Merlin did not want to wake up. He also did not want to stay asleep. The alarm clock beside his bed told him that it 5:30am on a Saturday morning. He remembered Leon carrying him into the house about 3 hours ago and putting him into bed, minus his shoes and the coat he had had one. He felt disgusting.
He undressed and took a clean towel from a cupboard in his room before entering his bathroom and showering.
The water was too hot but Merlin did not turn it down. He stood, burning under the heat of the water, for longer than he knew he should. He scrubbed his body until it was raw and took the time to shampoo his hair before sinking to the floor of the shower where he sat under the fast jet that pounded onto his head.
After he was sure he had been in the bathroom for over an hour, he wrapped the towel around his lower half and went back into his room. He dried himself methodically and pulled on the first pair of sweat pants he came across. His skin was sore from the vigorous cleaning and too hot water so he did not bother searching for a shirt, instead picking up the clothes he had taken off as well as the wet towel, throwing the in the laundry hamper and then taking that downstairs.
Considering there had been a house party going on less than 12 hours ago in this very house, everything was spotless. There wasn't even the tell tale smells of alcohol or vomit to suggest that there had been anything other than a small, civilised gathering the night before. He supposed Gwen had made an effort to clean after she had made everyone leave, and for that he was grateful.
Leon was lay across the largest sofa in the living room, naked apart from his boxers. A fleece blanket which Merlin assumed had been covering him at some point lay on the ground at the foot of the couch. Wasted potential, Merlin found himself thinking. He had seen Leon play football many times and often thought the same thing, but even if he had been so much as bi-sexual, Leon was so hopelessly in love with Morgana that he would never stand a chance. Leon was the type of friend everyone should have. He was strong, so useful in the instance of moving houses, he was the exact opposite of a lightweight, so much so that Merlin, who was a lightweight, had only seen him properly drunk once, and so was usually the designated putter-to-bed, which was a useful title to be, he was incredibly loyal to his girlfriend, he had a steady, well paid job, and so was always willing to buy the next round and he was a great listener. He was of course also very easy on the eye. And straight.
Merlin put the laundry hamper down in the kitchen and then went back to drape the forgotten blanket across Leon's sleeping frame. He knew why he was still here and found himself wishing that his friends did not see him as some lost cause that always needed looking after. In this instance though, he thought he would be nice to have someone other than Gwaine for company.
Gwaine. Gwaine who didn't know that Will was dead. Who Merlin would have to tell that Will was dead. Another reason to be grateful for Leon's presence.
Merlin did the laundry, trying his hardest not to think about the day to come.
•••
"I think I'm going to call him," Arthur said aloud.
"Mnph?" was the response from Morgana.
"Merlin, I'm going to ring him, check that he's ok,"
"Arthur its 7am on a Saturday morning. If the poor boy's not still asleep then I doubt he wants a complete stranger poking his nose in where it's not wanted," Arthur glared at Morgana.
"Complete stranger? I'm his friend's girlfriend's brother, thank you very much. I just want to know that he's OK, no one should have to go through what he's going through alone,"
"What make you think he'll be alone? I get that you have a crush, but this guy was probably Merlin's first everything - he won't want to be reminded of all that by being thrown into a new relationship. Give him time,"
"Morgana, this is not about my sex life for Christ's sake! I want to check that the guy I met in the hospital canteen who has just lost his best friend is going to be OK. I'll call him whether you want me to or not," Arthur was verging on angry at this point but was silenced by the "Stop bickering you two," that came from a half awake Uther.
Arthur found himself wishing that he and Morgana had gone home rather than staying with their father and began to figure out how he was going to get Merlin's number.
•••
The dishwasher would not work.
Everything had been going swimmingly but then this.
Merlin had done his washing and ironed it and had then gone to see what kind of state the spare room was in which would have caused Leon to sleep on the sofa. Instead of the bombsite he was expecting, he found Lance and Gwen in the bed, curled around each other and showing no signs of waking for the next few hours.
He had then taken the glass he kept in his bathroom, filled it water and taken that, along with a packet of aspirin into Gwaine's bedroom and placed it on the bedside table. Gwaine also showed no signs of waking in the near future.
