I know this update is really late. But believe me it was really a pain in the ass. I mean I'm currently in Brazil on vacation and sat almost the whole day at home to write the last parts and type it into my lap top and it's still sucks …
Okay enough of me rambling.
Disclaimer: Don't own Glee blaah.
She looked in the mirror critically studying her pantie and bra clasped body. She used to be very confident about her body. She had to be because as a dancer her body was her tool. Her income her medium to amaze the audience or show moves to the people she trained.
She was proud of her long legs and toned abs. But never prideful. She liked her fair skin and the freckles and small birth marks painting her body.
It was only now that she couldn't see all of that in herself anymore when she looked in the mirror. She reduced herself to the piece of meat he made her. It always rounded up to him and his image in her head keeping her down, helpless and frightened.
It was equally embarrassing and painful for Brittany to think of herself like that. It was the worst when Santana was by her side whispering in her ear that she was beautiful. Danny's attempts to help her break free from these thoughts again and again stung but never reached the pain she felt when Santana would say something sweet to her and all she could think of was how worthless and ugly she felt.
Still she stood in front of this godforsaken mirror and couldn't stop to watch and let her mind wander.
Was it her breasts? Did he do it because she didn't let him grope them? Her ass? Her 'pussy'? It were thoughts that she pondered over and over until it came down to one word.
Why?
Brittany knew she would probably never get an answer to that one question or that there really was none.
That this guy was just so despicable that he wanted nothing but to hurt others. Hurt her, break her.
Suddenly the alarm went off and Brittany almost jumped at the loud steady beeping. She looked at the clock. It was time for her to go. She pulled a pair of black pants over her panties, a white blouse to cover her upper body and a black blazer above that. On her way to the door she slipped into a pair of black ballet flats and put her hair up in a ponytail.
Brittany S. Pierce was ready to face this day.
At least she hoped she really was.
Santana Lopez was a nervous wreck and she didn't need Quinn's soothing words and gestures to realize that. She had been up all night to go over everything again especially details she thought could be crucial to win in the end.
Quinn had to literally wrestle her away from her files and force her to go to bad so that she would at least catch a few hours of much needed sleep.
Santana sleep was fitful and in the middle of the night she woke up with a start. She had dreamt about Kyle leaning over a frightened and helpless Brittany smirking up at her. They were engulfed by darkness and something like a spotlight shone on the two and Santana was frozen she couldn't move only watch as he went to hurt her. She woke up when dream Brittany screamed her name in agony.
Although she showered in the morning she was clammy all over again. Sweat pouring out of her pores as if to wash out her anxiousness.
Santana and Quinn were in front of the court house waiting for Mike. The state psychiatrist Dr. Thompson, who examined Kyle to give an unbiased estimation of his mental health, didn't have to be present. His detailed report was all both judge and jury needed.
"Q where is Mike?" Santana asked pacing up and down in front of the impressive building. It was tall and built with marble and reminded Quinn kind of a fancy manor. Two huge columns supported a large marquee like marble top to shelter, if necessary, from the weather. The doors were sliding doors made out of glass and looked strange in contrast to the huge, sturdy old building they were part of. Next to the doors engraved in the marble were reliefs of Justitia the roman goddess of justice as well as her predecessors the Greek goddesses Themis and Dike. And just beside these were the glass doors behind which you could see the security control and the metal detectors and uniforms. It was a stark contrast.
"Santana it's just half past ten and you told him to be here at 10:45. Just relax." Santana just stared at Quinn eyes wide open. If they weren't in their current situation she might have laughed.
"Relax? Really Quinn? How can I fucking relax when I know that this trial could make or break my girlfriend?" Santana all but yelled at her friend. The next movement was so fast Santana had to time to react and stop the slap to her cheek.
"That's why I tell you to calm down! You need to focus and concentrate on getting this bastards ass behind bars. Relax so you can be at your best when you face him in court to make sure Britt won't even have to think once about breaking down." Quinn was breathing hard after her speech. She had to calm Santana down or else she would be easy prey for Kyle's advocate. Santana looked at Quinn in quiet shock, while her hand reached for the abused flesh of her cheek.
Quinn wanted to open her mouth again, probably to apologize but Santana beat her to it.
"Thanks Q." Quinn looked stunned. She kind of anticipated Santana to growl something about Lima Heights and threatening to beat up her skinny white ass. Not this lopsided grin.
"Don't get me wrong I will get you back for that Fabray. It's just you kind of got me to calm down with that mean slap. Really Q what have you been eating these past few days?" The both chuckled a bit about Santana#s last statement.
