Where the Streets Have No Name

Chapter 106

"Mom, I swear I don't need more socks," Bella objected as her mother browsed the retail store with avid determination to stock up on everything her daughter might need to last her the remaining years of college. "Plus, how am I going to carry all this back with me? Remember the size of my bag? Please, Mom, you've got me tons already."

Renee considered the problem. Bella was right. Stuffing her tiny luggage with all her newly acquired possessions would be a challenge. Not to mention it was past lunch time and she wanted to go back home to relieve Edward of his childcare duty. The boy didn't get enough rest as it was.

"Okay, fine. Let's grab a quick bite and then we'll go back to the house," Renee relented and led them toward the food court.

"So, what exactly happened to Ella's mom? Was she sick for a while?" Bella asked casually as they settled down with their food, unable to resist her curiosity anymore, hoping her voice didn't give away the questionable motive behind her inquisitiveness.

"It's so tragic." Renee looked thoughtful for a while. "From what I heard from Edward's mother, the poor thing was mentally unstable for a while. Especially after Ella was born. She had a real bad case of post-partum and simply couldn't cope. Edward found her in the bathtub one day. Esme wasn't too clear whether it was an accident or not. But I did hear there was some kind of overdose involved."

"She tried to kill herself?" Bella asked incredulously. How could Carmen Cullen want to leave behind a man who loved her so much, not to mention her own baby.

"I don't know for sure, but that's what I've gathered so far. Edward doesn't like to talk about it. Not that I blame him. I can imagine what he's going through. The poor guy. Thank God Ella is too young to remember any of it," Renee elaborated sadly.

"But try and kill herself? I mean she had so much going for her, right? I don't understand how she could do that to her own family, her own daughter..." Bella shook her head in dismay. It was beyond her how anyone could willingly throw away a life that contained Edward Cullen, and a beautiful daughter like Ella, even factoring in the emotional struggles the woman was suffering.

"You shouldn't judge, sweetie," Renee countered. "However strange it may seem to you and me, the truth is we have no idea what she went through.

"Just imagine how badly you're feeling because everyone around you thinks Paul is perfect for you, but you're not sure yet how you feel about him. Now take that bad feeling and multiply it by a thousand, or a million. 'Cause that's how bad it must be when you can't be certain about your own baby, your very flesh and blood.

"I mean, it came easy to me. You were born, I took one look at you and I knew..." Renee stopped, as if recalling the day with affection. "Hell, I knew even before I saw you. I didn't have to learn it from anyone. No one had to tell me. It was just all there.

"Then I think about these poor creatures who are out of sync with the rest of the world. Just imagine how terrible it must be when you can't figure something out that everyone takes for granted.

"It's a lot of pressure, honey. And guilt. I can understand that much. So, don't be too quick to cast a stone."

"But how is it fair on Ella? Or Ella's dad?" Bella shook her head.

"It's not fair on anyone, of course. But you can't hold a mentally unstable girl responsible for her actions. I'm sure she didn't want things to end up the way they did."

Bella tried to absorb everything her mother was saying. At some level she realized that Renee's argument made sense. And it was also true that she didn't have too keen an understanding of what post-partum depression entailed. But even then she couldn't set aside her conviction that Edward Cullen was just as much a victim as his wife was.

At least Carmen Cullen had the consolation of oblivion. Edward was left with nothing but a void and responsibilities that were meant to be shared between two people.

In her mind, a line was drawn on the sand. And she knew which side commanded her loyalty.

Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.

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