Back downstairs, he noticed that the dishwasher was full but had not been turned on. He put in the tablet, closed the door and turned the dial.
Nothing.
He checked that it was turned on at the wall. It was. Still nothing.
This did not make Merlin happy. Instead, it made him yank the door back open, take out a plate, and throw it against the nearest surface he could find. He walked over to the pieces and picked them up, to throw them back at the wall. He carried on taking glass after plate after bowl and destroying them.
It did not take long for him to wake Leon up, who came bounding into the kitchen. Merlin took one look at the expression on his face, dropped the broken fragments of a glass onto his foot and them dropped to the floor, not caring for the broken crockery he was sitting on. He didn't feel the pain; he didn't feel anything other than the dull ache coming from deep inside his heart.
•••
Merlin's antics not only woken up Leon, but also Gwen, Lance and Gwaine too. The latter did not appear happy about this and was clearly sporting a killer hangover.
Merlin could not give less of a fuck.
Gwen's brother being a nurse, she knew how to deal with the state Merlin had gotten his body into to make the bleeding stop until he could get to hospital.
She guided him into the living room and sat him down before cleaning his multiple wounds and wrapping them in thin bandages. The worst of the cuts adorned his hands, but his arms, feet, legs and face had not escaped the attack.
Leon quickly showered so that he could drive Merlin back to the hospital while Gwaine and lance made a start on the mess Merlin had made in the kitchen.
Merlin waited in a state of non-being but could not stop thinking about how nice the pain he was beginning to feel was.
"Leon! I thought you said you'd ring us buddy?" Arthur spotted Leon in reception at the desk on his way out of the hospital. He had planned on going home and getting changed, as well as ringing the dance company and letting them know the situation with his father was better than expected and that he would be able to return sooner than he'd thought.
"Arthur. I'm so sorry, I've not really had the time to think about that," that's when Arthur saw him. Holding his knees to his chest sat on a plastic chair in the patient's waiting room.
"What happened?" He asked, indicating towards Merlin.
"We don't really know. I woke up to the sound of glass being smashed and found him throwing the contents of his dishwasher around the kitchen. He's not really said much though." Arthur walked towards Merlin and sat down in the chair next to his.
"Arthur!" this was possibly the last person Merlin wanted to speak to right now. "How's your father?"
"He's going to be fine. How are you?"
"I don't really know," Merlin replied. "I'm a darn sight better than my kitchen is though."
"I'm not so sure about that, you look pretty beat up to me. There are probably better ways of releasing your anger than this you know?" Merlin scowled at him
"yeah well, it was a heat of the moment thing really. I'm sure if the washing machine had refused to wash my clothes then it'd be them that were strewn around my kitchen, it's just unfortunate that it happened to be the machine containing the glass wear." Arthur let out a low chuckle. "Hey! Don't laugh at my misfortune!"
"I'm sorry!" Arthur found his hand being pulled towards the laceration across Merlin's cheek but regained its control and pulled it back before it could make contact. "Do they hurt?" he asked instead.
"Not really. Not in a painful way anyway, they're helping to take my mind off things." there was something strange about the way Merlin said it, Arthur thought, but perhaps it was just because it was an odd statement to make in the first place.
Arthur's mouth was moving before he knew what his words were going to be. "Everything's going to be ok Merlin. You might not feel like it now, but I promise you it will."
Merlin simply gazed into Arthurs eyes in way of thanks, not trusting his voice to be able to lie and tell Arthur that he knew it would.
Because it wouldn't.
•••
The nurses gave Merlin stitches for a few of the cuts and bandaged them again before sending him on his way with painkillers and the advice to sleep it off.
No questions asked. No sympathetic looks. Merlin liked these people.
Leon waited with him and drove him back home afterwards. Gwen was waiting inside on the sofa with a mug of coffee between her hands. Gwaine was waiting to corner Leon to find out what the hell was going on.
So much waiting.
