The next chamber we enter is large with torches surrounding the room and a statue of Andraste with a shield on the opposite wall. A single door is beside the statue and the way behind us is, obviously, leading us nowhere. My team and I have barely entered the room when the statue shudders and hisses. A ghostly Duncan appears on the statue's right, Morrigan on the left, and Leliana right below it. None of them move. I cock my head, squint, and start talking to my team.
"What-". A crack to the back of my head sends me reeling and stumbling farther into the room. My ghost dog is running at me with blinding speed. The real Duncan slamming into it is the only thing that saves me from an angry Mabari to the face. The two Mabaris howl, bark, snarl, and snap together in a mass of fur and fangs. I watch the dogs fighting for a second before another crack to my back gets my attention.
I spin around and see a ghostly version of myself. Briefly, she lifts up her helm to offer me a toothy smirk. If I wasn't so stunned I would've attacked her when she revealed her face to taunt me. Instead, I stand there like an idiot while the spirit swings her sword at my ribs. Barely, I manage to yank my sword up enough that our blades crack against one another. A demonic growl rumbles from the spirit as she yanks her sword back and attempts to strike me with her pommel.
The pommel hitting me causes my chest to be sore where it hit, but it doesn't stun me like it would Leliana or Morrigan. I grab the spirit by the breastplate, yank her close to me, and crack our helms together. She grabs onto me and I grab onto her. Together, we start stumbling and desperately running together towards a wall to steady us. We don't make it and we end up on the ground still holding each out. I grab my sword with one hand while she mimics my motion. What happens next is absolutely stupid in all regards. We begin rolling around like a wheel while trying to get on top and keep hold of our weapons.
Our rolling ends when I flip over her and my shoulder slams against a wall. Finally, I'm on top of my spirit. I yank my sword upwards and attempt to bring it down on her head. A scratching noise and pressure on my blade stops me. I briefly glance up and curse. My sword is scrapping against a wall and it appears we've rolled ourselves into a corner. I lean back a little, slide my sword until the tip of it is facing downwards, and move my weight back to where it was originally. Suddenly, a click reaches my ears and my breastplate is tossed to the side. Two rough, burning hands come up to my tits. It's not a fighting move, but having my nipples twisted is enough to cause me to instinctively jerk away. I hiss and drop my sword as I roll off the spirit.
Her grip on my tits doesn't waver as she rolls us around until she's solidly placed herself on top of me. Her hands move away from my breasts as the woman reaches for her own sword. I don't waste any time. I grab onto the spirit's shoulder, lift my upper body upwards, and use my other hand to knock her helm off. The spirit brings her sword around to stab me in the back just as I reach her ear. The spirit drops her sword and begins rolling around with me again as I twist her ears. I roll the two of us back to my sword, stop us with me on top, and pick my blade up. I pick it up in such a way that it's already hanging down with the tip pointing at the other elf's exposed neck. I rip her throat open just as something lodges itself in my back. My spirit disappears, but something else thunks me in the back.
I try to roll onto my back to see who is attacking me, but the arrows lodged inside me brush the ground and I jerk up into a standing position. The spirit Duncan has been vanquished, but the spirit Morrigan and Leliana are still here. Currently, Duncan is knocked out near the fake Leliana's feet. The fake Leliana is currently placing one of her feet on the Mabari's skull like he's an animal she hunted and killed, and her bow is trained on me. I don't have any armor on my torso since my breastplate was removed, and my backplate fell off during the rolling. I cross my arms in front of my heart as she fires. Agony tears through my right arm as it stops the arrow.
I look for my friends. Morrigan is transformed into a bear and attempting to maul her spirit self. Leliana is standing atop Morrigan's spiky back and firing the occasional arrow at the fake Morrigan. The spirit is currently fending my friends off by swinging her staff and popping off the rare fireball in an attempt to hurt Morrigan enough to force her back into her human body. I open my mouth and prepare to scream for help. The spirit Leliana aiming her bow at my belly stops me. I move my arms lower. She jerks her hands up at the last second. Her arrow pierces one of my hands as I barely manage to get it up in time.
The weapon goes through the back of my right hand, exits the middle of my palm, and the tip of the arrow manages to break the flesh on my chest. I howl in agony and fall to my knees. I start trying to pry the arrow from my chest. Footsteps cause me to look up. My nose is cracked to the side as my spirit lover kicks my face in. I'm forced onto my back and find myself in the exact same position my spirit was when I killed her. A boot comes to rest on my throat. I look upwards and see my fake Leliana aiming her arrow directly at my face. The only thing that saves me is an arrow hitting the spirit and causing her arm to jerk at the last second. The arrow cracks into the stone beside my head and the fake Leliana vanishes.
