Home is where the Heart is.
read.
Kotonoha marveled at the large field of headstones, unsure of where to start.
"Well, you see…" Otome whispered slowly in the vast, empty room. The girls had decided it was best to move back to the classroom for a more intimate telling of the somber tale. After all, this wasn't something Otome wanted just anyone to hear. Huddled around their pony-tailed companion, the girls listened as she recalled the events that lead to the boy's untimely death.
"Makoto and I had been friends since seventh grade. Well actually, I guess you could say he was more my sister's friend than mine, even though I technically met him first. He and I didn't see eye to eye on a few things and bickered a lot over stupid stuff. Looking back on it, maybe I disagreed with him so much to get his attention… I dunno. Anyway, we hung out a lot during the summer. amusement parks, the beach, the arcade, stuff like that. I especially enjoyed competing with him. Anything from video games to who could build the bigger sand castle. I won most of the time." Otome giggled slightly "It's funny. He always used to get so mad."
The girls looked on, listening attentively.
"When eighth grade started, we began to drift apart. Sure, we still said 'Hi' when we saw each other, but I was getting more into basketball and he was part of the 'Go Home Club' so we didn't get many chances to walk to the station together either. He started hanging out with more guy friends and I started hanging out with more girl friends. It was like we were in two different worlds. We didn't really see each other much that summer. Even when we did, there wasn't much to talk about. It made me really sad. Karen suggested we start eating lunch with him. It was a little awkward at first, but after a while, we were laughing, joking, and making an Olympic competition out of anything we could think of. Ever chug a whole bottle of soy sauce?"
"Soy sauce?" Kotonoha asked.
"Eww." Kumi added.
"Anyway, the three of us had started spending a lot more time together, and as time went on I guess I began to realize I had feelings for him. I mean, he was always so funny, and caring and sweet. Not to mention cute." Otome blushed.
Kotonoha could feel herself blushing as well. Why was she suddenly feeling so excited?
Why was her heart beating so fast now?
"Um, go on…" All Kotonoha knew was that she had to hear more.
"Okay, so on the first day of ninth grade, after the opening ceremony I made my move. I admit I was really nervous, but then, who wouldn't be? I was confessing to one of my closest friends. I can't even imagine how things would have been had he rejected me. Even so, it was a new year. I figured it was my chance to become a more bold me. So, I pulled him aside, making sure we were alone, and told him how I felt..."
"Well, what'd he say?" Natsumi asked impatiently.
"Yeah." Kumi added.
"Shh. Let her talk. She wouldn't leave that out."
"Thanks, Kotonoha." Otome replied. "Anyway, yeah. I asked him out and much to my surprise, he actually said yes! After that, we started going out. Things seemed relatively the same at first, but as time went on, we became closer… in more ways than one." Otome's face turned a bright crimson.
"You two did C already?" Minami asked, astonished.
Otome nodded silently.
"Wow," Kotonoha acknowledged in fake astonishment. "You're way ahead of any of us."
That fucking slut! Who the hell did she think she was?
Wait, what?
Why would Kotonoha think something so awful?
"D-don't think I'm a slut or anything!" Otome looked downward. "We were in love. It's perfectly natural for us to want to…"
"Of course." Kotonoha gritted her teeth, trying to regain control. "Why don't you continue with your story?"
"Right. Let's see, where was I… ah right. So we started going out and things were great. We went out on a lot of dates and always had a real great time. Especially over the summer. Until, of course… that day. We were just going to the shopping district. No big deal." The pain became more apparent in Otome's voice with every passing word. "We were crossing the street. I accidentally dropped my purse. I just had to go back and get it. There was a truck coming my way, with some inattentive asshole driving." Tears began to fall from Otome's eyes. "I pick the purse up, and next thing I know, he knocks me to the ground and there's blood everywhere." The four girls got closer to Otome, eager to show their support.
How awful.
"He's buried at Sakurami Memorial Gardens. I still visit him from time to time. So you see, unless you knew him back then, there's no way you could have met Makoto." Otome wiped her tears, regaining her composure.
"It's okay, Otome." Kotonoha said, putting her hand on Otome's shoulder. "You don't have to say anymore. I guess I was mistaken."
The next few moments were silent save for the occasional generic lines of support. No one quite knew what to say after such a depressing tale. It was sad. Kotonoha didn't doubt that. Yet the thoughts at the forefront of her mind were much more selfish than they were pitying.
