I go insane a little bit somewhere in here... Also, this covers the intermission updates that take place on the meteor, as well as a little before.
EMILY
wait
holy homestuck confusion
you guys read the update?
MORGAN
not yet, but i shall now
EMILY
gotta go now
but it's the last page that's confusing me
MORGAN
aight, i'm reading it now
ok, so roxy and dirk are actually hundreds of years in the future, which is why we saw them with the condesce and the drones... they actually already were "years in the future"
which is also why we didn't see how jake was affected by the condesce coming, they only showed us roxy and dirk
this is also probably why roxy and dirk seem to just know more about these things than jane and jake.
like, they know the condesce is evil, probably because in the future it is more obvious. Her reign is that, while in Jane's time it's pretty much not happened quite yet
KALYN
Hey I was right about the reckoning! That there wouldn't be one! It was just a possibility I suggested before, but yeah!
Because remember when I noticed that there were no meteors?
Yeah. That was the context.
KALYN
I was wondering if Earth would be the final battlefield, but now it's clear that the Beta Skaia battleground will serve that purpose. Earth will be the final resting place for all the Trolls and kids after all is said and done, which will be fine and dandy since there are lusii for the trolls everywhere.
KALYN
What the fuck? So the kids John made were actually the Alpha AND Beta kids? Woah. I mean I knew there were some weird inter-universal shenanigans going on, but I didn't expect that. Does this mean that the guardians of each session were actually born on Earth? Because didn't Karkat just make 12 wrigglers rather than 24? I feel like that was a thing. What was baby!Dirk sent back with? Was it Cal? So is his Cal the very same Cal, but much older now? Eh. Brainfuck.
"due to the many causal entanglements between a session and its originating universe." so...that's why they can send things to each other through the different sessions?
Huh. So I guess since they're all in the future and whatnot...this makes some sense? Like their knowledge of all of this, and maybe even the presence of those carapaces in Roxy's lab? And Cal IS much older now... uh. Hm.
Not sure completely what to think of all this. I still haven't read all jessica's research though, so I'll get to that now.
You know the whole Armageddon/Megido connection makes a bit of sense, since Aradia's handle is apocalypseArisen
Realization that, because no prototyping means they have a fighting chance now, GCAT was being less sabotagey and more helpful. Still don't know what side he's on since both sides need this development to advance their own goals.
JESSICA
Ok, I'm going to have a quick interjection here. Kalyn, you say there will be no reckoning (which is what Rose said as well), but the Reckoning is defined by the White King being taken down. CD just took out both Kings.. Does that count?
KALYN
tumblr is the worst at counting. I was going back through all my posts trying to see if I could calculate the average notes for each one. Click on the posts to count the notes myself instead of trusting tumblr, but there's one that it says has no notes. I know for a fact it has at least 30. I click on it and no notes show up. The one right after that? "130 NOTES! :DD" but I'm like, "Hold the fucking phone, I KNOW it doesn't have that many!" I click on it and there's 8 notes. What. The fuck. Tumblr.
No, it doesn't count. The reckoning is started by Dersian agents AFTER the WK is taken down, yes, but this is only if the battlefield has matured to its final form.
(Guess I'll never get an accurate average of my notes...fuck.)
think instead I'll calculate the average of the notes that I count, and then the average of the notes that tumblr counts, to see the margin of error. keeping in mind, of course, how much it's lying to me about what posts have notes and which don'.t
JESSICA
lol
Ok, as for the ectobiology shenanigans
It seems to be that with Trolls, the ancestors and the descendents are basically the same people. They are recreated by the Mother Grub (I know that is totally wrong) using the information given. Pure conjecture of course, but that could explain why he only made 12.
EMILY
PMS MOOOOOOONDAAAAAAAAAY
JESSICA
Also, with the kids, John created all 8 of them, and it looks like he created all 8 of them for both worlds. It's a little weird when you look at it from this standpoint, however, Rose said that Skaia was able to take some liberties with the meteors. So instead of sending the Jake and Jane to the early 1900s and Roxy and Dirk to around the 80s, and John and co. to ~1997, it sent John and Jade to Jake and Jane's time, Jane and Jake to ~1997 and somehow Roxy and Dirk got sent to the future (or rather, for some reason).
(Did that make sense? I was basically restating the chart)
EMILY
BUT...movies
how did he know some of those movies?