The real Leliana grabs my hands and heaves me to my feet. Morrigan is already there and begins instantly tending to my wounds. Meanwhile, Leliana finds my sword and armor for me. Once I'm patched up, Leliana puts my breastplate and backplate on me. Finally, Duncan's wounds are tended to and everyone's ready to go. As we walk towards the next room, Leliana makes a remark.
"Was that suppose to be me? Did you see the cruelty in my eyes? Ugh! Terrifying!". I make a playful remark that earns me a slap on the ass.
"I don't know. I've seen that cruelty in your eyes before. I rather like it.". I laugh along with Leliana as we finally get to the third trial. A huge canyon separates us from the final room, and pressure plates are on either side of the huge hole. I stand near the edge of the canyon and begin giving commands.
"Duncan go to the third pressure plate on the left. Leliana, you go to the sixth one of the left. Morrigan go to the second plate on the right.". They all follow my commands. Two ghostly sections of bridge appear, then become solid when Morrigan steps on her plate. Carefully, I move to the end of the second section of the bridge. Finally, I give more commands.
"Duncan go to the fourth plate on the right. Morrigan go to the first plate on the left. Leliana stay where you are.". They all rush to follow my commands. The third section is now solid. I move onto it before telling everyone what to do again.
"Leliana go to the fifth plate on the right. Duncan go to the fifth plate on the left. Morrigan you just stay where you are.". Duncan and Leliana both move. The final section of the bridge appears. All of my companions break into a run to get off their plates and join me as I cross the final section of the bridge. Leliana says something adorable as all three of them make their way over to me.
"That was so much fun! Maybe for the next puzzle we'll have to hold hands and sing a song!". I smile a little as we go into the next room. An altar stands before us with a wall of flames blocking us from going by it. I go up to the altar and read the riddle on it. I don't quite understand it, but Leliana gives me a suggestion.
"Get naked.". I scoff and shake my head.
"Now's not really the time, is it? I mean, Morrigan's here and I'm sure she doesn't want to watch.". Morrigan quickly chimes in.
"I definitely don't want to watch.". Duncan barks and I correct him.
"I don't care if you want to watch because you don't get to watch. You don't even know what you'd be watching.". He barks in agreement that he doesn't even know what he wanted to watch, but Morrigan chimes in again.
"So, wait. I would have gotten to watch if I wanted to watch? Because you said he wanted to and couldn't.". Leliana stops the conversation.
"I didn't mean to have sex!". We both turn to her, but I whisper to Morrigan.
"I'll never tell.". It's a joke, but Morrigan turns even paler. I ignore her as Leliana continues.
"The riddle. Get naked and walk through the fire.". She begins getting out of her armor while reaching out and taking off Duncan's collar and warpaint. I groan and tell Leliana.
"I worked hard to paint him like that!". She offers me a little, weak glare as she finishes getting naked. Duncan sits beside her in a likewise 'naked' state. My lover motions at Morrigan and I. The witch shakes her head.
"We're clearly not going to do some insane ritual. Right, Tabris?". She looks over and sees I'm sitting on my ass taking off my boots. Slowly, I peel them off while looking at her. The woman sighs and shakes her head as I speed up the process of getting naked. I toss my armor and clothes into a pile with Leliana's and Duncan's belongings. Morrigan is the only one not naked. I clap my hands together and try to convince her.
"We need to get through the fire. Besides, Leliana and I will be busy looking at each other.". To illustrate our point Leliana and I lock arms and half-hug each other. Morrigan groans, then begins getting naked. The witch crosses her arms across her chest and does her best to cross her thighs over herself. The woman starts shaking in the mountain's freezing air. Thankfully, Leliana and I are close enough together the chill doesn't bother us as we finish the trials.
Leliana and I remained linked as all of us cross the flames unharmed. Instantly, the wall is down. Morrigan is already dressed when the guardian arrives. The spirit doesn't look uncomfortable at our current attire. He even talks to us as Leliana, Duncan, and I finish getting dressed.
"Congratulations. You have passed the trials and may take a pinch of Andraste's ashes.". I nod at him before turning, bounding up the steps to the urn, and opening them. The ashes are fine enough to have almost no texture, and they still feel warm as I place them in a small pouch. I return to a pouting Morrigan and awestruck Leliana. I smile at both of them and tell them our next stop.
"Let's go kill a dragon!".