Heads up! Denmark and Norway are in this chapter, and since they don't have set names, I want to clarify who is who.

Denmark – Mathias

Norway – Lukas

Okay, carry on my wayward sons!

"Anybody got some pills? I could go for some pills right about now."

"Gilbert, you can't expect us to keep enabling your addiction. This has to stop."

"Screw you, Mathias. Lukas, buddy, I know you have some. Wanna help a dying brother out?"

"Depends. What are you willing to do for me in exchange?"

"I'll shoot Mathias in the face. How's that sound?"

"Hey! I don't like this plan!"

"I like this plan very much. Here are your pills."

"Pleasure doing business with you," Gilbert said and turned his shotgun to shoot Mathias in the back.

Alfred listened to his friends with a grin on his face. They were playing Left 4 Dead 2, yet another zombie apocalypse game, because nothing was better than murdering things that were already dead.

Unless you were Lukas, that is.

"Why do you get some kind of sick satisfaction from watching my pain?" Mathias whined at Lukas.

"Instinct mostly."

"Heads up, guys! Tank!" Alfred warned the others.

It wasn't an actual military vehicle so much as a giant, boulder of a man that barreled down the ruined corridor they were currently in. Lukas ducked into an office in the nick of time, leaving the monster to push Mathias off the side of the building where the wall had been torn apart. Mathias's character hung by his hands several stories in the air.

"Ah hell, I fell," Mathias groaned. "Can someone help me up?"

"Or we can leave Mathias as bait and make a run for it," Lukas suggested.

"No man left behind!" Alfred roared and charged the beast, firing away with an assault rifle. Gilbert joined the fray with a Molotov cocktail. The beast caught aflame, and once Lukas aided them, the giant succumbed and moved no more.

"Double-tap," Gilbert said and shot the tank's head one last time.

Alfred shook his head at the burnt creature. "Shoulda stopped, dropped, and rolled."

"He really should have."

"Um, guys? Still hanging off the side of a building here."

"I'm sorry, Mathias, I couldn't hear you over my pill addiction."

"What the fuck, Gilbert. That doesn't even make sense!"

"Your mom doesn't make sense! Hahahaha!"

"Whatever. Alfred? Get me up buddy?"

"Hold on, I'm getting ammo. Lukas, get 'em up."

Lukas turned away from them all and walked down the corridor while muttering something about, "See no evil, hear no evil."

"I'm going to haunt all of you after I fall to my death," Mathias swore.

Just then, Lukas came sprinting back, chased by another tank followed by a swarm of zombies.

"Shit, we just killed one!" Gilbert yelled and was promptly pummeled by the creature's oversized arms. "It's about to down me—fuuuuuck."

Alfred scrambled to help, but they didn't have another Molotov or anything else to help out, and through some unlucky maneuvering, the tank downed all of them. All of their characters lay on the ground bleeding out. They weakly tried to fight off the horde with pistols, but alas, there was no one to pick them up when they were down.

"Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" Alfred cried as too many infected surrounded him, munching on his tasty bod.

"Gee, if only there had been someone else to help you guys," Mathias said in a wry tone only to let his anger seep through. "Oh wait! There was but nooooo. You guys couldn't be bothered to get me up."

"I'd rather die," Lukas said, to which Gilbert pointed out that he was already dying. Lukas sounded pleased. "Oh good, that means I don't have to hear his whining anymore."

"I would have helped you, Mathias!" Alfred promised dramatically, too immersed in shooting the zombies that ate away at the last vestiges of his health bar. "Remember me fondly in the next life! Aaaaaaahhhh—urkkururkrakuraruruuughghghghhhh . . . I am dead."

"So, we calling it quits here?" Gilbert asked.

"Yeah, I think we're good," Alfred agreed. "Unless you guys were up to something else?"

"Nah, me and Lukas have a D&D session to get to," Mathias said. For all that the two of them seemed to rag on each other, Mathias and Lukas were good friends who did a lot of gaming together.

