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-Forbidden Words
Heart Ache to Heart Ache.
My heart hurt the whole night. I sat in my bed, chewing on my bottom lip, waiting for the clock to turn 12. That's when I'd go to him. I know Edward may not be there, or worse, he'd be there but he would have found someone else.
I banished the thought from my head- he said he loves me. We made love. But sometimes I know that love and lust hold very similar homes in people's hearts. I took a deep breath, it was almost an hour away. Rosalie was doing something similar, as was Alice, I was sure. We hadn't said much since we decided to expose Mike for who he was to my father and to Alice's father, but we were all thinking of similar plans. Somehow we'd need Tanya to admit openly in front of everyone that he is the one who got her pregnant.
I never really liked Mike. He always made my skin crawl, and I couldn't exactly put my finger on as to why, but now that I knew all about his sexual conquests and his bad habits of taking what wasn't offered, I knew why I didn't like him. Biting my lip until the point that I noted there was a sting and slight pain when I dragged my front teeth across my lip I sat and worried, hurt, and plotted. Rosalie did much of the same thing, except she was filing her nails until the point of almost bleeding, and she was plotting.
Alice was probably doing something like drawing something or going through her closet and clothing drawers over and over again. She organized by material, then color, then her favorites within those areas. Alice did this every time she was upset with her mother and father. She'd organize clothing- sometimes not her own. She would come over sometimes on weekends and just start organizing my closet while going a mile per minute about what was bothering her. She was a creature of habit and when she began to organize her clothes her father and mother knew to leave her alone. I wouldn't know what happens if you don't leave her alone and you're the one she's angry with, but I know I didn't want to find out. If Mr. Brandon was afraid to cross her, then I'd be afraid too.
"It's time," Rosalie's impatient voice startled me, I looked over and she had set the nail file down. Her nails were perfect, but almost stubs. She had filed them as low as she ever has. I stood up and placed a light jacket on and walked out our cabin door behind her. Alice was waiting where we agreed- under the tree. We walked up together without saying a word, in search of our true loves.
It felt like some sort of fairytale that you tell kids- kind of like a Romeo and Juliet situation. Only it wasn't just Romeo and Juliet that were caught in the cross fire- and Romeo's family wasn't trying to hurt Juliet's… So maybe it was nothing like Romeo and Juliet except for the fact that we were being made to be apart because of our parents.
We split up to go to their respected cabins and agreed upon meeting at the stairs if we didn't find them. Either way we'd all pass the stairs one way or another. Even if we did find them, we'd meet there after talking and explaining. I walked up to Edward's cabin- my stomach sank. It was dark. I took in a deep breath of air and knocked on the door loudly. I heard a grumble, and a curse as something fell over.
"Hello," Edward's sleepy eyes peered out of a small crack that his door had between the frame.
"Can I come in?" I asked quietly. Edward's eyes widened and seemed to wake up as I walked into his cabin, the door now extended.
"Where have you been? Where have all of you been?" Edward sounded mad, and hurt. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked almost mad in the small amount of light that was available in his darkened cabin.
"My dad…" I sighed and looked up at him. "He doesn't want me talking to you at all. None of us, Rosalie isn't to see Emmett, and Alice isn't supposed to see Jasper." I explained, my head fell and tears began to torment my sore eyes.
"Why?" Edward sounded furious but more so disgusted.
"He thinks that Tanya's miscarriage is… was yours. He also thinks that she was going to get an abortion because they busted that quack in the next town over offering abortions to girls. He is behind bars and they have his documents." I rambled on about information I probably shouldn't know, but I did because when you're dad's a cop you shut up and listen.
"Why would he think that Tanya's baby is mine?" Edward looked at me with confusion.
"I guess because of how close you two seemed," I shrugged. Edward looked at me, confused.
"You haven't told your father about us?" Edward accused.
" He knew I like you, that's why he has put a stop on everything." I explained slowly.
"No, I mean you haven't told him that I'm your guy… You didn't tell him we're together. Which is why he thinks I'm out here boning every available piece of tail." Edward ran his fingers through his bronze hair as he walked across the floor impatiently. He wasn't just mad at the fact that people thing he's slept with Tanya, he was mad at me for not telling my father about a relationship that wasn't even defined.
