Hey readers! Thanks for taking the time to read my story! Please review if you feel so inclined, the reviews make my day!

Lena/Claire = same person, also make sure you've read the previous chapter before this one or you might not know what's going on.

She wrapped her sweater tight around her body as she walked down the nearly deserted streets of Vienna. She wasn't cold but her hands were still shaking. She cursed herself for the last glass of wine because she knew she wasn't walking in a straight line. She could tell herself all she wanted that she drank too much because it was her cover. What escort wouldn't drink excessively at a party like that? She asked herself. But in reality it dulled what she needed to do later in the night.

The night hadn't gone her way at all, sure she'd ended up with the key, and they might not even know it was missing for days or weeks but he hadn't passed out and she had to maintain her cover. He was supposed to pass out, just like every other time Lena had been with him in the last month.

She felt dirty, empty, and numb as she walked the eight blocks to the apartment she'd rented out a month ago. She pulled out her cell phone and left a message for Birkhoff on the secure chat room they shared. It should have taken her a few seconds to write the message but the combination of shaking hands and too much wine made it take much longer. She read it three times before sending, there were no miss spellings or typos, there was no evidence she'd been drinking. She dragged herself up the four flights of stairs and unlocked the door. She went straight to the shower and stripped every piece of clothing off. The water wasn't warm, but she didn't care as she tried to make the water wash away the filth.

She didn't dry her hair when she got out of the shower, she simply secured the key on a chain around her neck and threw on a cotton t-shirt dress and fell into bed.

It wasn't long before the morning sun pierced through the open window and right into her eyes. She groaned and rolled over to face the wall, but unfortunately she didn't fall back asleep. All her feelings from the previous night came back with the same intensity. Even though the mission was technically a success she couldn't shake the feeling that she'd messed everything up. She stared at the plain gray wall for a while before she reached over and picked at some of the plaster that was chipping away from the dry wall. She released a few solid pieces before she decided to stop trying to destruct a three hundred year old building. She let her fingers walk across the side of the bed, she wished that side of the bed was occupied. She wanted Birkhoff there with her this morning, she wanted to wake up in his arms. He'd tell her all the things she didn't believe about herself. He'd tell her she was strong, smart, and beautiful. He'd tell her everything was ok. Maybe he'd even say he loved her. She felt the prickle of tears in her eyes and she pressed them shut, she wouldn't let the tears out of their cage.

Maybe it was a good thing he wasn't here, the rational part of her mind thought. If he was actually here she'd have to tell him what she'd done. The way she was feeling right now, she'd need to tell him what had happened. And he would be angry. He would feel betrayed and jealous. He would be mad at her, and he wouldn't understand because she couldn't tell him anything about what her motives were.

She thought back on the mission the night before, as much as she didn't want to relive that night, her training told her to stay current about the specifics of the mission. She'd need to write a debrief later this evening. She got to the point in the mission where they were in the hallway on the way back up to the room, Dominic had her bag in hand, which she knew contained much more than just a few novelty items for the Director. She remembered stumbling forward in an attempt to stop him from opening the bag, she'd succeeded in that task, but it wasn't her actions which stayed Dominic's hand. It had been what the director had said. The director had said he wouldn't tell Michael. Up until that point she hadn't really considered that Dominic might be Division, she'd figured he was freelance. She already knew that Dominic was sending a signal somewhere, she'd detected the signal in a coat button earlier in the night when he checked her for weapons. If he was Division, Michael was watching. Her stomach turned over again, just like it had the night before. She'd fought back the urge to run last night, if she hadn't been so close to completing her mission she probably would have run. But she couldn't just walk away, when the key was so close she could almost reach out and grab it. She'd made the right call last night. She repeated that over and over trying to make herself believe it completely. But she couldn't deny that there was still a doubt in her mind.

A new wave of nausea hit her as a startlingly different possibility occurred to her. If Dominic was relaying feed back to Division then it was possible that not just Michael had been watching, but also Birkhoff. If he was watching he would see through any disguise. Where Michael might have to look over the feed closely to make sure it was her, Birkhoff would know instantly. She wasn't sure how closely he worked with Michael, Birkhoff never mentioned him and Lena of course, never asked. But what if Birkhoff was watching…

She flipped the sheets back from the bed and crawled to the other side of the mattress where she'd left her black duffle bag with her phone inside. She dug through the clothing and reached into every crevice but the phone wasn't there.

