– AARON & JACKSON: MY WAY –
"BREAKING THROUGH"
~This fanfic follow on two days after The Unknown
- I do not own the characters, or Emmerdale – ITV do.
Aaron was sat up in his bed and out of the hospital gown much to his relief and in his own clothes, he felt exposed in only the gown and especially with Jackson being around a lot. He was told he could go home in a few hours; they were just waiting to be given the all clear by the doctor.
However this doctor wasn't one Aaron was expecting, Chas had decided not to tell her son of the visit he was about to receive and she smiled as the smartly dressed woman walked by her and into his room, carrying a file.
"This isn't gunna go down too well..." Chas commented nervously with folded arms.
Jackson shrugged. "Might be just what he needs"
"Oh..." Chas nodded quickly. "It's what he needs alright but I'm just not looking forward to what comes after she's left that room"
Jackson flicked up both eyebrows and sighed. "No...Me either"
...
Aaron watched as the suited woman walked in, he frowned.
"Hi Aaron I'm Doctor Reynolds, I'm here to conduct a psychiatric evaluation..."
Aaron scowled. "You what?"
"It's routine when an individual has purposely intended to kill themselves"
Aaron sighed. "I can't even understand myself what makes you think you and your qualifications can?" he snapped.
The doctor nodded and sat down. "Okay...well then just talk..." she smiled.
Aaron shook his head. "No, no, I don't want too, what gives you the right to come in here expecting someone to talk about their feelings!" Aaron was angry and he began to move off the bed.
"Aaron I didn't come here to anger you, I'm simply doing my job"
"Good for you, but I'm leaving"
"You can't leave yet, not until I've given my report to my boss, the doctor who's been seeing to you"
"Oh what? To see if I'm mentally fit to return to the real world? Jog on...it's tough" he turned to her. "I'm discharging myself" he turned to the door and opened it.
He sighed when Jackson was blocking his way. Aaron looked into Jackson's big sparkly brown eyes that were too looking into his own. Jackson placed his hands on Aaron's shoulders and turned him round. "You're going to talk whether you like it or not, get back in there now!" Jackson told him with a smirk. It was funny the faces Aaron made when he was angry and frustrated.
Jackson closed the door as Aaron walked back inside. The doctor smiled. "They obviously care about you Aaron"
"I don't know why they bother!" he said as he slumped down on the edge of the bed.
"It shouldn't take long I promise...I've had worse reactions than yours" she smiled.
Aaron sighed and nodded. "Alright...go on then"
"What made you want to overdose?" she asked her pen ready to write down her notes on her pad.
"I-I'm gay and It's not long since I properly realised" Aaron looked at the floor as he spoke. "Paddy, he thought I was doing drugs when I was really going to a gay bar...when he confronted me about it, he pushed me too far"
"How far?"
"I hit him...but he told me it didn't matter if I was gay...but it does to me, it's not the way I'm supposed to be, I bullied a kid at school because he was...my relationship with Paddy is fine now but I hate what I did to him...but the fact that he knew I felt like I was losing control..."
"Of the secret?" the doctor asked.
Aaron nodded. "Yeah, and then my mate out of nowhere realised what was going on so then he knew...and when I was drunk I apparently kissed Jackson and turns out my mam saw" he shook his head and he sighed. "She said it was okay and that she just wanted to help, I freaked out and I ran...I went to the garage where I work and took out some pills, we keep them incase we need them...I couldn't face being like this, I still can't I hate myself, I hate everything about who I 'am...so I took the whole lot and I felt myself relaxing...everything went away and I fell asleep..."
"How did you feel when you were told you kissed Jackson?"
"Shocked, I never thought I'd do that"
"Do you like him?"
Aaron frowned. "Bit personal innit?"
"I'm sorry Aaron, talking does help that's all" she told him with a smile.
"Alright, yes...Yes I suppose I do...but why he's still here is beyond me...we hardly know each other"
"That's something only you and he can discuss"
Aaron nodded.
"And what about when you woke up in hospital. What was your first thought?"
Aaron scoffed. "I thought your useless Aaron, couldn't even do that right...maybe hanging yourself would have worked"
"Would you really want to die and leave your family?"
Aaron sighed and looked up at her. "I did..."
"And now?"
