Disclaimer: I don't own Firefly or Serenity, but the OC is mine.

Prompt #11: Relate - "Nobody knows what I went through."

Words: 987

"What in the sphincter hell are you doing?"

River didn't look up from what she was doing. Her fingers danced over the beautiful glass baubles like a pianist plinking out a tune on her synth-board. "You need something, Captain?"

"Little Albatross, you look at me right now." Reluctantly she tore her eyes away from her collection of pretties to look up at Mal. He had a worried, almost wary look on his face. "I need you to stand up very slowly and come with me."

Coldness seeped through her chest as her fingers froze. "Not pretty glasses?"

"Most certainly not." She looked back and saw her fingers hanging over the buttons of the control panel. Specifically, the control panel that controlled Serenity's life support functions. "Come away, little albatross," Mal repeated, "and let's see if the doc is able to make time for a house call."

River let him put his hands on her shoulders and lead her down the hall towards sickbay. She was ashamed of what she'd almost done, and she wanted to tell Mal that, but the right words were difficult to voice. She could only say, "Trying to do better."

"I know," was his patient reply. "And you're doin' the best job you can. Hell, doin' better than me after the war."

She looked up at Mal's eyes and saw the past in their depths. "Saw ghosts and lies too?"

"For a time, til I got Serenity." The faraway look in his eye vanished as his trademark smirk reappeared. "Then I got too busy lookin' for jobs and crew to fight ghosts. You'll find somethin' to keep ya busy soon."

"Maybe." She knew what he was doing. Trying to liken her madness to his own trouble getting used to a life without war. She only agreed to appease him.

Nobody knew what she had been through. Nothing came close.

Simon had an injection waiting for her. Once it was administered, he called up complex equations for her to work. Centering exercises, he called them. River did them because she had other coping mechanism that worked. But deep in her heart, she knew it was a lost cause.

Nobody can put Humpty Dumpty back together. Nobody's got that map.

Many, many months later...

She was lying on her back on the catwalk, braiding colored bolts of air together in a iridescent blanket, when footsteps alerted her to someone else entering the hold. Her hands clenched and dropped to her sides as she held her breath. Without thinking she let her mind reach out and brush the newcomer's. Violent flashes of blood and pain sent pinpricks through her brain. Maybe Captain, maybe Jayne.

Then she heard the muttering voice. "Can't do it. Won't do it. Not that creature."

Words that disjointed, as tangled and strange as her own thoughts, could only belong to one person. River rolled to her side and peered over the edge. Her fellow Academy inmate was pacing the length of the hold, running his fingers through his hair over and over. She caught glimpses of his two scars beneath the black bangs and felt her heart twist in her chest. Poor Wolf, still searching for three little piggies to eat.

He froze midstep, his hands buried deep in his hair. "Heard that," he said without turning to look up at her. "Wolves have excellent hearing. Good for catching little red riding hoods."

"This Little Red has excellent marksmanship." To prove her point, she pulled out a small pistol and cocked the hammer with her thumb. "No huffing and puffing, are we clear?"

He nodded vigorously. "Clear as black tar." As soon as he promised, his head violently ticced to the side. He lifted his hand to press against the side of his face. "Sorry. Don't work right all the time."

River cocked her head to the side. Now that she was looking harder, the boy seemed to be fighting to keep his eyes on her. As if...as if... "How many of me do you see?"

His brows knitted together in concentration. "Four. Five. Two can't separate all the way."

Holstering her pistol, River stepped down off the catwalk carefully. "Only one me."

"I know, I know." His fist balled up against his temple, right on top of the scar. Green eyes narrowed even more. "Fairy queen with silver wings, braiding lights unseen."

"Look past the fairy. See me." She stepped closer, her hands held up to show they were empty. "Maybe we can make it go away. Simon helped me."

The boy flinched away. "No needles. Silver knifes deadly for wolfmen."

"Just come." Ever so careful, remembering how gentle Mal had been with her fragile state, River put a hand on her classmate's elbow. The other went to cover the fist against his temple. "No needles. Just a potion to shrink the bad thoughts away."

With an enormous amount of coaxing and quite a bit of patience, River managed to lead him down to the infirmary. A quick page brought Simon down, and he quickly set to work taking vital signs from the classmate. While he worked, River sat on the counter and closed her eyes to Read him.

Pieces of thought assaulted River's mind like bits of broken glass. Miranda - Congress - Alliance - reboot - program - Tam - recapture asset - images of River from pictures, training sessions, glimpses around corners and across the cafeteria -

Her eyes opened again. His green gaze was razor sharp despite the sedative Simon had just administered. Neither blinked.

"Help me."

It didn't matter that she couldn't tell if he'd said it aloud or in her head. He had still said it.

"I don't know if I can," she whispered, "but I know how to read the map."

She was the only one who could, after all.

So this was tough. I hadn't intended for the classmate to reappear, but what can I do?

Review please!