The next week was tough, just as he knew it would be. The month anniversary was coming up, the funeral was scheduled for Tuesday and though he was assured that his foot was healing well, it hurt like a mother fucker.

Arthur called a number of times on Monday, all of which Merlin ignored. This led to the texts Arthur was sending becoming more frequent and increasingly worrisome.

Gwaine took surprisingly good care of Merlin, bringing him food which he rejected most of the time, and keeping him dosed up on pain relief.

The funeral passed in a blur of memories and emotion but Merlin managed to wait until he was home to let it out. Gwen came back with him and sat on the couch holding him whilst he cried himself out. It was no wonder Merlin had turned out gay, he was such a girl about everything.

"I thought maybe you'd have asked Arthur to the funeral, Gwaine's been telling me about what a good friend he's been," Gwen said after Merlin was down to wracking out broken, tearless sobs.

"He didn't know Will, why would I have?"

"I don't know, for support maybe?"

"He's too good at being supportive." Merlin said simply.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Gwen asked, giving Merlin a quizzical look.

"Nothing," Merlin mumbled. Unfortunately, Gwen knew him too well and pressed the matter.

"I just don't want him to think I'm a needy little girl. He was there when I needed him to be and I was becoming too reliant on him." Gwen was not following.

"Why would he think you're too reliant on him? If he wants to be there for you, let him. You seem like you're making something out of nothing, Merlin," She said.

"Probably am," he said.

"Then why didn't you invite him?"

"Please don't Gwen,"

"I don't want to act like an interfering old cow - "

"You are,"

"BUT I'm worried about you, me and Lance both. Leon and Morgana were round at ours the other day and they both agree that he's exactly what you need to help you get through this. You tried once to get back out there, you got your confidence knocked and now you refuse to try again," This was not true. He wasn't avoiding being sociable, just Arthur.

"Do either of you know Arthur well?" He asked.

"No - "

"And do Leon and Morgana know me well?"

"Leon - "

"Leon knows jack shit about me." He got a disapproving look for that comment, no one ever bad mouthed Leon, it was not the done thing.

"None of you can say that he is what I need. What I need is not for Arthur to become my shoulder to cry on and then get bored of me, I need to move on in my own time and hope that I haven't already scared him off."

"You are unbelievably stubborn, Merlin,"

"I'm sorry," he said, without being sure if he meant for being stubborn, being rude to her or for knowing that he was not going to be letting Arthur back in anytime soon.

•••

On Thursday he had to go back on that promise which he had made to himself. He had a hospital appointment to get his foot re-potted and needed to be there for 10am. It was only at 8 that morning that Gwaine told Merlin that he had a meeting in Cardiff in the morning and wouldn't be able to take him. He rang Lance to see if he was free but he was already at work and couldn't get away and then rung Leon who regrettably informed him that his car was in the garage and that Morgana's car was with her at Uther's holiday cottage, otherwise he could have taken him in that. The only taxi company in the area worked on an advance booking only system and by the time the bus became an option, it would take too long for him to get there and he would completely miss his appointment.

He really was left with only one option.

"Merlin?" To say that Arthur sounded surprised would be an understatement.

"Are you at training?" he asked before Arthur could complete any of the niceties.

"No, not until this afternoon. Is everything alright?"

"I hate to ask, especially after I've been ignoring you for the past few days, but would you be able to run me down to the hospital for 10am?"

"I don't see why not, what do you need to be there for?"

"I'm just getting my pot reset."

"Oh yeah, how is the foot?" he asked, and Merlin picked up on the tone which suggested Arthur did not mean the 'oh yeah' and had in fact not forgotten about his ankle once since Morgana had told him what happened.

"It's not bad," he replied.

"I'll be at yours for half 9 then? Will that be enough time to get there do you think?"

"Better make it 20 past, traffic and all that,"

"I'll see you in a bit then," Arthur agreed.

"Thanks Arthur,"

Merlin realised that it was already 9 and that he still needed to eat and get changed. He took a handful of crunchy bran from the box and threw then in his mouth, knowing it would be enough to keep him going for hours. He hobbled upstairs and changed his t-shirt first whilst sipping regularly on coffee to keep him awake, and had just managed to get his pyjama bottoms off when the doorbell rang. 20 minutes had passed obscenely quickly.

