A/N: This was so hard to write tbh, partly because I know you expect much and secondly because it's just really emotional and I felt really bad for both my babies. Sigh. I'm honestly a bit anxious you won't like it, especially the end because I did something which I'm sure will come as a shock to most of you since my hints weren't really that obvious. To my dear bammbamm28, I hope this got the amount of heat in it that you wanted to see, lol. Thank you for your sweet reviews guys. They really help me keep going, because it can definitely be frustrating when you know what you wanna write and how you wanna put it but your English just sucks.
Flashback starts and ends in italics.
Letty looked at him, but he didn't say anything. He didn't even look back at her. It made her angry. She didn't want to get mad, but it was on him to change that. If he could just tell her why he had been with Elena, what he had felt for her, she might not feel better, but at least she would get some answers to the questions that kept burning inside, not letting her find peace.
"What? You suddenly lost the ability to talk?" Letty scoffed at him, pulling away.
"No, I just– I don't know where to begin," Dom sang small.
If Letty seriously wanted to, he could tell her a lot about the nature of his and Elena's relationship but should he really put her through even more pain? He knew whatever he had to disclose about his ex was going to hurt Letty one way or another and she certainly had been through enough. He didn't want to hurt her any more than he had already had. But he also didn't want to keep anything from her. Dom knew he needed to put it all out there, no matter how hard it was and how much it hurt her.
"Well, I make it easy for you," Letty started, not wanting to waste any more time.
They had been dancing around this subject way too long. They– She needed to be over and done with it, because she couldn't continue this – their marriage – if the subject kept hanging over them like a toxic fog. Her mind was already poisoned by self-doubt and negative thinking and these feelings wouldn't go away unless they cleared the air. Had he never thought about what would happen if she remembered? He had had enough time to prepare for this unless he'd never actually believed her memories would come back...
"Did you love her," she asked him, yet a question that was even more important to her followed right away. "I mean, were you guys just– Was it like a rebound thing, 'cause you two had lost someone, or were you seriously–" Letty paused, swallowing hard. "Were you in love with her?"
The thought alone was painful; the thought that Dom could say yes to her question stung like a bee. She didn't want him to respond in the affirmative, but she wanted him to be honest with her as much as that hurt, so if his answer would have to be yes then she needed to know. And so Letty met his gaze defiantly for a moment longer, but Dom still made no attempt to argue.
"Damn it, Dominic, just answer my fucking question. Were you in love with Elena?" she repeated, angrier this time.
Being in love with someone and loving that person were two different things, to her at least, but Dom didn't seem to want to admit to either one. Letty could only guess why that was. It outraged her and she suddenly felt like yelling at him real loud – which she tried to avoid by inhaling deeply and then breathing out.
If he just liked, maybe loved, Elena, then Dom didn't really want her. He didn't want to own a part of her or give her a piece of himself. Elena wasn't worthy of owning a part of him. He didn't need her. He didn't need her to live a happy life, because his happiness didn't depend on her. And he didn't yearn for more and wanted to be with her as much as possible. But if all of that were just false assumptions and she was wrong, then Dom had really been in love with that woman, because that's how Letty felt about him.
She wanted him so much; even after all these years, she felt the intense urge to consume him in any way she could. She wanted to own a part of him – which she knew she did. And she didn't only want him, she needed him, needed him to be happy. Just being in love with Dom, even though sometimes it scared her how much she was, still got her high – a feeling she never wanted to let go of. And against everything she had pictured her future to be as a teenager, she had chosen to build a life with this man, marry him, grow old with him, because that was just how much she was in love him. She truly loved him.
"Letty, I honestly think you deserve some answers, but I just don't wanna fight with you. And I don't wanna hurt you. I know I already did, but this thing– Elena– That is just– It's– I mean– If Elena had left me for whatever reason, I wouldn't have gone after her. That's how much I cared. Does that answer your question?"
"No, it doesn't!" Letty snapped, shouting. She hit him against the shoulder with her fist, just once but real hard, making Dom wince in pain. He was lucky she didn't have anything to throw at him. "You're an ass, Dominic! You're a fucking– God, you just make me– I can't even look at you right now!"
Frustrated and angry, Letty quickly launched herself off the bed and crossed the room. Turning her back to him, she stared out of the window, peering down at their neighbor's pristine, freshly-mowed lawn. Her nails scrapped against the glass of the window as she curled her fingers into a palm. She squeezed her eyes shut and sighed, comforted by the throbbing pain her nails brought as they dug into her skin.
