~ After she got out of the hospital~
I've stayed strong enough to last till now, at least. It just has been getting harder since about a week after I went back to school. When I got back I saw something that made it extremely hard to not try again. The same thing that got me into all of this.
Wendy and Stan. They got back together, but there's something different this time. Kyle is like me. Trying to hide that he's broken and pulling down his sleeve to make sure that no one sees. He's become distant and doesn't talk to anyone. Just like how I was when I started to cut and struggle with even getting out of bed in the morning. Stan doesn't even notice. We're invisible to them again. All they notice is each other. Kyle at least got further than me. He got to date Stan, and I didn't even get an I like you, too. I got a ruined friendship.
Just like I did before I went home to lay in my bed and stare at my ceiling until I fall asleep. This time I can't, though. I'm not the only one who feels this way. There's someone who might understand. Who could be there for me?
I get up and start to walk to his house.
~In Kyle's room~
"Why are you here?"
"Because I know how you feel and have an idea of what you're going through," I say, hoping he doesn't kick me out.
He looks away and his eyes start to water.
"It hurts and I can't stand it," he says in a low voice after a while.
"I know, but you don't have to go through it alone."
"Yes I do, no one is there for me."
"There is someone who's there for you."
"Who!? I lost my best friend my parents and brother hate me. I have no one," he says as a tears start to fall.
"Yes, you do. You have me, now. I won't let you go through this alone and I understand what it is you're going through. We can help each other get through this, together.
He lays his head on my shoulder and I put my arm around him.
"You'll never be alone, as long as I'm here. We can get through this," I whisper into his hair.
"You'll get him back and if you don't fuck 'em," at that he chuckles and sighs.
"I'll try," he says. Then, he closes his eyes and falls asleep.
"Well, I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge
I'm telling you that, it's never that bad
Take it from someone who's been where you're at
Laid out on the floor
And you're not sure you can take this anymore
So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone," I sing to him while rubbing circles on his back.
"And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
'Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come
So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Well, everybody's hit the bottom
Everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah, everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed
So if you're out there barely hanging on...
Just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone," I quit singing as I shut his door and start to walk home.
My mom always used to sing that to me when I was younger and sad. Now, my parents don't even acknowledge that I exist, at least in a positive way.
On my way home I put in my earbuds in. When the song Scars by Allison Iraheta comes on I inwardly agree with it and start singing along to it. When the song Would It Matter by Skillet comes on my mood goes back to how it was before I went to his house. When I finally reach my house I go up to my room and get two of my three only friends out of my dresser. My knife and my razor blade. I look at them and when I decide I put the knife back.
I sit down on my floor, flipping the razor between my fingers. I put it down, pull up my sleeve, pick up the razor again, and start to slide it across my wrist while starting to cry. I've missed the wave of comfort that comes after. It makes me forget for a minute; forget why I'm depressed and just focusing on the stinging sensation on my wrist. When it starts to fade, though, I remember why I'm feeling and doing this and everything I felt before comes back to me.
I at least know one thing that will stay in my life. I'll always know a way to forget and will always at least have two friends, but when I get a lighter I'll have three. They say burning yourself has the same effect as cutting.
The song that Bebe sings to Kyle is Lullaby by Nickleback. I don't know if I should make Wendy fall for Bebe, or/and if I should make Kyle and Stan get back together. Please review and tell me which one (or both) that I should write.