A/N: Your reviews were so rewarding for all the effort I put into writing that last chapter. Thank you so very much! It's really exciting for me to read how you react to new twists and turns in the story. I hope this one won't disappoint.
Flashbacks start and end in italics.
P.s. Val, I can't get back at you directly, but I'm absolutely loving your reviews. You make me laugh and smile (and think!). So sweet! Thanks!
"No, I–I didn't." She took one last, deep breath before she told him, "I–I decided not to have it."
Letty hadn't shared this info with anyone. No one had known that she had been carrying a baby inside of her. Now she carried the blame for what Dom was feeling, because although she still thought she had made the right decision not to have it, she also felt like she should've let him know sooner. It was really painful having to look into Dom's eyes, right through to his broken heart. And that pain would only become worse once things between them started to get heated again. She knew it would.
"You did what?!" Dom said in utter disbelief, feeling like a space had opened up within him, expanding so rapidly it would break him apart; like he was wrapped up in skin too tight to wear. And this feeling didn't go away, it only got stronger. Every second that passed, it was like her words sank in more; deeper and deeper, like blades cutting slowly into his body. It was that kind of pain he had felt when Mia had told him that Letty had been murdered. He thought he'd never feel this way again. Now, he almost felt worse.
Letty knew Dom was pissed at her, even though he didn't look angry yet. He had to be. He had always been a family man, had always imagined becoming a father one day. He didn't have to say it out loud. She knew he wanted to have not just one kid, but at least two, and so the decision she'd made had crushed his dream. For now, that is. There was no way he took that lightly. He had to have a seething anger grow within him.
She approached him slowly, but as soon as Dom noticed what she was doing, he started walking past her, turning his back to Letty. He had sensed that she had wanted to get close to him, touch him. But he didn't want it. He couldn't. And not just because he was angry with her for keeping that baby, the abortion, a secret from him. It was because he knew that if he touched her, she would work that crazy magic spell on him and make him forget how mad he was. He wouldn't allow her to have that power over him.
As mad as he was, he tried his best not to flip out on her. But still, Dom could feel his rage seeping and it was extremely hard fighting against the need to just explode. Maybe, he thought, if he didn't look at Letty then it would be easier, easier for him to not yell at her. He needed time to recollect himself, to catch his breath and process this. She had some nerve dropping a bomb like that on him. He would probably need months to recover from it.
Walking up and down the room like a wild animal in its cage, Dom felt Letty's eyes on him as though she expected him to notice her. Letty watched him, sighing deeply. If she had learned something in all these years they'd been together then that this clearly wasn't a good sign. He always did that – moving like a caged animal – when he tried keeping his emotions in check. She honestly preferred to see him jump out of his skin right now rather than later. Letty could handle his anger way better than his taciturnity. In that respect, they were a lot alike.
"Before Braga, I was–" Letty started to explain herself, hoping he would hear her out before going off on her. "That thing you did... Leaving me... Disappearing... I was in a bad place for weeks... months. I just– I didn't tell anyone, Dom. I only–" She swallowed hard. "You were the only one I wanted to tell and you weren't there. You promised you'd be there, but you weren't. You just... weren't."
Dom didn't get it. He could've been a father now. He and Letty could've had a little family of their own. How could she have had the audacity to ruin that? Maybe she thought that he didn't even have the right to blame her for what she had done since he had left her, alone and pregnant, and maybe that was true, but damn, he was so disappointed and angry with her for having made that decision – a decision that wasn't just hers to make.
"So you killed our baby?" Dom hissed, still not looking at her.
"I didn't kill it for God's sake," Letty retorted, slightly annoyed with his attitude. "I just knew I wouldn't be able to be a good mother to him... or her. With you gone, how was I supposed to bring up a child? You know me better than anyone else. You know I can't possibly take care of a baby alone. It scared the shit outta me... thinking about all the responsibility I'd have and how much that little person would need me to be there for it... one… hundred... percent."
"Miss Ortiz, are you alright?"
"It's Toretto, dammit," she hissed more to herself than to the person standing on the other side of the door.
Her gynecologist was just as used to her maiden name as she was, but, officially, she was a Toretto and she wanted to stick to that name even though her husband had decided she was better off without him. She still couldn't get her head around why Dom had done something so cruel to her, to the person he loved, the person he had married. They had been so very happy. But the pain inside was a constant reminder that she would never get this feeling back for as long as he was gone.