"Well Santana I'll be happy to slap the nervous out of you whenever you need me to." Quinn winked and just hugged Santana tightly to tell her that she had faith in her and even that she felt kind of bad for just slapping her. Santana hugged back and wrapped her arms tightly around Quinn.
Quinn was the first to break the embrace and kissed the cheek she slapped earlier before she pulled away completely. Seconds after they broke their hug Santana saw Mike approaching.
"Hi Santana, Quinn - " Both women returned the greeting and, to his surprise, hugged Mike lightly. Mike noticed that both of them went into business mode as soon as the hug broke. They sure looked the part. Quinn wore black pants and Santana a fitting pencil skirt. Both wore white blouses, blazers and to top it off black heels.
Quinn decided to wear her hair in a graceful but tight bun whereas Santana put up her hair in a ponytail.
Mike wore a black suit, a white shirt and a dark blue tie. He himself looked the part clothe wise but any seasoned lawyer could see the uncertainty and fear in his eyes.
"I'm glad you're here Mike and don't worry just relax you really can't do anything wrong. Perhaps we won't even need you as a witness. I hope that I can make it pretty clear to anybody in the room that this bastard belongs behind bars." Quinn smirked at Santana.
"Talking about staying calm what Lopez?" and with that she turned to Mike missing Santana's glare.
"Santana's right Mike. It's going to be just fine and even if they need you statement you'll just tell them about the incident and what a dick that guy was in general." Mike just nodded and tried to collect himself. He knew why he was here and he didn't want to ruin anything.
Quinn gave him a reassuring squeeze but he still looked kind of pale. If it weren't for her natural tanned skin Santana was sure she would look like a ghost. But hell were are talking about Santana fucking Lopez. She held her head high and walked firmly into the building. No one would even dare to think she was nervous at all.
It was five minutes until the hearing would start. A security officer saw a tall blonde woman staring at the court room for over ten minutes now.
"Excuse me, can I help you Miss?" he asked gently. The blonde immediately tensed and made a quick step away from the man. She looked scared at first but soon saw his uniform and seemed to realize that he wouldn't be a threat and relaxed slightly.
"No it's okay. I just need a moment before I can go in. But thank you." With that she turned around, her blue eyes determined took a long breath and walked carefully into the room.
She took a seat a seat in the last row. She wanted to avoid being seen by either Santana or Quinn. She knew they both wanted to protect her and keep her away from this trial but Brittany knew that she couldn't be protected forever. She needed to be here and see this for herself.
The people around her thought she was fragile and dependent and in a way they were right. She needed help getting better and find back to herself but she had already gone quite the way and trusted herself to handle things like these. She knew these people did all of it because they loved her but sometimes that was their fault. In all these times they lost sight of what she was capable of and what they could trust her with. Brittany now looked around to get more familiar with her surroundings.
The row she sat in was one of eight wooden benches on the right side of the room. There were another eight on the left. It made an aisle in the middle to walk though plastered with white marble. Windows on both sides of the walls illuminated the room leaving it in a faint glow. At the end of the isle was a little gate leading to the room the actual hearing took place. In the front was a huge desk wit a sturdy chair. That's where the judge will take place and next to it on the right was the witness stand. A small chair surrounded by a small fence. On the right side of the room was a part separated again through a small wooden fence for the judges. Then there was this table located right from the gate where Quinn and Santana sat and talked quietly. And last but not least there was a table and two chairs on the left side of the room. This part was divided by a much sturdier fence and it had an extra door behind it for people to enter and leave. She was kind of glad this case had many visitors because other wise Santana or Quinn might have seen her but like this she could more or less blend in with the crowd. She took a closer look at Santana. Brittany knew Santana like the back of her hand so she wasn't fooled by her fierce exterior. She saw the small signs that made it obvious that she was nervous. She was paler than usual, she fiddled with her pen and from time to time she would unconsciously moisten her lips with her tongue.
Brittany's observation had to stop when the judge walked in and everyone got ready for the trial. After the judge and the jury took their places Kyle was brought in. He was handcuffed and brought in through that door to the left with a man who had to be his lawyer.
At the sight of the man every muscle in Brittany's body tensed. The urge to run out of the building and keep going until her legs gave in burned in every muscle fiber in her body. Her brain was starting to go into lock down to avoid any bad thoughts but she couldn't keep them out and pictures started to flash before her eyes and she swore she felt all the unwanted and forced touches again.
She fought an inner battle. Brittany knew deep down how important it was for herself. She tried to focus on anything else to keep her grounded. She pressed her eyes closed and after a few breaths she could her the sound of a raspy voice filling the suffocating silence. The voice was clear, strong and unbending. It was Santana.
