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Disclaimer: Everything Glee related is sadly not mine.
Brittany woke up and felt warm. She slowly opened her eyes and realized that she lay in bed with Santana. The Latina held her in her arms thin but strong arms. Her own head was buried in Santana's neck while the Latina's head rested on hers.
Brittany felt kind of refreshed. It had been some time since she slept without having a nightmare. Without this voice claiming her soul as it's own. His voice. Even in her mind she spat the word with as much venom she could muster.
So she closed her eyes again trying to get more of this blissful sleep in the arms of the woman that was always there for her.
Santana woke up because of the sun. It was annoyingly shining directly on her face. Normally she would have been grumpy and cursing but today was different. Today she felt her blonde girlfriend in her arms. She was sleeping and seemed genuinely peaceful. It felt good to see that sleep could mean rest for her. Normally sleep was her constant tormentor.
Brushing a lock of blonde her out of her face she lovingly kissed Brittany's cheek.
Brittany began to steer and soon blue eyes were connecting with her brown ones.
"Morning", was all Santana came up with.
"Hey," Brittany breathed.
"We need to talk Britt." it was a fact rather than a demand when Santana said it.
Brittany flinched for a second. But then again Santana was here. If she really wanted to leave her she wouldn't have come back and made everything somehow better.
"I'm really sorry about yesterday B. I never wanted to leave you I was just so scared. I mean your love seems like the best and constant thing in my life. Even when we weren't together we loved each other. And to hear you couldn't really feel that way... it overwhelmed me. I mean I love you too damn much to want you have a life without love and happiness. I know I ran away last night like a coward and I feel so ashamed for doing so. Let me tell you that I would, no could never abandon you. You are my life B. Even if you told me you hated me I would still care for you. There is nothing that can make me stop either love or care for you," Santana started rambling and she knew it, but this was all important and she had to convey it to Brittany, "I don't really know what happened to you on that day. And I can't really fathom what amount of pain you must be handling. You just have to know that I'm always here for you. Every step of the way. Regardless of which way you choose." And with that she squeezed Brittany tightly in her arms. Trying to press her body impossible closer to her own.
The blonde didn't know what to say. Santana had just dismissed all her concerns about her leaving and instead of rejection, hurt or anything negative only sincerity and love shone through her brown eyes.
"I know and it's okay 'cause you are back."
Brittany knew what relief felt like so she clung to the memory as she comprehended what Santana just said.
Brittany knew Santana meant every word. She wouldn't judge Brittany for what she had done. Before Brittany's mind could begin to wander anywhere near the dance studio Santana spoke up again.
" You know while you were kind of out of it I talked a bit to Dr. Mo. He was in charge of you. He talked to me about well about therapy. What you saw is a lot to comprehend and well although I'm not a doctor I bet your whole numbness is a side effect of your mind trying to cope."
At the mention of therapy and coping something in Brittany's head clicked.
"You are mine!" these three words started to ghost through Brittany's head as she pictured talking about it, about what happened, about them and him.
"I can't. Santi I just can't. Don't make me go there. I don't want to talk about all of that I just want to forget. I mean I already got better didn't I?", Brittany openly begged her now. Kind of like a daughter would beg her mother to not take her to the doctor to get her flu shot. But this was all kinds of different. Brittany only ever used Santana's childhood nickname if she was on the verge of hysterical.
"Shh Britt-Britt it's okay I won't make you go. Just think about it. I want to get better and you want to get better too, don't you?", the brunette cooed.
Brittany simply nodded.
They lay in bed for another hour after their talk and only thought of leaving bed when Santana's stomach began to rumble really loud.
"So Britt how about we pack lunch, invite Quinn and head out to the pond? We can pack a loaf of bread and feed the duckies maybe?" Santana knew that Brittany loved feeding ducks and so did Brittany. Again she tried to grasp these feelings of happiness, excitement and agreed, not really managing to convey them though.
Santana began shuffling through the apartment, called Quinn who immediately agreed to come, packed lunch and made sure Brittany was ready in time so that they could get going.
Santana wanted to get to the park they were meeting Quinn as soon as possible because she really needed to talk to Quinn. They both knew it would be quiet difficult to get Britt to agree to get help but she hadn't expected this amount of anxiety that claimed Brittany just at the mere thought of talking about what happened. She needed her friends advice.
"Lopez nice to keep me waiting. I mean you were the person who invited me in the first place but I always knew manners were lost when you turned thirteen. And people say boys are bad when they hit puberty."
"Nice to see you too Tubbers." Santana greeted Quinn before hugging her tightly.
After she let go she let Quinn get over to envelope her blonde girlfriend into a bear hug and asking her about everything and nothing. They soon settled down and began eating the lunch Santana prepared. Normally no sane person would touch anything Santana made because she magically managed to make anything just too spicy. Santana's gustatory nerves must have been burned right after birth because the girl could shove the spiciest chili in her mouth like other would do with chips. The result was that everything she seasoned was not edible. Luckily she stuck to PB&J sandwiches which Santana learned to make without ruining them for everyone around her. Until this day Quinn claims she found a chili in one of Santana's PB&J sandwiches.
After finishing their sandwiches Santana gave Brittany some bread and asked her to go ahead to the pond to feed the ducks.
"So I guess you apologized alright to her then?" Quinn asked immediately as Brittany was out of earshot.
"Yeah. I mean I never meant to run out on her. I justed needed a moment to catch my breath and Brittany knows that as well." Quinn nodded sympathetically.