He tried to pull on his jeans over his pot and fell onto the floor. While trying to get up, Arthur rang again, for longer this time, and Merlin managed to haul himself to his feet, jeans still around his ankles.

He abandoned the attempt at dressing and went back downstairs in just boxers to let Arthur in.

He hid behind the door when he opened it and told Arthur to sit in the living room and to not look at Merlin, but he had no doubt his almost naked arse was getting stared at as he made his way back upstairs.

After 3 more attempts at getting the jeans on and 1 more crash to the floor, he called Arthur up.

"Can you just push this jean leg over the pot?" He asked, highly embarrassed that he was incapable of dressing himself. Gwaine had been happy to help for the last week as long as he had been able to make fun of Merlin for it also, but Arthur complied without comment. He even passed Merlin a hoody and thin coat to put on, saying that it was really cold outside.

The ride to the hospital was awkward to say the least. Arthur kept stealing glances at Merlin, as if to check that he was still there, and Merlin felt the remnants of his blush were still on his cheeks after the dressing incident.

As they pulled into the car park Merlin told Arthur to just leave him at the front door.

"I don't think the other patients will be too happy if I sit there in my car waiting for you to come out," he replied, driving past the entrance and beginning to look for a space.

"You don't have to wait, Arthur," Merlin told him.

"Well I did think I'd let you walk home but then I decided it was a little cruel," he said, his voice thick with sarcasm.

"I can get a bus,"

"I'm here now, Merlin. I'll come in with you and take you home, and I want to so don't tell me not to," Arthur clearly was not going to be one to put up with his stubborn streak.

After Merlin was done, and had had a stern word from a doctor about his weight, or lack thereof, Arthur helped him into the car and began to take him home.

"I'm sorry if I freaked you out by calling so much," Great, Merlin thought. Now he feels guilty.

"You didn't. I was just feeling funny about the whole thing - to be honest, I didn't want you to think I was getting too clingy or needy or something. I'm sure that's a trait neither of us misses in our preferred gender." Arthur threw him a befuddled look.

"Why on Earth would you think I thought that? You saw how I was with Percy last week, if I didn't want to talk to you, don't you think you'd know about it?"

"I suppose," Merlin said, feeling all of a sudden incredibly vulnerable

"You suppose? It sounds to me like you're looking for an excuse to get out."

"That's not it,"

"Then tell me," Merlin paused.

"I think," he stopped again as Arthur turned to face him. "I think I don't want to get close to you because I know that you will turn my world upside down and I'm scared that you'll end up meaning so much to me and then you'll get hurt, just like Will, and I'll not be able to deal with it," Arthur mulled Merlin's words over as Merlin buried his face into his arms.

"You are one fucked up kid, Merlin," he joked. Then he took Merlin's hand and pulled it away from his face, holding it tenderly. "How about I promise I won't get hurt?" Merlin would not turn to face him.

"You can't promise that," he said simply.

"You're right, I can't, but I can try my damned hardest, and I can promise to help you through this, Merlin,"

He slowly turned to meet his eyes.

"Let me in, Merlin,"

Merlin began to move closer to Arthur's lips before he realised they were stopped at a particularly long red light and Arthur wouldn't be able to kiss and drive at the same time. Instead, he squeezed Arthur's hand and leant back in his seat for the rest of the ride.

•••

"I'm sorry I was such an idiot," Merlin said as Arthur pulled into his street.

"Don't be," Arthur parked the car up and then walked ahead of Merlin with the key and unlocked the front door.

"Coming in?"

"Only for a bit," Arthur replied, stepping into the house and taking off his shoes. "You got any food?" he asked. He was almost as bad as Gwaine.

"Gwaine's taken to freezing his leftovers and not leaving them lying around, if that's what you're asking." They both laughed.

"I'll make sandwiches," Arthur said, despite the fact that it was barely even lunch time. "Sit down," he was told.

Arthur shouted through many times to ask where various kitchen items were, but seemed to manage OK on his own. Unfortunately, he had been present when Merlin had been told he needed to eat more, so when Arthur came back into the living room with his own ham salad sandwich, he was not surprised to see that he had been made one too. Arthur also brought a tube of Salt & Vinegar pringles he had found and tucked right in.

Merlin picked up his own sandwich tentatively and began to nibble slowly at the crusts.

