Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyers owns Twilight. I do not.

A/N: Also thanks to my awesome Beta, Blueboarderchick.

Chapter Four

That night, I fell asleep with Renee beside me, holding me like she used to when I was little. We spent the rest of my vacation reconnecting and by the end of it, I was reluctant to go back home. I hugged her and Phil goodbye at the airport and boarded the plane headed for home, feeling better than I had in a long time.

Charlie surprised me with a big hug when I arrived at the airport. He loaded my bags into the cruiser and drove us home. When we got home it was already dark, so I decided to take a bath and head straight to bed.

I woke up around nine the next morning, and found that Charlie had already left for work. I couldn't put it off anymore. Today, I would go see the Cullens. After showering, I ate a light breakfast. My anxiety tripled at the thought of seeing the Cullens and their reaction to me not wanting to join their family anymore. Would they hate me now?

I washed the dishes, and decided that there was no use putting off the inevitable. With knots in my stomach, I got into my truck and drove to the Cullen house.

Before I knew it, I was in front of the house. Immediately after I climbed out of the truck, I was wrapped in the chilling embrace of my best friend. I hugged her back feeling grateful that she didn't hate me for breaking Edward's heart.

"I missed you so much, Bella. Are you okay?"

Happy tears spilled from my eyes. I couldn't believe she cared about how I felt even after what I did to Edward. She led me into the house where I saw the rest of the family waiting to greet me in the living room. One by one each of the Cullens greeted me with a hug. Even Rosalie hugged and smiled at me. When Edward hugged me, he held on a little longer than necessary and only released me after Alice cleared her throat. He stepped away looking embarrassed and I gave him an understanding smile.

Carlisle turned to me, "Edward told us of your plans to attend Dartmouth. How soon were you planning on leaving?"

"I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. I want to get all my stuff to my dorm room quickly." I was afraid of staying longer and having Jake come find me. As much as I wanted to see him, it would hurt too much to say goodbye.

Carlisle smiled with a mischievous gleam in his eye. "Well, seeing as this year we won't be there with you for your birthday, we have a surprise waiting for you in Hanover."

I couldn't hide my small groan, not with vampires.

They laughed and Esme said, "We know how you feel, Bella, but please allow us to do this for you. We still consider you as our daughter. That will never change."

"Yeah, little sister. You only have to call and let me know what college guy's trying to get fresh with you and I'll come pound on him." Emmett chimed in. Of course I blushed.

Emmett smiled, "There's that blush we'll all miss so much."

After a few hours of visiting with them and talking about my plans, it was time to go. We said our goodbyes and Alice and Edward walked me out to my truck.

Alice spoke to me, while Edward hung back a bit trying to give me the illusion of privacy.

"Bella, I have a surprise for you." The pixie was bouncing up and down with excitement.

"What did you do Alice?" I was almost afraid to ask.

"I'm coming with you when you leave for Dartmouth. I have to take you to your present. I can't wait!"

I was a little relieved that I wouldn't be all alone in a new place, at least not at first.

Alice looked at me seriously. "I know you've been afraid that we would be mad at you for choosing to stay human, but you're wrong. We're happy really happy for you, Bella. All of us are." We made plans to meet at the airport, knowing Charlie would want to drive me there. Then she slinked away leaving me alone with Edward.

He stood in front of me and took my hands in his cool ones. "I'll miss you so much, Bella." The pain in his eyes was almost unbearable.

"I'll miss you too, Edward," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. I was determined not to cry. I had shed enough tears for Edward Cullen, to last me a lifetime.

He pulled me into a hug. "If you ever need anything, Bella, please don't hesitate to call me."

"Thank you, Edward, for everything." He pulled away, kissed me on my forehead. I got into my truck, drove away and tried not to look back.

I got home and spent the rest of the day cleaning the house and doing laundry. I looked at the clock and saw that it was getting close to dinner time. I went into the kitchen and made a chicken casserole, a broccoli salad and an apple pie for dessert. Charlie got home just as I was taking the pie out of the oven.

"Hey, Bells." He smiled and hung up his jacket.

"Hi, Dad."

"Nice spread you have there." Then he made a face when his eyes landed on the broccoli salad.

"Don't even start, Dad. You know you have to start eating better." I knew I would be worrying about his eating habits, when I was away at school.

We sat down and dug in. After a few moments, he not so casually mentioned that Jacob had been by a few times while I was at Renee's and I almost choked on a piece of chicken.

"That's nice, Dad." I mumbled and decided to change the subject.