JESSICA
Also, the whole future thing would not only explain the Condesce's influence (all starting with Betty Crocker corporation), but it would also explain why Roxy lives in a highly developed area when before her house was alone in the middle of a forest
Which movies? Cuz I was going to go there
Well, SJaHB
no SBaHJ
What confuses me the most is who were Roxy and Dirk's guardians? I thought they were Dave and Rose, but Dave and Rose went to the ~80s
If you mean the other movies, like the contemporary references, maybe it's like the Troll versions of them?
They could also have been influenced by their communications with Jane and Jake
EMILY
.com/watch?v=CeO8dwvfdBM holy shit
JESSICA
Something that kind of confuses me as well, is when Dirk walks up the stairs to the roof, the apartment building beneath him disappears, so could they actually have been in the future, but time ... shit... happened?
My goofy little picture of Captain Plumbthroat sippin' on his tea has been added to a group "Very Special Artists" ^^
Even with his grotesque two right hands
SO happy!
Ok, I gotta go do some cleaning now, I'll talk to you guys probably tomorrow
EMILY
oh...
KALYN
don't worry, I'll talk to you after my vendetta against tumblr's inability to count has taken off.
EMILY
yay!
KALYN
ok. tumblr can't count explained: I think what it does is mixes up notes for each post, so they become really inaccurate, but the average is basically the same. I went through and calculated (for each picture-based post) the number of notes that tumblr told me were there vs. the number of notes I counted myself. I omitted the seven posts that tumblr told me had no notes and whose notes were actually unaccounted for because they didn't show up anymore, but which I know for a fact were there before. So that left me with 100 posts to work with (a nice round number) and the average turned out to be 13.03 notes per post (my calculations) and 14.64 notes per post (tumblr's calculations). This is even including the gross exaggerations tumblr gave me (the biggest one having a 122 note difference between tumblr's lies and reality). anyway. I think I have sufficiently proven that I have no life.
EMILY
hahahahahaha
KALYN
How should I calculate the difference? like... hmmmmmmmmmm idk... I don't know if I can just..average the differences? or should I...hmm...
EMILY
question=
where did you find the one picture that i like
the...you say my gun is small it's all a matter of PERSPECTIVE
KALYN
of the hundred posts, here's a shorthand list of the differences between number of notes (tumblr's-mine) in order from least to greatest: -8, -3, -2(8), -1(14), 0(43), 1(12), 2(6), 3(4), 5(2), 6(3), 7(2), 10(2), 123
Which shows that more often than not, it tells me I have more notes than I do, and it gets the number correct more than any other amount difference, but most of the time it is still inaccurate. I don't really know what to do with this list though.
KALYN
I found both of the pictures in that post on Google images, most likely
EMILY
oh…
KALYN
why?
EMILY
just wondering
KALYN
back to Homestuck: so I was really confused by the chart because John only made ONE set of EIGHT kids; the only set of kids created were the ones made by John. And yet there are two different versions of them: one set was sent to Beta Earth, one to the post-scratch Alpha Earth. Rose explained that the Scratch made those portals able to make alternate universes (ie: The Alphaverse), but I didn't understand why there could be two sets of paradox babies. But Morgan explained it this way: They all went through the same portals. Rather, each baby went through its own portal, and it could only go through that portal once. It can't go through it again to end up in the second universe. But what if each portal leads to both universes at once? Like Schroedinger's cat, which is both alive and dead at the same time, these babies ended up in pre-scratch and post-scratch Earth at the same time, because simply going through that portal (which could go either to Beta or Alpha verse) caused them to end up in both universes, because the multiple outcomes created an offshoot reality. The difference between this offshoot and other offshoots we've seen is that both of these realities are completely legitimate and not doomed, like most of the branched timelines that occur from multiple outcomes. These realities can coexist (and in fact will, when the characters meet up and Skaia is replaced with the Beta version). So. I hope this explanation doesn't require a flow chart.
EMILY
hahaha
ummm what's the cat again?
btdubs=i liked the name changes in ht
holy shit you left?
but...taht's so mean
KALYN
sorry went to watch Hello Baby
which cat? Jaspers/Frigglish? GCAT? One of the mutant kittens?
oh you meant Schroedinger's cat.
KALYN
ok the whole deal with that is, hey I have this cat in a bag. You can't see the cat. You don't know if when you open the bag again, the cat will be alive or dead. That means there's multiple outcomes, and as far as reason goes, the cat is both alive and dead at the same time until that bag is opened and the true outcome presents itself. it's that theory that we're applying to both universes and the set of 8 paradox babies. the bag is the portal they entered, and the Alpha and Beta universes are the states of being (alive and dead), and because there were two possible outcomes, then they exist in both. Except instead of it just being this way in an abstract theory, it can be this way physically because of Homestuck's tendency to allow multiple universes and realities to exist simultaneously. I used this analogy to explain why there was only one set of paradox babies created and two realities in which they all existed.
