Chapter Five

Recovery

Note: This chapter is pretty long and there is a bit of smut. You have been warned!

{-Cullen-}

It had been days now since they had rescued Ellaina from Adamant. Cullen, Cassandra, Solas, and several other mages who sought refuge with the Inquisition were slowly nursing her back to health. It was an agonizing process. Cassandra and Cullen had taken up temporary residence in her quarters in order to keep a constant vigil over her. The lyrium helped, but her there were still nights she would wake up screaming and unleashing the Wrath of Heaven. Sometimes Cullen could get her to calm down, but at times she was completely incoherent and he had to allow Cassandra to subdue her. It destroyed him seeing her completely helpless like that.

Cullen was fighting through his own bout of lyrium withdrawal after the battle. His bones and muscles ached from exertion and he could feel the lyrium in her room pull to him. Finally he asked Dorian to enchant the chest so he wasn't constantly subjected to the substance's torture. His nightmares woke Ellaina often, making her more confused, but every time he tried to go back to his quarters she begged him to stay. He couldn't say no to her. She needed him, he had promised to be there for her, and despite everything being near her helped lessen his own symptoms.

Meanwhile, the Inquisition's forces were growing at a rapid rate. Hundreds of recruits migrated to Skyhold daily. Cullen had temporarily handed over command of the army to Knight-Templar Barris. With the Inquisitor out of commission for the moment Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine had to make the harder decisions themselves. Handing over command was the first and hardest Cullen had done. However, the young man was well trained and his leadership skills were impeccable. Cullen did not regret his decision and he was certain Ellaina would feel the same. All he could do now was fight for both of them. If that meant curling up in bed beside her instead of barking orders at troops all day that's what he would do. If it meant spoon-feeding her soup and potions along with preparing her lyrium philters every day, that's what he would do. He helped her dress, bathe, walk, eat, and sleep. She constantly apologized for her weakness, but Cullen never doubted her strength. He knew she would recover from this, he was certain of it. It was just a matter of time.

Unfortunately, time was not something they had a lot of. The Breach still hung in the sky and Ellaina was the only one who could close it. She knew this, and in trying to will herself to get better faster, her progress often ended up going backwards instead of forward. Cullen, along with her comrades, pleaded with her to take it easy. Her stubbornness and sheer force of will was hurting her more than it was helping. Finally she gave up trying to fight them. After several weeks had passed she finally had regained the strength to start training again. Cullen hated to admit it, but the exercises were a welcome distraction from his withdrawal. They trained every day. Some days she could handle more, some days she couldn't handle it at all. Once the lyrium levels in her blood had returned to normal she was strong enough to train normally again. She worked hard, sometimes too hard, and Cullen couldn't have been happier or more proud. She was true to the name Bull had given her, Asaaranda, meaning Thunderstorm.

{-Ellaina-}

Today's the day. I'm going to make Cullen spar with me. Three months had passed since her ordeal at Adamant. Her training had been slow to put it lightly. It took her over a month to lift her greatsword let alone swing it with any semblance of the grace she once had. Today was an unusually warm day in late spring. She was saddling up the Chestnut mare Master Dennet had given her in Redcliffe, and for the first time in ten years she had a longsword clipped to her belt. It's weight, or absence thereof, was not completely foreign, but it was certainly odd. Riding Dakota gave her respite from her daily duties and time to reflect on what was real and what was dream. She still had trouble with that some days, and today was one of those days. She took her time buckling the saddle and adjusting the stirrups. Ellaina had always been meticulous about saddling a horse. Ever since her first mare, Stormy, threw her when she was eleven. She was absorbed in her thoughts and the world around her melted away.

"Going for a ride?" Cullen's deep voice made her jump a foot into the air and spooked Dakota.

"Whoa, easy girl." Ellaina crooned to the mare.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Cullen's face flushed crimson as he turned to leave. Her ears pricked at the lack of jingling that usually accompanied his footfalls. She turned to face him, and it was only then that she realized the commander wasn't clad in his armor.

