– AARON & JACKSON: MY WAY –

"WE ALMOST HAD IT"

~This fanfic follows on a few hours after Those Words – They Change Everything

- I do not own the characters, or Emmerdale – ITV do.

...

Aaron emerged in the kitchen again after a few hours, Paddy was reading the paper, it was clearly apparent to him that Aaron had been crying, his eyes were bloodshot and shiny.

"Where is he Paddy?" Aaron asked quietly.

Paddy folded his paper up and put it down. "I'll tell you in a minute but we need to talk"

Aaron nodded and pulled out a chair and sat beside him.

"Jackson told me what happened..."

"And did he tell you what he said to me?" Aaron asked.

Paddy nodded. "Yeah, he told me how scared you looked when he said it, you do know he never meant for it to come out in that way?"

Aaron nodded again and let out a breath, he'd been thinking about it all and he understood that Jackson was worried about him. "He was venting cause of me, going over to them and getting involved..." he shook his head. "I'm an idiot"

"Yeah but Jackson loves you Aaron"

"Where is he now then? Not here is he?" Aaron stated bluntly.

Paddy sighed. "Why did you run out scared when he said he loved you?"

Aaron was silent and seconds later he shrugged his shoulders. "I feel stuff for him, but I don't know what it is Paddy I haven't had proper love ever, if I did I can't remember it, it's a completely unknown emotion, I don't know how it feels, how you react, what you do..." Aaron explained as he rested both hands against his head with his elbows on the table.

"Have you noticed the look in his eyes? The smile he gives you? How gently and caring he was towards you after you were hurt? How defensive he gets over you?" Paddy asked, hoping Aaron would realise what he was saying was love.

Aaron nodded. "Yeah..."

"Well I have too, that's love Aaron..."

Aaron sighed and sobbed into his hands shaking his head – he'd been so stupid.

"He's taken some stuff to a mates then he said he's gunna go for a drink" Paddy told him as he put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly. "But you have to want him back for the right reasons, not to mess him about because you don't think you'll feel the same back, if you want to be happy with Jackson, if you can be" Paddy sighed. "You can be, I've seen it..."

"Help me Paddy" Aaron said quietly as he calmed his tears.

"Alright, how do you feel when Jackson's around, when he's right there next to you, when he speaks, when he does something to make you laugh?"

Aaron moved his hands away from his face and looked ahead, staring into space. "I feel like I'm safe and that nothing can hurt me when he's around, and if I'm feeling down he just cheers me up, his voice, his big brown eyes, his smell, they make me go all light and warm, and I just look at him, gaze at him and wonder where he came from, and why he's here with me, because I don't deserve someone like that, when he does something funny sometimes my reactions a scowl and a remark but inside I'm laughing and I want him..." Aaron took a breath. "He's so caring, I saw it and I could feel it from him after the attack, I thought something then, something inside was different..." Aaron explained.

Paddy smiled. "You don't need my help mate" he told him. "You knew it already, you just needed some guidance"

Aaron sat back. "So this is love?"

Paddy nodded.

"I'm scared Paddy" Aaron admitted as more tears threatened his eyes, they became heavy, Aaron blinked to clear his vision and the small drops ran down his cheeks.

"You don't need to be Aaron, if you want to be with Jackson then you need to go upstairs, get cleaned up, get changed and go and get him"

Aaron sighed. "But all his mates will be there"

"And why does that suddenly bother Aaron Livesy?" Paddy asked with a smirk.

Aaron nodded. "No, you're right" he told him and stood up, as did Paddy. "You're the best do you know that?" Aaron told him and Paddy knew he was being serious.

He nodded. "I know he's your first boyfriend Aaron but sometimes people find the 'one' the first time round...nothing to say that can't be you and Jackson...I think you lads can be each other's one...but obviously if that doesn't happen at least you can say you tried hmm?"

Aaron nodded and held out his arms and wrapped them around Paddy. "Thankyou"

...

It was eight pm now, Aaron had did what Paddy had said hours ago, but when he saw Jackson sat around a table with mates through the window of bar west, he panicked and went to another bar and had a few drinks, he believed he had built up enough courage to go and see him now, so he got up from his seat and left the bar, outside the cold refreshed him as he walked round to bar west, he was still there.

