TO HOLD HER
Emma blinked her eyes open. It was beginning to get bright and Emma needed darkness to sleep. She snuggled in closer to shield her face from the sun. That's when she realised that she was snuggled very tightly to another person. A very specific person. A person she had wanted to sleep next to for years.
Emma slowly pulled her head back from Regina's neck to see her face. Emma could feel her heart leap when she saw the serene, calm look that Regina sported while she slept. She looked so beautiful that Emma was sure she could spend the remaining days of her life watching Regina sleep like this.
She let her eyes travel further down and it surprised her how intervened they actually were. But what surprised her more and what made her heart do several happy back flips was the fact that they fit so perfectly together. Bare legs tangled comfortably under the covers, stomachs resting gently together, their breasts…
That made Emma stop and blush. Regina had fully seen her boobs. But then again, she had also seen hers, Emma noted smugly but soon blushed even more because those were one hell of a boobs. Emma Swan had seen her fair share of boobs but Regina's were perfect, beyond compare.
Emma averted her eyes and returned to look at Regina's face. She gently pressed her forehead against Regina's and the older woman unconsciously pressed her forehead more firmly against Emma's. Emma could feel Regina's arms wrap even tighter around her as the brunette adjusted herself to fit perfectly against the blonde. In her sleep she let out a content sigh that caused shiver to ran through Emma.
Emma knew she was in love with Regina. She had known that for years but it seemed there was never good time to act on any of her feelings. Mostly it was because there was always some town problem to be solved, be it a curse or magical villain with bad intentions. And when there was no town drama, it seemed other people came between them. Regina had the thing with Robin Hood that still made Emma's heart ache painfully. She was sure she had lost Regina forever, but it turned out that Robin was complete asshat and Regina left him. Emma smiled as she thought of all the good things it had led to; Regina and Zelena finally made up and started working on their relationship, Regina got back to her usual sassy self, who took no shit from anyone, and things calmed down in the town.
Emma closed her eyes and thanked the far away star for this chance she had finally gotten. After Robin left town, Emma and Regina grew closer what with their co-parenting and being the Mayor and the Sheriff and needing to work close together in order to lead the town. They had become best friends, flirty friends at that. Emma knew that if she ever needed any help, Regina would help, no matter what. She trusted Regina more than anyone.
So yes, Emma knew that she was in love. And when Emma went through all her memories from last night, well, it seemed like Regina felt the same way about her.
Silencing every insecurity and alarm bell that even might go off in her head, Emma closed the distance between their faces and kissed Regina gently. Emma could feel Regina's breathing speed up, tell tale sign of her waking up. She was gonna pull away to let Regina wake up, but before she could do anything a hand pressed against her cheek to keep her lips in place.
Emma nearly fainted when plump lips responded to the kiss. When their kisses the night before had been hungry, this was sweet. So sweet and innocent and it made Emma's head spin.
Emma used her own hand to hold Regina's hand on her cheek, just like Regina had done the night before. She had no idea how long they just laid there, kissing softly but then Regina pulled back.
Emma's eyes snapped open and she was about to protest when soft finger was pressed against her lips to silence her.
Emma's eyes focused on the brown ones that were looking deep into her own, frantically searching for something. Emma knew what it was because that's what she would look for too. Regina was looking for confirmation, that this all was real, that there was no regret.
Emma knew she would never regret anything with Regina. She wouldn't even go back to change all the fights, because those were the things that led them to this moment.
"Hi." Emma whispered like she had on the first night they had met.
"Hey." Regina whispered back.
They were quiet for a long time after that, lost in each others eyes. Regina's thumb had started to draw patterns on Emma's chin and that had Emma purring like a cat.
"How did you sleep?" Emma was brave enough to ask.
"Better than in years." Regina spoke truthfully as small smile pulled at her lips.
Emma smiled brightly back.
"Emma… What happens now?" uncertainty was easy to hear from Regina's voice.
"What do you want to happen?" Emma asked.
"I… I don't know." Regina whispered and looked down.
Emma could feel her heart ache painfully, all insecurities blaring loudly. Could she have been wrong about last night? Did she totally misunderstand the signals?
Emma closed the eyes trying to will the ache in her heart to stop. She needed not to rush into conclusions before they had this talk.
Regina saw Emma close her eyes and her body tense. She had no idea what that meant, but this reaction alone made Regina feel uneasy.
Waking up to the kiss had been a dream come true. Regina wanted to wake up like that every single day of her life. Emma was so soft in her arms and the kiss was earth shattering in its simplicity.