"Looking for something?" A woman's voice asked and Lena realized that she wasn't alone. A young woman sat near the corner of her room. The woman was perfectly manicured and poised. She had a black leather jacket and tight black pants. She was slender, with sleek dark hair that fell past her shoulders. The kind of woman you don't see on the street, she was the kind of woman you expected to see in a magazine.

Lena gasped as she tried to untangle herself from the tangled mess of sheets and blankets. "I'm not here to hurt you." The woman said. Her voice was serious but kind. "I hope you don't mind, I helped myself to one of your bottled waters while you slept."

"What do you want?" Lena asked as she continued to subtly search the bag for her gun.

"If you're looking for this?" She said as she held up one of Lena's weapons. "I pulled it from your bag last night."

Lena swallowed hard annoyed. She also knew she wasn't in a good tactical position, she was unarmed with an unknown intruder. "Who are you?" She hissed. She watched as the woman smiled slightly before answering.

"My name is Nikita, but how we will relate to eachother is really up to you." She answered simply, she wasn't trying to intimidate Lena. "After I leave, you can forget about me completely. Choose to answer my questions and you'll never have to see me again. Then again I could also be your ticket out of this life. You can leave with me and leave this life behind completely, I'll set you up with a new identity, I'll teach you how to live so those low lifes who own you can't catch up with you."

"What life are you getting me out of?" Lena asked, she wondered if the woman thought she was a prostitute or if she knew Lena was in intelligence.

"Well what does Vlad call it. The life of an Escort?"

Lena waited feeling microscopically more secure, was the woman aware that she wasn't simply an escort?

"Lets leave the decision of whether you stay or leave with me until later." The woman said. Lena crossed her arms across her chest and tried to look as intimidating as she could while barefoot and wearing a purple cotton t-shirt dress. "I'm looking for someone. I think she is one of Vlad's girls."

"I don't know all of the girls." She answered shortly, in truth Lena had only joined up with Vlad for one job, this job. She'd paid him to let her be the escort for the director. She didn't know any of Vlad's other girls.

"That's alright. She's probably sixteen by now, brown hair, blue eyes. She was sold two years ago."

"Lady that could describe half of his girls."

"Her real name is Alexandra, though I doubt she goes by that."

"I don't know her." Lena answered. "and even if I did, why would I tell you. You break into my apartment in the middle of the night and ruffle through my stuff. Why would I even think of trusting you?"

"You could hardly call what I did to that door breaking in…" she stood up and walked over to the door. "That lock doesn't really keep anything out. And I went through your things to see if you were armed. And look, you were." She pulled Lena's tranquilizer gun from beneath her jacket. And holding it up with an amused look on her face. "Now tell me what's a girl like you doing with two guns like these?"

Lena didn't answer. She was good at staying quiet during questioning. She simply stared back at the woman. After almost a full minute of silence, the woman spoke again.

"For now, lets assume self defence. Fair?" she asked. "Believe it or not I found something more concerning than two loaded guns in your bag. Can you imagine what that might be?"

Lena ran through her brain trying to figure out what she meant. Her computer was here, but it was locked and highly secured. Her phone was in her bag, and the apps that were incriminating required a finger print identification. Cash and two different pass ports. The Key from the director was still around her neck so the woman didn't have that. The rest of her stuff was simply clothing and toiletries.

The woman reached into the other pocket of her jacket and pulled out Lena's phone. "I looked at your phone to find Vlad's phone number. And I found it. Way back in your call log. But I found something else too." She pressed a few buttons on the phone before facing it to Lena. It was open to the chat room she used with Birkhoff, and it prominently displayed her last message to him. Done with work I'll be home Monday night. Lena clamped her jaw together tightly. That wasn't the only incriminating thing on the phone, but that was bad.

"So now I know who you work for." She said with a slight smile. "And lets be honest, its not Vlad."

"You're wrong." Lena said softly

"No, I'm not. I can spot their work a mile away, I can spot Birkhoff's work a mile away." Lena tried not to react to his name but her eyes grew wide when the woman said his name. She knew Nikita saw her reaction and took it as a confirmation that she worked for Division. "They must have changed some of their communication procedures, back when I worked for them we used secure sat phones. This looks like a shell program imbedded in their base, probably requires some sort of finger print identification system. Lucky for me, you had it open when you went in the shower."

"Who do you work for?" Lena asked suddenly fearing that she had encountered the Division agent Michael would have sent to arrest her if she was identified on the video feed.