As she tried to calm down, she could feel Dom staring at her, but didn't turn around and locked eyes with him just yet. There were so many questions she wanted to ask him and things she needed to know, but at the same time the possible answers frightened her.
"This is not what I signed up for when I married you. Pain… Crying." Heartbreak, she added silently.
"I didn't know you were signing up for anything. I thought this was a commitment, not a contract."
"Then you should've fucking acted like it!" she hissed, not trying to yell at him this time. "You don't commit to someone like we did and then leave first thing and– You don't hook up with someone else so soon after– How long was I even gone before you got into her pan–"
"Don't do this to yourself, Letty," he sighed loudly, "Don't even think about me and Elena like that. It–"
"It is you!" she stated harshly. "You're doing this to me, Dom. You did this. I'm just trying to cope... to... move on."
All this time she hadn't even looked at him once. Tears kept burning behind her eyelids, but Letty wouldn't let them fall. She didn't want to cry, she wanted to be angry. And God, she was furious! She wanted to hit him, hurt him, shout at him. But hating him was also excruciating. She had never really hated him. She had just been extremely pissed at him.
"So you like my boy, huh?" Anton tried getting Letty to talk. She was helping him fixing a car since an hour, but hadn't said a single word the entire time and just done the things he had asked her to.
"No, I don't. I hate him," Letty answered, fuming. "The skanks are all over him and he doesn't even– He's gonna have a young Dom running around soon. You ready for that?"
Tony laughed at the teenager's aggressive tone. She was still young, but already a serious force to be reckoned with. Letty was pretty smart too although she probably considered her interest in Mia's brother stupid. He could tell she had liked Dom for ages, but his son was too blind to notice that. It wasn't surprising that Letty was furious with Dom for doing the stuff he did, with the girls he liked.
"Oh, I don't think we have to worry about that," Anton laughed.
No matter how many girls Dom slept with, he was surely being careful. He had taught his boy everything about using protection; that it was okay to enjoy himself and have fun as long as he took care that certain things didn't happen such as getting a girl pregnant. That didn't necessarily mean that he liked the way his son treated those women, though.
"We don't worry about anything," Letty scoffed. "I don't worry about Dom. I don't care about him. He can do whatever. I don't give a fuck!"
She lay down in front of the GTO's front bumper and squirmed under the car, a box end wrench in her right hand and an old plastic dishwashing pan in her left. Grabbing the wrench, Letty tried getting the plug loose by giving a good strong pull, bracing her other hand on the floor for leverage.
Anton noticed how she was trying to shield herself from his view by hiding under the car and he had to smile at the realization that his instincts hadn't been wrong. She was interested in his son and obviously frustrated with the way things were going. He couldn't blame her. Dom didn't seem to care about starting anything serious with a girl and definitely not with her. That most certainly must've been tough on Letty.
"Letty, how long have we two known each other?"
"Since I was a baby, I guess?" Letty worded her answer as a question, as she slid out from under the car after the plug came loose and she could go on to the next step.
"Right," Tony said, remembering that time when Letty and Mia had play dates as toddlers; how adorable that Latina had been. Who knew she would grow up to be a real handful. "So you can pretend all you want, but I know when you want something."
"And what is it that I want?" Letty retorted, crawling under the car again, on her back this time, to unscrew the plug. When she felt the first gush of cold, draining oil struck her hand, she heard the voice of Dom's father again.
"Well, I think right now you want me to believe that you feel absolutely nothing for my son," Tony mentioned, and Letty could hear in his voice that he was wearing a smirk on his face.
Sliding back out from under the car, Letty stood in front of it, wiping her hands with an old cloth. She looked to the side, straight into Tony's grinning face and couldn't help but smirk a little. How much she hated that she could never really be mad for long, had a hard time playing angry when one of them looked at her like that. No matter if it was Dom, Mia or their dad, it was impossible to resist that teasing grin.
Torettos – they were all the same annoying bunch of people who just loved to tease. It was like a line of attack, something to disarm her completely and just lighten up her mood. Wasn't difficult to see where Dom and Mia had gotten that from.