Merlin tried to go upstairs to his room but Lance blocked his way, instead directing him the sofa where he was placed next to Gwen and given his own mug of coffee. Though the scent was inviting, Merlin put it straight down on the table and fell into Gwen's lap. She stroked his hair until he fell asleep, thinking of the coffee will used to make in uni and how it had always managed to make his outlook on the day positive, no matter what.
For the next few days, Merlin spent most of the time sleeping. In his bed. On the couch. In Gwen's bed. On Gwen's couch. Lance did not seem to mind that Merlin had stolen his girlfriend, as well as his place to sleep. Gwen was, however, the one person who Merlin knew would be able to comfort him, physically and mentally, doing and saying the right things at the right time. As she worked in a local primary school which was currently broken up for the summer holiday, she was also conveniently available whenever Merlin needed her. He fell into the habit of calling her when he needed to hear someone's voice, and she would decide whether or not he needed her physical company. Sometimes lance joined her, but Merlin got the feeling he was avoiding the visits. He was not the best person with feelings and Merlin didn't blame him for not wanting to be around a snivelling man.
Gwen and Lance needed to grieve to, but Merlin suspected they did it together, with a lot less tears than Merlin.
He eventually began to pick himself back up. The times he was alone he no longer wanted to recreate the pain he had felt from the cuts. He was able to hold a brief conversation with someone without linking every small detail to Will in his head. The cuts across his body began to heal and scar. Merlin kept busy with his work, knowing that if his mind was given free time, the progress he'd made in theist few weeks would be reversed.
He still slept for most of the mornings but now actually got dressed when he finally got out of bed. It was a Saturday and Merlin dressed in comfortable jeans and a tight turquoise v neck. He also pulled on socks and a black Cardigan, knowing the downstairs of the house was always colder than the upstairs.
The house sounded quiet, and this was explained when Merlin found two notes on the counter.
"Gone to football with Leon, hope you don't mind. There's food in the fridge. Call Gwen if you need company. -G" Merlin was happy that Gwaine was getting back into his usual routine. He had been on babysitting duty for the past few weekends, Gwen and lance seeming to have prior appointments which they could not get out of.
The second note was from Leon.
"Hi Merlin, hope you're doing ok mate. Arthur asked Morgana to ask me to give you his number and to tell you to ring him if you need anything but Morgana told me to tell you that she's sorry for him being so forward and that you shouldn't give him the satisfaction of ringing it. I think he just wants a chat really and you two seemed to hit if off so I don't see the harm. If it comes up though, don't tell her I gave you the number. I'd quite like to still be able to play football by the time the competitive season kicks in. Let me know if I can do anything else, Leon,"
Merlin left both notes where they were, made coffee and then went back upstairs where he spent the next few hours meticulously cleaning.
•••
Arthur had been in the supermarket when his phone had rung.
"Hello, Arthur Pendragon speaking," he answered in his formal voice as the caller ID showed an unknown number.
"Pendragon eh," Merlin replied.
"Merlin? I certainly wasn't expecting you to call so quickly. I only asked Leon to give you my number yesterday night."
"He was round at mine this morning picking up my housemate. They play football together, that's how I knew Morgana that night in the hospital."
"Yeah, she said something about you being friends with Leon."
That was when Merlin realised that he was on the phone to almost a stranger, interrupting his day for no good reason and without a clue why he was really ringing. "Arthur I'm sorry, I don't really know why I rung you. I shouldn't have bothered you." he almost hung up there and then, but waited for Arthur's reply.
"Merlin it's no problem. I told you to call if you needed anything. So what do you need?" Merlin thought about it for long enough that Arthur had to shout his name down the line to see if he was still there.
"Sorry," he answered. "you know what, I could really do with some company, but I can't ask you to so that."
"Ask me anyway," was the immediate response he got from Arthurs end.
"Arthur, would you mind coming round to keep my mind off the fact that my best friend is dead and that I don't know how to hold myself together."
"Of course I will." Merlin gave Arthur his address, which walked out of the supermarket, groceries forgotten, and told Merlin he'd be there in 15 minutes.
