Chapter 3 - Homesickness
Eternity's Struggle

Eternity's Struggle, the sequel to A Glimpse of Eternity, is a complication of short stories, letters and life-snapshots that are sprinkled throughout the events of Mass Effect 2 following both Commander Kiara Shepard and Kaidan Alenko. While they're in chronological order, its not the complete storyline of the whole of Shepard's missions as she prepares, then faces, the Collectors. There will be SPOILERS. Please read the Eternity Series - Disclaimer for more general information.

Disclaimer: I own only the parts of the individual personality of Commander Kiara Shepard I have developed inspired by the Commander Shepard in the gameplay. I do not own, nor hold any rights, to any of the characters, dialogue, storylines or any part in or of the "Mass Effect" game series. I want to thank Drew Karpyshyn and his staff of amazing writers, animators and voice actors. These are for fan enjoyment only and no money had been made on these stories.

Shepard sat down at her terminal in her cabin as her head fell back, her conversation with Admiral Anderson playing over in her mind. Any hope she had of getting out from under Cerberus was gone. The Council and Alliance both refused to help her stop the Collectors, just as they refused to acknowledge the Reapers were behind it all. It was frustrating and infuriating.

The last people she wanted to accept help from was Cerberus, but there was no getting around the fact that they seemed like the only people interested in stopping the abductions and attacks. They had the resources, too. Resources she'd need if she was going to take down the Collectors.

Her thoughts drifted to the news she'd received about Kaidan. He was off on a top secret mission and her ties with Cerberus made it so that was all the news she was going get, even from her old friend, Anderson. She sighed as she looked at the picture on her desk. "We'll find each other soon, Kaidan…I can't do this without you…" she said softly to the photograph.

Sitting up, she accessed her terminal and set to composing a new message. She hadn't heard from Kaidan since her last email but she was determined to keep trying. Given the kind of mission he was on, she wouldn't be surprised if it took a while to hear from him.

Her fingers set to the display as she began typing her letter:

Subject: Congratulations
From: Kiara Shepard

To: CDR Kaidan Alenko

Kaidan,

I heard from Admiral Anderson you took the promotion you were offered before…well, before what happened, happened. Congratulations. I'm glad. There's no one more deserving of it than you. I spoke to the Council today. They still seem the same Council as always, complete with their bureaucracy and politics. You know me Kaidan. I've never been very good at that game. Never have been, never will be.

Anderson says your on a top secret mission. I hope its going well. I figure that's why you haven't been able to respond, if these emails are getting through at all.

I'm getting worried, Kaidan. The Council reinstated me as a Spectre but without their support of my investigation into the Collector attacks on the colonies, and the Alliance short on resources and support equally, I'm afraid using Cerberus' resources might be the only option left to stop the Collectors, the attacks and the Reapers.

I don't trust them and I never will. I still remember Rear Admiral Kahoku and what they did to him plus those 'research projects' they had going on. Still, they have a vast resource fund. They rebuilt me and the Normandy and they're offering me my choice of team, including whatever resources I need to get the job done.

I know though, whatever I do, I wont work for them. They can fund my mission, but I'll never be a part of Cerberus. The sooner I can get away and break the ties, the better. To do that, I need to find out what's happening to our colonies. I need to stop the Collectors.

I miss you Kaidan. I miss talking with you. You always seemed to know what to do to let me figure out the right way to go, even if sometimes that meant saying nothing at all.

Be safe,
Kiara

Shepard tapped the send button and then got up from her desk as she headed down to the mess hall. It was late but she was too awake for sleep. A hot cup of peppermint tea seemed like just the sort of thing to help calm her. She smiled as the elevator took her down. She remembered the night she'd sat with Kaidan in the mess, her with her tea and him with his coffee. That night had been an important moment for them early on in their relationship. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

She scoffed as the elevator doors opened. Who was she kidding, it was a lifetime ago for her. Literally.

Rounding the corner to the mess, she saw a handful of crew up and about as they loitered around the tables. She missed the smaller ship with its smaller crew compliment. She looked at the people gathered, wondering if maybe it was less the environment and more just the fact she missed her old crew. She missed the Alliance. She missed the life she used to have.

With a glance to the med bay, she saw Dr. Chakwas still up and working on her terminal. At least she still had her and Joker around, a little piece of home in this alien environment. Deciding to forgo her tea as she made her way into the infirmary. "Hey, doc," Shepard greeted as she walked in.

Dr. Chakwas turned in her chair and gave a smile, "Commander, how can I help you this evening?" she asked.

"I was wondering if it was too late to get into that brandy," Shepard said, nodding to the drawer where she knew Karin held it.

Chakwas grinned, "I think that's a splendid idea, Commander."

"You crack open the bottle, I'll get the glasses," Shepard said, reflecting her smile as she headed to the mess. A few minutes later she returned with two glasses just as the Doctor had finished opening the bottle.

Pouring two glasses, she offered one to Shepard who took it graciously and sat across from her at her desk. "You know, I watched the Normandy crumble with you on board. Its good to see you alive," Chakwas said with a motherly warmth in her tone, "The kind of trauma you endured would have changed most people, but not you I see."

"I don't know how its even possible but here I am. Still me, aside from a few physical upgrades," Shepard said with a smirk that didn't quite reach her eyes as she relaxed back into the chair. Upgrades. She still struggled with the fact she had so many cybernetic implants.

"I reviewed the files that Cerberus gave me access to in regards to your reconstruction. It's a medical marvel what they managed to pull off with you," Chakwas said, sitting once more herself and leaning back in her chair. "To be honest, it's a bit daunting to fathom. The fact that there is now technology out there, mind you still in its infancy, that can do what they did with you is rather terrifying."

