Where the Streets Have No Name
Chapter 73
Coming back to the night at the bar...
Edward reminisced about the past year of his life under the lulling haze of alcohol.
His life was a mess; he resigned himself to the truth. A long series of mistakes and miscalculations - some his own, others less so - had brought him to this inevitable point. But nothing could be gained from venturing into the unforgiving playground of 'what could have been'.
With the hours passed and liquor consumed, the stark edges of reality began to lose some of its sharpness. Edward could sense his constant companions, guilt and helplessness, creep back into his mind, slowly replacing the fruitless anger that had taken over him the night before.
There was plenty of blame to go around for both Carmen and him. She was a terrible mother to Ella. And an emotionally absentee wife. But only because he had pushed her into the roles that she never wanted to play.
Yes, he provided her with all the material comfort his inheritance and salary could buy, but he had failed to love her like a wife deserved. How distressing it had to be for a woman with Carmen's affliction to be embroiled in a charade of a relationship like theirs.
At first, he had harbored hope that love would come with time; that familiarity and shared parenthood would draw them close.
How naive and foolish he had been.
The only emotions he was able to produce for his wife after over a year of marriage was resentment and fear.
What a miserable fate he had sentenced them to.
He wasn't the only one suffering. Carmen was too suffering alongside him.
He was too harsh on Carmen last night, he conceded. She had veered off into dangerous grounds with regard to Ella's safety and she needed to be set straight that this could never happen again, but he didn't have to be so mean spirited about it. It wasn't her fault that she was battling a mental illness. As a physician, he ought to possess a greater sense of empathy than anyone else. Yet he lashed out at her with the full force of his wrath. Holding back nothing, sparing no punches.
In her own way, she was trying to reach out to him. But he was too angry to listen.
A sudden remorse flooded his heart.
He hadn't even bothered to check in on Carmen when he left home for work that morning. He had showered in one of the guest bathrooms to avoid running into her. When he was handing Ella over to Renate, the thought of asking the caregiver to keep an eye on his wife crossed his mind, but he had sullenly brushed it aside.
He inspected the golden liquid that remained in his glass. instead of washing it down, he set it back on the table before him, deciding to call it a night. He had allowed himself plenty of time to wallow. It was time he went home and relieved Renate of her charge. While she understood and accepted the irregular hours that came with her job, Edward didn't like to burden the woman needlessly.
He silently vowed to make amends with Carmen as well; apologize if need be.
He motioned for the bartender to settle his tab when his cell phone buzzed in his pocket.
He hazarded a guess that it was Renate calling to inquire how much longer her services would be required that night. After all, it was way past the hour he usually got home.
But the caller ID that flashed across the screen of his phone surprised him.
Kate?
My heartfelt apologies for the FF fail.
Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.
A monumental thanks to cherryhilz and Breath-of-twilight for making Christmas come early! BIG kisses and hugs for the words you shared!
I haven't written back to you for a while on purpose. I want this part of the story to be out there first, so I don't ruin it for you with my big mouth. As some of you may have noticed, I can't keep a secret to save my life!
Much love! Please review:)
PS: I am realizing that many of you don't recall Kate. Check ch 49. Kate was mentioned there as Carmen's friend.