem of my shirt to wipe away more tears, although because of the wetness that was already present on it from previous attempts to tame my emotions, it didn't work very well. I sniffled and heard one behind me followed by Cas's voice. I turned around to hear the conversation before I intercepted.

"Dean, no, let-" Cas tried as Dean bent down to scoop her body up. He held out his hands attempting to stop him, to let him take the load. Both of us knew Dean was breaking more than anyone.

"No Cas, no!" He said a little louder than I think he meant to. Cas backed off some and looked at Dean's face with his own tear-stained one. "I, I have to do this."

"Dean," I took a step to him as he started to lift her. "C'mon, it's okay-"

"No it's not Sam! It's not okay!" He crouched back down, not making it all the way to standing position. He interrupted me, not letting me finish, making it sound like I meant her dying was okay. I had wanted to let him know that it was okay to let us handle this, not him. But he looked at me with a thousand oceans in his eyes, pain stitched across his face, "She's gone! She's gone, Sammy…" his voice broke.

He bent his head down to look at her calm face. His lip quivered as he pet her hair and let his thumb slowly rub her temple.

Without another word from any of us, he stood and easily held her in his arms. It was a sight I was used to through the years, whether it had been after a hunt or she'd just fallen asleep in the Impala or Bobby's living room. (…Bobby… we haven't even told him the news yet…) But this time, her arms weren't wrapped around his neck, they just dangled there in the chilly night air, lifeless, as if silently searching for a hand to hold in the dark. He crossed the dirt and cut through the light from the Impala's headlights to the pyre.

With a few small grunts, he lifted her up a little higher and placed her gently in the divot we had made with grass. I had tried to get Dean to wrap her up like we usually do for these funerals. But he refused, he said he didn't want to hide her, she was scared of the dark.

When he told me that, it was something I hadn't known. She had been in the dark so much, it never occurred to me that she was afraid of it. But it had made perfect sense, everything bad that's happened in her life was in the dark. And it made me all the more sad.

But I knew it wouldn't be good to watch without anything covering her. I also knew Dean wouldn't leave for a long time. I walked over to the Impala as Dean held her limp hand and squeezed as if trying to resuscitate her. I reached in the back and pulled out a blanket. When I stood back up I saw a faint light coming from their interlocked hands.

"Dean," I said quietly.

He looked up and saw the faint peachy glow. He pulled apart like it was burning him. He looked at me with hope in his eyes. Actual hope. He rushed back over and squeezed again, this time tighter, more desperate. "Sammy… what if… what if I could…" the light flickered then went back out. He shook his head, desperation filling his eyes and tried again, tears trickling down his cheeks. "C'mon, come back to me, please, baby, please," but no light came again.

He kept trying before Cas came over and gripped his shoulder, "Dean, Dean, stop!" Dean looked at the angel, both of their eyes glistening. "Dean, that's, that's just your connection…"

"But it was… it was fading…"

Cas didn't say anything, but just looked at his best friend. Letting him think.

Dean realized what he was telling him and pulled Cas in for a strong hug. Their arms wrapped around each other looking for something solid to hold on to as their shoulders shook as they both cried.

I slowly walked over to the pyre holding my sister off of the cold ground. Cas was telling Dean that their connection was broken, their bond was severed by death. He was telling him there was no fixing it, that she was gone. He told him all of that with a few small words and one look.

I laid my palm on her cheek and let my eyes scour her face. I don't know how long all of stayed like this, but the wind blew and sent a strong shiver down my spine at the same time a felt Dean beside me, looking down at her.

He looked over at me and slowly nodded, seeing the blanket in my hand. He rested my hand on his shoulder and gripped having a silent conversation.

I threw out the sheet letting it slowly fall back down with gravity on top of her body. Dean got out the lighter and lit it, but as he went to throw it, his hand stopped. His eyes were trained on her, but his hand shook. I wrapped my fingers over his and the lighter closed cutting off the flame. Our eyes met, and this time he let me take over.

I held the lighter in between my fingers and flipped it open and the orange flame flickered to life once more. I wished bringing something to life was as simple as starting a fire. I held it, hesitating, but I closed my eyes tightly, and opening them back up, gently sat it in a pocket of dried grass.

It caught immediately and the fire spread through the dead vegetation like lightning. Dean, Cas, and I stepped back as the entire pyre was engulfed in hot flame. We could still see her shadow beneath the raging fire. After I tore my eyes away from the blaze, I looked at my brother.

The flames licked across the glassy surface of his eyes, turning his green irises into a sad brownish color, the red flicking through. It was like not only was the fire burning her away, but it was burning part of him away with it.

_Author's Song Note_

"Bring Me Back To Life" by Extreme Music

Cas

We watched for a few minutes as the fire consumed her body.

The embers flying high into the dark sky. The crackles were the only sound. By this time, it was as if our bodies were too tired to cry, yet the tears still fell, determined to reach the ground. We stood there letting the heat of the fire warm us in the night. I thought if I would close my eyes I could imagine she was there holding me, comforting me, telling me everything was going to be okay, she was so good at that. But I could only see her there in the dark, lying in Dean's arms, blood soaked and lifeless. The warmth that I did have, left me and I opened my eyes back up.