"You can say that again," the Commander agreed.

Silence lingered between them as both their minds mulled over the Lazarus project and what it had accomplished. Shepard hadn't given herself much time to really think about it and as she sat there, she knew why. It was a huge thing to wrap her head around.

Dr. Chakwas raised her glass of brandy, "To new beginnings," she toasted, breaking the silence that had fell. Shepard smiled and raised her glass, echoing the toast before bringing the drink to her lips and savoring the taste as she drank half the glass along with Chakwas. It burned but was sweet as well, warming its way down her throat to settle in her belly. She could see why it was the Doctor's favorite.

"I saw they upgraded your implant during your reconstruction. An L5n, if I'm not mistaken. Its top of the line and rather cutting edge. How are you handling the change?" Chakwas inquired after taking a drink of her own brandy.

"Its an adjustment, for sure, but a good one. What I can do now with the precision I have is incredible. It comes so much easier to me when I use my powers and I'm finding the more I use them, the stronger they become. I can see why Kaidan was always eager to keep his biotics as in shape as his body. With my old L3, there was a bit of a plateau. I think I let myself become complacent in what I was able to do," Shepard admitted, swirling the blue ice brandy in her glass as she watched the liquid swirl. Her heart ached at the thought of Kaidan.

Chakwas must've seen something in her gaze, because that maternal smile returned to her lips, "Feeling a bit homesick?" she asked Shepard.

Shepard smirked and nodded, "Yeah. Its…" she looked out the window into the mess of the new Normandy. "Its all so familiar, yet so different. Not just the ship but the people. Everything is so foreign yet with once glance, a barrage of memories come flooding in from the old days on the SR-1." She sighed and looked back down to her brandy, "I miss it. I miss our people." She looked up to the doctor, "I'm glad you and Joker are here with me. You bring a piece of home to all this unknown."

"We're happy to be here with you, Commander," Dr. Chakwas said as she looked out at the mess hall. A moment later, she laughed all of a sudden, "I know what you mean about the memories. Its funny the ones that pop up unexpectedly. I remember one night, right out in the mess, Corporal Jenkins and Lieutenant Alenko were taking a bit of R&R. Jenkins was so excited by Alenko's biotics he kept asking him to do things to show it off.

"Alenko, kind as he was, couldn't say no to Jenkins. Not with the level of enthusiasm the boy was showing. He was so excited every time the Lieutenant raised a glass or tossed something across the room. I remember Jenkins all of sudden jumping up and begging the Lieutenant to try some on him. After a great deal of persuading, Alenko finally gave into the Corporal," Chakwas recalled fondly as she cradled her glass of ice brandy.

Shepard leaned back, listening to the story happily. She hadn't heard this one but guessed it must've been before Eden Prime right after they left the station. She liked reminiscing with the Doctor. It made the homesick ache in her heart feel just a little bit less.

"I thought Alenko's biotic display might have broken Jenkins back," Chakwas said with a laugh, standing up and throwing her hands in the air to simulate Jenkins as she said "but Jenkins popped up and yelled, 'That was awesome!'" She continued to laugh as she sat back down, the sound fading into a sigh, "Ah, Jenkins. Soldiers like him make the Alliance great." Her smile faded, "Cerberus lacks the same…enthusiasm."

Shepard just smiled at the doctor, the brandy kicking in and making her more relaxed than she'd been in a while. Shepard's head swam a bit even at the amount she'd had. Serrice Ice Brandy was known for its potency. "With your service record, you could have gotten a tour of duty on any Alliance ship. Why did you really leave?" she asked her, bringing the glass up to take another drink of the blue liquid.

Chakwas' gaze drifted away, a bit hazier from the alcohol herself, "Maybe it's less about leaving and more about staying. As a military doctor, I mostly treat people who are in bad shape. Often, they die. And if I can help them, they move on. Either way…" she looked back to Shepard, a sad gleam in her eye, "they leave."

"Don't you have any friends or family?" Shepard asked, regarding the older woman across from her. She realized for all the time she'd spent with Chakwas on her crew, she'd never sat down to get to know the woman.

"No, not lacking friendship…just stability," the Doctor replied, "Jeff…Joker will always have Vrolik syndrome. He would never admit it, but he needs my help. And he always will. I wish it weren't, but sadly, it's true." Slowly she raised the glass, finishing off the second half of it. She picked up the bottle and refilled the Commander's first then her own.

Shepard smile understandingly, "Treating Joker gives you a kind of stability." Bringing the glass back, she cradled it in her hand against her torso.

"So does this ship," Chakwas said, "even if it's a copy. Or, hell, maybe it's you." She looked to Shepard then, "Shepard. Our immovable center. A place for a person to stop and catch her breath." For a long moment she just sat there looking at the Commander.

Shepard didn't know what to say to that. She'd felt the opposite of stability since the Normandy had been destroyed and she woke up in the Cerberus lab. She felt like she was chaos incarnate but the Doctor's words moved her.

A silly grin slipped onto the Doctor's lips, "Or maybe I'm just happily drunk. Would it hurt if it was simple like that for once?" Her grin faded as she thought deeply on that too.

Shepard smiled and raised her glass, "Here's to simply being happily drunk."

Chakwas raised her glass, leaning forward and clinking it against the Commanders, "I'll drink to that!" With a hearty drink, they both drank their brandy as they settled in.

They stayed up until late in the night finishing the bottle of brandy and by the end of it, neither were in any condition to try to make it to their cabins. With Chakwas taking one of the beds in the infirmary, Shepard took one opposite her as she collapsed onto the surface.

As she laid down, she realized she felt better. The ache in her chest was less with the good memories swirling around her head. Even as the dreamless abyss claimed her, she fell asleep with a soft smile on her lips.