There was no mistaking it. That had to be him. Was Katou lying? Was she seeing a ghost?
Katou? No. Otome. Why would she be calling Otome by her family name? There had to be a reason for all of these strange occurrences. The strange thoughts, the bouts of memory loss, constantly seeing that boy's smiling face in small glimpses that began to linger more and more as time went on.
Makoto Itou. There was something about him.
Something familiar.
"Hey, Kotonoha,"Otome called from across the hall. "Hurry up! We can't cream North High without our star player!"
"Ah, coming!" Kotonoha answered as the duo hurried to the locker room. There weren't many girls in there. Most of them were probably already dressed. The only ones who remained were Kanroji, Ashikaga, and a manly-looking girl she didn't know by name.
"Honestly Nanami, I don't know what you see in that guy." Ashikaga told Kanroji as she pulled up her yellow shorts. "Dude's a total Otaku. Probably spends all his time playing video games and watching anime porn."
"N-no, not… all his time." Kanroji blushed.
"I bet he makes you cosplay when you do it." Ashikaga giggled, grabbing Kanroji's breasts from behind and massaging them a bit; her fingers lightly digging in to Kanroji's soft skin.
"Chie! Knock it off!" Kanroji yelled before poutingly putting on her jersey.
As the two girls finally left the room, Kotonoha carefully folded her uniform.
"Ready to go?" Otome asked eagerly.
Kotonoha wanted badly to say yes, but something at the pit of her stomach told her it was a bad idea. It was a burning sensation. One not of physical pain, but of longing. It situated itself in her chest and threatened to burst her beating heart straight through her chest.
"Um…"
The air became thick with humidity. Her body filled with a jolt of electrifying energy. Only one thought crossed her mind.
She had to leave.
"I'll just be a minute, you go on ahead."
"Okay," Otome complied. "But don't take too long okay? Coach will have a fit!"
As soon as she saw the door close, Kotonoha made a break for the one they had entered through. Not even bothering to change out of her basketball uniform, Kotonoha raced down the hall, down the stairs and out of the building. She didn't know where she was going, but she couldn't stay there. It was as if something was calling to her. Kotonoha hadn't run so much in a long time. Amazingly, fatigue wasn't setting in. There was no pain in her chest, only desire to continue moving forward.
But why was she surprised? As a member of the Girl's Basketball Team, she was no stranger to running. Yet all the same, it felt like the first time in ages that she ever truly got to push herself. Kotonoha passed the train station, not caring about a quicker route. She was just having fun moving around. Not to mention quickly. Kotonoha's breathing became faster as she picked up speed; ignoring the stores and passerby along the way. Only once did she actually stop. It was in front of an arcade. Kotonoha didn't know why she found the place so interesting. She had never been a big fan of video games. Still, it was a nice place to catch her breath. A bottle of water from the vending machine and she was on her way. Kotonoha guzzled down the frigid bottle as her run began anew. Fading into a light jog, she decided to take in the passing scenery. Kotonoha was looking at such beautiful grassy fields. The hills all the more breathtaking when touched gently by the orange-pink light of a setting sun. Kotonoha slowed down even more when she saw a small stone fence that met with a large stone arc to form an entrance with an open black metal gate.
A plaque on one side of the arc read: Sakurami Memorial Gardens and beyond the entrance lied an even larger field than the previous one. This field was peppered with the grey of headstones and the shine of small shimmering plaques for those who could not afford proper headstones. Had it not been for the present sun, they'd have gone unnoticed to Kotonoha's gaze as she looked along the vast expanse.
"I see…" Kotonoha whispered to herself. It was obvious why she felt the sudden urge to come here. For whatever reason, Makoto Itou was calling out to her. Was he at the center of these strange happenings? Or did he wish to shed light on her mystery? Either way, Kotonoha knew that it was imperative that she see his grave right away. She decided to start by searching the aisles horizontally, but met with little luck. The place was huge. It felt nearly impossible to find just one boy. Not to mention that she had no idea what kind of marker to look for when searching for his grave. Was his headstone fancy or simple? Was it a headstone at all? Plaques were especially hard to find, and the darkening sky certainly was not helping.
"Maybe if I.." Kotonoha stopped and closed her eyes for a moment. If her gut could lead her this far, perhaps it could lead her a bit further. The thought occurred to move forward. She wasn't sure whether or not she was forcing it, but Kotonoha thought it would be best just to decide her directions on a whim. Slowly, she turned, passing grave after grave; reading the engravings along the way.
