AlfredtheHero: "DUDE!"

AlfredtheHero: "GOD DOES EXIST!"

AlfredtheHero: "A MIRCALE HAS HAPPENED!"

AlfredtheHero: "PLZ TELL ME U CAN GET ONLINE RN!"

AlfredtheHero: "ARTHUR! I HAVE 2 SHOW U THIS!"

AlfredtheHero: "YO BRITISH DUDE!"

AlfredtheHero: "R U DEAD?! PLZ DON'T BE DEAD!"

AlfredtheHero: "WHO'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF JASPER IF UR DEAD?!"

AlfredtheHero: "Artie…?"

AlfredtheHero: "?"

AlfredtheHero: "…Bush did 9/11."

Cat Owner: "What the hell are you going on about, you twat?"

AlfredtheHero: "ARTHUR! UR ALIVE!"

Cat Owner: "Unfortunately."

AlfredtheHero: "Wowza, someone's grumpy."

Cat Owner: "Yes! Because YOU woke me up with all of your messages making my phone go off! Do you realize it's seven in the morning? On my day off!"

AlfredtheHero: "Oh yeah, time zone's exist. But dude this is more important than sleep."

Cat Owner: "I have never wanted to strangle you more than I do now."

AlfredtheHero: "Embrace the hatred like its ur morning coffee. C'mon and call me. I gotta show u something!"

Cat Owner: "If I feel like it."

Arthur laid aside his phone. Alfred didn't give up, if the following chimes were anything to go by. Arthur ignored them and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Beside him on the bed, Jasper's head rose and shook. The cat meowed in confusion, blinking barely opened eyes at Arthur as if to ask him what the racket was about.

"It's alright," Arthur yawned out, patting at Jasper's folded ears. "He's just being a selfish prat is all. Wanting me to wake up and get out of bed. Who does he think he is? Like the world revolves around him . . ."

Was this a sign that their friendship had reached a level where they could annoy each other? If so, Alfred had more than accomplished that. There was a small part of Arthur that felt delighted that Alfred was so eager to show him something, something he claimed was important. But mostly any happiness was overshadowed by tiredness. He should take Alfred to task. And while he was at it, maybe point out all of his typos. The American's messages were usually of a higher quality. Arthur wondered if Alfred's spelling and grammar suffered whenever he was overexcited or if Alfred simply was comfortable enough now to show his true colors.

Arthur shivered and tried to console himself. It couldn't be that bad for the most part, seeing as the boy had gone to university for a time. Well, he wasn't really a boy. Not that Arthur had ever asked Alfred about his age . . . He was at least twenty, yes? Even if he was twenty, Arthur was twenty-five and didn't that make him feel like a lecher? How he'd ogled Alfred.

…how he'd keep ogling Alfred, age difference be damned.

Arthur took his sweet time in getting up and preparing tea for himself. If he was sacrificing sleep, he'd need the caffeine. Not that he was sacrificing sleep for Alfred's sake! Really, it was just that there were some things around the house that he needed to get around to doing, and there was always something from work to do anyway. It would be efficient to get Alfred's call out of the way, see what he wanted, and then move on with the day.

Roughly twenty minutes later, Arthur sat at his computer desk with a fresh cuppa. Jasper stayed curled up in bed, lucky bastard.

As he connected to Alfred, Arthur wondered what could be so important that he'd want to talk to Arthur in the middle of the night. It had to be, what, around one in the morning where Alfred lived? Did something big come up or was this when Alfred was usually awake? He did work from home after all, and making your own schedule was a nice benefit.

"Artie!" Alfred cried out in delight once they had connected. His face appeared on screen, choppy at first before evening out. The light was turned on, making it easy to see Alfred sitting in his chair, headphones on, and wearing a Batman T-shirt.

It was at that moment that Arthur realized that he was still wearing his pajamas. They weren't embarrassing mind you, just a plain light turquoise set. It was just . . . God, how could he forget to change into something more appropriate?! He hadn't even brushed his hair! Not that it would have done much of any good, but it was the fact he hadn't thought about it a single time before deciding to call Alfred. He must have been groggier this morning than he had realized.

"Hello . . ." Arthur answered, trying not to look like he was freaking out about his current choice of fashion. Maybe he'd be lucky and Alfred would be too distracted to notice, or the camera wouldn't be clear enough to really see. Or maybe Alfred would be too polite not to comment. If Alfred didn't say anything about his pajamas, Arthur wouldn't point out his superhero T-shirt either.

"The best thing happened yesterday!" Alfred gushed, already diving into things.

Arthur stopped himself from sighing in relief. He took a drink from his tea to mask the emotion and said a bit too perkily, "Oh? Do tell me all about it."

"The Russian mafia gave us a cat!"