"Stop it, man, okay?" Letty tried stifling a laugh. "I don't feel anything–" She couldn't, and so she laughed weakly, then gave a single, quiet cough. Calming down, her face turned serious. "I just really think he'll be a dad before he even notices me... Not like this," she pointed to the car and the wrench in her hand, "but like that, you know."
Tony watched, as Letty's eyes fell to her breasts, her eyebrows raised. Getting the hint, he tried not to laugh out loud. He wouldn't tell her, but she was really sweet, at least when it came to Dom. He didn't know what his son had ever done to deserve her attention, because he clearly didn't deserve it, not with the way he acted, but somehow that beautiful and smart tomboyish girl had developed a serious crush on him.
"I'm turning sixteen soon and he still treats me like one of the guys," she complained. "I'm not that desperate for his attention, I mean I don't love him, but I just– I don't know. I just want him to see me for who I really am, you know? A freaking girl!" Letty threw the wrench to the ground, as she kept ranting, "No, you know what? Dominic Toretto can suck it! I'm not gonna do this any longer. I'm done with him!"
When he saw her fighting the need to let her anger show through tears of frustration, Anton walked over to Letty and put his arm around her. He wasn't sure if Letty would allow it, because she usually didn't like to be coddled, as it made her appear weak and she hated that. This time, however, she didn't try fleeing his embrace and so he pulled her closer to his side and rested his cheek on her head, stroking her arm.
"You'll be alright, Letty. You know you will. But if it's any consolation to you, I think you're a great girl... with a great pair of boobs." Tony stopped briefly. "And it's not like me saying that as a grown man to a young teen sounds really creepy or anything. Not at all," he laughed.
"Oh my God, shut the eff up!" she snickered, his words putting the beauty of laughter back in Letty's face. She nudged him with the elbow into the rips and he cringed, losing his grip on her. When Tony looked at her, Letty grinned. "But thank you, appreciate that."
Dom's father stifled another laugh and made his way over to the car. "We still need to change the oil filter," he thought aloud.
"Already on to it," Letty got moving again before he could even say another word.
"You know, Letty, I still wonder if you have ever thought about the future." Anton mentioned. "I mean, Mia had her whole life planned when she was just six years old. Maybe her plans have changed, but there was a time when I knew what kind of guy she wanted to marry, what her wedding should look like, the children she wanted to have, boy first, then a girl, so I was wondering... You ever thought about kids?"
"Hell no," Letty laughed. "You know I'm nothing like Mi. I love her, I really do, but she can be– She still seems to be into that fairytale shit, and I don't know if her knight in shining armor will ever make an appearance let alone match all the criteria on her 'perfect man' list, but I wouldn't bet on it. All hell breaks loose, if she doesn't find him and, God forbid, has to lower her standards. Oh no!"
Her last two words holding a dramatic undertone, Tony smirked at her imitation of Mia as well as Letty's dead-on characterization of his daughter's romantic illusions. He knew Mia would change her perception of how she wanted her life to be, but right now, he had to admit that Letty had a point. It wasn't a bad thing that Mia seemed like that kind of girl, who believed in true love and that there was the perfect man out there, whom she could start a family with, but she still had to learn that life wasn't something anyone could plan. As the famous words said, life was what happened while everyone was busy making other plans.
"My life, what I want it to be, will never depend on a man like that," Letty continued. "I don't need a man to be happy. I'm happy on my own. And look where having kids got my mom." She released a scornful laughter, but there was undoubtedly sadness percolating through her words.
Tony's heart felt heavy. He had watched Letty's family fall apart, her mother never getting over the loss of her husband. She had started drinking and then after weeks of seeming to get better, one morning, she was just gone. A short letter was all she had left behind for her four kids. That had been two years ago.
Now, Letty's oldest brother was never around, the other one trying to take care of Letty and her little sister, but could barely cope. Anton had chosen to step in and support the family, making sure they had everything they needed. His mom, Dom and Mia's grandmother, gave them as much love as she could.
He was really proud of what Letty had become under these circumstances. He loved her as a daughter like he loved his own. He knew how hard it was for his kids having to grow up without a mom. It was a real tragedy that Letty had to go through the same. That was probably one of the many reasons why there was such a strong connection between the girls. They were so different yet so close.
Up to this day no one really knew if Letty's mother was still alive. She was dead to Letty, that much he knew. She never talked about her, never talked about her dad either or any of her siblings. It was like she didn't even have people of the same blood. Sometimes, Anton felt like the Torettos were the only people Letty really considered family. He loved that, because it meant that she didn't feel alone after all.