"It's ok. I was just absorbed in thought." Ellaina paused for a moment. "It's the perfect day for a ride. Why don't you come with me?"

Cullen turned and smiled at her, his smile still got to her. The way it made him seem like an innocent little shy boy melted her heart. She caught herself staring at his face and felt the heat rush to her cheeks so she looked down towards his feet. Her eyes didn't obey her and stopped at his chest. With his armor off she could see every muscle under his tunic, which would have hung loose on most men but Cullen's broad chest and shoulders stretched the fabric. How she longed to touch him, to feel his hard strong body against her own. Her face got even warmer and she forced herself to peel her eyes away from her Commander back toward her horse.

"I would love to my Lady. So long as my presence doesn't embarrass you too much." She could hear the cynical smile in his voice as Master Dennet brought Cullen out a bay horse already saddled up.

"Hello there, Judex." Cullen patted the gelding on his haunches. "It's been too long hasn't it boy."

"He's all saddled up just like you asked." Master Dennet proclaimed.

"Thank you sir." Cullen nodded toward Dennet.

"Just like you asked? You planned this didn't you?"

"Maybe." Cullen replied as he lifted himself gracefully into the saddle. "Come on. It's the perfect day for a ride right?"

"Yes. Indeed it is." Ellaina lifted herself into Dakota's saddle and the two walked their horses toward Skyhold's gates.

After they were across the bridge the sound of their horses was almost completely muffled. The silence of the Frostbacks could have swallowed them if it hadn't been for the jingle of buckles and reins.

"Come with me. There's something I want to show you."

"Alright. Lead on Commander."

Cullen prompted his horse to a trot and Ellaina followed suit. Soon enough they were galloping down towards the valley beneath Skyhold. The crisp mountain wind felt good against her face. The snow on the Frostbacks was beginning to melt further into the valley and flowers bloomed in abundance. Spring had always been Ellaina's favorite season. She and Cullen continued to gallop deeper into the valley and Ellaina relished the sights and smells of wet ground, perfumed flowers, and grass that sprung to life after having been buried for months under several feet of snow. She was just starting to wonder where they were going when a small pond came into view. She had never seen it before despite all the rides she had taken into the valley before. Cullen slowed his horse and they walked the remainder of the way to the pond. A beautiful weeping willow had bloomed, white flowers dotting its branches and several petals were floating in the lake. Ellaina thought she could make out a picnic blanket spread out beneath the great tree's swaying leaves. He totally planned this. She thought to herself as Cullen halted his horse in front of a stake placed not far from the waters edge. He dismounted and tied Judex to the stake before extending his hand to help Ellaina dismount.

"Thank you Ser Cullen." Ellaina said in as eloquent a tone as she could muster.

"I am at your service my Lady." Cullen replied as he bowed deeply to her.

"May I?" He asked as he extended his hands for Dakota's reins.

"Certainly." Ellaina handed Cullen the reins and he tied them below Judex's. After he finished he reached for Ellaina's hand again and walked her toward the willow. Beneath it, as she had suspected, sat a picnic blanket accompanied buy a small basket and a bottle of their favorite wine.

"Are you trying to seduce me Commander?" Ellaina piqued an eyebrow at him.

"Would I ever do such a thing?" He replied in mock distress. Then he blushed and started to stammer. "I-that is…I simply thought that you could uh use a day away."

Maker he is adorable. Ellaina chuckled a bit, and then let out a sigh, "I have to admit, taking over my duties as Inquisitor again has been more tiresome than I remembered."

Cullen looked at her worriedly, "You don't have to take over again all at once. You know Leliana and Josephine worry about you."

"And you don't?"

"Of course! I mean I know you're capable, it's just-"

"Kidding, Cullen. I'm kidding." Ellaina let out another chuckle. "It's laborious yes, but it feels good to have things heading back towards normalcy. Well, as normal as the world gets with a giant hole in the sky." She looked up at the heavens as if trying to understand the Maker's joke. "I'm stronger than I was before Adamant, I'm coping with the nightmares, the lyrium helps, but I won't allow myself to be dependent on it. I promise you that." She paused here and looked at Cullen, making sure her point got across. "I've been practicing and training hard, but I haven't pushed myself to my limit. I need to get some real combat training in. Without it I'm still pretty useless."