Brittany didn't even make out the words that were spoken. She just concentrated on the sound of The brunettes voice. Back when she was still prisoner of her own mind it was Santana's voice she wanted to go back to although at that point she didn't even know to whom it belonged. Brittany kept focusing on Santana's voice and the good thinks she connected with it. Slowly she felt her muscles let loose and she managed to calm down and open her eyes again. Brittany quickly looked around but nobody noticed her almost break down. The blonde decided to focus her attention on Quinn and Santana to make sure she wouldn't be thrown off again.
It was a sight to behold. Santana stood in the room talking and the sunshine coming through the window shone one her and she literally glowed. Brittany was drawn to her presence and light like a moth to the fire. Her personal beacon.
"That's why you honor we plead for guilty in all charges without any further acknowledgment of mental illness. As we have already given you a detailed copy of state psychiatrist Dr. Thompson's evaluation of Mr. Kyle Roberts health. He stated that there is no indication of mental illness. He claims Mr. Roberts as 100% certifiably sane." With that said Santana moved and sat down next to Quinn again. They both waited for either the judge or Kyle's advocate to say something. Well the advocate trying to help Kyle stood up obviously preparing to say something against Santana's statement. He was very tall and thin. Had sleazy black hair and sharp narrow eyes. His face looked kind of long and if Sam was 'Trouty Mouth' in high school this man would be a whole other league. His mouth was huge. Brittany thought he looked like a snake ready to devour his prey, if possible whole.
As he began to talk Brittany had to think about this movie where Keanu Reeves unknowingly became the advocate of the devil. She had to laugh because this man in front of her became willingly the advocate of a human devil trying to help although he had to know he was guilty. He is so to speak a real devil's advocate.
The snake lawyer talked about a lot of things Brittany didn't had the patience or the state of mind to listen to but she got the gist of things. Kyle's lawyer pleaded for "Giving the defendant the benefit of the doubt".
It was kind of ironic how enraged Brittany got when she heard those words because she could remember as if it was yesterday how Santana stumbled across that in her textbooks.
"I hate this indecisive shit!" exclaimed a frustrated Santana. She was preparing for an exam and had to study some case examples.
Brittany was in the kitchen getting herself a glass of water and made her way over to the living room where Santana was. As the blonde got into the living room she chuckled at the sight in front of her. Santana sat on the couch encircled by books and the recent reason for her frustration rested on the small table in front of her. She glared at it hard, as if by sheer willpower she could make the book burst into flames.
"So what's made you all grumpy?" Brittany asked Santana in a teasing tone to earn herself a playful glare.
"That's not funny Britt. I mean what is it with this whole "Giving the defendant the benefit of the doubt" shit? If there are doubts they should just research better until they can positively identify the culprit and nail him down. This sounds like a lame excuse to not have use some brains." She huffed clearly annoyed.
"But San what if someone really wasn't guilty and they would hold him in prison until they could prove otherwise? I mean you were the one that taught me that this stuff can take far too much time. It would be so easy to just accuse someone and get them out of the picture for a long while." Santana sighed and looked lovingly at the girl in front of her.
"I know B that's why I just want them to dig deeper and only accuse if they really know they got the guy. I mean isn't this how this whole system should work? I mean if someone didn't do something there has to be proof he didn't or at least that someone else did it you know?"Brittany smirked went over to the Latina sat down in her lap and pinched her cheek lightly.
"And all people think I am naive San." Santana looked up with a raised eyebrow.
"What's naive about that? I mean isn't it how every good court of justice and well justice in general should work? Only hard evidence frees or arrests." Santana countered, never one to admit defeat.
Brittany put the glass she still held in her hand on the table and wrapped her arms around Santana's neck.
"Yeah that's probably the way it should work, " she whispered into Santana's ear leaving a gentle kiss there, "but it's also the way things just wouldn't work out. As I said before innocent people could be in jail for a really long time just because of a mistake or an accusation and you know better than me that this is exactly the kind of thing this little rule wants to prevent from happening. I mean what if I was falsely accused and landed in jail because of that?"Santana pondered the question then lift her head up to leave a gentle kiss on the blondes lips then smirk at her and say,
"Don't worry Britt, I would so send you a nail file."
That was one week before Kyle's attack.
