Chapter 15 - No Calm Before the Storm
Eternity's Struggle

Rated M for Non-Explicit Mature Content

Eternity's Struggle, the sequel to A Glimpse of Eternity, is a complication of short stories, letters and life-snapshots that are sprinkled throughout the events of Mass Effect 2 following both Commander Kiara Shepard and Kaidan Alenko. While they're in chronological order, its not the complete storyline of the whole of Shepard's missions as she prepares, then faces, the Collectors. There will be SPOILERS. Please read the Eternity Series - Disclaimer for more general information.

Disclaimer: I own only the parts of the individual personality of Commander Kiara Shepard I have developed inspired by the Commander Shepard in the gameplay. I do not own, nor hold any rights, to any of the characters, dialogue, storylines or any part in or of the "Mass Effect" game series. I want to thank Drew Karpyshyn and his staff of amazing writers, animators and voice actors. These are for fan enjoyment only and no money had been made on these stories.

There were only a few hours. It was surreal that they were finally at the point of going through the relay. Months of preparation and planning for this mission and the final leg was present. Though she wouldn't admit it to anyone, Shepard felt scared. Not just for the success of the mission but for her crew. They'd become like a family to her, as surprising as that was, and she wanted to make sure got them home.

Getting home was secondary, though, to their primary mission: wiping out the Collectors and slowing the Reapers.

There was no option for failure. They would succeed. They had to succeed. Every race in the galaxy relied on them to take out the Collectors and if it took her last breath, Shepard would make sure not a single life was taken by them again. The thought didn't relieve the lead weight in her stomach. So much was riding on her, on her leadership. It was daunting. She wished Kaidan were there.

She leaned against her desk with a glass of Peruvian Whiskey in her hand - the Shepard tradition before a big mission. She smiled as she thought of her father and his ridiculous obsession with the whiskey. Her thoughts turned once more to Kaidan and the glasses they shared when he'd gotten back from the Citadel. It was his favorite too. Then she thought back to the night before Ilos. They were facing challenging odds, seemingly impossible ones at the time, then. How long ago that seemed. A lifetime, and for her that was quite literal. So much had happened since.

She looked over at his picture on her desk and stared at it for a long moment. Try as she might to let him go, she still had that damn thing sitting there. No, there was no letting Kaidan go. He was as much a part of her as her soul was. She closed her eyes, draining her glass to steel again the pain that wracked her heart thinking of him. She reached over and laid the frame facedown on the desk before refilling her glass and walking over to the edge of her bed. She needed to focus.

She sat down and sighed as she looked at the caramel liquid in the glass. She was restless, agitated in that way she got before a battle, and she was lonely. She was tired of the ache in her heart and the weight of the entire galaxy on her shoulders. She wanted peace yet she knew to get that peace, she would have to spill blood. Collector blood.

As she sat there, the tension grew, as did the hole in her heart. She needed to get a grip on herself. They were still hours from the relay and she knew if she lost it now, she'd lose the focus she knew she needed for the mission. The crew was counting on her to be the Commander Shepard they'd signed up to fight for.

Her door chimed and she called that it was open. As the doors parted, Thane walked in, his muscles taunt with anxiety. She saw the distress in him. Something was wrong. Standing, she moved to set her glass down on the table, "Thane?"

"Siha, I'm sorry to disturb you…I" he began as he moved down the steps. Something was bothering him greatly as he paced, his movements were slow and controlled, "I have known I will die for many years. I've tried to leave the galaxy better than I found it. You've helped me achieve more than I thought possible. We've righted many wrongs…" his voice grew soft, "I've spoken with my son." He turned to look at her, the distress written in every line and movement, "I should be at peace on the eve of battle."

He looked down and turned away again, striding over to the small table against the wall near her sofa. He closed his eyes as a tear ran down his cheek. After a moment, he slammed his fist down onto the surface. "I'm…ashamed. I have worked so hard. Meditated and prayed and done good deeds. Atone for the evils I've done. Prepared. I consider my body's death, and a chill settles in my gut. I am afraid, and it shames me," he said, his voice wavering as his arm trembled at his fist pressed into the table.

Shepard walked over to him, placing her hand on the fist that shook. Her heart ached for him, for the fear he felt. She knew the fear. She felt the same thing. She'd already died once but it had been an unexpected, sudden thing. She hadn't had time to contemplate her life ending. Now she had the time and she wondered if that was the agitation she felt. The fear of truly dying. Of her future, and everything it could hold, ending - of the pain it ending would bring to those she loved.

Thane startled when she touched him and turned his head to look at her, "You said you could not replace Irikah and I told you I would respect your wishes. Forgive me, siha, for coming to you like this. I did not know where else to go but before I knew it my feet had…"

"Thane…" she interrupted softly, pulling at his fist and turning him to look at her. She looked up into his dark eyes, once so alien yet now a familiar sight. Something moved in her. She didn't know what she was doing or why as she reached up with her other hand and cupped his cheek. She was done thinking. She was done letting her head get the better of her. She was done worrying about death and the mission and the coming battle. "Be alive with me tonight," she whispered to him, her eyes not wavering as the tears slid from his.

His cheek was surprisingly soft beneath her fingers, his natural scales smooth to the touch. He looked at her for only a moment, as if trying to gauge her. Slowly he leaned in and she tilted her head up to meet his. Their lips touched and in that moment, everything else faded away. Her fears, the mission, the ache in her heart. All of it vanished as she felt his hands tentatively come to rest on her hips.