"You've recuperated much faster than anyone expected. Are you sure you're not pushing yourself too hard?" Cullen's voice and face were still laced with worry despite her efforts to reassure him.

"Yes my darling. I'm sure. I know that you're there for me if anything happens. That gives me the strength to push myself. I can't settle for being comfortable anymore. The Breach is still in the sky and I'm the only one who can seal it. Corypheus is still a threat and I've been out of commission for almost six months. The world's a wreck. I have to see this through 'til the end."

Cullen sighed and shook his head.

"What is it?"

"You know, I brought you out here in hopes of distracting you from all that."

"I know. I can't help it. It's always on my mind."

"I understand." Cullen shook his head again as he reached for the bottle and filled two tin cups with the wine.

"May I propose a toast then?" Ellaina raised her cup.

"Certainly."

"To us then. When this is all over may we have ample time and distractions."

"I couldn't have said it better myself. Cheers my Lady."

"Cheers." The cups made a quiet clink as she downed the sweet white liquid.

They enjoyed the rest of their picnic and after a few glasses of wine Ellaina was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. She walked towards the edge of the pond as Cullen packed up the remains of their meal. Petals fell from the willow tree and made ripples on the pond. She couldn't help thinking about how much she had in common with that tiny petal. Her actions rippled across the nations. Her every decision was felt throughout all of Thedas. Her shoulders sank as the weight of it all began to press down on her again. Just as she was about to turn around she felt Cullen's hands upon her shoulders. She felt the warmth radiating from his body as he held her and gently rubbed her arms. She never felt as safe as she did in his embrace.

"Ellaina. You, me pretty lake." He echoed her words from the last time they were in a scene like this. When he had told her about his brother and given her the coin she still carried in her pocket. Her heart lifted and a smile came to her lips.

"That's what I was looking for."

He breathed as his lips caressed her neck. Her legs practically melted from underneath her as she felt herself sinking further into his embrace. She reached up behind her and put her hands around his neck as he continued to kiss her from her collarbone to her jawline and nipped at her ear. She turned her head to receive a gloriously passionate open-mouthed kiss. They parted and she looked into his eyes and the entire world dissolved around her. There was nothing else except for the two of them. He turned her around to face him as he kissed her again. The kiss was hotter, more passionate, and filled with desire. It had been too long since he had kissed her like this so she gave in. She allowed herself to melt into his kiss. His strong arms encircled her and pulled her closer until there was no room left between the two of them. Then with a single smooth motion he scooped her up and carried her over to the blanket.

She let out a small squeak of surprised delight as he more or less plopped her onto the ground. She took full advantage of him not being pressed against her to pull up on his tunic. Maker, if only he didn't wear that armor more often! She thought to herself about the last time they had to pause their passion to remove their respective armor. Granted, they were both warriors and therefor very efficient at it, but this was glorious.

Sculpted didn't even begin to describe him. She traced her fingers against the scars that marked his chiseled physique and he shuddered with delight beneath her touch. She seized her opportunity in his moment of weakness. She tightened her legs around his abdomen and twisted her own to knock him off balance and placed herself atop him.

"Well then. You certainly have recovered your strength." He said in a surprised, breathy tone.

"I do my best Commander." She replied in mock sheepishness.

She looked down at him again marveling at the sight of him, drinking him in. She continued to touch his scars as her hands traced closer to the belt of his trousers. She teased a spot on his pelvis with a nail and his hips bucked in response to her touch. He looked up at her, his eyes practically begging her to love him. She decided she would tease him a bit first. She leaned over him and planted a trail of kisses from below his navel to the corner of his squared jaw, nipping his ear just as he had done to her moments ago. A rumble of pleasure escaped his lips as his hips bucked again. His ears always were his weak spot. Naturally she ravished them with bites and kisses trying to see just how wild she could drive him. He grabbed on to her belt, unbuckling it with ease and pulled at her tucked-in tunic, which she, gratefully, removed. He seized the opportunity and rolled her over so she was beneath him again.