And now months later Brittany sat in a court room and balled her hands to fists. She knew even back then why Santana was so concerned about this being the perfect loophole for criminals to get away. And now it seemed the exact rule she defended would come and bite her in the ass. At the same time it kind of gave her hope. It was Santana the were talking about. She wouldn't let something as this loophole defeat her. She's a perfectionist when it comes to work. She must have something up her sleeve against that. That's why Brittany's eyes landed on Santana and her expression made it clear that she wasn't one bit surprised by what the devil's advocate uttered. To say she was shocked when Santana called Mike Chang Jr. in the witness stand would be an understatement. Mike and Santana were never close, that's why she never thought they would team up. Then Mike started answering all theses questions and they continued to hit home faster than Brittany would have liked.
"So Mr. Chang," Santana began, " you said to me Mr. Roberts behavior tended to be violent and inappropriate towards other colleagues? Could you please tell us more about that?"
Mike shifted in his seat. He felt uncomfortable one could see that immediately. Brittany knew Mike wouldn't want to really talk about what happened. First of all he must have some problems with that but Brittany guessed that he felt kind of guilty because he couldn't prevent it. It was silly but that's the kind of guy Mike was. A real friend.
"Well he made a colleague of mine feel uncomfortable with unwanted touching and just wouldn't stop this behavior. One night he overdid it and said colleague slapped him lightly to make him see reason. And he got out of control. If I hadn't been there... I don't want to know what could have happened. And well add to that the threat to make m dance group regret that I fired him and him actually doing it."
Brittany winced when Mike finished. She never told Santana that story because she would have killed Kyle and Brittany didn't want to see her girlfriend in jail. Mike was now asked to sit down again and he seemed relieved as soon as he reached the safety of the row behind the little gate separating active court parties and the observer.
The onslaught of talking brought down by Mike's statements seemed never ending. It was now that Kyle's lawyer saw his situation going into a rather bad direction that he kept talking about how Santana and Mike were biased because Santana was my girlfriend and Mike my friend. He said they had personal issues against Kyle and would let their feelings step in the way of justice. The discussion went on and it only got interrupted when Santana asked to leave the room to make a call concerning the trial. Although reluctant the judge allowed Santana to go outside to make her phone call. Brittany looked over at Quinn and could see the confusion on her face. So Quinn didn't know what Santana was up to. The blonde just then realized that if Santana wanted to leave the room she would come by her row – she had to hide! As Santana came nearer and nearer Brittany just did what every girl would do – duck. She hid behind the bench in front of her and the people sitting in her row too. Luckily Santana was too distracted by her phone to even notice anyone around her. After only two minutes Santana came back into the room and looked accomplished. Whatever she had up her sleeve was ready. It was the same look she had in high school when she won a round of pool against Puck and he had to hand over a crispy fresh $20 note.
As soon as she was at her rightful place next to Quinn she addressed the judge. " Your honor if you would allow I would like to call in another witness." The judge looked skeptical but none the less agreed to hear out this person.
As soon as called a tall brunette with emerald green eyes and red sultry lips entered the room. She wore skinny jeans and a blue blouse showing off her fantastic body.
"You honor Tracey Lanchester." Santana introduced the woman who immediately took a seat in the witness stand. After her instruction on her obligation to tell the truth which Brittany completely missed by Mike, she was still too stunned that he was actually here, Tracy looked at Santana ready for her questions.
"Miss Lanchester we previously talked about how you could help this court room to get a better perspective on Mr. Roberts. Please share your story with us." She nodded.
"Well I go to Nursing School and to pay the tuition fee I work as an exotic dancer at a bar. Well on one night I was working and Mr. Roberts was also there. After I finished working we talked and he bought me a couple of drinks. We were talking and he seemed like a nice guy. We went outside to catch a lungful of air and then he tried to kiss me. I didn't want to so I told him so and stepped back." With every word she uttered she sounded more uncomfortable and even fearful. Now that Brittany looked more closely at the woman she found it remarkable. As Tracey Lanchester entered she seemed to ooze sex. Looking closer her brave smile sent in Santana's direction was compassionate and kind. Her eyes although they showed fear had something very genuine and gentle. The small dimples the blonde could see on her face made her look cute and innocent. It hurt Brittany to hear that Tracey was possibly hurt as bad as she herself was.
For a short moment Brittany considered to just cover hear ears and hide from the pain. It was not her own but it still hurt deep inside her: Just as she wanted to literally stick her fingers in her ears like a little child Brittany's eyes met Tracey Lanchester's. It was only a second but Brittany swore that in that small second, however fleeting it was, Tracey could read her just as she had done seconds before. That this woman could see Brittany's pain and fear just as she saw hers.
It was exactly that second that counted because Tracey started talking before Brittany could cover her ears. A second she would be forever grateful for.