Does that make sense?
And Rose kind of explained that the Scratch also allowed this to happen. It created the second universe and allowed the kids to exist in both.
KALYN
You know, Jessica said something a while back about the possible existence of multiple Cals. I highly doubt this is the case. Beta Bro I think created the original Cal, and then Cal like rode a rocket board to John in the ectolab right? And John sent him back with baby Dirk...oh, wait, that would create two Cals. One in Beta and one in Alpha. So yeah I don't think Bro did create Cal, which makes you wonder where he came from. I wonder why Dave's pony is smaller in the Alpha session? Does it shrink after a few hundred years?
Anyway, I was gonna make note of something Cal-related. In every "Bro. Roof. Now." line, doesn't it end with whoever's being summoned to the roof being ordered to bring Cal with them? "Bring Cal." "Bring the puppet." "Bring the juju." Yes? IDK.
KALYN
Morgan speculated a while ago about whether or not the double U's have ecto-selves that went back on meteors. After having a better understanding of the game's nature from Rose's explanation, I think that anyone who plays the game has ecto-selves provided they are not a void session. Whoever plays it probably affects it anyway and is affected by the game, I think it's a fair conclusion that, if anyone who plays the game does not fail to prototype, then they do have ecto-babies (granted they succeeded in the ectobiology part, which would make it all self-fulfilling, which is kind of how the game is driven). I don't think these players are special snowflakes who got ecto-selves, now that I think about it, because it seems Homestuck has been striving to not only tell the story about these unique universes, but to prove that no one group of kids is a particularly important or "main" group of characters. Sometimes they get pushed to the side. Sometimes they die. Sometimes their importance is replaced by the importance of another group of kids. I just think it's more of a story of this unique group of sessions. I feel like I'm rambling though trying to articulate myself, so I'll just shut up.
KALYN
Sorry, this is old but I just have to correct you: "They believed [travelling faster than the speed of light] was possible a while ago, if I remember correctly, they just doubly proved it last fall"
This was proven during an experiment that was unrelated to travelling faster than the speed of light. The particle they were sending arrived earlier than they expected it to, both times the experiment was carried out. It was a chance discovery. Not really HS related, but it bothered me.
EMILY
...
isn't uu a dude?
EMILY
OMGEEEEE KARKAT'S JEALOUS!
…
JESSICA
Best. Line. Ever! "I GOT A LAB FULL OF HUMANS, A MOUTH FULL OF YELLING, AND A TORTURED PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE FULL OF TOTALLY HYSTERICAL EMOTIONS AND UNAIRED GRIEVANCES AT PRACTICALLY EVERYBODY"
I have a strange feeling Karkat is trying to be kismeses with Dave
btw, hope you have read homestuck today!
KALYN
lol don't worry
…..
JESSICA
More great lines from karkat: "DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD PULL THE WOOLBEAST MATERIAL OVER THE EYES OF A HARDENED VETERAN OF ROMANTIC STUDIES?"
KALYN
oh shit it updated again didn't it
JESSICA
Yup
KALYN
Well I'm gonna read it probably tomorrow. I'm writing cracksmut right now.
JESSICA
Fun
It's great though.
KALYN
lawl. Was that as meant to be as deadpan as I read it?
JESSICA
I missed Karkat soooo muuuuch!
Which?
KALYN
"Fun"
JESSICA
Oh, well... no, but when I read it, it comes off that way too XD
…..
JESSICA
Maybe you can read the last update of Homestuck? It should just be three pages
The last is my favorite, mostly because of the picture
KALYN
ok I'll go do that haha
oh god my roommate is so fucking high ROFLMFAO she's never like this it's fucking hilarious XD
JESSICA
What?
KALYN
epic lawls
the world is moving and the tree branches look like stairs and a pair of hands with a knife so it was probably about to cut somebody
high as a kite and so fucking adorable, lmao
JESSICA
...
What?
KALYN
omg lmfao
I can't even
I'll read HS when she's settled haha
this is too fucking entertaining
JESSICA
ok...