"Just a minute," Letty called out and with trembling hands, she turned on the faucet, scooped up the water and splashed it over her face.
Lifting her head, she sighed as the heavy weight of her long hair fell down her back. She ran her fingers through the thick strands and massaged her scalp. She would rather be bald than live another moment with the lie that crowned her. She yelled out in frustration and anger. Everything was a lie. Everything she had believed in was a lie. Dom, her marriage, her own strength – she didn't even believe in herself anymore. Everything she had been, most notably strong and independent, he seemed to have destroyed when he'd left her.
Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, Letty wondered what he was looking at right now. Maybe the sea or a fancy car. Or maybe, he had already found a skank to keep himself busy with and she was who he was looking at at this very moment. Maybe Dom wasn't feeling as lost and cold as she did. Maybe he had a pretty great time right now, drinking beer, fixing a car or fucking some girl's brains out. She didn't know. She just didn't know what to think or how to feel about him.
Letty remembered the texture of his skin and the feel of his nape against her fingers the last time they had been together when she had stroke his neck as he drifted off to sleep. She remembered the solid strength of his broad shoulders and the flexing muscles in his arms and how it felt to be hugged by him from behind. She could even feel his breath on her skin in the same way she had felt it so many times in the past when he had whispered sweet words into her ear, words that made her melt.
Moving into the full reflection, she tilted her head to the side. Her wavy dark hair fell forward around her face. Her large hazel eyes, a bit puffy from the tears she had shed just a few minutes ago, blinked back at her. Frankly, she looked like shit, but she wasn't here to win a model contest. She was here, because she had made a decision. For herself but also for the life she carried inside. It was one of the toughest decisions she had ever had to make.
She had thought about having the baby at first, but it hadn't felt right. It didn't feel right to bring a child into this world with a broken heart and a husband on the run. Not a day went by that she didn't think of Dom, didn't feel like crying and didn't wish that she could just rip her heart out and stop having to feel this way. She could hardly keep it together. How could she ever be strong enough for that baby, if she didn't even have enough strength right now to get herself through a day without breakdowns?
She didn't know the first thing about being a mother, and without Dom's love and support she just knew she wouldn't be able to give her child the life it deserved. If she did this, if she became a mom, then she didn't want to be on her own. She didn't want her child to grow up without a father and with a mother who was too heartbroken to be there for it. She had seen what that could do to a child when her own mother had treated her like crap, because of a broken heart that had never fully healed.
She had wanted to tell Mia, but in the end, would that even change anything? Her life was a mess right now, Dom's life was a mess too – well, she didn't really know what kind of life he was living right now, but if he still hadn't asked Mia how she was then that could only mean that he was still on the run and didn't want her around. It didn't make a difference whether she told someone or not. It didn't change the fact that this pregnancy was bad timing. She wasn't ready. She just wasn't ready. And if her heart hadn't already been broken, that fact surely would've shattered it.
Looking down, Letty put her hand on her flat stomach. "I'm so sorry, baby," she whispered, taking in a sharp breath as she felt herself losing control of her emotions again. "Mommy loves you very much," she sobbed quietly. "But I can't be a mom right now. I can't. I can't do this without your daddy."
This wasn't what she had pictured life to be when she had married Dom. What had she even turned into, standing in front of a mirror in a doctor's office's bathroom, talking to a fetus? She felt awful. She was an emotional wreck. She needed to be her old self again, but that was easier said than done. At this very moment, it seemed impossible. And as soon as she'd be done with this and would've taken this step, she knew she would never be the same again even if she could get back to being the Letty she once was, before it all happened.
She wiped the tears off her cheeks, straightened her clothes and sighed deeply. 'You're doing the right thing,' she told herself over and over again as she went outside and approached the examination room. But why did it feel so wrong to do the right thing? She had never thought of herself as a mother, though it wasn't like she didn't want this baby. She wasn't doing this out of spite. She wasn't doing this, because she didn't want to have that child. She was doing this, because things simply weren't what they should be if she was to bring new life into this world.
Her baby, the baby she would maybe have one day, deserved more. More from life itself, from her and most of all from its father.