"I'm just not cut out to be a mom," Letty told him when he kept silent, "So no... I don't want kids."
"Maybe you just need to find the right man to convince you that family is a beautiful thing," Tony suggested, a grin playing on his lips.
"And by right you mean your son?" Letty cocked an eyebrow. "I got family. I got Mia, Vince, Jesse, and you and– I haven't even started living my life yet. I'm fifteen! You're like a father to me and I love you, but if you wanna have grand babies, Tony, you're not gonna get them from me... especially not from me and Dom." The thought made her laugh.
"Yeah, you're right. You are too young to think about this. I'm sorry," Anton apologized for being so persistent. "And if you never have any, it's cool." He didn't want her to think that she would be any less a woman if she didn't have children. Besides, it wasn't really any of his business. "It's just that you already seem to know exactly what you want, like an adult. Haven't seen that in many kids your age. Quite impressive."
"Have you seen all these immature jerks around here? Dom included. It's not hard sticking out when everyone else doesn't know how to use their brains," she answered.
"Speaking of jerks... I guess I'm not supposed to know about this, but tomorrow's your first street race. You're ready for the big show?"
Tony wished that she would be careful. Knowing how much the guys liked to show off and how often something went wrong when some kid overestimated himself and lost control of his car, he could only hope that Letty wouldn't be like that. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her.
"Oh, please, I was born ready. And you know what else? I am gonna kick Dom's ass," Letty noted with a smirk, confident in her victory.
"Were you gonna have kids with her," Letty asked Dom when that memory of his father and her slowly faded away. She wasn't even sure, if she wanted to hear the answer to her question, thinking it would only hurt her more, but she needed to, because it killed her inside not to know. "If I hadn't shown up... If I had shown up a few years later... Would you–"
"I don't know," Dom sighed.
"Excus– What do you mean you don't know," Letty shot back at him, wheeling around and looking at him with a death stare.
"I was telling myself that I could love her... eventually. I didn't think of kids. I mean, I didn't–"
Dom paused. He really wanted to be honest with her, but saying what he had to say and knowing it would hurt her clearly wasn't something that was easy for him. He took another moment to think more about her question, thought about what he did feel back then.
If he thought of Elena now, he felt nothing. He didn't even feel any kind of regret for having dumped her so quickly after Letty's return without so much as a conversation. They had never been that serious, both of them fully aware of that. Their relationship had been more of a convenience, two people having lost someone they loved. Yet that didn't mean that it couldn't have become something deeper in the future, if Letty hadn't shown up.
"When Jack was born... the first time I saw him," he began, "all I thought about was you," his look searching for her eyes. "It wasn't Elena, Letty, it was you… Having that with you… Wishing I could still have that with you."
"You could've."
"What?"
"I said, you could've. You could've had that with me, but you ruined it. If you hadn't left, I wouldn't have–," Letty stopped mid sentence. If he knew what his actions had caused her to do, he would probably feel even guiltier for what he had done. Or maybe he would be angry at her. Right now she really couldn't tell how he would feel.
"What do you mean?" Dom asked, getting up from the bed he still had been sitting on and walked a few steps into her direction.
"Nothing, Dom. Forget it," Letty denied him an answer.
"Is there something you're not telling me?" he frowned, wondering if he just failed to read her correctly or if she really was hiding something from him.
"You were saying?" Letty just said, not making any attempt to respond to him. There was something she wasn't telling him, something quite important, but she wouldn't reveal that now and make the whole situation even more difficult. She wasn't sure if she should ever tell him anyway. Maybe some things were better left unsaid even though they could change everything.
Fine, Dom thought when she ignored his question, and after a moment of silence between them went on to explain to her, "Elena and kids... It never crossed my mind, but– but I wanna be honest with you, it could have. That thought could've crossed my mind someday and I'm sorry." He really was. "I mean, sometime in the future when I– If I had loved Elena, like really loved her, then I don't know what I could've wanted for our relationship, Letty."
Dom massaged his scalp, feeling the need to just do something. Should he even continue? Hadn't he said enough? Probably so, but wasn't it better to just get the whole truth out and not leave anything between them unsaid? It was all for the sake of their marriage; for getting passed this and start anew. He didn't want to have to talk about this ever again. What he wanted was to take the chance to wipe the slate clean and begin all over. It would be such a relief to free himself of everything he had done her wrong in the past.