"Oh yeah? Is it fun?" Alfred asked, somewhat curious. "I've never really joined a game myself."

"Yeah, Lukas is the DM. He's great at it. He even put Elvis in the plot!"

Before either Alfred or Gilbert could question that, Lukas added, "A character token looks like Elvis. Elvis is not actually running around in our fantasy kingdom setting."

"It's totally Elvis," Mathias denied and Lukas sighed heavily into his microphone in a way that said he'd fought this battle many times.

"Is he a bard?" Gilbert asked.

"Yes! That's why he has to be Elvis!"

"What's a bard again?" Alfred asked.

"They can play music and whatnot to cast spells."

"Ohhhhh, I get it!"

"Mathias, we're leaving," Lukas declared and left the call.

"Oh, okay. Catch you guys later!"

After they were gone, Alfred metaphorically turned to Gilbert. "So, you D&D, Gil?"

"A couple of times. I was a bard in one campaign. Ended up losing my flute because I stabbed it in the eye of a hobgoblin."

"Isn't that kind of harsh?"

"No, because the asshole was racist and killed my elven girlfriend. All's fair in love and D&D."

"Huh," Alfred hummed thoughtfully. He leaned back in his chair a little, glancing nearby where a line of bobble-head Avengers stood on his desk. He poked at Thor's head while he mused about D&D. He had always thought it was a lame game, but maybe he'd have to look into it. Gilbert and them made it sound fun.

"So, what's up with you and that cat guy playing Silent Hill together?" Gilbert asked.

"His name is Arthur," Alfred replied automatically, too used to this familiar argument with his brother. Then he realized what Gilbert said. "Wait, how'd you know he was in one of my Silent Hill videos?"

"Alfred, I literally commented on that video. You responded. We had a whole correspondence going on."

"Oh, that's right," Alfred chuckled at himself. "Yeah, I forgot."

"I noticed."

"Why were you watching anyway?"

"I was taking a shit and thought of you."

"Aww, thank you. Do you always watch my videos when you're having bowel movements?"

"Only when I'm really constipated. Your voice is a great laxative."

"Mm, this is gross. We're really gross."

"We're men. We're supposed to be gross."

"Yeah! Ten seconds in the shower is all we really need! So people—like my brother—should stop complaining."

"Yeeeah, no, I'm going to assume you're not serious because I draw the line there."

Alfred laughed and asked him what he thought of Arthur. He knew his own opinion of Arthur, and if he asked Matthew his twin would only shrug. He wanted to know what his friend thought of the British vlogger."

"Arthur seems cool. Smarter than you at least." Gilbert ignored Alfred's offended, "Not cool, dude," and continued, "You should get him to play with us sometime."

Alfred blew out a breath. "I would, but Arthur's not really a gamer. He really only does vlogging."

"About his cat, yeah, I checked him out. What kind of nerd names their cat, Jasper?"

"I will fight you in Jasper's honor."

AlfredtheHero: "Bath or shower?"

Cat Owner: "Baths when I want to relax. Showers when I'm in a hurry."

AlfredtheHero: "Summer or Winter?"

Cat Owner: "Spring."

AlfredtheHero: "That wasn't an option!"

Cat Owner: "It should have been. You shouldn't limit yourself like that, mate."

AlfredtheHero: "lol, why Spring tho? You like all the flowers?"

Cat Owner: "Yes, besides that, the temperature is pleasant."

AlfredtheHero: "Coffee or tea? Oh wait, you're British!"

Cat Owner: "I'll have you know that I do actually drink coffee on occasion."

AlfredtheHero: "Really?"

Cat Owner: "On rare occasions. When I'm incredibly sleep deprived and have poor taste."

AlfredtheHero: "You like it~ admit it."

Cat Owner: "I will do no such thing. Next question."

AlfredtheHero: "Cats or dogs?"