"Okay let me address the big elephant in the room now that you know. I'm pretty sure you as well as Britt were smart enough to see that her current state is an aftershock of what happened to her. So basically to get Britt on the road of real recovery she has to start facing what happened. Concentrating on other things and trying to suppress emotions only get you so far and for Brittany it got her to a point where her fears still control her and in an addition everything that makes her be able to hope for better was buried underneath."
"Yeah that's exactly the problem Quinn. I asked her earlier if she could imagine getting like professional help so she can move on. She was on the edge Q. She was pleading with me like her six year old self with her mother. She was just so terrified. She asked me not to force her to go there", Santana huffed, "this is so fucking great I mean how do we persuade her to get help if she gets like this all the time?"
"I'm not sure myself. But we both should try to knock some sense into her. She can't stay like that forever and we are going to make sure that this won't happen." Santana smiled a warm smile at Quinn and added with a smirk,"Well Q if you weren't so fucking uptight all the time you would make one hell of a milf." Before Quinn could react by hitting her head she ran down to Brittany who was sitting near the pond and throwing bread to the ducks.
It was a nice afternoon and both Quinn and Santana enjoyed the time they and Brittany spent together. When it started getting dark they parted Santana hugged Quinn she whispered in her ear " I think I'm gonna talk to Dr. Mo about this again. Perhaps he has a suggestion that can help us." Quinn only nodded, hugged Brittany and grabbed her cab.
The next week Santana and Quinn did their best to talk to Brittany and let nonchalantly talk about therapy. But the result was always the same. Brittany was on the verge of hysterics begging them to not force her to go to a doctor reassuring them she would be fine somehow. Awaiting this result Santana made an appointment with Dr. Mo, who was pleasantly surprised the Latina didn't just barge into his office but actually called beforehand.
With that set Santana told Brittany she had to get stuff from the office and made her way to the hospital to talk to Dr. Mo.
Looking at the hospital Santana couldn't help but shiver. She hated the place it always made her mind drift to "Skinny Brittany". So she almost jogged through the entrance hall and made her way over to Dr. Mo's office. She knocked for good measure but immediately entered the office. Dr. Mo said at his desk and smiled at her.
"So Miss Lopez I think I'm right when suggest that this talk will be concerning Miss Pierce?" Straight down to business.
"Yes. You know she woke up and well I... she said she can't feel anything anymore like she's numb to anything except pain or anxiety. I think this line is kind of messed up for her. At least emotionally." the doctor looked intently at her, assures her to continue as he knew this was not the entire problem. "We suggested her getting help but she flat out refuses or rather begs. She seems to get back to age six and begs not to be taken to any doctor and not to force any treatment on her. I really don't know what to do. For the past week me and her best friend Quinn tried to talk to her about it but the reaction is always the same." He nodded his head a few times and then paused a moment seemingly in thought.
" Miss Lopez you have to understand what Miss Pierce went through traumatized her. This trauma has not only reached her consciousness but her subconsciousness as well. Miss Pierce currently fights with herself to regain control over her own body, her own feelings and at the same time she is battling with her subconsciousness. Traumatized people tend to be very fragile. I wouldn't beg to differ that it varies from person to person but it is proven that talking about certain events, seeing certain things can make them kind of shut down and/or relieving certain memories. You have seen the worst kind of shut down for six months. That what you see know is another defense mechanism set by her mind to prevent her from remembering or rather from feeling everything. To prevent the hurt to start all over again. But unfortunately that is were the real work begins. I have often seen cases where patients are unwilling to start therapy. That's why I'll make you an offer:
Bring Miss Pierce with you to my private practice so she won't feel threatened that it seems like a doctors visit. I have a colleague who works as psychologist there but has specialized in hypnosis. He can try to talk to Miss Pierce. I guess it should take him about two sessions to get close enough to try to start a dialog on what happened. I mean we don't have to exactly tell her that she is in session. I'm sure that you can supply him a suitable background for Miss Pierce to feel comfortable around him. And if nothing works we can try to hypnotize her to get directly to her subconsciousness and see what we may learn from it." Santana needed some time to ponder on this offer. Sure Dr. Mo was more than accommodating but she still had to deceive Brittany. Especially after she reassured her not to force her to go to therapy.
"I'm no sure if I'm down with the whole hypnotizing shenanigans but I would gladly accept your offer for some "non-therapy therapy" sessions for Britt."
"Well I won't force you to agree to the hypnosis or the sessions for that, but the hypnosis might be helpful to understand Miss Pierce deep anxiety and in turn adapt her therapy or directly pointing out things to get her to start a dialog. I just want you do consider it." Santana nodded.
"If you have time I could squeeze you in for an appointment the day after tomorrow. I guess the faster the better?" Again Santana nodded.
"Yeah I mean Brittany can't work and I can more or less set my own work hours so that would be no problem."
With that set Santana got the address for the practice and was out of the door and in front of her car before she knew it.
She was still a little concerned about everything. She really liked the idea of disguised therapy and she would always make sure Brittany felt comfortable and let her leave if she wants to. But it scared her to think that they might have to break into her mind. It seemed so wrong.
She tried not to ponder to hard and rather focus on the task at hand.
She had an appointment with Dr. Mo and his friend and she had still to think of an appropriate background for the psychologist.
But well if Santana Lopez was one thing it was creative. After all she composed the infamous "Trouty Mouth" song or managed to find nickname after nickname for Rachel "Man-Hands" Berry.
She would definitely hold her end of the bargain and as she sat down to drive home to the girl she loved, since she first saw her, she could only hope that the doctor would and could do the same.
A/N: I got no reviews for the last chapter so I'm not really sure if you like any of the knew stuff so please hit the review button you guys :) Just let me know if you still like to read this story or not. ;)