"I just wasn't ready," Letty admitted after a moment of silence. "You were gone and I was a mess. I didn't know when you'd be back, if you'd ever come back, so I did the one thing I knew was right and... I'm sorry if you think I should've fought for it, but I didn't have the strength to fight." She paused, thinking that, technically, she did fight for her child, just not in a way that Dom appreciated. "You know, this baby... It reminded me of you... of what we had and that all of it was gone. I couldn't keep it. I couldn't keep it knowing I couldn't even keep you... I tried to keep you from running away, but you disappeared and I–" Blinking back tears, Letty sighed. "I had nothing to give, Dom, because you took everything from me."
Letty didn't turn her face away from him for a second. He was finally looking at her and she wanted him to see, she needed him to see in her eyes that she had made that decision out of love, not hate. As much as she had loathed him for leaving her, she had never stopped loving him the way she did. And she had loved this baby; too much to give birth to it knowing it was going to be born into a world that was ruled by uncertainty, doubts and painful memories.
"I just wanted this baby to have something. To have everything," she cried out. "If you had seen me– If you had seen what I was like– Did Mia never tell you that I barely left our room for three days straight after I was back?" Letty wondered. "That I put up against every bad street racer out there, because the adrenaline gave me something to live for? I was dead inside, Dom. I just wanted to feel alive again," she explained. "And our baby couldn't have changed anything about that. It would've needed me to be there for it, but I–I needed someone."
Letty tried approaching Dom once more and when she got to him she grabbed his wrist, hoping he would allow her to touch him now. Dom did, but he didn't move. His face was expressionless like the stone statues in the Capitol and yet Letty believed to see something in his eyes that spoke volumes about his feelings. Her thumb caressed the back of his hand. She noticed how Dom winced at the gentle touch of her finger on his skin. And then the expression came back to his face as a tear slipped down his cheek.
"I needed someone to be there for me," Letty repeated in a low voice.
She had never been suicidal or anything like that, nothing could ever make her become that kind of a person, but if Mia hadn't been pushing her, she would've stayed in that dark place much, much longer than she had had. It was a place she knew she would never have to go back to, because she would never have to be without Dom ever again, would never have to feel that kind of pain again, but it was still a scary place to remember. If she could somehow erase that memory she probably would.
"If your sister hadn't– She saw me crying... struggling... and she– Mia gave me the courage to get back up again. She kicked my ass and God knows I needed that," Letty continued, still holding Dom's hand. "I started doing stuff, you know, like fixing cars for people, helping Mia around the house, just doing something... meaningful… something that wouldn't kill me. I even looked into school... college."
Dom's eyebrow went up and despite everything she felt, despite all the sadness and frustration, Letty had to laugh out loud. "I know, right? Me and college... Ridiculous!" She spotted a little smirk on Dom's lips. It vanished as quickly as it had appeared, but she was happy that for one moment, for just a second, it had been there.
"That one time Braga was all over the news. I remembered some guy at one of the races talking about him and I knew right away that he was my ticket to get you home," she recalled the past. "It was the only thing I could think of. I knew you would come home, if I– So I started fixing your damn car, day in day out. I wanted it to be ready for when you get back. Then I went to see Brian and I made him an offer. He tried to talk me out of it, but he knew he needed me... and I needed him, so I got him to shut up and we made a deal."
She remembered what Brian's face had looked like when he had seen her leaning against his car in the parking lot. And she could very well remember how conflicted he had seemed when she had offered him to bring down Braga in exchange for Dom's name getting cleared. He'd probably sensed where that operation could lead to and what the outcome would mean for her family, Dom and Mia. And it wasn't like Letty, too, hadn't thought about the fact that her plan might not work out, but for the first time in months, she had felt something real inside. Something that wouldn't just be there for a moment and then gone, like the adrenaline rushes she had gotten from street racing, but that actually lighted a beacon of hope that her heart could heal. She couldn't give this feeling up and she had known she was making Brian an offer he couldn't refuse, no matter how much he wanted there to be another way.
"When Brian put me undercover, I finally felt like myself again, like I was going to be okay, because you would come back soon," Letty tried putting her thoughts into words, "and I–I knew that what I was doing was dangerous, but it just made me feel so good, so alive. I had all this energy and it was– I thought I'd never see you again, I really did, but in that moment, I felt– I got my old strength back. I was back. The Letty you know… The one that kicks ass and fights… and gets back on her feet when she's knocked down… That Letty was back. But before that I was– I couldn't keep the baby, Dom. I wasn't strong enough, I just– I was just strong enough to do what I had to do."