He ravished her neck and soft moans escape her despite her efforts to keep quiet. She wanted to make him work harder for it than he was having to. However, it had been much too long since they'd had an opportunity to be intimate and she wanted him more than she was willing to admit. His kisses were filled with the animalistic desire that drove her completely mad. She wanted him to take her right now, but she was also savoring the moment. He was using everything in his bag of tricks. No man she had ever been with had been able to get to her like he does.

"Ellaina. You're trousers are getting in the way." His voice was deep and gravely just like the Lion he was named after.

"So are yours." She replied deviously.

"Well we'll just have to fix that won't we?"

He pulled his face away from hers and trailed kisses and hot breaths against her skin as he pulled down her trousers and smallclothes in one graceful, fluid motion. Her boots, however always got in the way. Damned things. She hurriedly unlaced them and pulled them off as he did the same with his. He descended upon her again smoothness of his lips and the roughness of his stubble gloriously combined as he pilfered every corner of her mouth. Her back arched up into him as he laced his fingers through her hair and pulled. She clawed at his back, a moan escaping her lips as he chuckled into the skin on her neck.

She wanted him. "Cullen, I…" she was starting to formulate a sentence but the rest of her words were lost as he covered her lips with his. She was fumbling with the buckle on his trousers, but he was too quick for her pulling himself out of her reach and removing her breast band. He suckled on one of her nipples as his fingers pleasured the other. Just when she thought she couldn't take it any longer he stopped. She opened her eyes just long enough to see him give her a devilish grin and descend upon her. He growled into her and at the first flick of his tongue she thought she would explode with delight. She grabbed his curls and pulled as howled in pleasure. She didn't even realize he had undone his belt until she felt his tip teasing her. She wanted him and he knew it.

"Cullen…"

He looked up at her and brought his face up to her ear and lowered his voice. "Beg. Beg for me to conquer you." The wave of desire that crashed over her made her vision go starry.

"Cullen, please!"

"Louder." He growled

"By the Maker, Cullen!"

"Louder!" he roared.

"Chantry Boy, if you don't take me now!"

As soon as she had exclaimed it loud enough that she was certain everyone in Skyhold had heard he entered her with such force that all her breath left her. She went mad under his attack as he leaned back in to her and kissed her heavily. He growled into her skin with each thrust and she squealed with pleasure as they reached their peak together. They lay there, limbs entangled, breathing heavily, and both of them glistening. The smell of their sweat, ivory and leather mixed with lavender and lyrium were the only things her senses could detect for a moment. She relished in it. That was their smell, a smell that couldn't be replicated. Cullen moved away in order to get into a more comfortable position. The cold that caressed her where his warm body had been made Ellaina feel suddenly vulnerable.

"Don't leave me." She whispered.

"Never." He replied as he cupped her face and kissed her sweetly. He pulled another blanket from the picnic basket and they held each other, naked, shielded by the willow tree, as a soft rain began to fall.

"Thank you." She said. Those were the only words she could think of to begin to describe her gratitude. This man, who had been through hell, had put the effort into nursing her back to health while fighting an addiction that kills more than most. He comforted her after she awoke screaming from nightmares when he was facing demons of his own. He shielded her, carried her, and loved her despite her flaws and through all their suffering. He was strong beyond measure, and yet so shy and uncertain that, at times, he still stammered around her. He was more than she deserved, and everything she never knew she needed.

"Don't thank me. You're the one who chose me. I should be thanking you." He replied.

She looked up to see the smile on his face, the love that made his amber eyes sparkle and his strong face glow. "Yes I did, and it's a choice I don't regret. Never forget that. The road ahead is filled with uncertainty, and you are the only certain thing in it."

She bent her head so she could hear his heart beat. A heart that beat for so many, but she knew it beat for her more than anyone else. She was his and he was hers, and in that moment as she drifted off to sleep, that was all that mattered.