The hand on his cheek slid around to the back of his neck as she stepped closer to him, pressing her body against his. Her other hand pressed against his chest where his shirt and jacket opened and left his chest bare. She sighed in the kiss, deepening it and the feel of him, desire stirring in her body.

At her boldness, he responded with his own as his arms came fully around her and embraced her. He held her tight against him as his kiss grew more heated, more urgent. They both knew what this was. She was not Irikah and he was not Kaidan but together, in those moments, they let their pain release and they just felt.

Neither could tell how long they stood there, lips locked in an embrace as tongues danced and tasted each other. Shepard admitted it was an odd sensation, kissing him. His lips were soft like his cheek but less scaly. His tongue was strong and he held nothing back when he embrace her. Her head swam the longer she embraced him. She felt drunk and elated, though she knew she'd not had enough to actually get her drunk.

She didn't think more of it as the kiss grew more heated as they began to walk back towards her bed. Her fingers worked over the fabric of his clothes to remove them as quickly as possible while his own came up to unclasp and slide off her own uniform. Before long they were both naked as his cool skin pressed against her body. Every inch of him was smooth but also hard and honed, from his chest to his torso to his thighs.

He was a fighter, an assassin. His body was in perfect condition despite his ailment. Feeling him against her, seeing the way he looked at her when the kiss broke and they just stared at one another for a moment, sent a course of desire running through her. As she looked at him, she marveled at the sight of him as her head swam more.

"You are a vision, siha," Thane said his gaze moved over her, but it was his voice that caught her off guard. She felt a bit disoriented but she could have sworn his voice had been Kaidan's. She knew that voice anywhere, it was a balm to her soul. Thane's lips descended to her neck as he kissed up the length, whispering her name in desire as his lips brushed over her earlobe. Once again, his voice was not his own but Kaidan's.

She pulled away and looked at him, needing to make sure it was really him. I must be hallucinating, she thought when Thane's gaze held hers, heavy with passion. She mentally shook her head and pulled him into another kiss as they fell back onto the bed. No, she wouldn't let her head take this from her. She needed this.

The hours passed by too quickly as they disappeared in the sheets, bodies joining and sliding against each other as ecstasy claimed them. In the haven of the bed, there were no missions, no lost loved ones, no fear of the unknown. They just lived and shared that life together in the most primal and natural ways. It was what they'd both needed and while they had it, they reveled in it.

When the comm came through that they were approaching the Omega 4 relay, Kiara was still laying next to Thane. Though her head was on his arm, she rested on her back as the sheen of sweat slowly began to dry on her skin. The agitation in her body had calmed, the stress of what was to come worked out in the most primal of ways. Even the disorientation had begun to subside.

She knew she should've felt guilty for what they just did, and a part of her did, but she also didn't regret it. Her heart still belonged to Kaidan and it always would but she'd needed this and so had Thane. She turned her head and looked to him.

He watched her silently for a few moments then finally spoke, "Thank you for sharing that with me. I know this doesn't change anything but I want you to know I will cherish this memory for whatever time I have left. You have given me a great gift, siha."

She smiled and leaned up, pressing her lips to his cheek. There was nothing to say to his words but she let her eyes show she appreciated what he said and felt their depth. "We should get ready. We're getting close," she said as she turned and slipped out of bed. She redressed quickly and tucked her hair back from her face behind her ears.

Behind her, Thane dressed as well and gave her a small smile before departing. It wasn't long after he left, as she made her way to the CIC, she felt an irritation growing under her uniform. It only grew as she made her way to Mordin's lab to make sure he was ready.

"We're about to go through the relay. You good?" she asked him, the skin irritation getting worse. What the hell was going on?

"Actually wanted to talk. Medical matters. Think might be too late though," he responded in that eccentric, choppy way he did, "Aware that mission is dangerous. Different species react differently to stress. Sexual activity normal as stress release. Still, recommend caution with Thane. Drell-human liaisons…complex. Thane complex as well."

Shepard did not like where this was going, and she wondered how the hell did he knew what happened? She scratched at her shoulder then it sunk in as Mordin continued, "Prolonged human to drell skin contact can cause small rash, itching. Oral contact may cause mild hallucinations. Can supply treatment to reduce discomfort and alleviate symptoms."

Shepard groaned internally as she resisted the growing need to itch, though it explained the disorientation she had felt. She had been hallucinating. She groaned and rubbed her temple. She didn't need this right before a mission, especially this mission. "Just…fix it Mordin. Please?" she asked, trying her hardest to be nice in asking.

Mordin nodded and went to grab the injection. A few minutes later after injecting her, he gave a satisfied smirk, "There. Symptoms should retreat by the time we're through relay. Thirty minutes, tops, for complete relief. Next time, come to me before hand. Have oils and ointments to help facilitate intimate contact."

Shepard rubbed her head and sighed, "Duly noted and Mordin…"

"Strictly confidential. Understood. No word of this to anyone. Private life private. Would not share," he said firmly then wandered off to work on whatever he was doing as he prepared for the mission.

Sure enough, by the time they reached the relay the treatment had worked and she'd felt nothing. She was glad it'd been caught before they went through the relay. With that out of the way, she donned on her armor and headed to the bridge. She hoped that would be the only hitch in the mission but she was too seasoned to expect that hope to be anything other than a fool's hope.

Her last thought before they went through the relay was of Kaidan before she secured him firmly away in the back of her mind and focused on the mission…