"When I–" He had to push himself to be honest, prepared himself for the emotional outburst his words would cause, because there was no doubt this would leave its mark on her, hopefully not forever. "If Elena would've gotten pregnant by any chance... by accident... I would've loved that baby very much. You know me. You know how much family means to me. I can't lie to you about that."
"Stop, Dom, okay? Just stop!" Letty erupted with anger, yelling at him again – unsurprisingly to Dom.
She had wanted him to be honest; she just hadn't imagined him to be that honest. She didn't know how to handle all of this, how to process everything she had just learned about his and Elena's relationship. She knew it hadn't been anything serious, not compared to what she had with him, but hearing about his thoughts on a possible future with Elena was a totally different story.
Letty looked at him, and while there was pain in her eyes, her posture was that of someone about to go full force against his greatest adversary with bare hands. Dom stared back at her, his eyes showing regret, hurt – Letty couldn't really tell, but one thing was for sure, he looked incredibly sad. He had no right to be sad or to be hurt, though. She on the other hand had every right.
"Please, listen to me," Dom pleaded strongly, as he came to stand right in front of Letty.
He could see the stress brewing inside her like a storm and he knew he needed to choose his words wisely, if he didn't want her to become even more furious with him. Bringing his hand to her hair, he ran his fingers through the long, dark tresses and sighed deeply, but before Dom could make another move, his palm was slapped away.
"Don't fucking touch me, Dominic," Letty spit at him, "Or I swear to God, I will–"
"Okay, Letty, I got it. It's okay," Dom quickly pulled back his hands and stepped away from her to give her some space. "Do you want me to–"
"I'm sorry, I– Is everything okay in here?" Mia had opened the door a crack and her head was peeking through it. "I heard you screaming and–"
"We're fine!" Letty hissed, visibly still in Hulk mode, her face red with anger and her body all tensed up.
"Yeah, we're good, Mi. You can go," Dom said with a caring look and a weak smile, trying to apologize to his little sister for his wife's angry behavior. When Mia disappeared, Dom turned back to Letty, searching the mess inside his head for words. "Baby–"
"Don't 'baby' me," Letty cut him off. "Just don't." She pressed the heel of her hands to her eyes, pushing the tears out of them so they didn't fall on her cheeks where Dom could see them. She tried to calm down, breathing in deeply, but it wasn't that easy, because she was just so mad at him. And then there was this one part of her that felt the need to just go up to him, hug him and get lost in his embrace.
"So you're telling me, you would've had kids with her hadn't I–"
"I'm telling you that none of it matters, because you came back and nothing– You hear me? Nothing happened with Elena," Dom spoke, trying to look her in the eyes. "I was with her, but not like that. Not like you and me, like– We had a thing, Letty. Just a thing. No deep feelings, no babies, no future, no nothing. We just had us. And I was fine with that. I didn't– I settled for a consolation prize, 'cause I had lost my trophy." There was no other way to put it.
Letty could feel Dom staring at her, but she didn't look at him. Instead she stared at the cross hanging around his neck, the necklace that meant so much to both of them – their wedding ring. Maybe what had happened between him and Elena, what Dom and her had had or didn't have had, really didn't matter anymore, because they were finally reunited. Maybe she shouldn't worry about that anymore. But Letty still felt betrayed by hearing about how serious he thought that thing with Elena could've gotten. She couldn't shake this feeling off.
"You know what I wanna do to that woman right now?" Letty asked him, not expecting an answer.
Elena was without a doubt a very nice person, kind and beautiful inside and out. That just made it a lot harder to hate her. In this moment, however, hating her felt so easy. Letty knew she wouldn't hurt her physically, if she and Elena were in the same room together, but just thinking about crushing that perfect body and scratching that perfect face made Letty feel better. She didn't care if that made her a bad person.
"I have a feeling, yes... And I'm glad she's miles and miles away," Dom answered anyway, even showing a little grin. "She's not the one you should be angry with, though. I am," he then mentioned, studying her, as he tried to find evidence of any sign of anger in Letty's face.
