It's freezing and dark when I finally manage to open my eyes. I almost instantly slam them back shut. It's not because of anything particularly bad, but I'm still not ready for what I see. A voice rings out and I cringe in remembrance.
"Kailian? Are you awake yet?". I shudder and peel my eyes open. This isn't real. This can't be real. It's just a damned memory. Any second someone will wake you up and you'll be back with your team. My thoughts don't comfort me in the slightest at where I am and who I see. I'm currently lying in bed with my blankets wrapped around me back in Denerim. My mother is standing at the side of my bed with a confused look on her face. Her dark skin and knotted ebony hair are covered in dirt; her dented sword is dangling by her side; and her sparkling eyes are squinted in concern. My heart aches as my chest tightens.
It's been years since my mother died and I'm still not over it. There'll be times when I think of something and think 'I should tell mom that the next-', then reality sets in and I'm left with a cold space in my chest. I even have a tattoo of her name on my leg; although, I've never shown it to anyone. My father would have a fit if he ever knew. My fake mother reaches out and pushes some of my hair behind my pointed ear. For a brief moment I long to lean into her touch and accept it.
It's been so long since I've allowed anyone to gently cup my face or do anything remotely loving with me, so my thirst is made even greater. I'd like nothing more than to allow my mother to hug me tight and keep me close, but I can't. My dream mother's fingers are cold and wet like they were the day she perished. No warmth or comfort is allowed to radiate from them. I sigh and try to close my eyes. That's when the dream version of mom begins yanking me out of bed. I quickly dig my heels into the mattress and grab onto the blankets. My mother is wearing leather armor and a necklace I made her when I was a child, so I know what day this is.
This is the day my family became shattered and I watched my own parent bleed to death in some gutter. I was already forced once to feel her blood running through my fingers and staining my shirt; I won't go through it again. My chest and throat become tense as my entire body begins to shake and become hot. Never again. My heels and fingers are torn from the bed as my mother begins yanking me out of the house. I begin screaming, kicking, clawing, and doing anything I can to force my mother to let me go. She doesn't relent and instead begins driving us through the Alienage. As we go I try not to remember the entire reason all of this was set into motion. Unfortunately, it all keeps replaying itself again and again and again.
The entire city around me is dark and gloomy, not unlike the actual day was. Every elf we pass has slumped shoulders and a grimace on their face. Open wounds and amputations are forced to fester in this rotten town's filth. My mother is continuing to yank me along the street to our destination. I've stopped fighting at this point. I'm going to have to watch my mother's death again anyway, so I might as well go quietly. Without me fighting we reach the building fairly quickly. My mother and I step inside with our swords lose in their scabbards and our armor strapped on tight.
The dingy room has a single table a woman is sitting behind, three seats pushed up against a wall, and two doors. The woman looks up, then nods to us. Two other people are already sitting down, so I'm forced to stand while my mother sits in the only unoccupied seat. In reality I threw a fit and pouted until my mother gave me the seat. In my dream I shut my mouth and allow my mom to have her last few living minutes in comfort. The door we didn't come in from opens and an elven man steps out. His left arm is cut off at the elbow and a bloody rag is hastily wrapped around the stump. The man stumbles out of the building without closing the door that leads only into darkness. A dry voice sounds from within.
"Next in line, please.".
An elderly man with a bundled baby in his arms pushes himself up, then disappears into the room. I shake my head and my mother spits on the floor. It only lasts a few seconds, then the man runs out of the room and out of the building.
"Next.". The final woman gets up with a large sack in her hands and closes the room's door behind her. I sit down beside my mother and wait while my heart clenches itself. I know what's waiting for us, and I know how things turn out. Nothing I can do can change it, but I'll sure as fuck try. I'm not letting my mother suffer her fate a second time. The woman comes hobbling out and it's our turn. I walk in first with my mother behind me. The darkened room we're in has a single desk in it. A tall, thin human is sitting behind it. He's scribbling down numbers and weighing the sack he's been given. The human 'tsks' and tosses the sack to the side, then motions us forward.
"Well, what have you got for me?". My mother pulls out her blade and places it on the table. The man calmly looks up at us, sighs, and gives us a single warning.
"Produce what I want, or things will end very, very badly for the both of you.". I shake my head and my mom seconds my defiance.
"Never.". The human sighs and snaps his fingers. Five bodyguards rush from the corners of the room and leap at us.
The battle that follows lasts less than five seconds. My blade cleaves through one man's head and impales the other through his chest. My mother easily kills two in one slice and decapitates the last. The man sighs and leans back in his chair.
"Very well. What is it you two desire?". I carefully walk backwards and block off the only door. I'd be a shame if we have to kill him or his receptionist. Well, it'd be a hassle to clean up. My mom stalks forward and sinks her blade into the shem's desk.