Cat Owner: "Alfred, what animal do I live with?"

AlfredtheHero: "A llama."

Cat Owner: "So you've seen through Jasper's disguise, oh darn."

AlfredtheHero: "I was suspicious from the start! You can't fool me!"

Cat Owner: "Your detective skills are impeccable. Truly you have missed a great career opportunity."

AlfredtheHero: "You could be the Watson to my Sherlock."

Cat Owner: "I have never heard a more tempting offer. Please do go on."

AlfredtheHero: "Jasper could be our Scooby."

Cat Owner: "I don't believe Scooby-Doo was one of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's characters."

AlfredtheHero: "He was there, always waiting in the wings, just a bork away in the night."

Cat Owner: "Obviously I haven't read as closely as you have."

AlfredtheHero: "Obviously. So, city or rural area?"

Cat Owner: "Both have their charms, but I live in a city."

AlfredtheHero: "Same here. What would you do if you only had 24 hours left to live?"

Cat Owner: "I suppose you want me to be honest."

AlfredtheHero: "That would be preferable, yes."

Cat Owner: "I would drink my weight in alcohol."

AlfredtheHero: "Seriously? No spending it with your family? Or go somewhere you've always wanted? Or try to make a mark on the world one last time?"

Cat Owner: "If I only have a few hours left to live, I don't want to be sober. My family would understand. As for making my mark on the world, I'm sure I would come up with something rash in my last drunken moments."

AlfredtheHero: "Like what?"

Cat Owner: "Do I really have to come up with something?"

AlfredtheHero: "You brought it up!"

Cat Owner: "All right, fine! Something like . . . go streaking around Buckinham Palace, I don't know."

AlfredtheHero: "Dude, seriously?"

Cat Owner: "I would be extremely inebriated in this scenario, so yes. I wouldn't put it past me."

AlfredtheHero: "Would you be screaming 'God save the Queen!' while you did it?"

Cat Owner: "Possibly."

AlfredtheHero: "Arthur, you're kinda hardcore."

Cat Owner: "Most would think that to be improper or at best annoying. Not hardcore."

AlfredtheHero: "You're a baller. You should vlog while drunk sometime."

Cat Owner: "Who says I haven't?"

AlfredtheHero: "You have?! Where? I wanna watch it!"

Cat Owner: "Why are you getting so excited?"

AlfredtheHero: "Because drunk you sounds awesome and not like your usual self!"

Cat Owner: "This is the part where I would hang up on you if this were not messaging."

AlfredtheHero: "What? Why?"

Cat Owner: "Because I don't like to listen to people insult me?"

AlfredtheHero: "What? I didn't insult you."

Cat Owner: "Yes you did!"

AlfredtheHero: "OH MY GOD I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"

Cat Owner: "Then how did you mean it?"

AlfredtheHero: "You're really awesome! But you have other awesome sides that I haven't seen yet! Which is awesome!"

Cat Owner: "Idiot."

AlfredtheHero: "I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!"

Cat Owner: "I don't hate you. Just think before you type."

AlfredtheHero: "You're really cool. I promise. ;)"

Cat Owner: "All right, all right. I forgive you."

AlfredtheHero: "Does that mean you'll let me see your drunk vlogs?"

Cat Owner: "I may have posted a couple on Youtube before . . ."

AlfredtheHero: "Which ones? Tell me!"

Cat Owner: "Sorry, but it looks like you'll have to find them yourself."

AlfredtheHero: "No fair!"

Cat Owner: ":)"

Alfred wanted to pout. He wanted to whine and act upset until he got his way. He wanted to let Arthur know just how displeased he was.

But with a simple smiley face, he was undone.

Now he pranced around his apartment wearing the goofiest smile, twirling this way and that, completely unashamed with no one around to watch him. He skated his socked feet across the kitchen tiles. He moonwalked over the carpet. He hugged the television like it was an old friend just because he could. So high on life was he, he belted out song lyrics passionately.