Was she still that furious with him? Since it didn't look that way to him, Dom decided to risk another move. He took a step forward, grabbed Letty's hand and just waited a second to see if she did anything to stop him – Letty shoved him as hard as she could. Stumbling against Mia's bedside cabinet, Dom almost lost his footing. Deeply agitated by Letty's reaction, he made every effort to keep his composure. How many times had she been angry at him? Too often to count. But never had she acted so violent.
"I said... Do not... touch me!" Letty repeated, not as forcefully this time but with her voice raised, and looked at Dom. Seeing the expression on his face, she regretted having been so harsh for a moment, because whether he deserved this or not, he was still her man.
Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on her love for Dom instead of the anger she felt towards him. He had to know that she was only like that, because she loved him so much. If she didn't love him that much, she wouldn't be this way. She wouldn't care, feel hurt, be so angry. Dom had to see that, because right now she simply couldn't find the words to let him know.
"Letty, I want you– I need you to forgive me," Dom emphasized, his voice almost breaking.
He sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Was this the beginning of the end? Had he been a fool to believe that everything could just go back to normal with them? Maybe he should've never been this honest with her, but lying to her surely wasn't the better option. He could only hope that once they figured this out they could forget all about it and focus on each other, focus on their marriage.
"But this isn't something you can bandage with a word or two," Letty countered with a lot less rage in her voice.
All this fighting wouldn't get them anywhere. She had to admit that. And she really wanted to find a way to work this out, she just didn't know how. Not in this moment. Everything seemed so difficult, so hard to overcome. She felt like she had reached a blind alley and there was no light to guide her, to help her find her way out. Her light in life had always been him, but right now, Dom was the very reason why she couldn't see anything. She wasn't thinking rationally, her vision clouded by all kinds of emotions.
"Dom, I don't think I can do this... right now. I thought I could, but–" Her voice cracked, as tears started rolling down her face. She quickly brushed them away with the back of her hand, sick of all the crying.
"So you wanna end this?" The sadness in Dom's voice was huge.
Feeling like someone had just put a knife through his heart, twisting and turning it so that it hurt as much as it could, he wanted to cry. He didn't want them to be over. He needed her, wanted her, loved her. He could never be without her ever again. Didn't she know? Hadn't she realized by now that he was only really alive when he was with her? Without her, he was just an empty shell, trapped in a world without colors, a world without joy.
"Of course not. God, no!" Letty was shocked he even thought of that, but couldn't really blame him given the way she behaved right now. "Dom, I told you I would never– I'm hurt. You hurt me, but I don't want us to be over, I just–" Letty felt so frustrated she couldn't even speak for a few seconds.
As she looked at him, she saw his eyes had filled with tears. He had to be as sick of crying as she was, because they both hardly ever cried. But it just showed how much they were affected by all of this, how deep these issues touched them and how much they wished for things to be different; that they didn't have to talk about any of it and could just forget it had ever happened – if only that was possible.
"Letty, I don't care about Elena," Dom put it simply. "And I don't wanna think about what could've been, 'cause I don't wanna waste as much as a thought on my past with her when I have the rest of my life ahead with you." He looked at her, thinking. "And I didn't even know you wanted kids. I mean, I wasn't sure if you'd ever–"
"What difference does it make, if I want kids or not?" Letty retorted sharply. "This isn't about that. This is about you and Elena... and me." She paused, feeling yet another wave of anger washing over her. "Hell, I told your dad twenty years ago that you'll turn one of those skanks into a mother if he doesn't look out for you. And you know what? You could have a bunch of them running around right now, I don't give a shit!"
Once those words had passed her lips, Letty was sorry to have said them, but was too caught up in her anger to tell Dom that she didn't mean it like it sounded; like so many things she said when she was angry. She noticed how Dom's expression changed like someone had just given him the worst news of all time. He looked like he was about to break down, sob his heart out, and Letty wasn't exactly sure he wouldn't.
Feeling kind of numb inside, Dom tried telling himself that whatever she said now wasn't how she really felt. It hurt a lot to hear her say these things, but it wasn't like he couldn't understand why she was so infuriated with him. He decided to ignore her comment although he knew Letty could see in his face that he had certainly noticed it.
"I feel like we're running around in circles here," he noted quietly, as he launched himself off the cabinet to stand upright again. "You said you don't want us to split, and I'm definitely here to stay, so please tell me what I can do to make this right again, Letty. I'd do anything."
Dom squeezed his eyes shut and pinched hard on the bridge of his nose before he opened them again to gaze at her. She could be angry with him all she wanted, but at least he wasn't withholding the truth from her. He had told her everything while she apparently kept something important from him that she wouldn't disclose.