"How was work today?" He eyed me again with an 'I know what you're trying to do' look and asked, "So what did you do today?"

"I went to see the Cullens. They were pretty okay with me breaking up with Edward. Alice is even coming to help me set up my stuff in Hanover. She'll me meet at the airport."

"It's nice that you're still on friendly terms with them. It's nice that you got to say your goodbyes. So when are you going to see Jake? You really should go see him, Bells. Say goodbye to him too." Damn! Well played, Charlie.

"Dad!" I blurted.

"All right, all right. Just want to see you two kids patch things up. He really misses you." We then fell into an uncomfortable silence. After we finished dinner, I washed the dishes while Charlie sat in his recliner watching sports. As I was about to make my way up the stairs, Charlie gave me a hug and mumbled, "I just wanted to say that, I'm real proud of you, Bells."

"Thanks, Dad." I was beginning to feel a little teary eyed. He pulled away looking embarrassed and went back to his game. Later that night, I lay awake thinking about Jacob. I would miss him so much.

When I woke up around ten o'clock the next day, Charlie told me that he had to go in work and that he would be home really late. I was a little disappointed that he wouldn't be home. I spent the rest of the day packing up my stuff and walking down memory lane. That night I sat on my bed with the lights off thinking about everything that happened to bring me to this point. For all my bravado, I was scared. Anybody would be scared of leaving behind everything they knew for something unknown. But this was part of growing up.

I must have dosed off because I was jolted awake by Jacob climbing through my window. This was one thing I would not miss. Why couldn't anybody ever use my front door? I sat up and watched as he landed on the floor with a soft thud. Then faster than I could blink, he yanked me out of my bed and pulled me to him. "What the hell, Bella? You were just going to leave without saying goodbye?" I could see enough of his face to know, he was pissed. I felt his hot breath on my face.

He was too close, making it hard to think. I tried to pull away but I only succeeded in making him tighten his grip.

"I'm sorry, Jake, but I just couldn't. It's just too hard. Out of everybody here, you are the one I'll miss the most." I finally confessed to him, ashamed of my cowardly actions. He pulled me to him, wrapping me in his warmth.

"I'll miss you too, Bells, so much. I don't know what I'll do without you. I love you so much." He kissed my forehead and suddenly I was all too aware that I was pressed against his bare chest. The atmosphere around us was thick with sexual tension. There was nothing standing between us anymore. There was no more Edward and no more denying my feelings.

I looked into his eyes and saw how much he wanted me. Jacob had always wanted me. With Edward I always had to hold back but with Jacob, there wouldn't be a need to. And to tell you the truth, that made me a little nervous. Jacob read the apprehension on my face. "Tell me when to stop, Bella, and I will." His deep husky voice sent shivers down my spine.

I stood on my toes and pressed my lips to his. I felt waves of emotion crashing over me. This was truly a bittersweet moment. We could never be together but we could have this one night.

Our kisses grew more passionate and I barely had time to register movement before I was on my bed, with Jake hovering above me. His kisses made me delirious with want. He leaned back and pulled my tank top over my head. I blushed when I remembered that I neglected to put on a bra earlier. Jacob's eyes were overflowing with love and lust as he watched me. "You're so beautiful, Bella." He groaned.

As he rained heady kisses down my neck, I felt him tugging on my shorts. I raised my hips to help him and felt my underwear slide off, along with my shorts. Suddenly, we were both naked and I was surprised because I had no memory of him taking off his pants. Throughout the awkward positioning, I managed to get a look at his member and I could tell that this was really going to hurt. He entered me and it…hurt…a lot. It was like someone turned off all the beautiful music and tossed a bucket of cold water on me. What the hell? I knew it was supposed to hurt but damn. I dug my nails deep into his and felt him tremble.

He breathed heavily into my ear, "Oh God, Bells. I'm sorry, so sorry." I tried to make myself relax as he continued to thrust himself into me. A bit later, the burning pain began subside and I began to feel a wave of pleasure building in my lower stomach. He began to mumble how much he loved me as he increased his pace. Seconds later, a strangled groan fell from his lips as he spilled himself deep within me. Jacob slumped against me, his shoulders shook and his nosed grazed against my jaw, as he raised his head to look at me. I had to blink back my own tears, as I took in the tears in his obsidian eyes. We looked at each other and he knew without saying a word. This was all I could give him. It was all I had to give. This was our goodbye.

A/N: I decided to go for realism for Bella and Jake's first time.I was going to leave it out but I know I hate it when author hypes me up, then does a fade to black for the lemon. Hope you guys are enjoying the for the reviews,favs and alerts.