KALYN
ok nevermind I feel like reading it now
the novelty's more or less worn off by this point, so I can get to it without being completely distracted
JESSICA
okey dokey
KALYN
Karkat said SNOG rofl
JESSICA
yeah, i noticed that oo
*too
Meh, my head is tight and I am feeling a little nauseated. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'm going to bed
KALYN
oh ok gnight!
oh my god don't tell me
is Karkat saying he wants to "vacillate" with Dave?
Like...on that book cover, Karkat wants to be the buff guy on the left to Dave's lowblooded troll in the middle? Where Terezi is the girl in the middle?
Oh my god I love this so fucking much right now
I feel like Hussie's shipping more homo than hetero at the moment, rofl
like at least there's Dave/Terezi and I guess sort of Karkat/Terezi?
Yeah, definitely.
But then Dave/Karkat propositions and Dirk/Jake and of course Rose/Kanaya
What about John? Did Karkat forget all about him?
ROFuckingL!
I think he's just saying they should share Terezi, so I guess there's that, but I took it more as the book cover stated, which wouldn't be so. Terezi would be lowblooded guy in the middle and Dave and Karkat would be the people on either side.
But still. LOfuckingL!
EMILY
...what?
KALYN
READ IT!
Homestuck I mean haha
EMILY
i know
i like how karkat considers himself an expert in romance because he watches those movies
wow...
KALYN
hahahahaha
yeah
EMILY
interesting?
i really don't like terezi/dave
KALYN
I really don't mind it, ha
I don't see them going further than the cool friends they are now
But you know I really didn't like Terezi/Karkat before
now I'm okay with Terezi, so I'm cool with her moving in on my boys
EMILY
hahahaha
KALYN
Which I think is because I wrote her, ha
It's like when you personify someone, you're more sympathetic to them (ie: me playing the stupid cop in mock trial or Justin Bieber for Halloween)
so I guess the same deal applies
EMILY
...oh?
KALYN
yeah
I am laughing so hard right now because I feel like I need to reconsider my life choices
what the fuck am I writing?
MBLAQ cracksmut, what am I doing with my liiiiife!
Because I keep coming to a place where I'm like "How do I word this..." and I'm trying not to overuse words like "gentle" and "caress" which is getting difficult already and the sexytime has barely even fucking started and WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING
remember my soup song? I keep adlibbing other verses for it, but I've begun to drift from my original subject matter.
KALYN
original verse followed by new adlibs:
Hearty and delicious
Creamy or stock
it's soup
(duh duh)
Beefy or chicken
Noodles or rice
it's soup
(duh duh)
Vegetables are healthy
and legumes are good too
for your chili or your chowder
or your chicken noodle soup
it's soup
(duh duh)
it's soup
(duh duh)
Turkey or bacon
potatoes or beans
it's soup
(duh duh)
I like tomatoes
cucumbers are weird
in soup
(duh duh)
so are zucchinis
and a lot of great stuff
they just don't go in soup
because they are not good enough
in soup
(duh duh)
it's soup
(duh duh)
I should make korma
sometimes it counts
as soup
(duh duh)
korma is sexy
because of fanfiction
it's soup
(not really)
good chicken korma
can really make you horny
if you want a spicy dish
that you can really get it on with
it's korma
(duh duh)
not soup
(duh duh)
KALYN
Where is my mind?
oh message log. sometimes I feel like you're the only one who gets me.
I feel like Karkat on his forum, but without lashing out at past/future me (because unfortunately past me cannot properly communicate with future me)
you know what? I'm distracting myself. I should probably just get off this message board and write that stupid cracksmut without the influence of myself.
EMILY
...i think kalyn broke
JESSICA
Yeah, I know what you mean...
By the way, Kalyn, you need to have hamburg soup. That can have summer squash and zucchini in it and it is sooooo delicious! Zucchini goes really well in soup, especially since it's real flavors come out when you cook it.
Also "ROFuckingL"? What? "Rolling on fucking laughing?"
meh, whatever, 'sall cool.
The only ship I am not ok with is Terezi/Karkat. I just don't like it I'm cool with Terezi, and I think Terezi/Dave is cute in a pally sort of way. But Terezi/Karkat? NO!
EMILY
hm'yes
i thought of something else we need to do this summer
finish the homestuck pillows
…..
JESSICA
Homestuck update, and SO MANY BEAUTIFUL LINES!
"thats the spooky thing about penis ouija you can never be sure who did the dicks"
Oh god it's beautiful!
I sense a kismesis forming here. Poor John has been left on the way side!
Teehee
KALYN
Omg, I know, I fucking love this so much right now
KALYN
oh epic lawls
/works/364882?view_adult=true
KALYN
/works/364298
KALYN
dude...I finally found that alien taboo fic I've been searching for.
lol well I guess I haven't been searching for it.