•••
The sound of the doorbell made Merlin jump. He rose from where he'd been sat waiting on the sofa, vainly checked his appearance in the mirror and wished for a moment that he'd had the foresight to not throw plates around his kitchen, especially not the ones which were going to rebound onto his face. He had small cuts covering his forehead and the bridge of his nose, but it was the deep, ugly wound across his left cheekbone that annoyed him the most. Merlin sighed, walking to open the door.
For a moment they just stared. Arthur looked healthier than he had in the hospital, his eyes showing no signs of tiredness and his hair styled neatly so that it no longer resembled a bird's nest.
Merlin was sure he did not look quite as pleasing. Although he had been sleeping, he had barely eaten in the few weeks since Will's death, and it showed. His hair was mussed and in addition to the cuts, he was sure he was not portraying the image of a man who was holding it together.
Arthur did look mildly alarmed by the state in which he found Merlin, but chose not to comment on it. He did what was probably worse. "Hey, I was thinking, should we go out and get some food?"
"Arthur I-"
"I know this great little café just down the road from here; we could get lunch and go for a walk?"
"That's really not what I was hoping you were going to say," they were still stood in the doorway so Merlin motioned for Arthur to come into the house. As Merlin was walking round in socks, Arthur relieved himself of his shoes before following Merlin into the kitchen.
"What were you hoping I'd say," Arthur asked.
"I'm not entirely sure," Merlin replied. "Just not that you wanted to leave the house. I wanted company, not calories."
"I'm sorry," at that point, Arthur's stomach rumbled, showing Merlin that he had actually been hungry and was not just trying to interfere and get Merlin to do something he didn't want to.
Merlin opened the door to the fridge to survey its contents. Although his appetite had been nonexistent of late, Gwaine, who ate like an animal, had made sure the kitchen stayed stocked, probably more for his own benefit than for Merlin's.
"I can offer you a sandwich, if you're hungry? Or there's some left over lasagne?" Merlin looked back to Arthur, who he was pretty sure had been staring intently at his arse. Merlin's words pulled him out of his reverie.
"The lasagne sounds great, if it not too much trouble,"
"Unwrapping a plate of leftovers and bunging it in the microwave is one cooking feat I've actually mastered, it's no trouble at all," Merlin did just that and they waited in an almost comfortable silence.
"Shit, I'm a terrible host; I'm supposed to offer you a drink before I start feeding you! What would you like?" Arthur's expression said what he wouldn't say aloud. Merlin should not worry about being a bad host. He had much more important things on his mind.
Instead, he answered with, "Water's fine thanks," Merlin took two glasses from the nearest cupboard, Gwaine had replaced everything that Merlin had smashed, and filled them with water from the tap before placing them on the island and motioning for Arthur to sit down on one of the bar stools, which Merlin had been so happy to buy as they were the perfect height for making the island into an informal table. The microwave pinged to show that it was finished, so Merlin took the food out and placed it in front of Arthur.
"Enjoy your meal, sir," he said, his voice laced with sarcasm.
"Do you expect me to eat with my fingers? What kind of uncivilised place is this?" he retorted. Merlin laughed and passed him a knife and fork. He watched Arthur dig into his food, which he did not take long to eat, resembling a Hoover more than a human.
"Sorry," Arthur said when his plate was clean. "I only had a small breakfast before I went to training thus morning and when I got home there wasn't much left in the house which was edible. I've been staying at Morgana's place; it's nearer to the hospital." Merlin listened intently to Arthur's ramblings, searching for a sign in his voice that told Merlin he did not want to be where he was, but found none.
"I'm glad you called. I didn't know if you would, certainly not that quickly anyway!" Arthur was standing up to take his dirty plate to the sink.
"I'm glad I did too. I feel like I'm a bit of a burden on my friends at the moment." Arthur looked as though he was going to was his plate. "Just throw that in the dishwasher."
"Did you get it fixed?" he asked, pulling the door down and sliding the plate in.
Merlin didn't remember telling him about it being broken and assumed Leon must have. "It wasn't really broken, it was just having a bad day and I got too frustrated to see what was wrong with it." Merlin giggled with how ridiculous that sounded. He'd smashed up his entire kitchen because he had a domestic with his dishwasher.