Letty let go of Dom's hand slowly, unaware that she had been holding it all along. She didn't know if her explanations even made sense to him, and if he was getting why she hadn't been able to keep the baby, but she had no other way to tell him. If he didn't get it, then that was something he had to deal with. She couldn't say that she regretted her choice just to make him feel better, because that simply was a lie. She was still convinced that she would have never been able to be a mother under those circumstances.
Dom tried listening to her carefully, but his mind was going crazy over what she had been trying to explain to him, over what she had done. His logical side pointed out that Letty's argument was one-hundred percent valid, but with his strong emotions in the mix, it was hard for him to even concentrate on anything reasonable. For the moment, he couldn't help but feel betrayed. Letty might've had her reasons and those might've made sense, but had she ever thought of the fact that it had been his baby too? Apparently not.
"Has it never crossed your mind that I would've come back right away had I known you were– Letty, I'd never abandon my child," he said, the last sentence scarcely audible.
"Maybe you would've come back, but you clearly didn't want me around, that's the only thing I was sure of. You didn't even call to ask about me. I don't know how many calls you had with Mia, if you had any, but you never– She never came to me, saying you asked about me. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? How much that hurt? And think about it, what kind of life could we have given that baby? A life on the run?"
Dom stayed silent and looked at Letty as if to say that she knew she had done the wrong thing, she just didn't want to own up to it. He was sure that she felt some kind of regret for having aborted the baby, he just needed her to tell him that, so he could feel a little bit better at least. Letty wasn't a bad person, but she had made a decision that she had known would hurt him and he just wanted to hear an apology from her. Despite everything he had put her through, didn't he deserve one? He had apologized for his mistakes, so–
"Don't gimme that look," Letty noticed the way he was staring at her, visibly offended by it.
"What look?"
"You know which one." She took a step back to signal him that this look of reproach only created more distance between them. "The one where you look at me like I know you have every right to act this way and I'm just not willing to admit that to you," she explained. "I don't care if you do this on purpose or if it's just the way you look at people when– Whatever. It's not fair and you know it, so stop fucking do that, man."
"Letty, I just–"
"Why am I even explaining myself to you when you don't wanna hear any of it? When you look at me like that, like I ruined your fucking life or something? I'm not even sure I owe you an explanation, because you should very well know why I did it. You don't get to make me feel bad about this, because you... you weren't there." She took a deep breath to keep her countenance.
Of course she didn't feel good about this, but not for the reason he wanted her to. He wasn't the victim in all of this and the sooner Dom realized it the better. She wasn't the only one at fault and if he could just see this, they, as a couple, could start to heal. That wasn't possible as long as they kept shifting the blame on the other person. But unfortunately, her man was as stubborn as she was so it could take ages until they got to the point where they had made peace with this – and with each other.
"So you don't... regret it?" Dom questioned, feeling like that was what she was implying.
"Looking into your eyes and seeing how you feel, I'm not happy with what I did but I still think it was what I had to do. We both made decisions we have to live with and no matter how much we might regret it, there's no turning back. You know that."
"Oh, so the DR... Is that what it's all about? That we're even now? I left you, you aborted the baby?"
"God, Dominic, stop being so cynical. You know it's not like that. I know you're hurt, but–" She always used his full name when she was mad at him or really wanted to get his attention, get him to listen. "Do you think this was easy for me? You think I wanted to take this baby away from you, to… get rid of it? Well, I didn't, okay? It was my baby. This wasn't– This really wasn't easy, Dom. It was hell!"
He had no idea what she had been going through. She may have told him a lot about that now, but he still couldn't possibly imagine what she had had to cope with back then. He hadn't been there, hadn't seen her barely making it through a day and he hadn't felt what she had felt. He had absolutely no right to judge her. Even though the baby had been his too, he had no right to blame her for what she had done when it all had happened, because of a decision he had made.
"And what makes you even think you get to have a say in this?" she scoffed. "You're the one who broke me, so don't you dare judge me for how I decided to glue myself back together. Because what you did– You broke your vows when you left me and then you went off to Elena, and I still don't know if you have been with any other skank before her. You were a shitty husband but–but I forgave you. I forgave you for what you did to me. Don't you think I deserve the same from you? If you don't think that then–then I don't have any reason to be here."
