Workin' the Street
Haruhi was putting applications in left, right and center, but with the recent economic crisis it was becoming harder and harder to find decent work.
"THAT'S HOW BAD!" Jay Leno commented, snickering devilishly at Haruhi as he blew a joint in her face.
"KY-ON!" Haruhi shouted, "HELP ME FIND A SUMMA JOB!" she demanded, kicking him in the shins with her pure rage.
"Ouch Haruhiiiii!" Kyon cried like a tiny baby, "I can't just GIVE you a job, we have to FIND one first!" he explained, slugging along behind her.
"Well I'm getting tired of it! There HAS to be some easier way to get decent work around here without being a cheap whore like Mikuru!" Mikuru frowned out that, sticking her tongue out at Haruhi as she excepted the five dollar bill thrust before her.
"Well I'm going behind this alleyway with Ms Asahina now, you two be careful!" Itsuki was a manslut that Nagato had purchased along with Mikuru for a sweet buy one get one free deal.
Haruhi looked exhausted, "Kyon carry me!"
"What no fuk u." Kyon replied.
"No fuk u, carry me or I'll tell everyone about your one night stand with Aunt Jemimah."
"K."
They eventually got really damn hungry, and so they stopped in at a nearby burger joint as they contemplated where to find work.
"Ugh the food here tastes like crap." Haruhi complained, chewing down her burger, it's secret sauce spilling onto her chest.
"Wow Haruhi, way to SLOOOOOOOB" Kyon replied, wiping it off as an excuse to rub her HOT HOT TITAYS.
"Thanks." She said being stupid and not noticing as Kyon "wiped" the sauce harder.
"Hey you guys!" an african american teen in a burger worker's uniform came over and sat beside Kyon, making him very VERY uncomfortable, "Cleaning sauce, huh? That's not how ya do it." he claimed, licking his finger and wiping the sauce from Haruhi's right nipple spots.
"WOW, way to 1up me asshole" Kyon murmured.
"You sound mad" he noticed, "What's wrong?"
"OH NOT MUCH" Haruhi blurted, slamming her hands down on the table, "We're just in a SHITTY burger joint after I had to walk with my SHITTY legs all across this SHITTY country (I don't think Japan is that big though) to find a SHITTY job! Fuck I hate employees at McDonald's, let's go Kyon!"
So Haruhi dragged Kyon by his DICK and he was like oh that's SO hot but he didn't act on it cause Haruhi would pull it like, into the street or something and feed it to the wild dogs.
The two walked like that for sometime, until someone approached Haruhi and said 'Give ya $100 for a quick blow, but Haruhi misunderstood and punched him in the face, taking his wallet afterwards. He was broke though, so fuck him for trying to take advantage of my poor, sweet Haruhi.
After that an African American teen on rollerblades shot by, knocking Kyon to the ground and pressing into him hard, almost like a hot yaoi type scene but without the nudity or ghosts everywhere.
"WOAH, sorry about that guy!" he spoke, getting up quickly and dusting himself off, "MAn, I wish I could find someone to take this JOB so I wouldn't need to keep doing the deliveries!" he spoke allowed as though his thoughts weren't picked up by anyone else.
"I'LL TAKE IT" Haruhi exclaimed.
"GREAT! I'LL TAKE YOU THERE!" The boy exclaimed, lifting Haruhi in his arms and skating down the street with her, leaving Kyon confused, disturbed and aroused.
If only the Smurfs could see him now.
Awhile later, Haruhi was in a skimpy tight fastfood uniform as she lifted Kyon's limp body from the ground.
"Wakeup asshole!" she demanded, "You're working with me so we make twice the money in half the time!" "Working...? Where? T_T " Kyon groaned all kawaiii wait, that's for haruhi to do.
"Good Burger."