But as I did, the fire began to spark and sizzle, shooting out embers faster and faster, more and more. The three of us stepped back, stumbling in shock. We watched as the fire grew and grew, we had to keep back up as it became hotter by the second.

Then, the ground started to shake and rumble, and a loud boom echoed through the countryside. We clapped our hands shut over our ears as we fell to the ground and through squinted eyes witnessed the fire erupting, slowly at first, but it was like something was building and extending inside of it, growing larger and more powerful.

All of a sudden the pyre exploded and we covered our faces with our arms, shielding us from the debris that was falling from the sky with the searing embers. As we uncovered, we looked up and saw a giant shape slowly raising from the inferno, it's body twisting in slow circles as it lifted itself into the air. As I squinted and as it got farther from the burning flames, I began to notice details. Details like feathers. But the torched being was so bright and consumed in fire I couldn't look long. Then as it was at least forty feet in the air, what I thought were wings snapped out and extended to full wingspan, showing us that they were in fact, wings. Embers rained down from the feathers as they opened and stretched. I kept having to blink from the heat and light, but every time I looked the image became clearing as the fire died down.

The shape of the wings were familiar, but with the flames flicking in and out it was hard to tell the definite form. But as the being descended, its small feet touching the cold ground gracefully, arms extended to the sides parallel to its wings. As it got a grip on the earth, its arms fell to the sides and the fire hiding the face began to dull.

My breath was stuck in my lungs as the remaining fire blew the black curls we knew all too well up and out and around the delicate face I thought I'd never see again.

Dean

The blaze around her seemed to ignite her eyes. There were flames within them, pure red, matching the color of the fiery wings extended behind her small body. But the wheel of colors still shone through somehow, glowing in the hollow darkness of her face. My heartbeat pounded in my ears and it was hard to breathe. Because I knew who it was as soon as those eyes opened, even through the fire.

She walked slowly towards us and the flames started to die around her, but a breeze still flowed around us all. We all stared wide-eyed with fast-paced breathing. She stopped a few feet before us and the flames were gone, but she still was glowing. Not just in the most-beautiful-sight-I'd-ever-seen glowing way, but her skin emanated an aura and heat. Her wings were larger and more menacing, but still the same as they had been. Her long, black curly hair danced around around her face in wild gracefulness.

With Sam and Cas flanking my sides, she stared right at me, but said nothing. We were all too in shock to move. But after moments of waiting for something to happen, I reached out, eager to feel her skin warm again, feel the life within her, feel our connection spark to life like the fire she had just emerged from.

But as my fingertips touched her cheek, her hand shot up and gripped my Marked wrist. Her Marks stood out from the glowing skin and as my muscles tensed, my own skin where she was touching started to glow, but it didn't burn, it actually was comforting.

But as Sam reached out to help, her other hand caught his and he screamed in pain. When she let go and he stepped back, there was a red burn mark around his wrist matching her hand. He looked up at me, hair hanging over his face slightly, almost asking how I wasn't getting burnt.

"Dean," Cas's voice sounded beside me with a tone of warning, "It's not her."

"What do you mean it's not her?!" I kept looking back and forth between the two of them, body tense, yet mind at ease to see her alive. I wanted to smile, but something about her and Cas's tone caused me to hold back.

"It's not her," he urged the word.

I squeezed her hand right back and spoke in my mind hoping that whatever mojo she gave me the night before could help me out.

She replied out loud, but her voice was distorted and sounded layered. There was a higher version, reminding me of how angels speak to humans before they find a vessel, and then a lower, almost sinister tone beneath that. But in between those I could pick out the sweet sound of her own voice, the one that would lull me to sleep some nights when I'd have nightmares, the one that would challenge my sarcasm, the one I'd hear down the hall calming Sammy after one of his own nightmares. She was always there for us.

But she spoke without feeling, without emotion, an alien sound to me. Her glowing hazel eyes bored into mine and her voice reverberated in my bones. She replied to my question I had asked in my head, "I am not an angel of the Lord, nor a servant of Hell."

Almost in a register that I could barely hear him, Sam asked, "Then what are you?"

She slowly turned her head to stare him down and her neck bent slightly as if confused, but no emotion showed on her face.

"I am an Ailihaylen. A light in the darkness. A light in the hall. I fight for neither Heaven nor Hell."

I was about to say her name, feel the way it flowed off my lips, taste it on my tongue, but her body collapsed heavily to the earth and the fire behind her dimmed down like it had been biting for hours already. I followed her, crouching down. The glowing wasn't as strong, but the heat remained. Her breathing was steady, but her eyes stayed shut. It was like she just shut off. I grabbed her face between my palms and looked down at her, waiting for her eyes to open and for a smile to spread across her lips, for her arms to circle my neck, for her cheek to press against my shoulder.

I waited.

…

Trinity

"DEAN!" my voice echoed across the empty, black, endless darkness