Letty saw the effect her last words had on him. Mussing up her hair by running her hands through it, she screamed with frustration. "Fuck!" Frustration at not being able to make him understand, frustration from the course her life had taken after her wedding, frustration at everything. Letty had shoved the loss of her baby down so deep, she'd almost convinced herself it had dried up, but now it filled her up so much she could hardly breathe. Tears welled up and slipped down her cheeks. She brushed them away quickly.
"What I did wasn't about getting even, you stupid idiot," she shouted at him, "I was doing the right thing!"
Letty watched him as he stood in front of her motionless. His eyes looked so sad she could barely keep eye contact. It was just too hard seeing him like that. Maybe they needed to butt heads in order to start from the beginning, start anew with a past that wasn't going to ruin anything if it caught up to them, because they had talked about it – all of it. Maybe their marriage had to be smashed to pieces so that they both could create something new from it, something that was going to last.
Fairly quickly, a silence settled between them. It was not a mutual silence, one of understanding and meaning, but a wall of silence. It was a silence which separated them, which parted them and sowed doubts in her. She wanted so much to believe that they would be able to overcome this, and she did believe that they could, but somehow she wasn't so sure anymore about what Dom wanted. If he couldn't forgive her, then she really didn't see a reason to stay with him, because he would always, always, hold it against her. She knew how he was. If he didn't allow himself to deal with this the right way, then it would never let him live his life in peace. It would always haunt him and eventually destroy him. And she wanted nothing more than for him to be happy – with her. She wanted them to be happy. Why couldn't they be happy?
"Please say something. Anything," Letty begged, her voice trembling. She had spoken so much while he had barely said a decent word in a long time except for accusing her of things. With him, that kind of silence usually wasn't a good sign – she ended up being right.
Dom took a few steps forward and then it went so fast she didn't see it coming. "I can't believe this," he shouted angrily and slammed his fist hard into the crib that Letty had put together for Mia's baby just over a while ago. Dom crashed it, mauled every piece of wood he could destroy with his bare hands and twisted the metal parts until there was nothing left. His anger was clearly related to feelings of disappointment and hurt, so Letty could handle it, though what she couldn't cope with was seeing all the pain in his beautiful big brown eyes. It was heartbreaking.
She studied his face as he stood in the mess he had made, breathing heavily while his muscles slowly relaxed. "You're bleeding," Letty noticed, as she saw blood dripping from his hand onto the floor. "Let me take care of that, please, Dom." She knew she could talk to him even when he was as furious as this. It reminded her a bit of that moment with Linder where he had almost beaten that guy to death. She had seen it, seen what Dom had done, but she knew, he would never hurt her physically, no matter how angry he was with her.
Dom stared at his hand and saw his knuckles bleed, but he didn't feel anything. What he did feel was that brutal pain inside, the one that had nothing to do with his hand. He tried to calm down and looked at her as though she could help him do it, knowing too well that looking at her wasn't exactly the best thing to do as she was the one making his blood boil in the first place. But he didn't want to look away. No, he wanted to look her in the eyes and see something in them that could make him feel better.
"Please, Dom," Letty repeated. She thought about closing the gap between them, but didn't know how he would react to it, so rather stayed where she was.
Dom nodded, and without another word, Letty stormed outside to get the first aid kit from the bathroom. When she got back, he was sitting on Mia's bed, inspecting his injured hands. She sat down next to him and he raised his head to look at her. Letty saw that he looked a lot calmer, like he had at least found some kind of peace. But there still was a deep sadness in his eyes that made her feel like crying. She swallowed a sob, knowing tears would only make it worse for both of them.
She took one hand into hers and as she covered his wounds with the soothing ointment, Dom cringed. She couldn't help but smile at his reaction, yet she kept any kind of witty remark to herself. Now wasn't exactly the best time to tease him. She bandaged his hand, then took the other one where the injury was less severe and applied a plaster to his wounds. She placed a small kiss on the Band-aid and let go of his hand. When she looked at him, it was as though his eyes tried to say thank you for patching him up. His mouth, however, remained closed.
"At some point, you're gonna have to say some–"
"When did you know?" he cut her off just when she tried getting him to talk to her.
Letty should've known that he was going to ask that question sooner or later, but once he did and she recalled that particular moment in the past, it stung her like the bite of a hidden viper. She felt her heart drop like a stone to her feet and a tear came to her eye as the memory hit her. It was as though she could feel what she had felt back then. The shock, the helplessness, the anger and the hurt, and the despair, it was all there. She could feel it. Letty tried not making Dom see it, but if he just looked into her eyes he would know that she was struggling to keep herself together right now. Thank God, she had years and years of training, fighting the need to let her emotions show.