"Now, I work for myself. In the past I was a forced to work for Division. Same as you." She paused before continuing. "But I got out, and I can get you out too. You don't have to be the person they trained you to be…." Lena listened as Nikita relived all that Division had made her do, she talked about regret and remorse and trying to just right one wrong that she had committed. Lena felt sorry for the woman, she'd been through more than Lena had been through and somehow she had found the strength to go on. Her story was true, Lena could feel the sincerity, she knew she wasn't lying.

"Stop." Lena said, she knew she was telling the truth and she didn't like her jumping to the wrong conclusion. "I don't work for Division, I'm telling you the truth. I'm working to expose them. The shell program you saw on my cell is a way for me to communicate with someone on the inside, that's all."

"Gogle?" she asked.

"No," Lena answered. She decided to trust the woman, at least with some of her secret. "I can't tell you who, you know I can't."

Lena spent most of the day talking with Nikita. And Lena decided to trust her with more than she typically would share, and she had a feeling Nikita did the same. Lena told Nikita a little about her past, how she was trained to be a spy but something made her stop short of telling her the story of how her parents died. She'd never told that story to anyone, and she wasn't ready to share it yet. She also didn't tell Nikita about Birkhoff. Lena wasn't exactly sure what was going on between her and Birkhoff after last night. She wasn't really sure if she still had a friend in him, but she hoped he might see past the deception and choose to love her anyway. Regardless of what he decided, she'd have a lot of explaining ahead of her. As it started to get dark Lena began to pack her things as they talked. She pulled a carry-on bag out of the closet and began to fill it with the contents of the apartment. Finally when she was finished she turned to Nikita.

"It was nice to have someone to talk to." Nikita said "I've been on my own a long time."

"It seems to me you are usually on your own." Lena answered.

She nodded. "Maybe that's the way I'm supposed to be."

"Maybe not." Lena said as she walked up to the woman and touched her shoulder for the first time. "You've just had too many people in your life you couldn't trust. You have to learn to trust again."

Nikita nodded. "I have Vlad's addresses in my phone. I have two European addresses and one New York address. I'm sure he has more, but it's a place for you to start." Nikita handed back the phone and Lena found the three addresses. "If you get to the New York one, give me a call." She offered.

"I suppose you want your guns back too."

"No," Lena said "I've got a plane to catch tomorrow, I'd have to ditch them before then anyway."

"Hello." she called cautiously as she opened the door to his apartment. She flipped on the lightswitch, he would work in the dark all the time if he had his way but she liked to be able to see what she was doing. She leaned her carry-on bag against the wall next to the door, she'd come here straight from the airport. She started to take off her boots but then surveyed the state of the floor, she'd keep them on for now. While his bedroom was typically free of cords, bits of broken plastic, and other electronics in various states of disrepair, the living room was another story.

"I grabbed you a sub from across the street, I got roast beef but if you want turkey you can have mine. You didn't text me back so I wasn't sure what you wanted." In truth he hadn't texted her back at all since the night of the mission. He knew… he must have been there, he must have been right over Michael's shoulder watching the whole mission play out. She unloaded her purse and a white paper bag onto the counter then spun around to the fridge to retrieve a soda for herself.

"Do you have anything diet?" she asked as she backed out of the refrigerator holding a bottled water. She tried to keep her conversation light, like nothing was wrong. It was only then that she noticed the nearly empty bottle of Whiskey on the counter. Birkhoff wasn't a drinker and as far as she knew the only hard liquor he kept in the house was a small bottle of vodka he bought for her so she could make what he called 'girl drinks'.

"B? Where are you?" She called louder. The apartment was silent but she guessed he was there, his keys were sitting a few feet away from the bottle on the counter. Birkhoff didn't have a nice apartment. He didn't have a kitchen with brand new appliances or solid wood floors throughout the apartment. The living room had a simple leather sofa and a desk. A 52'inch tv was mounted on the wall in front of the couch which he used as both a monitor and a television. She stepped cautiously around a spare laptop and old Xbox on the living room floor. His bedroom had the same shaggy tan carpet as the living room and it was probably installed before she was born. He tended to keep the bedroom clear of clutter, today the room was tidy, except for a gray t-shirt lying near the door of his closet and a pillow that had fallen from the disheveled bed last night. She picked up the pillow and placed on her side of the bed. She made her way through the bedroom to the bathroom. Although the apartment was shabby the bathroom was surprisingly nice, Birkhoff of course had never appreciated that this was indeed the nicest room. Guys never appreciated a nice bathroom. The tile on the floor was a retro navy blue. And the bathtub and shower were spacious, especially for an apartment in New York. "B?" she asked as she stepped into the room.