"You want a break? Take a timeout? Because I really want you to want me," Dom declared. "I want you to want this... Us... I want you to be in this with me one hundred percent, like you've always been. Ride... or die." He gave her a minute to let the words sink in before he continued to speak his mind.
"I don't want you to think that you have to– We're married, but you made it very clear that I broke your heart, so if you feel like this isn't doing you any good– like I– I just don't want you to look at me and feel hurt. I don't want you to look at me and be reminded of everything I fucked up. If it's that bad, Letty– I mean, if I hurt you that much, then I'd rather– I'd rather let you go then putting you through all this."
"I'm sorry for what I said... about the skanks," Letty apologized first before saying anything else to him, and Dom was a bit surprised to hear her speak so gently when all she had been doing the last few minutes was shout. "I do care," Letty told him. "I mean, I'm glad you ain't got a kid with one of these–"
The more she thought about it the more she felt like she wasn't just mad at him for thinking about the kid he didn't have had with Elena, but mad at herself for what she had done. She hadn't known how guilty she felt until now; now that she really felt it. And she hadn't known how much she had actually been keeping to herself. All this time while being back with him, with the family, she had let the what-ifs slowly eat her up inside instead of standing up for herself, confronting her own fears, and asking him about those things he could give her an answer to.
What would've been if Dom had really loved Elena? What if she had shown up a few years later? Would they have had a family? What if she had never remembered her old life or only parts of it? Would he even have told her anything about it? What if he had never left her in the Dominican Republic? What if she had never gone to Brian, making the decision to bring down Braga? What if she had just been more careful? And what if she hadn't taken from Dom the one thing that could've made him come home?
"Dom, I don't feel– Of course I feel hurt or angry when I look at you... people do that sometimes," she argued, sighing. "But most of all... I feel loved." For the first time in a long while, Letty was the one moving closer to him, her body just a few inches away from Dom's. "I don't want you to let me go," she whispered and cupped his cheeks, the face that was so compelling, so stern, so arrogant sometimes, now vulnerable in the extreme.
Letty stroke his skin softly, so softly no one would've ever guessed that just a few minutes ago she had pushed him violently away from her. Dom closed his eyes, feeling her touch, feeling the need to just let his tears fall down and not hold them back anymore. He sensed Letty wiping them away with her fingertips and when she ran a thumb across his lips, he opened his eyes and met her gaze. The toll this conversation had taken on her remained visible on her face. And in that same whispering voice, she begged of him, "No matter what I feel, don't ever let me–"
"I won't," Dom cut in, the tears in his eyes blurring his vision.
He had let her go once and he still felt the huge impact of that decision. There was no way he would ever do a stupid mistake like that again. No matter how hard it was going to be to get back on track, they both obviously wanted the same – each other. That was the only thing he needed to know to do anything in his power to make things right with her again. Nothing else mattered to him. Only she did. She was his ride or die forever.
"Can I touch you now?" he asked, and even though it was meant as a joke, Dom didn't laugh. He didn't even grin. He just looked at Letty teary-eyed, hoping she would allow him to get close to her again. All he got was a small nod from her but that was all he needed to know.
His hands cradled her face, tilting her head to get a better angle, as he began to kiss Letty's tears away, which only made more erupt in their place. Rubbing his nose on hers, her tears mixed with his own. They both sobbed at the same time and Dom couldn't help but smile weakly at the fact that they had never before shown themselves so vulnerable to each other. It was a rather beautiful thing to notice in a moment that was filled with so much pain. They would always connect on a much deeper level than they let people see.
"We'll be okay, Letty, I promise," he whispered against her lips, wiping his own tears off her face before kissing her softly. "I love you."
Dom's voice sounded thick with emotion, so thick he was surprised it didn't choke him on the way out. He looked at Letty and was happy to see her smile reach her ears. That had to be a good sign, a sign that she believed they could work this out. They would figure this out. He just knew they would, because their love was enough to get them move forward, come what may. They had already been through so much, this was just another obstacle; a big one, for sure, but one that they could overcome. It would only make them stronger and deepen their relationship.
"I love you too," Letty said in a hushed voice, lifting her head to see in Dom's eyes. She kissed him again and as she let go of his lips, hers wore a little smirk. "God, we're such cry babies," she stated, almost bursting into laughter.