"I… I didn't know how to tell him," I explained slowly, but not just to him, to myself as well. How do you tell your father that you've fallen in love with someone that you haven't even known for a few months? You've known him for a week and a half!
"Kind of the same way I told mine." Edward glared at me.
It made sense now, the way Esme regarded me today. The love in her eyes and the compassion toward me even though I had evaded her questions showed through because she knew how Edward felt about me.
"Edward, how do I tell my father, someone who is completely diluted with the illusion that Mike puts on, that I have fallen in love with a man I've known for less than a week. I love you- that's not changed- but I don't know how to make a stubborn man such as Charlie understand." I sounded tired. I looked at the clock. Times up- I needed to go find Rosalie and Alice.
"I have to go-" I walked toward the door, Edward pulled my elbow.
"Stay," Edward pleaded.
"I'll be right back…" I promised quietly.
Edward let go of my elbow and stepped back nodding his head. "Five minutes, and I'll come looking," Edward agreed.
I walked quickly to the stairs to find Rosalie and Alice rushing back as well.
"Did you find them?" I asked, my voice was almost hysteric, seeing Edward had made that small tiny hole that was starting to become nothing but a painful memory.
"Yes, he wants me to come back," Rosalie nodded, she sounded breathless, like he was kissing her until the point of suffocation.
"Jasper wants the same," Alice nodded her head. I nodded my head in agreement.
"We stay? Wake up at 5 and pretend to have gone on a walk?" I asked shrugging. Rosalie nodded.
"Who are you and what have you done with Bella?" Rosalie laughed.
"Good idea," Alice agreed laughing at Rosalie.
"Then we start our planning together…" I added in a dark tone. To that they just both nodded and we turned away from each other and headed off in our different directions.
Returning to Edward's cabin made a huge weight that was apparently strapped to my chest lift automatically. I walked right in this time, without knocking, and found Edward's body lying in bed, his hands over his eyes in an exasperated way. I walked over and crawled into his bed, after removing my shoes, and placed my head on his chest. I heard the relaxed breathing, and his left arm came around me as he sighed.
"I'm sorry I haven't told my parents," I whispered quietly.
"No point now, since your dad thinks I'm some kind of scum that knocks girls up for fun," Edward said bitterly.
"Don't do that," I whispered.
"Don't do what? He thinks I'm just some scummy little college boy, why not be one?" Edward thought bitterly. I sighed and looked up at him, placing my chin on his chest.
"We're going to show Mike for what he is… We're going to prove my dad wrong," I furrowed my eyebrows in frustration and placed my head back down his chest.
"How? And who is 'we'?" He asked skeptically.
"We're not sure, yet. And Rosalie, Alice, and myself. I wasn't the only one not allowed to see the one they love. Alice isn't allowed to see Jasper and Rosalie isn't allowed to see Emmett." I sighed, my index finger absentmindedly making circles on his chest.
"This isn't fair," Edward grumbled looking at the ceiling.
"Love prevails, right?" I pulled my eyebrows together in a pucker and sighed.
"I sure hope so," Edward pulled my face to his, kissing the pucker in between my eyes, hoping to smooth it out. I sighed and pulled my face close to his lips, kissing him softly. I sighed into the kiss, giving myself to him.
Our kisses became urgent and deeper. His tongue caressing mine slowly, headily as my heart rate began to quicken. I realized that I was now straddling him, my legs on each side of his hips, his hands reaching around my back, pulling my shirt up over my head. We broke out kiss only long enough to remove the shirt fully, and continued on. My hips ground into his hips, feeling the hardness beneath me, rubbing just the right spot. I groaned and pushed into him harder, beginning to pant from the kisses and the sudden need for friction.
"I love you," I said breaking away from the kiss, gulping a large breath of air. Edward's green eyes were deep and intense.
"I love you, too." Edward pulled at my shorts, pulling them down to my knees, making me get up off of his hips so we could remove them further, along with my panties.
"Your turn," I grumbled, pulling at the pajama bottoms that hung low on his hips. Edward lifted his hips and his erection sprung free. I licked my lips, seeing a bead of moisture at the tip of the head, ready for tasting.
I licked the bead of moisture from the head of his erection. Edward sighed and pushed his hips further into my mouth. I moaned around his shaft and licked up and down the length of him while shielding my teeth. I popped my mouth off of him with an audible 'pop' looking at the pleasured look on his face with triumph and pride. I couldn't contain myself, I once again straddled him.