"Hands above your head!" He shouted nervously as he stepped out from behind the door. Lena startled, she hadn't seen him there. "Do it!" He yelled, his hands clinging shakily to a hand gun pointed at Lena.

"B? What's going on?" she asked as she slowly raised her hands above her head.

"Turn around and get into the shower." He commanded. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot, as he stood unsteadily next to the door.

"No. What the hell are you doing?"

"I have the gun I do the talking! Get into the shower!"

"Please, calm down! What is this about?" she asked nervously and she held her ground.

"You know exactly what this is about! You're using me!"

She shook her head in response "No, I haven't."

"Why were you in Vienna Saturday night?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd have people there!"

"Don't tell me you just happened to stumble upon a Division operation."

"Division?" she whispered, he'd never named them before. "I didn't know you were there until it was too late."

"Well, see that just can't be true. I bet you think I'm real dumb falling for your little act. Using me for intelligence... well you won't use me anymore." He said bitterly as his grip redoubled on the gun and he held it a little steadier toward her.

"I'm not using you. I swear B. please don't do this. My intel on Director Lauriet came from my company and my assets, I didn't get anything from Division or from you."

"Lies. It's all lies." He repeated manically. "This is your fault, you know. You knew if I found out this is what I would have to do."

"Check! Check. Has your laptop been compromised? Has divisions interface been hacked? I've had ample time to hijack your laptop while you slept but I haven't."

"You just covered your tracks. You're a professional, in more ways than one, it must have been easy for you" he sneered.

"No, that's not true." She whispered. She was taken aback by his last comment, she felt the prickle of tears reach her eyes but she fought them down. " I'll answer all your questions but for God sake put the gun down before you do something you'll regret." She took a cautious step toward him, he didn't react.

"You lair, slut. You don't love me, I should have known. I'm putting a stop to it now before you get me killed. I always protect myself, and I will protect myself."

"Ask! Ask me anything B.! I'll answer! Anything, no rules!" She shouted her voice cracked and a tear escaped from one of her eyes.

"It doesn't matter."

"I'm CIA! Please, you need to believe me."

"CIA… sure." Skepticism dripped from slurred words. "I really don't care."

"Please, babe this isn't you." She took another cautious step toward him. "You're not a killer."

"I have no choice." He shouted, and Lena noticed a small tear threatening to fall from his eye.

"You do have a choice." She answered. "You've done a lot of things you aren't proud of B. but murder isn't one of them. If you do this, you change everything. They will have finally conquered you. You will lose yourself completely if you start killing for them."

He swallowed hard and the tear escaped, he lowered the gun slightly but put up a hand to hold her back. "Don't." he whispered and Lena didn't move closer. She waited for him to speak again.

"I have to do this, cause when they find out you got into division through me I'm dead." He lowered the gun further and patted the barrel against his chest. "He'll kill me. He'll do it himself if he has too. I've seen it." The tears began to fall from his eyes. Faster than before, Lena took the opportunity to move a couple steps closer to him so she was only two short strides away from him. He didn't immediately raise the gun. "If I don't do this I'll be cancelled. That's the term he uses. Cancelled, just like when you say to someone 'oh hey I canceled by cable service cause the rates kept going up.' It takes away the human aspect. Makes it easier to talk about in everyday conversation, cause it is a part of everyday conversation in Division, its every day, every moment, every second, either someone's getting murdered or we're planning the next kill." In a split second the gun moved from where he held it near his chest to his chin. She didn't think she lunged the final feet between them and pushed the gun away from his face.

She twisted the gun out of his fingers and her entire body relaxed when she realized the safety was still engaged. "I can't." he whispered through the tears. She placed the gun on the floor and kicked it across the room. His shoulder's heaved as he cried and she wrapped her arms around him. After a moment he did the same to her.

"Shh." She whispered lovingly as she pulled herself in closer. She could feel his tears on her neck and soaking into her shirt. "I may be working for the other side, and I didn't tell you the truth of who I work for. But my feelings for you, they're true. I mean every word. We will get through this, together. I love you."

"Don't you see, I'm next." He breathed into her ear, she felt his tears against her face. "He's gonna kill me for loving you."

The alarm blared and Birkhoff, groaned and threw his hand over to hit the snooze, but he didn't get up. The clock read 7:05, just like every other morning, but today wasn't every other morning. Today was the morning after he confronted his girlfriend about betraying him.