"At first he just tried to kiss me again but I wold him again and again that I didn't want him to kiss or touch me. He..."Tracey took a deep breath and looked up at Santana. Brittany couldn't see it but she knew Santana well enough that a reassuring smile was gracing her face, To help Tracey carry on.
"He got so mad. At first he started yelling and insulting me. I was so scared. He seemed to be capable of anything in that moment and I tried to run back into the bar. I couldn't because he was faster grabbed me and pushed me into a dark alley. I -," her voice was barely above a whisper and her eyes welled up with tears, " he pushed me against a wall and told me if I screamed he would beat me up into a bloody pulp and leave me bleeding to death on the ground like a big on the slaughter bank. So I kept quiet while he raped me. After he was ," she swallowed hard, " finished he threatened to find and kill me if I ever reported any of this to the police, so I never did until today." Tracey Lanchester was now sitting in the witness stand crying silently. Exposed for everyone to see. Not only physically but emotionally. Her confession made her so vulnerable and the decision these people would conclude today wouldn't only be about the shooting anymore but also about this woman who laid bare what happened to her. If they decided in Kyle's favor Tracey Lanchester would be automatically told that they didn't really believe her and make her greatest and worst fear come true. Kyle knows that she confessed to the police and she would always live with the fear that he would come and get her. Being afraid of the vengeance of a man who hurt you in this inexplicable way before was terrifying. A feeling Brittany knew too well herself.
It was now that Brittany got without a doubt why Santana wanted to keep her out of this case. The exposure the blonde felt just by listening to Tracey talking about what happened to her was almost too much. Still as much as Brittany didn't want to hear all of that she somehow knew that she just had to. She was not alone with her pain, saw her loved ones fight for her and came with every question and answer in this room one step closer to really face her problems. Thinking about it since she entered the room she only looked at Kyle once. Why? Because every time she saw his face he was suddenly above her, holding her down – hurting her. But was it worth it? Was is worth to not look at him in order to keep these images away? Brittany's thought went to Tracey Lanchester sitting in front of all these people bare, vulnerable, crying. And still she had her head held high. And here she was Brittany S. Pierce hiding behind a bench not even able to look at the man in the safety of a court room.
In that moment Brittany understood. You know people who realize at some point in their lives that what they are about to do in this precise moment will shape and mold them forever in an inexplicable way. It's nothing they can see or grasp. It's about something deep within them. Like a light switch. If you turn it on it will burn bright and illuminate your insides once again but if you turn away it will leave you dark and hollow. Brittany was in that moment of clarity standing in front of her very own light switch. Two paths laid out in front of her. And it was for the first time that she sat alone and had to choose.
Slowly and carefully Brittany lifted her head. The sun was higher now. The light that fell into the room was even brighter now and reached out and left every person in it's wake glowing softly and innocently. She looked around and her gaze landed on the jury. All people sitting there looked neutral and neither mimic or gestures could give away what they were thinking. It was kind of eerie. Then to Tracey who's crying has subsided and had a concerned Santana giving her a tissue and leading her down to a place in the first row. Quinn still at the table looked calm and confident. The judge had a glint in his eyes and Brittany suspected he had already made a decision for himself. And lastly her gaze fell on the desk behind the sturdy wooden wall at Kyle. Ironically the only place the light didn't touch, yet. Instead of the flashed she expected of him over herself all she saw was a man as pale as ash looking terrified at the retreating form of Tracey Lanchester.
For the first time Brittany saw fear in his eyes and she reveled in it. But not in the sadistic way like Kyle. She didn't want to feel power over him. She reveled in it because his fear made her feel so much lighter. As if that picture in her mind of the man who hurt her again was broken and replaced with a more human version of a person who could be stopped and dealt with. A picture of a man with slumped shoulders who didn't hold any power over her anymore. Brittany wasn't dumb and knew that the scars he left still ran deep and she had to keep working on herself but somehow her viewpoint on things kind of changed. At the beginning of this trial she thought that the decision made here in court would be the one to affect her the most but now she found that she didn't even care that much anymore. She realized that it wasn't the judge, Quinn, Danny or Santana who had to save her from Kyle it had always been herself. Her self made fearful picture of the man made her stand still in her healing process. Watching Tracey being so brave and confront her problem head on with her head held high made her realize all of that. In that moment it all seemed so clear and she could slap herself that she didn't notice it before. She sat there a while loner looking at Kyle, Quinn, Tracey and Santana a small smile playing on her lips. She stood up and silently walked out of the room and out of the court house. Switch flipped.
A/N: Okay I only have one chapter left to go after that so this is really wrapping up. Leave a review if you like ;)