Edward's head popped up just in time to watch me sink down low, pulling the length of him inside of me. I moaned, the length of his erection pulled painfully inside of me, but it gave more pleasure than pain. Edward's hands gripped my hips tightly, his mouth pulled tight into a pleasurable grimace. Edward guided my hips to roll on top of his erection, causing him to press up against my g-spot, making my insides quiver around him quickly. As soon as the walls began to shudder around his erection he pulled me up the length of him and slammed me down quickly, repeatedly, creating a delicious rough rhythm.
This wasn't 'making love' this was sex, this was pure carinal need. I needed a release, I needed to feel close to him in every possible way. Edward's rhythmic pumps and grinding near my clitoris made my walls quicken a second time, and shudder in a white hot heat around him. This second orgasm was more intense than the first, and I could see only the blackness of my eyelids as I screamed his name in a sweet release. My release triggered Edward's powerful release, a loud roar of a groan came from his lips and he held my hips securely tight up against his hips, emptying his seed into me. I moaned as I felt his twitching along with my pulsing.
Our breath was ragged, and labored as he lifted me off of him and placed me beside him, wrapping me in his arms. I couldn't speak, and I didn't think I needed to. His breathing slowly came back to normal, and mine did, too. We slept for a few hours before I heard a knocking on his door.
I pulled a sheet around me as Edward pulled his pants on his hips and walked to the door. Alice stood waiting with a weak smile. She had no evidence of sleep on her face, a small red marks colored her collar bone, jaw line, and lips.
"It's time Bella," Alice called past Edward. "Rosalie and I will be waiting by the stairs," she finished before walking away. I sighed and nodded to myself as I began to dress.
I couldn't have gotten more than two hours of sleep, but pretenses were necessary for this part of the plan. We couldn't get caught seeing the boys or else we'd leave the resort kicking and screaming with disapproving parents.
We walked around the lake that we sat at for hours previously talking about different things we could do to get Mike admit what he did.
"We could corner him, make him admit it," Rosalie bit her bottom lip.
"How? He'd think it was a joke- and how would we get him to say something like that in front of dad?" I sighed, it was nearly time for breakfast, and we hadn't gotten any sleep.
"Well at least I'm trying," Rosalie grumbled grumpily.
"Let's just go eat, we'll think about it later," Alice chided.
Walking into the dining hall with what we were wearing last night made our parents all look at us with concern and skepticism. Rosalie, Alice, and I said nothing, though, and we ordered our breakfasts. We all ate in silence with the occasional nod to our parents' questions. Alice struggled the most with being quiet, because her mother was talking to ours about fashion, but she did the best she could, given that it was a baited conversation that her mother was purposely using to goad her into conversation. Alice stood strong.
"Well, I hope you're just doing your other activities today," my father grumbled as he placed his napkin on his plate, his moustache twitched as his lack of words were loaded with an underlying meaning. What his comment really meant was 'you three better not be seeing those college boys again or else we're leaving'.
As our parents filed out going about their day, we stayed put and continued to eat our large breakfasts. It did not go unnoticed by some that we stayed longer than usual, and unfortunately Mike sauntered over.
"Ladies, you seem very ravenous," Mike commented with a smirk.
"Thanks," Rosalie said curtly.
"I wonder why that is," Mike said offhandedly.
"We missed dinner last night," Alice's voice was full of venom. I did not say anything. If I said something it would ruin our plans of any admittance to his guilt.
"Yes, I thought that it seemed rather… empty at your table last evening." Mike's voice sounded far away, like he was thinking about something very hard.
"Yes, well," Rosalie said as she bit into an apple half. Mike did not linger, he could sense that he was not welcome by our curt conversation.
I sighed and placed my fork down on my plate looking at Alice and Rosalie who were slowly and thoughtfully chewing their mouthfuls of food.
"What are we going to do?" I asked looking around to see if anyone else was going to come up to our table and comment on our sudden slow eating.
"We could ask Tanya for help," Alice mused.
"We could ask," I nodded my head thoughtfully.
"The worst she could say is no," Rosalie agreed.
All three of us walked up the stairs, once again, but this time we were more sluggish and forlorn about our inability to go see our preferred companions up here. Instead we were on a mission of admittance so that we could be with our loved ones. Tanya was no doubt in some pain still, and she was probably a mess from losing the baby, but we had to try. Rosalie rapped quietly on the door that had Tanya's name on it. It was opened by a tall girl with pale hair.