"I was actually under the impression that you were a human, not a mouse," Arthur said, having already eaten a half of his own sandwich. This caused Merlin to take a larger chunk and he was able to appreciate how good a sandwich it actually was.

"S'good," he said.

"You going to eat that other half as well then?" Arthur asked.

"Probably not," he replied, knowing that this would leave him full for the rest of the day. Arthur picked it up off his plate and put it down on his own.

By the time they had finished it was time for Arthur to go to training.

"It's a month tomorrow, isn't it?" he asked at the door. Merlin nodded. "I have Fridays free, I can come over if you like?"

"You don't have to,"

"I want to, Merlin." Merlin told him to come over whenever he wanted then and was expecting it when Arthur pressed a short but firm kiss on his lips.

•••

When Gwaine got home he seems puzzled by the grin that was still spread across Merlin's face.

"How was the meeting?" He asked as Gwaine threw himself around the kitchen.

"More boring than that time you made me sit through all the Nicholas Sparks movies," he replied. "Why are my pringles on the table?"

"They're not your pringles! Pringles are most definitely a shared item in this household."

"Yes but Merlin, you've barely eaten anything in the past month."

"And I didn't eat any pringles today,"

"Well someone did," he said grumpily, inspecting the tube and finding it to be half empty. "Who took you to the hospital?"

"Arthur," Gwaine shot him a look.

"No one else was free, and I talked to him about the other night and everything's fine."

"I didn't know everything wasn't fine. I just don't like that he eats me food,"
Merlin threw a cushion at him.

"The whole world doesn't revolve around your stomach you know,"

"You tell my stomach that,"

•••

Merlin did not want to wake up in the morning. Gwaine came in before he left for work to put a cup of coffee beside him but he pretended to be asleep so that he didn't have to talk to him.

This is the last day I'm going to mope about this, he thought. I'm going to move on, get on with my life. He hadn't been to work in a month and his clients, though understanding, were getting touchy.

Then he remembered that he asked Arthur to come over.

That was another thing he was going to sort out. Merlin hadn't been in a proper relationship for years and this was something he wanted desperately to change. Arthur was the perfect way to do this, if he liked Merlin as much as he thought he did.

The doorbell rang as Merlin swung his legs over the side of the bed so he picked up the mug of now lukewarm coffee and hopped downstairs, not bothering with his crutches.

Arthur stood in the doorway wearing navy sweatpants and a bright pink fitted t-shirt. His feet were enclosed in grey slippers with bunny ears and he hadn't bothered to shave. Despite the fact that today was a day for sadness; he could not help thinking how downright delicious Arthur looked.

"I didn't think you'd feel like changing out of your pyjamas, so I didn't either," It didn't pass Merlin by that Arthur had previously told him he didn't wear anything in bed, but he didn't mention it, Arthur was clearly trying to make him feel more comfortable, just in a very strange way.

Arthur walked into the house and Merlin noticed the two plastic bags at Arthur's feet. By the looks of it, one contained crisps and a microwaveable lasagne, as well as a few DVDs and the other had clothes and a normal pair of shoes.

They went into the kitchen where Merlin poured himself a fresh cup of coffee as well as offering one to Arthur, who accepted.

"How are you feeling?" Arthur asked when Merlin finished his second mug.

"I don't know. I feel like there's something missing, but it isn't that important. Not like the all consuming emptiness I felt after it happened. I know that it is important, obviously, he was my best friend, but I feel like I can move on sooner than I thought I could."

"Do you want to talk about him?"

"I think I would."

Merlin and Arthur spent all morning talking about Will. Merlin told him about the time he set his girlfriend's hair on fire with a lighter and the time he got chased through a field by an angry bull. He told him about the time they didn't speak for 2 weeks when they were 12 because Will broke Merlin's brand new GameBoy and how at the time they were the worst 2 weeks of his life. He told him about the first time he kissed Will, when they were 15 and Merlin was not in school because he was ill. Will had come straight from school to check he was OK and had spent all evening with him watching TV on the sofa, and stayed with him until his mum was almost home from work. That was when Will had leant over the back of the sofa and pressed a kiss softer than any Merlin had had since to his lips.

Arthur listened to all of his stories with intent, laughing when appropriate and offering consolation when needed.

Merlin and Arthur were sat at opposite ends of the sofa, facing each other with their legs crossed and head leant on arms. When Merlin couldn't hold it in any longer after the story about leaving Will and coming to live in London, Arthur scooted into the middle and put Merlin's head in his lap. He gently ran his fingers through his hair while he felt Merlin's body move with his sobs.