"I found out when I was back home. Soon after– I think I got pregnant just around the time we– Funny, huh? That you left me there but gave me something to stay with me?"
"Letty, you have to eat something. It's been almost three days and you've barely gotten out of your room. C'mon. Dom's gonna kill me, if I let you starve to death," Mia pleaded, standing in front of Letty's door, wanting the Latina to join her for breakfast.
"Like he even cares," Letty said bitterly, as she lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. "I'm busy!" she shouted, hoping it would make Mia leave so she could have her peace.
"With what? Crying your eyes out?" Mia scoffed, shaking her head in frustration.
As if dealing with a heartbroken person alone wasn't enough, she now also had Letty's head to deal with. She had never seen someone so stubborn. Even now when Letty could really use someone, a shoulder to cry on, she preferred to cope with it in her own way, meaning all by herself. She was aloof and evasive, and standoffish in her dealings with people that wanted to help her get through this time of heartbreak. In fact, Letty didn't even want to admit that she was heartbroken. It bothered Mia that her best friend did this, because she knew that Letty could be different. She knew that Letty could open up to her, if she wanted to. She just didn't right now. She didn't allow herself to show how hurt she was when Mia was around.
"Leave me alone!" Letty's voice sounded, louder and angrier this time.
She had just finished that sentence when a sudden wave of nausea brought a hand hard to her mouth. Getting up from the bed quickly, Letty opened the door and stormed through the hallway to the bathroom, passing Dom's sister. Mia wheeled round and walked in Letty's direction. When she heard puking noises from inside, her face turned to worry. How can that girl throw up when she had hardly had anything to eat the last couple of days, Mia wondered. Something felt very wrong, and right now, Mia had more than just one explanation for Letty's behavior. Maybe it was wrong to think that, but even drugs came to her mind.
"Are you okay, Let?" Mia asked concerned.
She knew, just like she couldn't get her to lean on her, there was absolutely no way she would get any answers from Letty if her best friend didn't want to talk, She had managed to shut her out for days. Mia had thought about telling Dom, but he had made it very clear that she wasn't supposed to call him, no matter what was going on at home. But wasn't this like an emergency? Shouldn't she tell him when his girlfriend – or ex-girlfriend – was losing it in a way that was alarming? She had never seen her like that. It really worried her. If she didn't call Dom, then at least she had to think of something to make Letty stop feeling sorry for herself and start living again. Mia had to kick her ass, so she'd wake up from this madness. If she did leave her room, it was only to participate in street races that could kill her. Letty certainly wasn't taking care of herself, so someone had to do it, and that someone had to be her – Mia.
"I'm fine!" Letty shouted from inside, and just a few seconds later, she opened the door.
"You don't look fine," Mia stated the obvious. She stared at the Latina, thought for a minute and then her mouth fell open in shock. Why had she ruled out the only possibility that seemed most likely? "Oh my God, are you pregnant?" This might even be worse than drugs, though. Mia just couldn't help thinking that the worst that could happen to Letty on top of having been left by her boyfriend was finding out that he had left her and their unborn child. If becoming a mother didn't freak Letty out enough already, then becoming a single mother surely would. Before Letty even said a word, Mia thought of ways to make this easier for her.
"What the fuck," Letty exclaimed. "No, I'm not. I'm not pregnant. God, I just feel sick. My stomach's killing me, okay? I'm not– Jesus, Mi, your brother and I– We don't do babies. And we're not going to, because he left and let's not pretend like he's gonna come back, so no, I am not having a baby. You got that?" Mia could only watch, as Letty went back to her room and shut the door with a loud bang…
An hour later, the Latina stood in the bathroom with a pregnancy test in her hand, staring at herself in the mirror. Her pale reflection stared back at her. All she had to do was look down and she'd know. But now that it probably held an answer, she wasn't even sure anymore if she even wanted to find out. She was afraid, afraid of what the result may do to her, how it would affect her. Hadn't she been through enough?
"Please be negative," she mouthed.
Letty forced herself to look at the stick. Then it was as if she went into a trance. She stared at the pregnancy test for minutes without moving a muscle. Tears pooled in her eyes and quickly obscured the result. Two lines. Pregnant. She was going to have a baby. She was going to have Dom's baby. And Dom wasn't here. She didn't even know where he was, what he was doing or how he felt. Everything about him was just wild guessing. This baby was a certainty now.