"Hm, yes, that's wonderful ." Leave it to Alfred to be too excited to be observant. And early morning annoyances aside, Alfred was rather dashing when he was bright-eyed and eager like this. Arthur could kiss him. He could kiss him so hard that his glasses would be askew and . . . wait a tick. "Did you just say the mafia?"

"Russian mafia." Alfred nodded and squirmed in his seat like he was about to launch off. "It's our neighbor, Ivan. He says he's not in the Russian mafia, but his family is from over there, so he's totally gotta be!"

Arthur leveled an unimpressed stare at him. "Yes, because everyone from Russia must be in the mafia."

Alfred nodded even more spastically and Arthur was afraid his head would snap off. The American was entirely too hyper. "I know, right?! Most people think I'm crazy, but it's not a conspiracy if it's true. But dude, check this out."

Alfred rolled his seat back and turned towards where a corner of what must be his bed could be seen. He reached off camera and picked up something white and held it to his chest gently. He scooted back up to the computer.

"Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?" Alfred cooed, pitch high. He held up what had to be the fluffiest cat Arthur had ever seen. Arthur couldn't discern the breed, though 'ragamuffin' did come to mind. Its eyes blinked in a way that said it had been sleeping before Alfred disturbed it. It let out a soft, confused meow.

Arthur's heart just about melted.

"Oh, he's precious!" Arthur praised, unable to contain a large smile. "And he's yours? You didn't just steal him from your neighbor, did you?"

Alfred lowered the cat so that his face could be seen again. His eyes rolled. "No Arthur, I didn't steal him. Ivan, our neighbor, found him outside of the apartment building yesterday. He was gonna take him in himself, but this little guy really didn't like Ivan. But he liked Mattie just fine when he went out and helped feed him. So we kinda just brought him into our apartment and gave him a bath and stuff."

Arthur cringed at all the memories of when he had to give Jasper baths. They were excruciating, for both of them. "I hope you didn't get too many scratches for your efforts."

"Oh no, he was actually pretty chill about it. He would try to jump out every now and then and kept meowing at us all sad like, 'Guys, I don't need this, I'm self-cleaning.' So I threw in a rubber ducky to distract him and turns out he really likes rubber duckies. You should've seen it, it was too cute."

Why did Alfred get a relatively calm cat while Arthur was saddled with a demon? Yet another example that the world was an unfair place.

"You just happen to have rubber duckies on hand, hm?" Arthur asked.

Alfred realized what he had implied during his story. He froze, mouth hanging open for too long as he searched for a response. Finally, his eyes darted to the side and he let out an unsure, "Noooo . . ."

Arthur smirked. "Right, of course not." Alfred was a terrible liar and far too adorable for his own good.

"A-anyway, about my cat," Alfred said, hugging the animal to him. The cat plopped against him without a care. "We settled him in, and today was super busy. Our parents swung by because Mom heard we had a cat and she wanted to pet it. And then we had to take the cat to a vet to check it out, make sure it was okay and everything. They gave 'em some shots and said he was pretty much healthy except that he was underweight."

"So you're really keeping it then," Arthur surmised. "And here I remember when you said that you and your brother weren't going to get a pet until later on."

"Well, it just kinda happened, ya know?" Alfred said, scratching up and down the feline's back. The cat snuggled its face under Alfred's chin and he smiled at it. "He's like the most chill cat ever too. He wants attention and meows a lot and follows us around until we pick him up, but if you just let him lay on you he'll relax and just sit there. He likes to cuddle, don't ya buddy?"

"Have you thought about names yet?" Arthur asked. Knowing Alfred, he'd probably think of some weird ones. He'd have to try to discourage him if that was the case, for the cat's sake at least.

"Yeah, we've been talking about it," Alfred said. Then he huffed out a laugh, "Ivan suggested a couple. He said we should name 'em Sundrop or Sunflower. Nah dude, our cat's gotta sound kickass!"

"And just what constitutes as a kickass name?"

"I was thinking maybe calling him Hero, since he'll take after me of course. That or I'll call him Amelia Earhart."

Arthur blinked slowly, but it seemed Alfred was serious. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Amelia Earhart a female pilot?"

"Pfft, he's a cat. What does he know about gender norms?"

Well . . . he couldn't argue against that.

Alfred scratched under the cat's chin and Arthur could barely make out the sounds of it purring. Alfred went on, "I thought maybe calling him Earhart for short. I dunno though."

"Does Matthew have any ideas?"

Alfred scowled. "Matt's bad with names, so he just said we should call him Cat."

Arthur chuckled. "Fitting, if nothing else."

"No, it's not! That'd be like one of us having a baby and then naming it Human. Where's the creativity? The individuality? See, this is why Matt can't live without me. His life would be like a cake without any icing. Who wants that?"