"The best memory I have of him is from the summer before uni, before my mum got ill," Merlin said brokenly, still with tears rolling down his face and onto Arthur's legs. "We drove to Brighton in my mum's car and spent the day on the beach. The sun was out and we both got burned to a crisp, and we drank too much cheap beer and ate too many chips, and it was perfect. I think we kissed a few times, impromptu and full of sand but I didn't care because it was all so perfect. We played in the sea like little kids and built sand sculptures. Will built a massive dick and I built a pair of lips right next to it. Then the school kids came and we had to scatter them, and it felt like we were scattering the remnants of our lives in Ealdor. By the time we thought about coming home it was almost dark and we were both over the limit, so we found a cheap B&B and got one room. That was the first time I had sex. We both felt terrible about it in the morning but at the time it seemed like the most natural thing in the world for us. Will was perfect - it was perfect. I woke up the next morning wrapped in Will's arms, tangled in the sheets with the sound of the sea in my ears, and I have never been happier in my whole life than I was in that moment. Then we came home and realised we could never be like that, being in a relationship would have ruined our friendship and that was too precious to both of us to lose." Merlin paused to collect his thoughts. "I sometimes wonder how different my life would have been if I had never met Will, but I don't think it would have been a life worth living."

Arthur had tears in his eyes and his voice caught when he spoke.

"I've never had anyone like that in my life," he said. "You were so lucky to be able to spend your whole childhood with such an amazing person, Merlin,"

Merlin simply replied, "I know,"

Arthur heard Merlin's breath come more deeply and felt him relax against him and realised he had fallen asleep. They were watching Pride and Prejudice, Will's guilty pleasure movie, and Merlin was leant against Arthur's side with Arthur's arm wrapped around him.

Arthur's fingers traced the line of his ribs softly and his leg bobbed up and down every so often with nerves.

Merlin was not someone who should have to go through this, he thought. He was too young and too fragile, physically and emotionally. The bad stuff always happens to the good ones.

Will and Merlin had shared something that Arthur had only ever dreamed of having. He'd never been close to his father and his chosen sexuality and hobby made him the laughing stock of his all boys grammar school in the country side. Uther did not believe in paying for an education, no matter how good, but Arthur often wondered about how many other boys would have been itching to experiment with each other at a private boarding school and if he would have waited so long to turn his back on Uther as he did. As it was, he had been desperate to be as normal as possible and to please Uther and so had gone along with his plans purely for the sake of keeping his father happy.

He became aware of a ringing sound coming from upstairs. It stopped for a moment and then began again. It rang out a few more times but someone was trying really hard to get in touch with Merlin so he slipped off the couch, laying Merlin's head on a pillow and went to answer the phone. He found it looking rather worse for wear, with a smashed screen but managed to make out 'Gwaine' which was displayed on the caller I.D.

"Hello," Arthur said.

"Merlin?"

"No it's Arthur." he could almost hear the confusion emanating from Gwaine.

"Oh, erm, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, shouldn't it be?"

"Well he isn't answering his phone,"

"Oh yeah, he's asleep on the sofa. Did you need something?"

"Not in particular," Gwaine said. "I was only going to check how he is but when he didn't answer I got a bit worried,"

"So you rung 20 more times? Don't you guys have a house phone that he's more likely to answer?" The logic was so obvious that Arthur was astounded it had passed Gwaine.

"Yeah I suppose we do," he obviously felt as stupid as Arthur thought him. "So Merlin's alright then? You know what day it is today don't you?"

"I don't really know how he is, he's been talking about Will all morning and he was pretty upset but he seemed a bit better before he fell asleep."

"OK, wake him up and make him eat something, yeah?"

"I'll try," Arthur really had no intentions of making Merlin wake up but it would keep Gwaine happy. He still wasn't sure where they stood on the friendship front. "Gwaine?"

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry about the lasagne; I bought you some more to make up for it,"

"Well you know what they say," Gwaine said, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," they both laughed. "You didn't have to, thanks Arthur. And thanks for being there for Merlin, you've been great," Arthur thought that Gwaine sounded as if he regretted not being a better friend, but said goodbye amicably anyway.

"Talking about me?" Merlin said, half sat up, as Arthur descended the stairs.