No luck so far, but she had to keep moving. Out of the corner of her eye, Kotonoha saw a short, black-haired woman dressed in pink scrubs. The woman began to walk in her direction only to stop and pull out a small metal flask. She sipped from it as she continued on.
"Excuse me, ma'am!" Kotonoha pleaded to get the woman's attention. Fatigue ran rampant on the strange woman's grief-stricken face. However, the frightful visage cracked a slight smile when she saw Kotonoha.
"A little under-dressed aren't ya?" The lady laughed, giving the yellow-clad girl a once-over. "But then, I guess I'm not one to talk." She gestured to her own odd clothing and grinned in a way that Kotonoha remembered Makoto-kun doing in the picture. "So what can I do for you, Basketball girl?" The woman asked in a slightly slurred voice."
Kotonoha was taken aback by the strange woman. She didn't seem quite drunk, but was definitely more than buzzed. "Umm… you wouldn't perhaps know where a Makoto Itou is buried, would you?"
The woman looked away, smiling to herself. "I swear, Makoto. Even now, you're as popular as ever." The woman turned back to Kotonoha. "Are you another one of his little girlfriends?"
"Something like that. I take it, you knew him." Kotonoha surmised.
"Knew him?" She laughed. "Probably a safe bet., considering that I gave birth to him."
The conversation was a bit awkward. It seemed like her day had been full of awkward conversations. Mrs. Itou was laughing a lot and drinking even more. The strong scent of alcohol cascaded from the woman's small frame, forming a dark aura of booze-drowned woe. Kotonoha walked a few steps behind Mrs. Itou as she made her way to the boy's grave. Walking down one more aisle, the woman stopped at a particular plaque on the ground. It wasn't anything fancy. Just a simple stone plaque among the more impressive headstones. There were flowers of different colors and varieties adorning the small space; mostly fresh-looking, a few wilted.
"Hi, Makoto." The woman spoke, smiling weakly. "I know you're probably sick of seeing me today, but I brought a guest." She gestured over to Kotonoha. "I'm sure you want some time alone with him. Just try not to take too long. The cemetery closes around this time." With that, the woman uttered a short prayer and took her leave. Leaving Kotonoha and Makoto Itou, son and brother, to chat. Kotonoha knelt down and closed her eyes, clasping her hands together in prayer. She didn't know what to say. She just knew she needed answers. Opening her eyes, she stared down at the engraved stone.
Nothing.
Not a feeling. No images. No sudden memories or familiar thoughts. It was just a grave. Just a cold plaque with an even colder corpse six feet underneath.
"This can't be it!" she cried. "It doesn't make sense! Why are you so quiet? What have you been wasting all this time calling me for?" Kotonoha felt herself shake with frustration. She couldn't take it anymore. Was all this nothing more than a joke? Was this spirit just trying to mess with her? Or was it all in her head? It must have been. Thinking about it, she could have just been remembering his face from off the street. They lived in the same town. She could have seen him at some point before his death. Maybe her mind was playing tricks on her. Too many fantasy books. Something like this happened in Silmaril if she recalled correctly. Yeah, that was it. Johnny kept thinking he was in some fantasy world when really he was just an ordinary boy. Of course, it all adds up. She was bored with her mundane life. A world where everything was going so right or her. There was no mystery to solve or thing to strive toward so she gave herself one.
Kotonoha shook her head and smiled. "I've been so silly. Kumi's gonna laugh her butt off when she hears about this." Kotonoha turned around to head home. The sky was dark; the only illumination hanging from the streetlights. Kotonoha held her head in shame, realizing she had just blown off one of the biggest games of the year to go off hunting her ridiculous fantasies. She would have to find a way to really make it up to the team, especially to Otome. The game was all she had talked about for the past week. Not to mention stirring up bad memories of her dead boyfriend. This wasn't exactly something that Karaoke could fix.
Kotonoha finally reached the exit only to come to a shocking realization.
The gate was closed.
Kotonoha spent too much time over at the grave and now she was locked in. What was she supposed to do now? The beautiful, peaceful sanctuary she had visited at sunset had since been transformed into a dark and dreary place. Spider webs glistened in the dim light. A cold wind blew through the air; it's sound echoing in a way almost reminiscent of a voice. Kotonoha held onto the cold iron bars for dear life as she felt a tingle in her spine. She jumped only to find nothing behind her. Heart racing, Kotonoha saw a distant, ominous figure in the distance. It was surrounded by darkness. No, it was darkness, and the creature seemed to draw closer.
