Chapter 15 - No Calm Before the Storm
Eternity's Struggle

Eternity's Struggle, the sequel to A Glimpse of Eternity, is a complication of short stories, letters and life-snapshots that are sprinkled throughout the events of Mass Effect 2 following both Commander Kiara Shepard and Kaidan Alenko. While they're in chronological order, its not the complete storyline of the whole of Shepard's missions as she prepares, then faces, the Collectors. There will be SPOILERS. Please read the Eternity Series - Disclaimer for more general information.

Disclaimer: I own only the parts of the individual personality of Commander Kiara Shepard I have developed inspired by the Commander Shepard in the gameplay. I do not own, nor hold any rights, to any of the characters, dialogue, storylines or any part in or of the "Mass Effect" game series. I want to thank Drew Karpyshyn and his staff of amazing writers, animators and voice actors. These are for fan enjoyment only and no money had been made on these stories.

Kaidan ran his hand over his face as he sat down at his console, exhausted from the days work. He was back with his students and every day was an exhausting one, albeit rewarding. He'd been happy to dive back into work after Horizon. Seeing Shepard alive again had thrown him for more than a loop. It had hurt when he'd been forced to say goodbye with when she died but the second goodbye had hurt nearly as much for completely different reasons. That time he'd been the one to make the choice, to choose to not have her in his life.

He still felt betrayed at her choosing them over him but even as he tried to push her from his mind, she'd always seemed to worm her way back in. It had made him wonder if there was ever any hope for them and what it would take.

Then he received her message and those thoughts shattered. The letter had held everything he had wanted to hear from her, and everything he had prayed he'd never hear from her. He hadn't know much about her mission but when he learned from her that it was going to be a one-way trip, it crushed him. He had cursed her time and again since then for the persistent way she clung to his very soul. How one thought at losing her again could consume him and crush him anew. Everything about her still held sway over him and he hated it.

He hated the fact that it was only when reading her letter that he had realized the lengths he would have gone to work his way back to her. With her goodbye came the knowledge that he didn't want to say goodbye. He didn't want her gone from his life. She'd already left his life once and, by a freak miracle, he had been given the chance to have her again in his life. After all the times he prayed for her to return to him, he had gotten his wish and he had thrown it away. He'd screwed around until it was too late.

It still tormented him, knowing she needed him and he had rejected her. By the way she'd described what they were going into, he regretted not being there for her. She had asked him to go with her and he had refused, all because of Cerberus.

Cerberus.

Just thinking about the organization incited his anger. They were an abomination, a blight upon the human race but it was just insult to injury the fact that Shepard had been forced to ally herself with them. They had taken her away from him but, what was worse, was that they were also responsible for bringing her back to him. She was alive because of them. Once again that hatred for Cerberus mingled with his own self-hate. He knew he'd never have been able to work with Cerberus but it still ate at him he hadn't been able to help Shepard. That he hadn't been able to get over his issues with them to see, and embrace, what was right in front of him - what he'd thought he'd lost forever.

Sitting there, he glanced over to the picture he had of her on his desk. He had never been able to put it away. His eyes searched her emerald gaze as it looked blankly through the glass. The emerald of her eyes were gone now, a startling surprise he'd seen when he saw her on Horizon. He didn't know why, or how, but that embrace of evergreen, that had always reminded him of his home in Vancouver, was gone. In their place were pale, white eyes.

They should have been unnerving but set in her features, they hadn't been to him. They were her eyes, different as they were, and there was never anything that could cancel out the draw he felt when she was near. He recalled the pain he saw in them when he left her on Horizon and sighed.

"If anyone can stop them, its you, Shepard," Kaidan said to her picture, "Give 'em hell then get your ass back safe."

She'd asked him to mourn her, in her letter, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to it. There was no moving on from her, no matter the issues between them. She was "The One", his only. He also knew her. If anyone could survive a one-way suicide mission and make it back home, it was Kiara Shepard. She looked at the impossible and laughed in its face. It was one of the things he'd first fallen in love with. She was the bearer of hope when hope was thought to be dead.

No, there was no mourning. She was Shepard and he knew, deep in his heart, she would survive.

She had to.

And when she did, he would find a way to work with her through everything that had happened.