Regina knew Emma remembered what had happened last night, because why else would she have kissed her so boldly this morning. But other than the kiss Regina had no idea of Emma's real feelings and that made her feel vulnerable.
"What do you mean?" Emma asked once she opened her eyes.
"Emma, I don't know. This is all just…" Regina could not find words to describe what she was feeling, and she was getting a bit overwhelmed with her fear and what she wanted.
Emma felt the ache in her heart tenfold and she could feel the tears start to gather in her eyes. Regina would not act this way if she felt the same. Why else would she avoid answering any of her questions. Emma needed to get out of here. She could not face this rejection. She had been rejected so many times before, and that had hurt. But getting rejected by Regina… Emma knew that would break her. She could not be there to hear those words leave Regina's lips. She just couldn't.
Regina had no time to react when Emma was already out of the bed. She could feel the loss of Emma's body instantly, and the coldness crept on her skin and into her heart.
"Emma?" Regina asked with panicked voice as Emma started to pull the dress on again.
Emma didn't answer. It wasn't for the lack of trying, she just knew that if she would speak she would start crying. And she didn't want to cry. Not yet anyway.
Regina pulled the covers around her and got quickly out of the bed. Her heart was hammering painfully against her rib cage, fear clouding her mind. Regina couldn't stand the idea of Emma walking away from her. She had to know what just happened.
She stumbled towards Emma who had managed to zip up her dress. Regina took a hold of the blondes shoulder and quickly turned her around. What she saw shocked her and made her heart break.
Emma was crying. Huge tears made their way down now red cheeks and finally down her neck. But despite it all, no sound got past Emma's lips. Regina remembered Emma telling her that she learned to cry silently while in the system, and ever since then no sound was made when she cried.
Regina tried to pull Emma close to her to wrap her in a tight embrace, but Emma stopped her. Regina looked at her confusedly because Emma never refused a hug.
"I… You…" Emma tried to clear her mind enough to form words that would make sense.
"Emma what happened? What did I do?" Regina whispered desperately, her own eyes clouding over with unshed tears.
Emma wanted to hold Regina close, wanted to comfort her and reassure her that everything was okay, but she couldn't. She needed to protect her heart that was already bruised from the years of hurt and suffering.
"I cannot stay. I need to figure this out. You need to figure this out. Just…" Emma ended her though in a loud exhale and turned around to walk away from the room.
Regina stood stock still, looking at the spot where Emma had stood. But when she heard the front door open and close, she crumbled. She fell to her knees and cried. She could hardly breathe from the strength of her sobs.
Regina had no idea what had just happened. Emma had woken her up so sweetly with a kiss, smiled at her and held her even when they were awake. What had changed in those few minutes?
Regina made her way towards her purse where she had left her phone the night before. She had several missed texts and calls, but right now she needed to call the one person who would know how to help her; her sister.
After Robin had acted like complete asshole, the Mills women banned him from their lives entirely. After he realised he had no chance with either of them, he left town with his son and Merry Men. On the following day Regina had seeked out Zelena, wanting to make amends. Zelena was her only living relative, and Regina wanted Zelena in her life. She wanted a sister. With surprising ease Zelena agreed to try, and ever since then the two women had started to work on their relationship.
It took several late night chats and bottles of wine until they finally hit the common ground and mutual understanding. Without her jealousy and bitterness weighing her down, Zelena turned out to be a wonderful person and even better sister. They had their occasional disagreements like all sisters did, but otherwise Zelena was very supportive and protective big sister.
"Oh look who's finally calling me back? Spill it, what happened last night?" Zelena's voice asked as soon as the call connected.
Regina tried to speak but the only thing that came out was a loud sob. She could hear some shuffling from the other end of the line with Zelena's voice cooing:
"Come on my darling, we will go see aunty Gina. She needs our help with something."
Suddenly green smoke filled the room and Zelena was standing there, holding her sleeping daughter against her chest.
Regina was on her feet in seconds and scrambled to hug her big sister. Zelena wrapped her free arm around her sisters trembling body and held her close.
"Zellie…" Regina cried.
"Regina, look at me. You need to get dressed and you will meet me downstairs. I need to put Bella down to continue her nap. She will be such a little monster if she doesn't get enough sleep. Okay?" Zelena said calmly but firmly.
Regina took few calming breaths and let go of her big sister. She notted and got busy getting dressed as Zelena made her way downstairs with her daughter securely in her arms.
Regina got dressed in a grey hoodie and leggings which were the things she only wore in the safety of her own home. She couldn't care less of how she looked right now, since her mind was still spinning and her head hurt from all the crying. She made her way quickly down the stairs, in need of help that her sister was sure to provide for her.
