Where the Streets Have No Name
Chapter 60
The next three months went from bad to worse on the home front.
Nina's replacement, a charmingly beautiful Jessica Trools, lasted one month exactly. She was in her early thirties and came armed with a child psychology degree. However, that didn't help her much when Carmen accused her of trying to seduce Edward and alienating Ella from her mother. Jessica practically ran out of the Cullen house, sobbing as she did so.
Sadly, it seemed a lasting damage had already occurred in Carmen by the time the second nanny took her leave. If Jessica's short employment as Ella's caregiver had left any impression behind, it was to make Carmen's preexisting insecurities about her body and looks grow a thousand fold.
She was convinced that the pregnancy fat would never come off and that no man would ever desire her in her current form. She couldn't bear to look at her own reflection in the mirror and wouldn't even allow Edward to be in the room while she changed. Edward's repeated assurance that she was just as beautiful as she was before she got pregnant with Ella couldn't dislodge her anxiety. Their sex life had dwindled to nothingness since several months prior to Ella's birth and it was yet to make a reappearance. The recent events drove Carmen's libido even further into the trenches.
What was worse, the experience left Carmen particularly reticent to hire another nanny to look after Ella, insisting that she was more than capable of doing it herself. She accused Edward of never fully placing any trust in her as far as Ella was concerned, and to a great degree perhaps she was right.
Dr. de Luzlow's words rang through Edward's mind from when he had attended joint sessions with Carmen. The goal of Carmen's treatment was not to perpetually protect Carmen from Ella and vice versa, but to help Carmen reach a point whereby she could break free from her fears of failure and be the mother she needed to be for her daughter. In order to achieve that, Edward had to show faith in his wife. He had to relinquish control over to Carmen and trust her to find the instinctual maternity that lay dormant in her.
Edward realized that he had never really given Carmen the chance to find her strengths within for Ella, at least not unsupervised. He had focused nearly all his efforts in protecting Ella. Perhaps he did owe Carmen the opportunity to show that she could transcend the chemical imbalance in her body and come through for their daughter.
Thus, against his better judgment, Edward agreed to a trial period to allow Carmen the chance she deserved. To be Ella's mother, unhindered and unbridled by hired caregivers and his mistrust.
In hindsight, he should have known better.
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