Letty swallowed hard and braced her hand on the sink as her knees quivered. That didn't help. She crumpled to the floor, her legs so weak she couldn't even support herself, and curled into the fetal position. Sure, she could've taken another test, things went wrong sometimes, but she couldn't ignore the signs she had been ignoring so effectively the last couple of days. The two blue lines were so blue. There really was no doubt in their existence. She was pregnant.
"I'm gonna fucking kill you, Dominic Toretto," she snorted but then the tears started to fall heavily and she just sobbed, wanting them to stop. "What am I gonna do now?" she cried out in desperation. "What the fuck am I gonna do? What did you do to me, you son of a bitch?"
Letty shouted, kicking against the bathroom cabinet with her feet. She lashed out with her leg like a battering ram, lashed out at literally anything that was within range, anything she could do damage to. Perfume bottles broke to pieces as they hit the tiled floor, tooth mugs and all kinds of sanitary products that had been put on the shelves spread everywhere. When Letty's anger finally subsided, it looked like a hurricane had wreaked havoc in the Toretto bathroom.
Releasing a frustrated breath, Letty ran her hands through her already tousled hair and sighed. She sat up, wrapped her arms around her legs and pressed her forehead to her knees. She tried to absorb her new reality, but she couldn't bear it. She couldn't bear the thought of having to go through all of this without the love of her life, her husband. If he'd be there, then he would tell her that everything was going to be alright; that no matter how scared she was of becoming a mother, it would be okay. He would tell her that they could do this.
Together.
But she was alone.
Wiping the tears off her cheeks, Letty looked at the mess she had made. If Mia had been home, she certainly would've kicked in the bathroom door by now, asking what had gotten in to her. The answer was simple: Dom. He was the one responsible for her misery. He had broken her. Now she had to pick up the pieces of what was left and glue herself together. Could she really do that with a baby on the way? Did she want to do that carrying a baby inside?
Letty stood up from the ground and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She looked worse than before. She threw the pregnancy test away, but got it out of the trash bin right after. Mia was usually the one cleaning the room, so if she saw it– Letty preferred to destroy all evidence. Did she even want anyone to know? Did she want that baby? She had no idea, no answers, only a lot of questions making her head ache. She didn't have to decide anything today, but she wished she didn't even have to make that decision, any decision.
"It's not funny," Dom remarked.
"You know what I mean," Letty sighed, looking at him but he quickly turned his face away from her, staring down to the ground.
"How we're gonna get passed this, huh? Have you thought about that when you had the abortion?" he let out after a short while, looking at her again.
He didn't want it to be this way, but he couldn't help being mad at her. And if he was really honest, he was even madder at himself, at his own stupid decision. It wasn't so much about what she had or hadn't done, because truth was, if he hadn't done what he had, if he hadn't left her in the Dominican Republic, they would've had a little kid right now. Maybe it wasn't all on him, but he certainly couldn't blame her alone.
"I don't know, Dom, but we–we can do this. You know we can. Please, just–" Letty heaved another sigh, deeper this time. "I just need you to understand that the decision I made was for our baby... not against it. I would never harm our baby. I would never do anything to hurt our child, you know that."
"I don't know what to believe," Dom sighed as he bent forward, burying his head in his hands.
"Yes you do," Letty told him, not thinking twice about wrapping her arms around his upper body. "You do, baby. You're just too hurt to see that." She caressed the back of his head with her hand while she held her face close to his, glancing at him from the side. "Look at me," she pleaded as she used her other hand to grab his arms and pull them down, so the expression on his face wasn't hidden anymore.
Dom felt exposed by her actions, but he let it happen. He let her hold his hand and let her fingers stroke his scalp. He allowed her to touch him. And he let his emotions free, not wanting to fight them, to hold back. He didn't close his eyes to hide the wet layer covering them and he didn't wipe those tears he had already cried off his cheeks. He was tired of arguing, tired of blaming her for something she had only done because he had left her.
He didn't know if they could get passed this so much so that he would be able to look back some day and show understanding not disappointment, but he wanted to try. He really wanted to fight for this relationship, for their future. Giving up just wasn't an option. Letty meant everything to him and he was grateful for any moment they got to be together even when it wasn't a happy one. Dom rather had these sad moments with her than having to live without them.