She found Zelena sitting in the kitchen with two steaming cups of tea and a baby monitors in front of her on the table. Regina sat down on the chair next to her and Zelena pushed the cup towards her. Regina flashed her a small smile and took a sip. They sat in silence for a long while before Zelena opened her mouth.
"Are you gonna tell me what happened?"
Regina swallowed hard and placed her tea cup slowly on the table. She turned to face her sister more fully before…
"We kissed."
Zelena raised an eyebrow.
"Alot." Regina said in a small voice.
"That should be no crying matter though Regina. I mean you love Emma don't you?" Zelena asked, even when she knew that something had gone down that upset her little sister like this.
"I do love her, and it's ridiculous just how much." Regina sighed but small smile was pulling her lips as she thought of the blonde Savior.
"Oh my god Regina, your smile gets dorkier every time we talk about Emma." Zelena groaned.
"I can't help it!"
"So what happened? You don't get upset for nothing." Zelena asked.
Regina sighed as the smile vanished and the memories of her encounter with Emma came flooding back. She took a deep breath before telling Zelena everything. What happened in the bar, at the door, in her room and every little detail about this morning.
Zelena listened patiently, and when Regina finally ended her story she said:
"Okay you are such a dimwit you know that?"
Regina snapped her head to look at her sister incloriously.
"What?!"
"You tell me you are not sure how Emma feels about you, but you just told me that she kissed you like you have never been kissed before. How sweet and gentle she was, how she woke you up with that dizzying kiss. She is in love with you. We all have known that for the longest of times but you two are just the biggest morons ever." Zelena ranted.
Regina's eyes were the size of plates as she looked at her sister with her mouth hanging open.
"Everyone knows?" Regina whispered.
"Oh yeah. Snow and Charming have on-going bet when two of you are gonna end up together." Zelena smirked at the horrified look on her sisters face.
"Emma… Do you really think she loves me?" Regina's voice was so hopeful that it broke Zelena's heart a little.
"Yes I do. I have seen the way she looks at you. How she comes to your aid with even the smallest of things. How much happier she is when she is around you. And believe me, that woman knows no other topic than you, when you two are not around each other. She never shuts up about you and its bordeline annoying already." Zelena rolled her eyes.
Regina beamed happily and soft blush was rising on her cheeks. The smile vanished quickly as she asked the question that was still plaguing her mind.
"Why did she run away?"
"Regina, from the things you have told me about Emma I have gathered that she is very insecure person. Under all that strong and cocky saviorism, there is a scared little girl who just wants to be wanted. The things you said this morning must have triggered something. Maybe she just doesn't want to get hurt. You definitely should understand that." Zelena noticed how with every word Regina understood a little bit more.
For such a brilliant woman, Regina was clueless when it came to feelings and relationships. Zelena understood why, but it made her sad to think how damaged her little sister really was.
"I need to go find Emma." Regina pushed her chair away from the table and stood up.
"Don't get changed. I bet Emma likes to see you in her clothes." Zelena smirked and looked pointedly at the hoodie Regina was wearing.
Regina smiled at her sister. Zelena stood up to wrap Regina in a tight hug. Regina placed her head on Zelena's shoulder and whispered.
"Thank you."
"That's what big sisters are for." Zelena whispered and let go of Regina.
"Give Bella a kiss from me. I will come and see you two later." Regina was already half out of the kitchen.
"You go, aunty Gina." Zelena heard the door open and close just seconds afterwards.
Zelena hoped that things would work out between her sister and Emma. They both deserved happiness, to be loved and wanted. And that was what they gave each other.
At the same time in the other end of town, Emma sat in her bug near the woods. Her head rested on a steering wheel and tears dripped down her face.
She kept thinking about everything that had happened since she moved to Storybrooke, about the people who had become her family. She thought of Henry, her brilliant boy who she loved more than anything. She thought of her parents, and her baby brother who had started to form his first words. And she thought about Regina.
More tears slipped down her face as she thought about the woman who held her heart. Emma had no idea when she had started to feel so deeply for Regina, but there was no stopping it now.
Emma regretted running away from Regina. She was sure that the broken look on the brunette's face was forever gonna be seared in her brain and it made her feel sick. She had been the cause of Regina's despair when she had promised she would never hurt her again.
Emma could feel her heart break and she was willing to claw it out of her chest to just make it stop. She needed Regina. She wanted Regina. She had to fix it.
And for the first time since she was a small baby, Emma let out a loud sob.