He rolled over onto his back and stared at his ceiling. The apartment was quiet but she was probably still around. He could smell her coffee which meant she was already up. Great, he thought. He didn't want to face her this morning, or any other morning for that matter.

He wasn't sure how she'd gotten him to go to bed, most of last night was a blur. He glanced over to her side of the bed. The pillows were still neatly at the top of the bed, she hadn't slept there last night. She'd probably taken the couch. He tried to think back on what happened last night. He'd checked out a weapon from Division earlier in the afternoon. Who was he kidding? He wasn't going to kill her, although when he checked out the gun he thought he could pull the trigger. He wondered vaguely if she believed he would do it. She might have, he'd certainly had enough to drink to do something that was completely out of character. He remembered waiting at the apartment for her to come back, getting angrier and angrier as the night went on. He didn't remember her coming home and he didn't remember confronting her, he'd blacked out by then.

Ten minutes after the alarm he dragged himself up from the bed. His head was throbbing, he needed aspirin and the aspirin was in the kitchen.

Claire was seated at the kitchen table. Her fingers were wrapped tightly around her coffee cup as she stared down at her tablet computer. Off to her right was a bottle of aspirin, a glass of water, and a Redbull, he felt a surge of anger that she assumed he would be hung over.

"You're still here." He growled as he walked straight by her and opened the refrigerator.

"Yes." She answered calmly without looking up from her computer. "You asked me to stay last night."

He hated that he couldn't remember if that was true or not. "Last night I wasn't thinking clearly."

"yea, that's why I think we should talk about this."

"You want to know how I feel?" He sneered as he grabbed a bottled water out of the fridge, then reached for the advil in the cupboard above his head. "You used me. There, we talked now get out."

"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't." she apologized. "And I don't think I've used you."He shook his head dismissively. "Look, they've done really terrible things. They've taken things from me, things I can never replace and I need to stop them."

"But, you can't stop them." He hissed.

"You know what Division does, is wrong!" she argued. "You have a good heart B, don't tell me you can sit at your desk and blindly do their bidding. It must kill you!"

"No defying them would kill me." He retorted "and how do you know that name?"

"You told me last night." She answered. "And after all the things they've done, you know its wrong, you have to stand up against such evil." Again he shook his head still annoyed with himself for revealing the name Division.

"But you can't beat them! Believe me if there was a way I would listen but there isn't! It's suicide." His head felt like it was going to explode as he yelled.

"It's not suicide." She argued. "I have good people backing me."

"You know what, it doesn't matter. If you want to go off and kill yourself its fine by me, just don't bring me down with you!"

"Look you're already in danger, every day you go to work you might not come home. I would never knowingly increase that danger. That's why I couldn't tell you. You said yourself you couldn't beat the lie detectors." she shouted desperately "if you don't know then they have no reason to suspect you!"

"Every word out of your mouth is a lie." He answered coldly. "Since day one, you picked me out on that plane and I fell for it. I thought maybe we had something here but…" he hesitated slightly "Screw you"

"The plane was real. I didn't know who you were until I walked into that room in South Africa. It was never part of the plan to meet you on the plane."

"Well I just fit right into your game then! You know you'd be dead if it wasn't for me! They would have killed you right there in the highway, the second day I knew you. The only reason you are alive today is because I intervened! And look how you repay me."

"I know."

"I regret that, saving your life."

"You don't mean that."

"Like hell I don't." He hissed. "I wish I never met you. You're a liar and a slut, Claire."

"Ok, this stops right here." She answered. She wouldn't let him start to name call. And she the insult slut, was cutting deeper than it ever had before. "You want to get cruel about this and I'm not gonna let you go any further. I still love you—"

"-Lie."

"And that isn't going to change," she found herself raising her volume to drown out Birkhoff's interjection. "so when you're ready to pull your head out of your ass." She cried, immediately hating the childish nature of the statement. "You know where to find me." She stomped over to the door and grabbed her carry-on bag from its place by the door. "Unfortunately I do need to know one thing before I go."

He stared down at the sink without looking up at her. "Are you going to rat me out to your employers?"

He hesitated, then after a moment he answered. "No, but I won't protect you either, you'll dig your own grave."

Thanks for reading! I've had most of this chapter written forever. I write out of order a lot, and this was one of those chapters I wrote out of order a long time ago. I couldn't wait for it's point in the story to come.

As always, please review, the feedback is wonderful!

P.S. I was being really lazy today and I decided to watch the nikita comicon interview panel and the executive producer gave away a pretty big Birkhoff spoiler for next season. I can't wait for it to air in September!