"C-calm down, Kotonoha." she aid to herself nervously. "It's just your imagination again. Nothing to be scared of. It's not real."
The wind began to howl again. The echoing sounds almost beginning to sound human.
"Shhh….." the voice echoed.
Kotonoha shook, unsure of what to do. Perhaps the spirits were angry with her for doubting them?
"Pleeaa…" the voice whispered again.
Kotonoha fell to her knees, shutting her eyes tight. She just wanted whatever it was to go away.
"Koto… Kotonoha… no… please…"
Kotonoha blinked. The voice didn't sound angry with her at all. It sounded sad, grief-stricken. Maybe it just wanted to talk.
"Um… hello? Mr. ghost?" Kotonoha said wearliy; standing up and brushing herself off.
"One… two…"
The voice became more faint. Kotonoha began to follow it; trying her best to make out the words it said.
"Come… on…"
At last, the voice stopped altogether, but Kotonoha was pretty sure of where it was leading her. At last, she made it to Makoto Itou's grave. She couldn't see the letters on the plaque, but it wasn't hard to make out the gorgeous floral arrangement surrounding it. Kotonoha stood for a moment, wondering what to do.
"Hello?"
Still no answer. She probably needed to be kneeling in prayer as she was before. Slowly Kotonoha knelt down, closed her eyes, and clasped her hands once more. "Please, tell me what you want."
"Okay." replied a much clearer voice behind her.
Kotonoha jumped, turning around to find a boy sitting indian style while floating in mid-air. He was dressed in casual clothes. Green t-shirt, gray pants; though he wasn't wearing any shoes. He was surrounded by a blue glow. Kotonoha blinked at his slightly transparent face. "You're-"
"Makoto Itou? The ghost of Makoto Itou? Makoto Itou's spirit? Take your pick. Honestly I'm not even sure what I am. Is a person defined by body alone, or is it what's inside that truly makes us who we are? Most people would assume the latter, but think about this: although it's true that people say one's own experiences forms one's personality and therefore one's self, it can also be noted that at the moment that body in the ground left it's mother's womb, it became classified as Makoto Itou, or rather, when it's mother came up with the name. So you see, even without these life experiences, Makoto Itou was still an existing person." Makoto pointed at the ground below. "That is Makoto Itou... or perhaps not." Makoto grinned at Kotonoha's puzzled expression. This was the boy Otome fell in love with?
"No, not exactly. I'd like to think I've gained more clarity since being dead."
"Can you... read my thoughts?" Kotonoha asked, feeling a little creeped out again.
"or would it be, 'since being created?' Well, for the time being and for your sake, let's just assume I am Makoto. And no. I can't read your exact thoughts. However, your emotions are enough to convey them. Fear, confusion, skepticism… jealousy?" Makoto adjusted the white, triangular cloth adorning his forehead. "Maybe you wish you were a ghost too? I can see why. You get to fly around, walk through walls, and you get one of these sweet hitaikakushi." Makoto pulled it off of his forehead and flew over to Kotonoha, placing it on her own. "Not bad. I think you'd make a beautiful ghost."
Kotonoha wasn't quite sure what to feel. This Makoto was a confusing character to say the least. He was constantly going from deep and philosophical to vibrant and childlike at the drop of a hat. Still, what most bothered her was that she wasn't getting any kind of real answer. "Please, stop it." she said to him sternly, while still retaining an air of politeness.
"I see," the spirit replied. "You're right. It's time to get to the heart of the matter." Makoto took his headpiece back and landed to stand in front of her. "I'm sure you must have something to say to me after going to all the trouble to meet me here."
Kotonoha looked back on that day and the one before it. They weren't so much good days as they were confusing ones. She had come to a few conclusions on her own already, but knew that only the ghost could truly shed light on the day's events.
"Wh- why did you call me here?"
The glowing boy cupped his chin, as if unsure of the answer himself. He looked thoughtfully at the stars before giving his response. "I am unsure, myself." He whispered "I actually have no memory of ever deliberately contacting you."
That didn't make any sense. Surely he must have known something. "But- but you were in my dreams. I'd catch myself accidentally saying your name or writing it down on my notebook. I even saw you on the train this morning. I'm sure of it."
The boy's expression was one of shock. How could he be surprised by this? He was a ghost. Surely he had some experience with events like these. "Well, the train thing makes sense I guess. Sometimes, when I'm strong enough, I go to your school to check on Otome. The weird thing is, I didn't go this morning."