"Ha-ha," Dom laughed, "I told you, no one needs to know about this."
Grinning, he stared into her eyes as he ran a hand through her hair and pushed it behind her ear to keep it out of her face. He watched her lips curled up into a smile and he just had to feel them again. So he placed another kiss on her mouth, making sure it lasted longer this time while he circled his arms around Letty to lock her in his embrace. He pulled her close, not wanting to miss an inch of her body pressed against his.
They smothered each other with kisses until Dom backed off to address one final thing that had been on his mind ever since last night when they had gone to bed without talking to each other, because she had decided not to speak anymore, even been crying. And now that she had sent out that cryptic message he didn't know how to decode, he felt like there was even more Letty wasn't telling him. He had no idea what it was.
Dom knew asking her about it could change everything between them again, could ruin the moment now that they had finally reconciled, but he didn't want to act like her, didn't want to keep wondering day in and day out when he could just try to find out and get it out of her. There had to be a way to make her tell him and maybe that wasn't even as difficult as he thought it was.
"Can I ask you something?" he started, feeling anxious about what destination he was heading to. Either she would bite his head off or she would cry again. He didn't know, and he wasn't very keen on finding out, but he needed an answer to keep his mind from going crazy. They had already talked about so many things, this would just be another issue they could trash out – or so he hoped.
"Yesterday... when I mentioned... kids... Did you cry 'cause you don't want them or... 'cause you can't have them?" Dom put his thoughts into words. "Or are you just scared of becoming a mom and afraid of telling me? Because I can handle that, okay? I know you. I know how much that thought might freak you out. You don't have to be–"
He noticed how the expression on Letty's face turned to stone. She freed herself from his embrace by stepping back, that's when Dom knew this would be more than 'just another issue.' He could see in her eyes that by bringing it up he had only scratched at the tip of the iceberg. There was a dark secret underneath the surface, so dark indeed that she herself seemed to prefer for it to never be revealed.
"What is it you're not telling me? And don't say you're fine, Letty, 'cause I know you too well to see that you ain't," Dom kept pushing her. The tone in his voice had changed. It wasn't as gently as it had been, like he just wanted to know, but a lot more demanding, like he needed to know and wouldn't stop until he did.
"You really wanna talk about babies now?" Letty lipped off, like he had been insulting her.
"No, but I really wanna know what you're hiding," Dom said, calmer now. Piercing her with his eyes, he hoped that she wouldn't duck out again. He was actually tired of this subject, at least for today, but he had every right to believe that what she had to tell him was something serious, something he not only needed but deserved to know.
"I was pregnant," Letty said without hesitation, letting out a deep breath as the secret she had carried for years was finally lifted off her chest. She had tried resisting him, resisting that look he gave her, but it was hopeless. She was still too upset. She didn't have the strength to fight him on this, not right now. She was completely worn out and so she had chosen to just give in, to give up and tell him, because frankly, he had every right to know.
As her words sank in, Dom's mouth fell open in shock. His hands fell down to his sides like two weights. His shoulders slumped. He felt like he could barely stand on his own two feet, so he grabbed hold of the bed post and tried steadying himself. The thought that he could've been a father by now, could've been a father to Letty's child, made him feel so heavy he feared he could break through the floorboards. Letty knew what she had done the minute Dom locked eyes with her again, his face nothing like it had been before.
When she had remembered what had happened, she had looked exactly like him, deeply shocked, devastated, like someone had sucked the life out of her. She had been through a lot trying to cope with reliving this memory as it had come back to her, haunting her. She had thought about telling him. She hadn't, because things between them had been complicated enough as they were. She had been scared, scared of what might've happen to them and their relationship. And that wasn't even all there was to it.
"What... happened?" Dom tried to speak, visibly still in shock. "Did you... lose it?"
He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about the loss she could have suffered. What if she hadn't even told his sister about it and then had to go through it all alone? What if he was the very reason why she had lost it, because of all the stress and heartbreak he had put her through? Had she lost it during her time with Braga or before that? Dom had so many possible scenarios in his head, it was hard sorting through them, like which one could even be a reality and which one of these were just a fabrication of his inner turmoil. All he knew for sure was that everything had just changed; his whole life been turned upside down.
"No, I– I didn't." Letty took one last, deep breath before she told him, "I decided not to have it.