"I don't know...everything just got too much...it's going to take time but no...I won't try that again...I just have to try" he scrunched his face. "I don't like the person I 'am...but if I like men then whats the point in fighting it, I don't have the energy to fight it, I've done it for far too long"
"I think some things just have to stop eventually, I'm not saying give into it but just embrace who you are because being gay isn't the stereotype of what people think or assume" she smiled at him. "For example your mum said you're a mechanic..."
Aaron nodded. "And Jackson's a builder"
"Exactly...And you and millions of other gay people are just that – people, the same as everyone else, the only difference is their preference...you're just a normal young lad that likes other men and you have your whole life ahead of you..."
As she spoke Aaron actually smiled, she'd broke through and she could tell that a few minutes earlier but she needed to keep him talking. "A smile?" she said with a smile.
Aaron chuckled. "Yeah...not used to smiling lately..."
The doctor nodded in understanding. "I can't say what will happen with you and Jackson but I'm guessing he can make you smile, and from what I saw before you listen to him...that's a good start"
Aaron nodded.
Doctor Reynolds stood up. "I'm done here unless you want to talk more?"
Aaron shook his head.
"Alright...well just remember what I said" she smiled.
"I'll try" Aaron told her with a nod.
"Good, you can go home now...but I will contact you to arrange a follow up meeting in a few weeks to see how you're doing...I appreciate what you're going through isn't easy Aaron, just remember I'm not here to make things worse for you"
"I know...I'm sorry"
"Not at all" she shook her head. "See you in a few weeks" she told him and walked out.
...
"Well?" Chas asked eagerly.
The doctor smiled. "He talked...a lot more than I expected actually which is good..."
"Good...Is he okay to go home yet?"
"Yes of course, I've told him I'll organise a follow up in a few weeks so if you can try and make sure he gets to the appointment, it's very important for me to gauge how he's progressing with all of this"
Chas nodded. "Yes, yes of course thankyou doctor"
"You're welcome" she smiled, nodding slightly at both of them before walking away.
...
An hour later Aaron, Chas and Jackson arrived back at Smithy cottage; Aaron was quiet on the drive back and when they walked in he walked straight upstairs to his room without a word. "I'll go up in a minute" Jackson told Chas.
Chas nodded as Paddy walked in from the surgery. "How is he?"
Chas nodded. "Yeah he's alright – I think, he's really quiet but we expected that..."
Paddy nodded. "He'll come round eventually...how did it go with the psychiatrist?"
"She said he spoke more than expected...but I think I'll go and see him...we need to talk now..."
"Okay love" Chas smiled.
Jackson turned and walked up the stairs and knocked on Aaron's door.
"Yeah" Jackson heard his voice and he opened the door and walked in and closed it behind him again and he turned and looked down at him lying on his bed.
Jackson smiled. "You were quiet..."
Aaron sat up slowly and nodded in reply. "Why are you even here Jackson?"
Jackson knew from his tone that he wasn't being malicious. "I know...It's weird...we only met a few times...but your mum said that I was involved now and she's right..." Jackson looked up at him quickly when he heard him sobbing. "...And I do like you Aaron, I know what you're going through is scary but I'm here if you want me to be?" he asked.
Aaron nodded with teary eyes. "Yeah" he quickly replied as he caught his breath. He slowly let out a breath to calm himself.
Jackson smiled. He was attracted to Aaron, he was hurting and all he wanted to do was hold him but he didn't know if he should. "It all gets better from now...the people who matter the most know...it doesn't matter about the rest of the village if and when they find out and they don't like it" Jackson turned up his lips. "That's their problem, it doesn't change who you are, and if they don't see that then they're blatantly thick in the head" Jackson smirked and Aaron chuckled as he wiped away his tears.
Jackson stopped talking for a few seconds and let Aaron calm down. "I don't want what I'm going to say to freak you out...but I find you really good looking..." he'd say more but due to the circumstances he restricted his true thoughts from emerging. "And the kiss..." he smiled. "Well...you're not too bad at it are ya?"
Aaron blushed and smiled awkwardly finding other things in the room to look at but he struggled and looked down at his bedding.
"I want to get to know you properly"
Aaron nodded slowly, adjusting himself to what Jackson had just said. He thought Jackson was mad for wanting him in his life...but if that's what he wanted he wasn't going to stop him and deep down Aaron wanted him in his too, for whatever reason it would turn out to be; Jackson was a good person to have in anyone's life.
TBC...