Where the Streets Have No Name
Chapter 45
Edward lay with Carmen for hours until his soothing words and calming touch brought her down from her height of rage. However, as anger left Carmen, debilitating grief took over. Heavy breaths of anger dissolved into sobs.
Through tears and woe, Carmen gradually told him what he wanted to know.
She had always struggled with emotions, but Elvira Moreno wasn't tolerant of the idea that her children might not have full control over their actions and behavior, nor did she approve of seeking professional help. She vehemently opposed the notion of being labeled.
Once Carmen moved away from home to attend college, her new friends encouraged her to see someone. Dr. Theodore de Luzlow had been in charge of her care for the past three years. He was the one who formally diagnosed her condition as Type 1 Bipolar Disorder, convinced her to attend therapy, and walked her through a slew of trials to find the right cocktail of medication that worked for her.
She attended therapy for two years, gradually reducing the sessions and only meeting Dr. de Luzlow for prescription refills. She was feeling as though she was finally getting a grip over her life. Until the pregnancy.
She wanted to tell Edward the truth. She understood that he deserved to know. But she was so ashamed. What if he rejected her because she was a basket case? Or tell her mother who was still ignorant of the fact?
No, Dr. de Luzlow didn't know about her pregnancy; she hadn't been back to see him since sometime before she learned she was pregnant. She felt as though she had let him down by stupidly getting knocked up, throwing away all the time and hard work he had put into her case.
No, she hadn't disclosed to Dr. Miller about her condition either. Yes, she knew she should have, but she was afraid that if Dr. Miller knew, she would inform Edward.
She had thought of the possible side effects her meds might have on the baby. She had been careful about the intake, settling on the bare minimum only. She dared not stop lest her mind lapsed back into chaos. She was planning on stopping altogether once the last refill was used up. However, she had come to rely on those pills for stability. She didn't want to let go of her crutch. She was so afraid she wouldn't be able to function at all without them.
Edward listened to her quietly with few interruptions. He wanted to tell Carmen that she should not worry, that if the last few months were anything to go by, that particular combination of drugs had stopped working for her already. He held her tongue though. There was no point in stressing her out more than she already was. Also, he could be wrong. Perhaps the drugs were serving a purpose, in which case he was scared to think just how unstable Carmen could have been without them.
The conversation with his father floated through his mind.
"...think of Carmen..."
"...it's obvious to anyone passing by that she isn't... stable..."
"Pressuring her into parenthood would be a highly irresponsible thing to. I'd like you to think about that, son. Before it's too late."
His father had noticed things that he had willfully ignored.
Now it was too late.
Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.