But remember when I said I wanted that?
Found it.
And someone who likes to draw...
EMILY
hermione can't draw
KALYN
ha
KALYN
Guise I think Karkat just jumped Dave...
Why does Kanaya always need to play auspitice?
Nobody needs you here, Kanaya! XO
JESSICA
"KARKAT: YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE SOCIAL IMPLICATIONS OF ALL THIS HOSTILE TOUCHING AND GRABBING DO YOU?
KARKAT: I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU STRIDER, JUST STEP OFF."
JESSICA
lolololololololol
Auspistice is Kanaya's way, man! It's what she does!
JESSICA
Karkat's eyes flashed red too... Don't there eyes usually end up being the color of their blood? Isn't that a thing?
KALYN
yes
JESSICA
I wonder if this is part of that transformation?
KALYN
but I think that was more in rage
idk it could be I guess haha
I thought it was a flash of some sort of passionate rage
JESSICA
I know it was in rage, I was just wondering if that was something that could prompt it
KALYN
hm that's interesting...I'm not sure though? I think it's just a puberty thing.
So. Heh. Who knows.
so I'm wondering if this book doesn't sort of foreshadow some things that happened with the guardians? cause I remember some stuff in Mindfang's journal about her matesprit being some lowblood, and the book has a lowblood female and a notoriously vicious highblood female. could be totally wrong though...
JESSICA
That's a good point. I didn't even think of that. Was there the same sort of relationship with two of the male ancestors?
KALYN
not that I can remember
it mostly centered around mindfang, so we wouldn't have known much would we?
unless you know she could have totally mentioned something about it
JESSICA
Yeah, I haven't a clue though
KALYN
I'm just rereading their arguments for the beauty of it all
JESSICA
lol
KALYN
shut up and draw another penis
probably one of the best things I've ever read
JESSICA
teehee
It's a thing of beauty!
KALYN
no I love how Dave was all "fuck no, this isn't turning into anything, I refuse to let it," and the moment Karkat was like "fine!" Dave went all "nope, we're seeing this through."
JESSICA
i know
KALYN
all that matters to him is that Karkat is suffering
the true behaviors of a kismesis
haha
JESSICA
hopy shit
KALYN
what?
JESSICA
just reacting to what you said
KALYN
oh?
it's also me reading into the fanservice, which I notice has increased lately
EMILY
song has been stuck in my head
JESSICA
Please note, though, that I have been saying Karkat and Dave are showing signs of kismesis
KALYN
what, starting when?
not a bad song
EMILY
thanks!
JESSICA
At least 6 hours ago: "Homestuck update, and SO MANY BEAUTIFUL LINES!
"thats the spooky thing about penis ouija you can never be sure who did the dicks"
Oh god it's beautiful!
I sense a kismesis forming here. Poor John has been left on the way side!"
EMILY
i think..
KALYN
ok so it started with this recent slew of updates
pretty sure that was a thing once Karkat burst in to pick a bone with Dave
and my comment before certainly wasn't being proposed as a suddenly new idea
I was just further...justifying the ship?
JESSICA
:P
KALYN
also I read some fanfiction today based on the updates from earlier, so...
haha
JESSICA
Well, after that pointless "argument," if that is what it can be called, I am going to read then go to bed. I shall talk to you anon! Good night
KALYN
anon?
JESSICA
is that not "soon"?
KALYN
as far as I know, it's short for anonymous, which mostly applies on the internet, which is where our primary interactions take place
JESSICA
nope, definitely "soon"
EMILY
BAHAHAHAHA
JESSICA
Remember Romeo and Juliet?
Come on! Totally a line the Nurse said!
KALYN
yeah I'm sure
it's just not used that way anymore
JESSICA
She did
KALYN
it's an antiquated definition
JESSICA
So?
KALYN
you're antiquated.
JESSICA
Doesn't mean I can't use it!
I know
EMILY
boo ya!
JESSICA
Highly
KALYN
it's ok.
JESSICA
I never listened to the Backstreet Boys or N'sync either
XP
KALYN
I used to be like "why can't I use ejaculation normally in a sentence without people just assuming I mean penis juice?"
JESSICA
I remember that
EMILY
tee hee
penis juice
KALYN
lol
JESSICA
Anyway! sorry for trying to sound poetic up there, and spicing up the normal parting line. Good night and I shall speak to you anonymous
EMILY
;)
KALYN
hahaha