"Like a river floooows~ Surely to the seaaaa~ Darling, so it goooesss~ Some thiiiiings are meant to beeeee~"

The door opened, signaling Matthew's return home. Alfred kept singing and dancing regardless of Matthew standing there staring with a blank face.

"I have questions," his brother said.

"Taaaaaake myyyy hand~"

"Why are you singing Elvis Presley?"

"Take my whooooole liiiife, toooooo~"

"And why are you wearing a shark costume?"

"For IIIII caaaaan't heeeeelp~"

"No seriously, where did you get a shark costume?"

"Faaaaalling in loooooove wiiiiith youuuuuuu~"

"Ah—Alfred, no, let me go! I don't want to dance!"

Alfred spun Matthew around the living room, the move made slightly awkward with Alfred's costume getting in the way. But sometimes ya just gotta dance even if you're tripping over your own fins.

"Mattie! I'm in love!" Alfred confessed loudly, hugging Matthew.

Matthew, with his face smooshed against Alfred's chest, told him, "Al, you're not in love."

"I am too!"

"You are not."

"Okay, I'm in like. Same thing basically."

"So you bought a shark costume?"

"Eh, it was on sale. I got one for you too!"

Matthew squirmed in his hold to level a look at him. "And you thought we would need them because . . .?"

"For shark week, duh."

"It's not shark week though, not even close."

"It's shark week every week if you try hard enough."

Alfred could see Matthew visibly lose his will to live. Alfred always felt accomplished when he achieved these moments.

"Are you, like, done?" a voice asked from the still-open doorway.

Alfred glanced up to see a blond guy holding his phone up like he had recorded everything. He felt excitement at recognizing who it was. "Feliks! What's up, dude?"

Matthew eyed Feliks knowingly. "Please don't post that anywhere."

"Shush," Feliks said playfully, but tucked his phone in his pocket. "You look super cute as a shark, by the way Al. You should get Matt to dress up with you so I can take pictures."

"Don't give him ideas!" Matthew hissed to which Feliks laughed away his concern.

"I like the way you think," Alfred said, throwing a finny arm around his brother. Matthew just accepted it. "So whatchya doing here? Did ya miss my epic self?"

"Of course," Feliks said, smiling and inviting himself in to hug Alfred. "I'm kinda sad about this costume though. It's cute, but it hides your thighs. And you know I love your thighs. You could, like, crush my head with your thighs, and that's really hot."

Alfred laughed. "You're a really weird guy." Despite how weird Feliks was, the brothers had been friends with him ever since they first started college. Alfred thought he was a shy person at first, but boy did Feliks open up once you got to know him.

"Says the cutie in the shark costume," Feliks fired back, tapping Alfred's nose teasingly.

He stepped away to go rummage through their kitchen. Feliks liked to live by a "what's yours is mine" mentality when he decided you were his friend, so he helped himself to their food. Matthew followed after him to get something to eat, no doubt hungry after spending hours in classes.

"So you totally have to tell me about this person you're in like with," Feliks said, pulling out a box of s'mores pop-tarts.

"He's talking about the cat guy," Matthew said dismissively.

"His name is Arthur,"Alfred frowned. He quickly perked up again and came over to lean against the counter by Feliks. He shoved his phone at him. "Look at this! He sent me a smiley face."

"Awww, oh my gosh," Feliks cooed, holding the phone and skimming the messages. "What were you talking about? 'Sorry, but it looks like you'll have to find them yourself'? Are you getting naughty, Alfie?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"Uh, hello? Sexting? You were, weren't you?"

Alfred snatched his phone back, face heating up. "N-no! Don't make things dirty, Feliks! We've just been talking! Arthur's like, a gentleman or whatever. He's British anyway, and Brits are prudes, so he probably would never . . ."

"Generalizations are dangerous," Matthew said from over by the fridge, but no one was paying attention to him.