Arthur's stomach rumbled again.
"What time did you eat breakfast this morning?" Merlin enquired, opening the fridge to what else he could offer Arthur.
"Way too early. I was at training for 5am, so around 4:15 maybe? I only had a banana as well, not the best for dancing for 5 hours."
Merlin gave him a sympathetic glance. "Well we have yoghurt. Or fruit? There might even be some crisps in the cupboard?"
Arthur thought about it before saying, "I'm actually in the mood for ice cream. Chocolate ice cream."
"Best comfort food in the world. There's some Ben & Jerry's in the freezer?"
"Sounds perfect," Arthur retrieved 2 spoons from the draw he'd seen Merlin get cutlery out of before whilst Merlin dug into the depths of thee freezer for the desert. He had to admit, the angle Merlin was bent at made his arse look very nice.
Morgana had warned him that getting involved with Merlin would be tricky, but Arthur had plenty of practice of sitting on his emotions, and that was what he intended to do until he found out Merlin's feelings. He found himself realising that he did not even know if Merlin was gay.
The cardigan and v neck screamed gay, as did the deep looks they had both been sharing, but Arthur was notorious for having the worst gaydar on the planet, so he would have to wait and see.
Merlin popped back up out of the freezer, ice cream in hand, and made his way into the living room, turning on the television before plopping down dramatically on the sofa. Arthur followed him, offering Merlin one of the spoons he was holding when Merlin handed over the ice cream. He shook his head before setting out to find the remote, so Arthur placed it carefully on the coffee table next to Merlin.
They settled on watching the big bang theory, a show they found out they both enjoyed.
Merlin was actually enjoying himself. Their actions could not be more simple but Arthur was providing the companionable company Merlin had been craving for so long. They both laughed at the same places in the show and Merlin even absently picked up the spoon from where it sat and took a small spoonful of the ice-cream.
He realised how much Arthur had made him laugh today. It was not a lot, but still that was more than he had laughed in a long time. He found himself being able to have a good time and able to put to the back of his mind some of the troubles that had been plaguing him for so long.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the familiar red car that he knew to be Lances and when the doorbell rang slightly after, he shouted "it's open" in its direction.
Gwen entered arms full with shopping bags which she placed on the island before coming to press a kiss to Merlin's cheek.
Arthur watched the exchange not knowing who the woman was and at first could only assume it was Merlin's girlfriend, but when a tall, muscley male also entered the house a few moments later and performed the exact same actions, he found himself very confused.
"Gwen, Lance, this is Arthur," Merlin nodded to who stood up to shake their hands. "He's Leon's girlfriend's brother." Arthur could not decide if Gwen looked happy that Merlin had someone to talk to or annoyed that he was intruding. They greeted each other nicely enough regardless. "What all that?" Merlin asked, pointing to the assortment of bags which now littered his kitchen. "The area's not as nice as yours but your shopping won't get robbed if you leave it in the car,"
"Her shopping is in the car," Lance grumbled, showing that he'd been the one to take Gwen shopping and that he was regretting it.
"It's for you silly!" Gwen pretended not to hear Lance's remark. "Thought we'd get you some food, and the sales were on so I got you some of those t-shirts you like from Urban Outfitters."
"Gwen, tell me you didn't think the cupboards would be bare? You do know who I live with don't you? And you do know how much he eats? I've never lived with someone who keeps the kitchen so well stocked,"
"It's comfort food mainly. Gwaine may eat like an elephant but he does actually eat quite healthily," Merlin perused the bags and saw what mainly looked to be pizzas and ice cream. He also went to the Urban Outfitters bag and pulled out the first of the t-shirts, identical to the one he was wearing in a dark purple colour.
Arthur was stood awkwardly at the edge of the room so Merlin shouted over to him: "What do you think?" He held the shirt up to his body and did an impromptu twirl. Arthur laughed.
"Suits you," he replied. They made eye contact and once more Merlin felt like Arthur had more he wanted to say. Lance coughed and their moment ended.
"Topman bag?" Merlin stated.