"I'd have your baby any time," Letty said, cupping his face when he met her eyes, "I just need it to be the right time." She tried to smile, but failed miserably.
This was the first time she had ever given him an insight into what she could imagine their relationship to look like in the future. She wasn't planning on having a baby anytime soon, but if it happened, if she got pregnant again, would that even be such a bad thing? They were free to do what they wanted now. They had no enemies left, no jobs to do and enough money to get by. They were married. Together. She wasn't alone anymore. Dom was there.
"There was no room for a baby and I couldn't–I couldn't make room. I needed to breathe," Letty made clear. "I needed... you."
"I just wish you hadn't– I wish you had told me," he sighed.
Dom caught one of her wrists and turned his head to press a kiss in her palm. As he did so, his eyes squeezed closed. If there was any way he could turn back time and change the past, undo what he had done to her, to them, he would've taken that chance without thinking. What kind of life would they be having now had he not left her? She must've wondered that too.
"I wanted to. So much," Letty's words were barely audible.
"Then why didn't you?" he asked reproachfully yet not as angry as before but deeply grieved.
Dom opened his eyes and looked at her, still pressing her palm to his face. He rubbed it against his skin as if he savored the feel of Letty's touch. His anger had completely vanished as all he felt now was that overwhelming sadness inside. He was seized with remorse about everything bad his actions had led to. And he just couldn't wrap his head around the thing Letty had done because of him.
"This is all my fault," he thought aloud before Letty even had the chance to answer his question.
"No, it's not," Letty rejected his self-recrimination categorically, "Don't do that, Dom. Don't blame this all on you. Don't–"
With a finger beneath his chin, Letty tilted his face so it met hers and stared down into his sad eyes. Dom let go of her hand as he was forced to look at her, and he felt like no matter how much is heart was aching right now, his pain would soon be gone. Seeing that determined expression on her face just gave him hope that he could get through this, because she obviously thought they could.
"What?" he asked when she didn't say anything. "You wanna tell me that I'm not to blame for this?" He tried not to sound too harsh. "Look, I appreciate that you wanna make me feel better, Letty, but you know I am. You know all of this wouldn't have happened, if I hadn't–"
"But I could've told you," Letty's voice cracked. "I should've– I mean I could've told Mia and she could've told you and–" She stopped talking, closing her eyes for a moment to collect her thoughts. Then she shook her head weakly as though to deny the words she had just told him. "I had to do what was best for that baby," Letty continued, looking back at him. "And I don't wanna blame you, because I'm sick–"
She got up from the bed and let out a noise of frustration. It wasn't a scream like before, but it was loud enough for Dom to hear. She wouldn't be that naive to think this was the last time they would ever have a huge argument, a fight, but just for the moment, for as long as possible, she wanted it all to end. Why couldn't they just be happy for a while and enjoy being together without ruining it for themselves?
"I'm sick of fighting with you. I'm sick of blaming each other for the past when we–" She turned round to face him. "We have lost so much time being apart... Can we please just–" Letty sighed deeply. "Would you please just come over here and give me a hug, because I'm–" Letty looked at him with sad eyes, her heart aching for his touch. "I really need my husband to hold me right now, so please, Dominic Toretto, can you just stop blaming yourself and do that for me?"
Letty's words made tears roll down Dom's cheeks. Now he really knew what it meant to love someone so much it hurt. It hurt to know they were so broken yet so full of love for each other. He could not and did not wait very long before he launched himself off the bed and put his arms tightly around her. He closed his eyes and basked in the feel of his wife in his arms while he softly caressed her back.
Letty hadn't realized how badly she needed him in this moment until he surrounded her with his warmth. Throwing her arms around him, she clutched as tightly to him as she could while she cried into his neck. And she did just that for several minutes. But it weren't only tears of sadness. She also felt gratitude for being with someone who cared so lovingly for her as Dom did. She felt Dom's lips brushing over the side of her face, then heard him speak.
"I got you, baby," Dom said in a hushed voice as if those words were sacred.
He still felt hurt and disappointed by what she had just revealed to him, but whatever feelings he had, he needed to put them aside for a moment, because Letty obviously needed him. She needed him to make her feel better and he could only do that if he was focusing on her and what she felt. Holding her, rubbing her back, he tried his best to comfort her. And it worked. Her crying died down. Her body heaved up and down in one last convulsive sob and then she just clung silently to him as if she had never wept.