"Can I help you?" She looked at us with speculation.
"I'm Bella… I'm kind of a friend of Tanya, I wanted to speak to her," I said smiling. Besides, I needed to talk to her about our performance at The Sheldrake, and I wasn't about to let her preform after having a miscarriage.
"Let them in, Kate," I heard a weak voice from behind the girl known as Kate.
"Fine," Kate sighed and moved aside letting us slip through into the small room. "I'll give you some privacy. You need anything, Tan?" Kate asked, her hand still on the door.
"No, thank you, Kate," Tanya smiled weakly at the girl as she walked out the door. "You'll have to forgive my little sister, she's very… protective." Tanya searched for a better word, but was unable to produce one.
"It's alright," Alice assured smiling at Tanya brightly.
"How are you feeling?" I asked as I sat down on the edge of her bed.
"I have a small fever Carlisle said, but I should be good soon. It's mostly emotional now," Tanya sighed, she sounded tired and worn down from the usual sunshine that she was.
"We know that you're tired, and probably a wreck emotionally," I began. "But, we need your help," I sighed feeling like a very heartless person asking a girl who just had a miscarriage to help me.
"Anything," Tanya said quickly. "Anything I can do to help, since you're helping me out tonight." She smiled up at me. She hadn't forgotten that I was going to dance for her at the Sheldrake tonight.
"We need you to explain to my father, New York police Chief Charlie Swan, that the father of the child that you lost was Mike Newton…" I explained slowly, trying to emphasize that my father was involved in a lot more than her miscarriage.
"We wouldn't be asking, but, our father thinks that Edward was the father, and now he refuses to let us see Edward, Emmett, and Jasper." Rosalie explained.
"I wish I could help you," Tanya's voice was broken. Her tears flowed down her cheek, and she turned her face away from us.
"Tanya," Alice approached her looking at her with pain.
"I can't." Tanya offered no more explanation other than that.
"We understand," Rosalie's words were considered kind, but she felt annoyance and pain.
We left collectively, saying our formal goodbyes and get wells to Tanya. Rosalie and Alice were walking by my side, not speaking about the disappointment that we just endured. Tanya didn't particularly have much of a reason to help us. She would end up looking bad no matter what. Mike wasn't supposed to be fraternizing with anyone, especially guests, and if the owner's son was fathering a child it would probably be blamed on her. I sighed internally and shook my head. We trailed back to the lake, Rosalie and Alice already dipping into the water as I waited by the shore.
"Now what?" I called out to them.
"We could try black mail…" Alice chirped.
"Why are you so optimistic?" I narrowed my eyes. Alice's moods changed, but usually her mood was perfect for what happened next.
"I just… have a good feeling." Alice shrugged. Rosalie snorted.
"Probably because of getting laid a few hours ago," Rosalie rolled her eyes and splashed water over at Alice.
Alice squealed and splashed Rosalie back. I laughed, while perched by the side of the lake. I took off my shoes and slipped into the lake as well after them. Splashing, laughing and swimming seemed to take the edge off of our pain. Alice was typically right about everything especially when she had a 'feeling' about things.
Hours past at the lake, we swam, we napped in the sun, and eventually we had to travel back for dinner at the very least. We dressed for dinner, having been in the same clothes all day, smelling of lake water and sweat, and walked into the loud dining hall. I knew we'd all sneak out again tonight, and I wasn't sure that this after noon's nap really gave me enough energy… Yet again, our meal was quiet, and boring. We ate ravenously once again because we skipped lunch with our parents. I wasn't sure if my parents realized our cold shoulders, and if they did notice, I wasn't sure if they really cared.
Mom's face was concerned as she eyed us curiously at dinner. She picked at her food, and occasionally looked at Mrs. Brandon meaningfully. A few curt exchanges between Alice's mother and Alice and the conversation was all but absolved between the lines. There were two sections of the table. The parent's section held my mother and father and Mr. and Mrs. Brandon. The teenager/adult section was Rosalie, Alice, and me. Mother attempted a conversation just as Mrs. Brandon did, but to no avail, it did little good.
