Chapter 5 - Lost then Found
Eternity's Struggle

Eternity's Struggle, the sequel to A Glimpse of Eternity, is a complication of short stories, letters and life-snapshots that are sprinkled throughout the events of Mass Effect 2 following both Commander Kiara Shepard and Kaidan Alenko. While they're in chronological order, its not the complete storyline of the whole of Shepard's missions as she prepares, then faces, the Collectors. There will be SPOILERS. Please read the Eternity Series - Disclaimer for more general information.

Disclaimer: I own only the parts of the individual personality of Commander Kiara Shepard I have developed inspired by the Commander Shepard in the gameplay. I do not own, nor hold any rights, to any of the characters, dialogue, storylines or any part in or of the "Mass Effect" game series. I want to thank Drew Karpyshyn and his staff of amazing writers, animators and voice actors. These are for fan enjoyment only and no money had been made on these stories.

Kaidan! Finally she'd found him. On a colony named Horizon, on a highly-classified mission for the Alliance. It was no wonder she hadn't heard anything from the messages she sent. The Alliance sending someone to the Terminus system definitely classified as top secret. She wondered what his mission was but she knew it was important. The official line was improving diplomatic relations but she knew if Kaidan was there, it was something more. You didn't send a soldier like him to just smooth out ruffed feathers between the Terminus colonies and the Alliance.

She knew a lot had changed, a fact that created a thread of worry in her chest as to what their future held, but who he was and his abilities were unchangeable. If Kaidan was there, the Alliance was up to someting. It gave her hope that maybe Alliance Command was taking the abduction of the colonies seriously, along with the Reaper and Collector threat.

Shepard thought about seeing him. What would he think, seeing her again? She'd never stopped missing him - never stopped loving him. Had he changed? How couldn't he have changed? For her, it felt like she saw him only a few weeks ago but the reality was, it'd been two years. Two years of nothing for her but two years of life moving on. Had he grieved her death? Had he moved on from it?

She wouldn't - couldn't - blame him if he did. She knew in her heart, regardless, that she'd never stop loving him. Since the moment she woke up on the table in the Cerberus facility, he'd been on her mind. Always there. Always a thought swimming around her head.

Her heart ached for him but she knew, somehow, things were going to be different. There was no way they couldn't be.

It wasn't just the fact that now she worked with Cerberus and he was still with the Alliance. No, that was an obvious difference. It was the fact she had died. She had died and stayed dead for two years. Her heart broke at wondering what he went through and what he felt. He'd wanted to stay with her on the Normandy. Did he think if he had stayed, maybe he could have saved her? Did he blame himself for not making her?

She sat in her chair in her quarters, leaning back from reading the reports on Horizon. She looked to his picture on her desk, though a sadness touched her heart, she found herself smirking. Like he could make her do anything...and he'd known it.

If he had stayed, there was a good chance both of them would have died and she doubted Kaidan was a high enough priority to Cerberus to have warranted bringing him back like they did her. She was glad he'd listened to her. He was still alive.

Setting down a data pad, she picked up the frame and she brought it close. Her fingers touched the surface, stroking over the cold, inanimate object that portrayed the visage of the man who'd stolen her heart. She touched his cheek, remembering the strong lines and the way the creases around his mouth and eyes would crinkle when he smiled. She looked to his lips, ran her fingers over the cool glass. His lips weren't cold like the glass felt, they were warm and soft. They could calm the storms of her past with a smirk or set her blood on fire with the barest of kisses.

Her heart skipped a beat as she remembered his kisses but it was his eyes that drew her attention. Such deep depths of the richest amber. From the moment she'd met him, she'd known he was different. His eyes saw more that anyone's and he always saw more deeply into her than she'd ever let anyone before.

Not that she let him see into anything. As with anything regarding Kaidan and her feelings, it was effortless. He'd always seemed able to read her like a book and he always would. Staring into those eyes, unmoving and frozen in time as the image was, she still found herself getting lost in their depths.

They were so close to seeing each other again. Ending the Reapers, finding her new crew, had taken precedence...not that she'd have been able to find Kaidan if she wanted. She knew the Alliance. Top secret and highly classified meant no one could find him. Not even the Illusive Man could find him and his resources were virtually limitless.

Did he know she was alive? Had he heard, all the way out there on the far reaches, that she wasn't dead...at least, not anymore?

That familiar ache in her heart swelled more as she looked at the picture and thought about what she would say, what it would be like...would he, could he, join her again? She needed him, and for more than just what he did to help keep her centered. He was a soldier like she'd never known and a powerful biotic. She needed someone at her back she could trust. She needed that one man who moved with her on the battlefield as if they were one entity.

It'd be like the old days. She had Dr Chakwas and Joker again, even Garrus she'd found. Tali, though she didn't join up with her again, was even found. She'd always wished she'd find all the others but it had been Kaidan she'd missed most. Kaidan who made her heart ache...Kaidan would she vowed she would find again.

Joker's voice piped over the intercom into Shepard's office, breaking her thoughts away from Kaidan. "We're approaching Horizon, ma'am. The Collectors are here."

Wiping a tear away she hadn't realized had fallen, she sat up and set Kaidan's picture on her desk in its place as her heart skipped a beat in fear at hearing the Collectors were already there. "I'll be right there. Tell Garrus and Jack to suit up and meet me at the shuttle bay," she replied, her voice commanding and calm as ever.

The com clicked off and she stood up, moving over to her armor locker as she began to get ready. Though her heart longed to see Kaidan again, she had a mission and she couldn't let her personal feelings get in the way. The Collectors were there. She had to prepare herself for battle.

Still, even as she donned on the last piece of armor, her thoughts moved once more to Kaidan. She hoped they would get there in time. If anyone could hold them off, it was Kaidan.

"I'm coming, Kaidan, just keep holding them off," she said as she left her quarters and headed to the shuttle bay.