Chapter 8 - Finding Hope
Eternity's Struggle

Eternity's Struggle, the sequel to A Glimpse of Eternity, is a complication of short stories, letters and life-snapshots that are sprinkled throughout the events of Mass Effect 2 following both Commander Kiara Shepard and Kaidan Alenko. While they're in chronological order, its not the complete storyline of the whole of Shepard's missions as she prepares, then faces, the Collectors. There will be SPOILERS. Please read the Eternity Series - Disclaimer for more general information.

Disclaimer: I own only the parts of the individual personality of Commander Kiara Shepard I have developed inspired by the Commander Shepard in the gameplay. I do not own, nor hold any rights, to any of the characters, dialogue, storylines or any part in or of the "Mass Effect" game series. I want to thank Drew Karpyshyn and his staff of amazing writers, animators and voice actors. These are for fan enjoyment only and no money had been made on these stories.

After a hefty cry and a good workout had left her exhausted, Shepard had fallen into a dreamless sleep. When she woke, though she felt rested, she felt empty. Her heart still heavy with the events of the previous day, she readied herself and settled her Commander mask on her features as she headed towards the CIC. As she walked out of her cabin, EDI's voice piped over the intercom updating her on the status of the krogan in the cargo bay.

After her newly rekindled resolve setting in last night, that morning hearing the status of the krogan, she made a decision. She was going to run this mission her way. Damn the Council. Damn the Alliance. Damn the Collectors. And most certainly, damn Cerberus. The Reapers would fall and she wasn't going to let some egotistical terrorist mad man make all the decisions.

She knew Cerberus protocol, something Miranda hadn't hesitated to inform her on regularly. It required the maintained stasis of the krogan. This was war though and she needed the best on her team. From what it had sounded like from Okeer, this krogan was it. The elite of his kind. The perfect krogan.

As soon as she stepped into the elevator, she set it to go to the Engineering Deck instead of the CIC. Once inside the cargo bay, after a considerable amount of argument with EDI, she released the controls holding the krogan in stasis. She had her pistol and she knew where the airlock controls were if anything went wrong. She hoped for the best but she had made damn sure she'd prepared for the worst.

It didn't surprise her when he attacked. When she asked him to join her crew and he said he found her unworthy, she smirked. She had thought to entice him to her crew but instead he wanted her death. If she had learned anything with her time with Wrex, they understood violence. So be it.

As he pressed her to the wall, she pressed her gun to his armor. It was her heavy pistol and she knew at such a close range, with the ammo in the chamber, it would knock him back easily enough, if not completely penetrate his armor. He would either die, survive and join her or survive and try to kill her. She was prepared for all three eventualities and knew exactly how far it was to the airlock controls.

Without a second thought she set off a shot as he stumbled back and looked down. Seeing it only surprised him, she released another shot, then another, and another until she emptied six bullets into his armor. Some had penetrated but not all the way through. The others had done their job in pushing him back. His lip was the only place that bloodied where one of her bullets had grazed him.

She never failed to be amazed at krogan resiliency. For a moment, she analyzed the situation. She mentally counted how many steps to the door and how many seconds it would take her to get there and release the airlock, spacing him should he retaliate.

A wave of relief washed over her when his reaction fell in the middle of her predictions. Instead of attacking again, he regarded her with an impressed look and told her she had proven herself worthy of him to follow. She raised her gun to his face, and made it perfectly clear to him if he tried anything like that again she wouldn't hesitate to kill him. With that, he grunted, which suited the name he'd given himself as 'Grunt' and went over to look at the stasis chamber he'd been in.

"Commander," Kelly's voice rang over the comm just as she lowered her gun, "You've receive a new message at your private terminal. Its encrypted." Encrypted could mean only one thing, most likely, and that was the Illusive Man. He was hardly someone she wanted to hear from, but she didn't doubt it was important.

With a last glance at Grunt, she left the cargo bay and made her way up to her cabin. With barely a glance at Kaidan's picture, she turned to her console and opened her messages. After a brief glance over the encrypted message, it outlined his concern for her releasing of the krogan. She shook her head. She should have known EDI would tattle on her. Still, he deferred to her judgement and that boded well for the new course of actions Shepard was planning. She hunt down the Collectors but the tables were turning. The Illusive Man would soon learn he worked for her, not the other way around.

She took a moment to look at the other messages she had. There were a few that she'd already glanced over but there was a new audio one with the subject line 'About Horizon...'.

She hesitantly opened it and immediately Kaidan's voice came out of the speakers of her terminal console. Her heart lodged in her throat at the sound of his voice. Even with the events of the previous day, her heart still reacted to the sound as it had when he'd walked around the container on Horizon. His words filled her room, and her head, as she listened with bated breath to the message.

"Shepard," he started with a heavy sigh, "I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving…and to move on. And I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?"

Her heart clenched tighter in her chest. Was that why he was different? Had he found someone else? The message played on as he took a breath, going from speaking intensely and fast to suddenly slow and heavier tone to his words.

"And then I saw you…and…everything just…pulled a hard to port," the emotion, the weight of his words bled through the message. She could hear his pain and it reflected the pain in her own heart, "I mean, you were standing in front of me, but…you were with Cerberus." He scoffed, "I mean I guess I don't know who either of us is anymore. I mean…do…do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night…meant….everything to me. I mean, maybe it meant as much to you…but…a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside.

"But…please be careful. I mean I've watched too many people close to me die - on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon…on the Normandy," his tone dropped as he breathed out the word Normandy, not hiding the pain or the implication of his words and she knew what they meant - watching her die. Her heart tugged painfully in her chest, "And I just…I couldn't bear it if I had to lose you again. I mean, if you're…if you're still the woman I remember, I know you're gonna find a way to stop these Collector attacks.

"But Cerberus," he scoffed again, though it was more like a sigh, "…Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted." Silence held the message, only static indicating it was still playing. For a long moment it remained silent, then he said, almost as if a whisper, or a prayer, "Watch yourself."

Then another long moment of silence then his voice filled the room again, "Look…when things settle down….maybe…." his voice trailed off, the tiniest spark of hope daring to rekindle in the dark recessed depths of her heart, "…I don't know. Just…take care. Signed, Kaidan."

The message ended and the silence of the ship descended around her, the static gone. A breath she didn't know she'd been holding left her lungs as she felt the wetness on her cheeks against the circulating air of the room. She'd been crying through the whole message and hadn't even realized it. Her heart felt as heavy as his words. Yet, in the depths and the darkness, she felt a small spark of hope ignite. Clinging to it tightly, she forced her tears to stop as a determination, bred out of her love for Kaidan and the love she knew from his message he still held for her, took hold.

Unlike the night before when her determination was bred from anger and hatred, vengeance and destruction, her new determination found a balance born from a purity she found in that love.

She turned her head and looked at his picture on her desk, clinging to that shred of hope, broken as it was.

Maybe once this was all done, just maybe, Kaidan would understand.

Maybe then, just maybe, they could try to pick up the pieces together.