"There are plenty of cakes made without icing, Alfred. And plenty of people like them just fine."

"I mean like real people, Arthur. Cakes are supposed to be festive and colorful, and without the icing the cake is sad and naked and all alone because nobody wants it."

"Are you suggesting that your brother would be sad, naked, and unwanted without you?"

"Well, we are a package deal. Us being twins and all. Why have one when you can have two?"

"I'm sure a lot of mothers out there would beg to differ, but if you say so mate."

Alfred caught the sarcasm and grinned like he'd accomplished something. He leaned back a little in his chair, allowing the cat to spread out more on his chest and stomach. "Yep. So yeah, I'm gonna give him an actual name. I tried googling for popular cat names in the US and found Leo or Max but I'm not sure if those fit as well."

"You googled for names?" Arthur asked, snickering.

Alfred got offended. "Hey, what's wrong with Google? It has all the answers."

"It does, it does," Arthur agreed, trying to stifle his laughter. He wasn't so much as laughing at Alfred but at the reminder that he himself had done the same thing: googled for popular cat names and found Jasper in a list. Not that he would admit to that.

"Well how did you come up with Jasper's name then?" Alfred challenged.

As it had already been established that Arthur wouldn't admit to the truth, Arthur played it off with a shrug and answered, "It was one of the names suggested to me and it was the one that stuck."

"Hm," Alfred hummed shortly, though he didn't look like he was about to dispute him. He began to sway his chair back and forth slowly. "You got any suggestions for me?"

Arthur predicted the question and was pleased to give his opinion on the matter. "How about Cheshire?"

Alfred pulled a mildly alarmed face. "Cheshire? The hell is that?"

Miffed at the reaction, he defended his choice, "The Cheshire Cat? From Alice in Wonderland? Please tell me you know that much."

"Ooooooh, that thing. Yeah, that thing's creepy."

"In what way?"

"Uh, every way? It teleports and smiles like a serial killer."

"He's not . . . well, the Cheshire Cat is a tad mental and mischievous," Arthur conceded with a pout. "But he isn't a bad character."

"I bet he was trying to kill Alice the whole time."

"I get it, you don't like my suggestion," Arthur huffed, having enough. He could argue about the merits of the Cheshire Cat's character, but it would be a moot point with Alfred, seeing as he was fixated on the cat's image.

"I dunno. I kinda like Cheshire itself, just not the creepy serial killer cat it's named after."

Surprised that Alfred was somewhat considering it, Arthur commented, "If it helps, the Cheshire Cat predates the novel. It's just more known for appearing in Alice-related contexts."

"What do you mean?"

"What?"

"What do you mean about a novel? What novel?"

It took Arthur a minute to sort out what Alfred meant, mostly because to Arthur it was so obvious. "Alfred, before it was a Disney movie, it was first a book. A book called Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll."

Alfred was so taken aback that he sat straight up in his seat. The fluffy white cat complained loudly as it slumped into its new owner's lap, but Alfred didn't pay it much mind. "What? Since when was it a novel?"

"Since 1865?"

"Dude, that's like, ancient. Seriously?"

"If you don't believe me, ask Google. It does have all the answers, or so I've heard."

"Challenge accepted!" Alfred declared and Arthur watched in satisfaction as he searched for the inevitable results. Alfred gazed at his computer screen, eyes narrowed, mouth hanging slightly open. "Man, that's so weird. I can't believe this. Next you'll be telling me double-decker buses actually exist."

There was the longest pause of silence in which Arthur wondered if Alfred was joking or if he'd been living under a rock his whole life. In the end, he remembered that Alfred was American, and that really did explain everything.

"Hey, is it just me, or are you wearing pajamas?"

Damn everything.

Credit for some of the name for Americat here came from reviewers suggestions. Who knows what Alfred will decide as the final verdict.

Thank you for all the reviews and well wishes. I did in fact end up moving out a week ago. Not with my friend like I had hoped though. My new home is . . . well, it's still not a good environment, might be worse in some ways in fact, but at least here I have some more opportunities. Mostly I'm focused on getting a job around here. Here's hoping.

I really wanted this chapter to be longer, had planned to add a part from Alfred's PoV, but I don't have the time and I've felt bad for keeping you all waiting. So I'm sorry if the quality suffered, but yeah, it's been stressful.

ONE LAST THING THOUGH! I have posted some one-shots since the last time I updated this story, if you want something to read. One features the Kirkland brothers going cow tipping, if that's any incentive for you. Oh, and I posted another USUK story, but it's fem!US/UK, so it features Amelia. It's a fun small story that helped me not feel so stressful, and I've got the next two parts for it written if I can just find time to edit them. Fingers crossed!