"So what's he like?" Feliks asked, digging into his pop-tart. He hardly bothered to cover his mouth as he talked. "When did you meet? How long you been talking? Is he gay? Omg, what if he, like, misunderstood your intentions or whatever and this ends up being all tragic?"

"I, uh, it's not really like that," Alfred admitted, fiddling with his phone. "I—I don't know if he'd dig me, but we've just been talking anyway. Just as friends, I guess. Which is fine! I'm cool with that! He's cool, ya know? And I just want to get to know more about him and talk to him and listen to him and make him smile and stuff."

"You sound like you've got it bad," Feliks said with a little smirk on his face. "You got pics?"

After that, the trio found themselves on the living room couch, Alfred showing Feliks some of Arthur's vlogs.

"His brows are so thick. I want to get my hands on them so bad. The things I would do to them . . ." Feliks vowed.

"I wanna pet 'em," Alfred said.

Matthew watched them warily from aside but refrained from commenting.

"Is it just me, or does his cat, like, look like him?" Feliks asked.

"I know, right? I think it's the eyes."

"They have the exact same facial expressions sometimes."

"The kind like, 'I'm silently judging you'?"

"Yeah! Like that!"

"It's pretty cute though. And Arthur's really nice. And sassy. He's like a cat in human form."

"Mm-hm. You guys would look cute together. Shame about the whole ocean thing between you."

Matthew began looking for something to watch on TV. This was when he was finally noticed by Feliks who told him to put Legally Blonde on.

"Really?" Matthew asked.

Feliks raised a thin brow. "Are you telling me you don't want to watch Legally Blonde?"

Matthew wisely put the movie on.

"That's what I thought. Don't tell me you don't want to watch Elle Woods, 'cause she is goals," Feliks said, referring to the main character of the movie. "She's, like, literally me."

"You would study incredibly hard to get into an elite university to impress a guy who's not even worth your time," Matthew asked skeptically.

"Yes, except Toris was worth my time," Feliks mentioned his childhood friend. "I wasn't about to let Toris go off to college without me. He'd cry and junk if I wasn't with him. So you know I graduated high school a year early so I could go to college with him."

"You know," Alfred said, "I always forget that you're really smart."

"Thirty-two ACT score, bitches!" Feliks cheered. "If Elle Woods can beat stereotypes, then so can I!"

"That's impressive," Matthew commented, smiling a little. "That you're dedicated to your best friend enough to do that."

"I had to keep him around. This story has too many blonde people."

For a moment, Matthew's face tensed in something akin to horror. "W-what do you mean?"

Feliks waved his confusion away. "The story of my life, duh. Like, blonde people are the best, but variety is the spice of life or whatever. That's why God made everybody look different. Except you two. I still can't tell the difference until, like, one of you opens your mouth."

"Oh. Heh," Matthew chuckled and relaxed.

"It's easy to tell us apart," Alfred told Feliks. "I'm the handsomer one."

"Alfred, we look exactly the same. Though I guess our hair styles are slightly different."

"Nah, you've got this look about your face."

"What look?"

"Like a baby moose whose parents just got poached."

Matthew looked at him all affronted like.

Alfred snapped his fingers and pointed at him. "Yeah, like that!" He laughed as Matthew readied a pillow to throw.

"Boys, chill," Feliks said from between them. "I will put you in the corner."

Matthew redirected the pillow to his own face. His voice came out muffled, "Feliks, you're not our mom."

"I am squad mom. I am the big matriarch. You are my children."

"For someone who has adult children, you look really young," Alfred complimented.

Feliks beamed. "Thanks! I, like, moisturize! Anybody wanna feel my legs? I just shaved."

"No thanks," both Alfred and Matthew said in sync.

"Rude," Feliks huffed. "This is why you're both single."

"Matt's not," Alfred corrected, to which Matthew sent a warning glare. Alfred ignored it. "He's been dating our neighbor."