"Maybe you leave behind some sort of residual image."
"Doubtful. Although the idea that you could even see me in the first place seemed far-fetched until a few minutes ago." Makoto thought for a second. "You mind if I see the supposed 'contact' I made with you for myself?"
"See them?" Kotonoha looked downward. "I can't exactly force them. They just kind of happen."
"It's okay." Makoto replied. "I'll just look into your memory for them."
"I thought you said you couldn't do that." Kotonoha looked at him skeptically.
"Well… I can't. Not when I'm outside of the body anyway. I probably have to possess you."
"Possess me? I'm not sure if I want you taking control of my body."
"Relax." he coaxed. "You'll most likely walk out of this unscathed."
"Most likely?"
"Well, you have to understand. I've actually never done this before. Truthfully I don't even know if I can. Still, the ghosts on TV seem to be able to do it just fine."
"I don't know if we should be trying this." Kotonoha backed away slightly.
"It's okay." he said to her in a calm, charming voice. "I won't let anything happen to you." Kotonoha felt a slight chill in her fingers as his intangible left hand touched her own palpable right. Slowly, he pushed his forehead into hers in a manner somewhat familiar to her as his body began melting into hers. A flurry of sensations rushed the girl all at once. She was hot. She was cold. It tingled and itched. It was pleasurable and painful. Kotonoha doubled over, overwhelmed by the sudden torrent of stimulation. Her vision was getting blurry. The dim orange glow of the streetlights replaced by a bright white one. It took over her entire field of vision and soon she saw nothing but white. Kotonoha no longer felt herself kneeling in the grass. She was bodiless, floating in a vast void of white nothingness. It felt like an eternity, but slowly, things began to form together. Scenes began to fade in and fade out in front of her. Scenes of her and a very much alive Makoto Itou. They were hugging, kissing, going on dates. She saw them sleeping together, eating together. She also saw him with other girls. She saw him not only sleeping with Otome, but all of her other friends as well. She saw him hold a short-haired girl lovingly.
Bitch.
Kotonoha saw him asking her out for the first time. She saw their first date. They were at the arcade she had stopped at earlier. Kotonoha didn't look like she was having much fun. She saw herself with him at a movie, slapping him for trying to kiss her. She saw him holding her at Christmas time, tearfully apologizing.
"What is all this?" She asked herself, a true voice unable to escape her non-existent mouth.
Her own friends said hurtful things and knocked over her bentou.
"It could be anything." Makoto Itou replied with a similar disembodied voice. "Were these what you saw?"
The short-haired girl chatted with her on the sidelines at gym.
"Some of them," she answered. "but most of these are new. Where do you think these things are coming from?"
Makoto taught Kotonoha to swim.
"Who knows. It could be another universe. One where you and I are together. Where I'm unfaithful. Or perhaps these are inventions of your subconscious. Maybe you're bored with your regular life and secretly yearn for a life filled with drama and excitement."
The girl sneered with disgust at the bundle in Makoto's arms.
"Are you saying that I wanted to be cheated on?" She asked, slightly offended.
Kotonoha lovingly held what seemed to be the same infant she expressed her hatred for moments ago.
"No. I'm merely suggesting that sometimes you might wish you lived in a world with more going on."
Kotonoha thought about this as she continued to watch herself in this strange world. Apparently she had to quit kendo for medical reasons. That was a shame. In her own world, Kotonoha had already won many competitions with her skills. That Kotonoha would probably be surprised if she told her she'd ran all the way to a cemetery on the other side of town. Come to think of it, she was surprised about that herself. Suddenly things were all piecing together. The day she almost went into the second year room, forgetting she was friends with Otome and the others, or that she was on the Basketball team. It all added up.
"Um, Itou?"
"Yeah?" he replied.
"Do you think maybe these are… my memories?"
"Memories? What do you mean?"
Kotonoha took a mental breath and uneasily answered. "I was just thinking… maybe I came here.. from that world…"
Kotonoha's vision went dark and she began to feel her own body again. For a moment, something began to push on her chest. The pressure was hard and painful. She opened her eyes to find the familiar white ceiling of her bedroom. She was nestled gently under the covers. The smell of breakfast shook her from her daze. Kotonoha sat up, smiling bitter sweetly.
"I see, so that's what happened…
Makoto-kun…"
Do not own School Days or any other anime, books, movies, or products mentioned in this story... yet...