Aaron was relieved as he walked inside. He stood at the bar pinching his lips, looking over, now once again unsure. *You've got this far...* he told himself and he took a deep breath as he walked over to the table. Jackson and his mates were having a conversation and Aaron felt stupid, and he actually felt small when a few of them gave him a nasty look, but he wasn't there for them, he was there for Jackson. "C-Can I have a word please?" he asked.

Jackson turned to him. "No" he shook his head slightly then looked back at his mates and continued talking.

Aaron felt uncomfortable in the position he was in now, he felt like a spare part just hanging around.

Jackson rolled his eyes as he spoke, he could see Aaron was still there in his peripheral vision. "Give me a minute lads" he told them and stood up off his chair and turned to Aaron. He tapped him in the chest, his expression stern. "I'll buy ya a pint..."

Aaron nodded slightly and watched him go to the bar and he headed over to a free table while he waited. He stared into space unsure of how this would go. He'd been told by Paddy that it was love that he'd felt. Now he had to tell Jackson. He hadn't noticed him walking back until a pint was placed in front of him.

"Cheers" Aaron replied as Jackson sat down. "Paddy told me where you'd be"

Jackson nodded, he'd thought as much. "Why are you here though?"

"To try and explain, but I'm useless at talking" he sighed.

"Funny, you can talk pretty good when you're fired up and hot headed"

Aaron sighed. "Jackson please...you told me you loved me out of nowhere and I panicked"

"I didn't exactly plan on it coming out either Aaron" he sighed and looked down into his pint. "But however it came out doesn't mean I didn't mean it"

"I'm not saying you don't I just wasn't expecting that...I talked to Paddy earlier and he helped me figure out my feelings..."

"You have feelings? Are you feeling alright?" Jackson remarked.

Aaron frowned and looked at Jackson. "Yes I have actually, stop being like that will ya, I'm trying here Jackson"

Jackson nodded. "Yeah...I'm sorry"

Aaron nodded. "I told Paddy how I felt when you looked at me, when you spoke, when you entered a room and when you were close..." he felt embarrassed.

Jackson smiled. "What did you say?"

Aaron smirked. "Jackson..." he complained.

"No come on...tell me"

Aaron took a breath while nodding. "I told him that you make me feel safe, that nothing could hurt me when you're around, and when I'm down you cheer me up, but most importantly when I look into your eyes, smell your smell, hear your voice, they make me go all light and warm...and I just look at you" Aaron turned and looked into his eyes. "And I stare, wondering where you came from...I want you so badly Jackson, if this is love then...then I want it, with you every single day..."

Jackson smiled widely and put his arm around him. "I shouldn't have left I'm sorry"

"It's alright" Aaron smiled, the warm feeling washed over him. "Kiss me..."

Jackson smiled and nodded slightly and leaned into Aaron and kissed him passionately, he'd missed his lips, his taste. When they parted, both men were happy again. "So are you coming back with me?" Aaron asked.

"Now?"

"Hmm, yeah why not?" Aaron smiled. "Or if you want to stay we can"

"No" Jackson shook his head. "Let's go..."

"Alright, just gotta nip to the loo first, two minutes" he kissed Jackson again quickly then left the table.

Jackson smiled as he watched him wander off. He made sure he had everything, and he picked Aaron's jacket up from the seat, when he held the jacket in his hand he looked down and saw a bag with white powder in it, on the seat. Jackson frowned as he picked it up. His first thought was Aaron was doing drugs, a perk from the runs he'd done. This changed things now. He held it in his hands and waited, looking to appear calm as Aaron walked back smiling. "You ready then?"

Jackson gave him the foulest look he could and he handed over his jacket and then slapped the bag of powder in his free hand. "We're done, over...finished whatever you wanna call it" Jackson told him as he rushed around the table and ran off.

Aaron looked down at the bag, he honestly didn't know how he had it, on every run he'd done all drugs were handed over and he never had any left at the end of the exchanges. He didn't understand it but he needed Jackson to hear him out, and he ran out of bar west; god knows what he would say though, he didn't have any explanation and that wouldn't go down well with Jackson...

TBC...