I felt childish not talking to our parents, not being there whenever meal times were called off unless we were particularly hungry, but we were all too depressed and angry to talk. Sure, this may be perceived as childish, but this is what happened whenever we were banned from certain things that we loved. Rosalie wouldn't be able to talk without spouting poison in her words, Alice would be condescending and mean, and I'd just give the cold shoulder without realizing it. Without speaking, without conversation with our parents we'd keep away from poison filled words and hurtful conversation. We learned in the past that this was the best way to go until we dealt with our parents.
"What will you girls be doing tonight?" My mother's voice was hopeful as she tried to bring up something cheerful.
"There is a dance show at The Sheldrake," Rosalie shrugged. "They have a small van going over tonight. We wanted to watch them dance." Rosalie finished.
"Well that sounds lovely!" My mother's smile widened at a real response.
"Is that kid going to be dancing?" My father asked. I bit my tongue and held back acidic words that I couldn't take back.
"We aren't sure who it is," Rosalie's white lie rolled off her tongue flawlessly.
"We're going to a comedy show tonight." Mrs. Brandon said gleefully. All we did was nod.
Our alibi was set. I'd actually be at The Sheldrake dancing tonight, Rosalie and Alice would be with their men, and our parents would be busy watching a bad comedian that does weekly shows at the resort. Our night was set, we could continue plotting our black mail while waiting for my performance at The Sheldrake. And although I hadn't practiced in a whole day, I felt prepared.
"Left, right, left" Edward whispered under his breath to me. My feet followed the movements automatically. I felt tired, like a zombie. My heals were on, a fancy coral dress was on, sashaying as a I moved with Edward.
"Edward," Tanya called from the cabin door. She held a large bag and a mirror under her arm. "I'm here to do your make up, Bella." Tanya said in a small voice.
"I could have come to you," I protested. Tanya shook her head and shrugged.
"Carlisle said it may help to walk around some. I've gotten plenty of rest," Tanya seemed restless and slightly awkward about my request that I, my sister, and Alice had made earlier that day.
"Of course," I nodded my head. Of all people she should be listening to it would be Carlisle. Edward let go of my waist and walked to the record player, lifting the needle and placing it down as he turned off the record player.
"I'm going to give you girls a few moments," Edward ducked out of the apartment.
Tanya worked on my makeup without speaking. She painted my lips, brushed my eyelashes with black mascara, brushed hair away from my face and placed it in an intricate twist, putting silver clips along the bridge of the twist. I looked like another person in the mirror, like whenever Rosalie and Alice play Barbie with me. I looked like a grown woman. When did my shoulders square with confidence? When did my neck start looking graceful as it was extended? Where did this woman in the mirror come from?
"Thank you," I said quietly, still entranced by my appearance.
"Thank you," Tanya's voice was stronger now. "I wish I could help, Bella. But it's my word against his, and I don't think anyone would believe me."
"I do." I insisted.
"But even you were skeptical, weren't you?" Tanya looked modest. I hung my head in shame and sighed.
"You're so strong and brave, Tanya. Please tell me you didn't put your real name down for the abortion." I begged, I didn't want my father to have to arrest her.
"Of course not. I put some awful showgirl name. One I'd never have thought someone from America to have." Tanya laughed. "Bianca Nedivalia." Tanya's shoulders squared and her chin rose proudly. "I have no clue if the last name was real, but the first was one I'd read in a book somewhere," Tanya shrugged.
"Taming the Shrew by William Shakespeare." I commented. Tanya's eyes brightened and she nodded her head enthusiastically.
"It is no wonder that you and Edward found each other." Tanya grabbed her make up bag and walked toward the door. "Thank you, Bella, for everything." Tanya walked out of Edward's cabin without another word.
I bit my lip, waiting for Edward to come back. Our performance was in only a half hour, and I was still unsure about the lift we were supposed to perfect but never even got to practicing much. I sighed and cursed my nerves for waiting the last minute to show up. My face was turning red underneath the makeup that was applied to my face. You could see some pink, but not the tomato red; that was comforting that nobody would see my terrible blush on stage. It would easily be mistaken for the lightening being too hot.
"Bella, it's time," Edward called from the door. I nodded my head to myself and walked out of the cabin to see a car waiting for me. Of course Edward had a nice car, of course he did. And of course he was holding the door to the car open for me to slide in, like a gentleman.
"Here we go," I sighed as I slid into the car.