"What? And you didn't tell me?" Feliks asked, scandalized.

"It's not dating," Matthew denied, waving his hands like he could physically stop this conversation from happening. "He keeps bothering me and kidnapping me."

"So it's a guy?" Feliks said excitedly.

"Did you just miss the 'kidnapping' part?"

"You know, Mattie, if you want me to . . ." Alfred began, but Matthew talked over him.

"For the last time, Al, I'm not going to sic you on our neighbor. This is my problem, and you'd just make it worse anyway."

Alfred gaped at him. How could his own brother be so cruel? "How would I make things worse?"

"You'd get into a fistfight with him."

"How would that make things worse? I'd be defending your honor!"

"I can defend my own honor!" Matthew shouted, which for him was more like talking at room volume. Or was that temperature?

Feliks pushed at both of their faces impatiently. "Seriously, shut up and, like, start talking. I want to know all the details. Is this why you've been so moody lately, Matt?"

"I haven't been moody." Matthew sulked.

Feliks scoffed. "You've been bi-polar as fuck. And don't tell me it's been because of, like, school and junk. Momma knows."

Matthew rolled his eyes. "You're making a mountain out of a molehill. It's just our neighbor Ivan being strange. He's started trying to talk to me every time we pass in the hallway or the parking lot, or he drags me out to eat. Without ever really asking, might I add! He thinks he can just push and get his way, and one of these days! One of these days I swear I'll give him the what-for!"

"I could—"

"No Alfred! Me! It will be me who gives it to him! You're not the one who had to buy expensive steaks!"

Alfred slouched back into the couch, arms crossed. "Fine then. I try to be a good brother and what do I get? I get snapped at. Thanks bro."

Matthew quieted at that. He played with the pillow in his lap, tugging on the fabric. With his usual soft timbre, he spoke, "You are a good brother, Al. I just . . . want to deal with this myself. You always try to come in and solve stuff for me like that. I'm not helpless."

Things were silent for a minute, save for the TV playing, but no one paid attention to the movie, not even Feliks. He was watching Alfred, his green eyes narrowed.

Not one to keep quiet for long, Feliks prompted Alfred, "Well?"

"Well what?" he shot back.

Feliks elbowed him. "Aren't you going to, like, say something to your brother?"

Alfred glowered for a moment before looking over to Matthew, who sat staring down at the pillow. He bit his cheek before saying, "You're not helpless, Matt."

His twin nodded. "I'm not."

"You could kick his ass to China and back."

"I could."

"And he doesn't deserve you. You're too nice for him."

"I know."

"You guys are so adorable," Feliks interrupted them. He held out his phone and posed with the peace sign. "Gotta like, commemorate this sappy moment with a selfie."

The brothers glanced at each other and shook their heads. Then they laughed and the tense atmosphere evaporated.

I just really needed to write Feliks in this, okay? If Arthur gets Francis as his sassy blond friend, then Al and Matt get Feliks.

If you don't know what D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) is, it's a fantasy tabletop role-playing game that's been around for like the past four decades. Players create characters who have set races and roles (like playing an elf who is a bard) and whoever is appointed as the DM (dungeon master) works as the game's god basically. The DM sets up the game, informs the players of the world setting and plot, and dictates what players are allowed to do (mostly depending on the numbers the players roll). Nowadays though you can play online. I've never played myself, but I've watched others play and it looks hella fun.

No bonus scene this time. HOWEVER! I am working on a bonus scene, but it's kind of long, and since it deals with the plot anyway, I'm going to post it as its own chapter. Expect that to be posted by this weekend hopefully.

LAST THING! Tell me something. What is your favorite Hetalia AU? But don't tell me here! I put up a poll on my profile, so go check that out please! And since you're on my profile, you might as well check out my other Hetalia stories. Just don't scroll down too far! Otherwise you'll get to my Fullmetal Alchemist phase. Don't go down there, trust me, I was a different person then, so young, so naïve.