"Cardigans. Because you're a big girl,"
"THAT dear Gwen is terribly homophobic. I've seen your boyfriend wear cardigans many a time and I think we both know he's straight,"
"That was one time because it was cold!" Lance piped up. Arthur began to put the pieces together in his head. Lance and Gwen were together. Merlin wears cardigans and Gwen thinks cardigans are gay. But Merlin said that straight people wear cardigans too. So is he into guys or not!
"Arthur!" Merlin was looking at him like he was crazy. "Gwen said what do you think?"
"Erm, I dunno, but they look good on you, Merlin," POTTY MOUTH. Brain to mouth filter FAIL. Arthur felt himself blush and looked down at his feet, but Merlin seemed to take it well.
"Why thank you. So there you have it, even if cardigans are not gay, gays look superior in them," Arthur snapped his head up at that. He felt three pairs of eyes bore into him and tried not to look like this piece of information would change his life.
Because it wouldn't, of course.
"Merlin, we'd better get going," Lance said, once again breaking the silence.
"Sure, how much do I owe you for this?" Merlin gestured to the bags in his kitchen.
"Nothing - " Merlin tried to protest but Gwen covered her ears, kissed his cheek and left the house. The three males stared after her with a mixture of adoration, confusion and awe.
"See you, Merlin," Lance said, following his girlfriend. "Ring us if you need anything,"
"Bye Lance, I will, thanks," Merlin shut the door behind Lance's retreating figure, turned to Arthur and started laughing.
"I'd forgotten how good this feels. Thank you," Merlin said. "You've been exactly what I needed."
"Trying to get rid of me already?" Arthur asked.
"Not if you don't have anything better to do?" Arthur shook his head to show that he would like to stay. They unpacked the shopping and Merlin took the clothes bags upstairs to his bedroom. When he came back downstairs, Arthur was sat back on the sofa, this time more towards the centre with the previously forgotten ice cream back in his hands. Merlin sat back in his sofa and pulled his legs onto the couch, letting them rest beside him, his feet almost touching Arthur's leg.
They sat like this for a while, watching nonsense on the TV and Merlin felt himself begin to drift into sleep. He didn't want Arthur to go just sat so he sat upright and searched for his spoon. His legs flailed and ended up across Arthur's lap, who didn't seem to mind. The spoon was nowhere to be seen.
"What are you doing down there?" Arthur asked after saving Merlin from almost falling off the edge of the sofa for the third time.
"I want ice cream; I'm looking for my spoon,"
"I took it back to the kitchen before, just use this one," Arthur held up his spoon before doing something he really shouldn't have.
Merlin fell back into his seat, leaving his legs across Arthur, who was dipping the spoon back into the tub. He held it out for Merlin to eat, feeding it to him rather that just giving him the whole spoon like a normal, sane adult would.
Merlin leant forward and took the spoon in his mouth.
That mouth. Arthur was suddenly imagining what else Merlin could do with that mouth. He had never seen anyone eat ice cream so seductively. He pulled the spoon away and sat, rigid and feeling very awkward. Merlin was looking at him, like he was waiting for him to make the next move.
Arthur didn't know what to do.
He really had only come to Merlin's house with good intentions. This turn of events was NOT planned.
Instead of getting up and walking away, the thing he knew in his head he should have done, he followed his heart, put the ice cream down on the table and scooped out another scoop. Gently, he picked up Merlin's legs and pushed them back off the sofa and shifted closer to Merlin, who was now sat bolt upright.
Again, Arthur fed Merlin the ice cream, and was immediately imagining Merlin's mouth all over his body. He let Merlin take the spoon and took the ice cream that Merlin offered him. He was clumsy, not at all calm and collected like Merlin seemed to be, but still Merlin looked for his lead.
Arthur took the spoon from Merlin's hand, turned so that his body was directly next to Merlin's, put his hand carefully against Merlin's face and leaned in to press their lips together.
Hope you enjoyed this! This chapter was super fun to write and I love that I got feedback so quickly! Compared to some out there I've got barely any response but what I did means the world and makes me so happy! Let me know if you like it and thanks for reading!