"It was Gwaine checking up on you," Arthur said, sitting back on the sofa under Merlin's elevated head and letting it fall so that Merlin was looking up at Arthur.

"Hmm." Merlin was still sleepy but his stomach rumbled, reminding Arthur of Gwaine's request.

"Food?" Arthur asked.

"Not that hungry," his stomach rumbled again.

"Your belly tells me otherwise. Up," Merlin sat up and let Arthur pull him up of the sofa. "What do you fancy?"

"Ice cream," Merlin said honestly.

"That's not proper food," Arthur told him.

"You dancy types are so obsessed with eating properly, aren't you?"

"Well I'd rather stay fit and not get kicked out for getting podgy," he said. I'd rather you stayed fit too, Merlin thought, but didn't say it. "I'd also rather not collapse on stage in the middle of a performance because I've not eaten properly, so it's better for everyone if I do really,"

"I still want ice cream though," Merlin said. Arthur laughed at him.

"Fine, Merlin the 5 year old, have some ice cream,"

"I love how you think you can dictate what I eat, Pendragon. We are in my house you know." Arthur seemed to contemplate this as if it wasn't something he'd thought about.

Merlin ate his ice cream from the tub as Arthur made a sandwich almost identical to the ones he made yesterday.

"I want to go and say goodbye properly," Merlin said.

"Huh?" Arthur said through a mouthful of bread and veg.

"Will. I didn't say goodbye properly at the funeral. There were too many people and I was too sad. I want to go visit the grave so I can start to move on properly."

"When do you want to go?" Arthur asked after swallowing what he was eating.

"Today, if you don't mind driving me?"

"You want me to go with you?" Arthur asked, surprised.

"If you don't mind?"

"Of course not. We'll go this afternoon."

"You don't mind going in your pyjamas do you? I could probably find you something to wear if you like?"

"I was kind of hoping I might get you to leave the house actually, so I brought some of my own."

Arthur finished eating his sandwich while Merlin continued taking tiny bites of ice cream.

"Can I borrow your bathroom?" Arthur asked. Merlin looked confused. "To get changed?" Arthur pointed to his clothes.

"Oh yeah, go for it, I guess I should get dressed too,"

Arthur followed Merlin up the stairs and Merlin showed him the bathroom. He had some skinny jeans and a clean t-shirt and jumper to change into, as well as underwear and socks. He emerged at the same time as Merlin, who was wearing a pair of dark brown trousers, a tight blue t-shirt and a bright red cardigan. If Arthur didn't find it incredibly attractive, he'd think the combination was ridiculous.

•••

Merlin got back into the car bleary eyed after almost half an hour by Will's grave. It had taken them around 3 hours to get to Ealdor, where Will had been buried, and Merlin had spent the journey telling Arthur more stories about his past. On the way back, he let Arthur talk, wanting his goodbye to last as long in his memory as it could.

Every so often, Arthur rested his hand on Merlin's knee, a presence that Merlin was happy to have. When they got back to the city, now late at night, Merlin asked Arthur to stay and he obliged. They both changed back into what they had been wearing before and there was no hesitation before they sat right next to each other on the sofa and wrapped their arms around each other, watching one of the films Arthur had brought with him. They got to almost half way before Merlin stated that he was too tired, so Arthur turned off the TV and was led upstairs by the hand. Merlin fell into the bed as Arthur turned off various electrical appliances and then followed him, climbing in to face Merlin.

They both propped their heads up against their arms and simply looked at each other for a while.

"Will you have to leave in the morning," Merlin asked, the hint that he would need Arthur not escaping him.

"I have training from 7 'till 12 but I'm going to call in sick," he said. "I'm not going to leave you," Merlin curled into Arthur's body, whose arms wrapped around his tiny frame and they both began to drift off to sleep.

In that moment, Merlin was terrified. He knew that he and Arthur had fallen into each other's lives incredibly quickly, but in a way that was almost too perfect.

Merlin was afraid that he was falling in love.

Voila! I think I must be nearing the 20,000 word mark which is quite a feat in just over a week. Let me know if you like it, I love reading your reviews! I'm off to pull an all nighter doing about 3 months worth of Art work which is all due tomorrow so if you never hear from me again it's because my art teacher killed me for 'wasting my potential and being too lazy to do my work properly.' Been nice knowing you all!