"Stop your entire operation, or we won't be as forgiving next time.". The shem glares and opens his mouth to speak, but my mother talks over him.
"It's not negotiable and it's not a question. You'll stop your business and leave town tonight. If you don't, then tomorrow we'll come back for your head.". She takes the blade out of the desk and begins walking towards me.
"I'd suggest you get started.". The man is (wisely) silent as my mother and I leave. The receptionist looks at us, sees the blood covering us, and opens her mouth to scream. One stroke from me slits her throat from ear to ear. As we open the door to leave I yell some advice to the man in the other room.
"Look for a receptionist with thicker skin next time!". I cackle at my own joke as I jog to catch up with my mother. Finally, we're free to talk.
A freezing arm is wrapped around me and my mother smiles.
"Good work.". I nod at her and offer my warmest smile. It's a damned dream. Don't start getting too attached. You know what happens next. Indeed, I already see the alley we'll be ambushed from up ahead. We should have killed that bastard the second he was defenseless, but instead we let him live. That was our biggest mistake. Powerful shem don't take too kindly to getting their lives threatened, and two dead elves is a small price to pay for the assured safety of a human. I take out my blade a little earlier than usual to save time in the upcoming attack. My pretend mother gently lies her head down on my shoulder. I gasp and feel wetness coming to my eyes. My chest and throat both begin to ache as my mother says her final full sentence.
"I love you.". I take a deep breath and mimic what I did the night of the attack.
"I love y-". The gigantic war hammer hits both of us in one blow; lifts us off of our feet; and flings us into the alley to our left. My mother cracks her head against the stone wall of the alleyway and I slam my shoulder into cold stone. Instantly, both of us are struggling to get up and untangle ourselves from one another. We're far too slow. The woman charges us and raises her hammer for a blow aimed at me.
The curved part of her weapon is aimed directly for my chest as she brings it down. You should have died. It should have been you who got impaled on her hammer. Everyone knows you're of less use to your people. You'll never be half the woman your mother was. Just a replacement that everyone's stuck with. You can't even be a Grey Warden right; you got your face smashed in by an Ogre! What Warden does that?! I'm openly sobbing as my mom throws herself on top of me and the hammer sinks its pointed end into her back.
I try to close my eyes for the next part, but I can't. I'm forced to watch my mother's dying expression once again. Her wide eyes rolling around in her skull; blood begin to leak from her lips; and her skin losing its color. The hammer-wielding woman hits my mother another three times. During the entire thing (in both reality and the dream) I laid still. I should have gotten up and fought, but I was too much of a coward. I just lied there and thought 'If I'm still, then she'll think I'm dead.'. It didn't work. The warrior peeled my dying mother off of me and tossed her to the side like she was garbage. That's when she began extracting payment from me. I only started reacting and fighting back when I felt her fingers beginning to undo my leather armor.
I'm sure someone heard my screams for help, but in the Alienage screams for help aren't uncommon and the safest thing to do is to ignore them. I'm shaking and my strength has fled me as my armor is removed. Then, the woman forces me to lie on my stomach and puts her knees around me to stop any escape. My dying mother is only a few feet away from me, but I can't reach her. Instead, I'm involuntarily held to the ground as my breast-bindings are removed. Finally, I feel the familiar touch of a freezing blade against my back. The warrior carefully places an empty scale in front of me before speaking.
"Two pounds of flesh is the price for the dead.". In reality I fought through the entire thing, but now I simply lie there. No point in tiring myself out. The only mercy is the blade can't hurt me because it isn't actually happening; however, there's still another horror to endure. I see the woman put long, bloody strips of my own flesh into the scale. Chunks of meat and handfuls of skin quickly turn the bronze scale into a bloody mess.
My entire back is stripped of skin and a decent amount of meat before the woman stops. Then, a healing poultice is forced down my throat. The warrior takes her scale (along with parts of me) and leaves the alley. Now all that's left is my mother. I try to crawl over her like I did in reality. To comfort her and have her clutch my face as she whispers 'Ir abelas. I lo-' and passes on. I'm almost there when I begin waking up.
Note:
Ir abelas: I'm sorry.
Yeah, we're finally getting into the backstory and deviance from the game. Anyway, I'm considering doing something. Instead of writing every fight scene and every small detail, I'm considering skipping the smaller battles and 'exploring' parts in favor of skipping to important scenes. So, instead of hearing about every wolf that's killed I'd skip to the fight with Swiftrunner. And, instead of hearing about every Darkspawn in the Deep Roads I'd skip to a camping scene where they're resting in a deeper section of the Deep Roads.
I'd keep important battles or battles where the characters get a new weapon or armor, but I'd skip tiny ones. It's just something I'm toying with, but it'll most likely become reality. I just don't want this story to be 200+ chapters and half of them are just tiny battles. Next chapter should either be different or the same, and every other chapter will follow its lead.