Hermione was abruptly brought back to consciousness by the ice-cold water that had been thrown in her face. Three guesses as to who's idea that was.
"Miss Granger?" Logan Ferdinand said, appearing worried. "Are you alright?"
She sat up carefully, still feeling weak. "I'm fine, sir, thank you. I apologize."
"No need, no need," he answered brusquely, before shoving a biscuit in her hands. "You ought to eat something."
She smiled gratefully and managed to stand up before sitting back down on the chair (which was slightly more comfortable than the ground) and started nibbling on the biscuit. It wasn't surprising, the fainting, considering she hadn't eaten all day. But she still didn't dare to look at Malfoy, ashamed of her moment of weakness. Instead she focused on Mr. Ferdinand. "I believe you had some advice to give us, sir?"
"Indeed. You will probably not like it, I'm afraid."
"Just spit it out," Draco said harshly. "It's not like it can get much worse than this."
"There is no conceivable way you can keep this a secret. Your name has automatically been changed to Hermione Malfoy in all your official documentation, so wether it is for a job-interview or your studies, people will know. Now I may not know all that much about the situation in England at the moment, but I am aware that you are both well-known, and especially you, Miss Granger, are frequently written about by the press. They will find out and they will publish it. The only way you can have even a semblance of control is by spreading the news yourself, instead of waiting for it to be published by a sensation-seeking journalist."
Hermione gaped at the man. "What exactly are you saying?"
"That if you don't want to be known as two irresponsible teenagers, you need to spin a story to it. Make the world believe you married for love, and make it sound good, and that is the way you will get the least backlash, I believe. But this is only my opinion, of course. You are free to do as you please."
When Draco and Hermione left the lawyer's office, it was with even darker moods than before.
"What do we do now?" she asked him. They might hate each other, but they were stuck in the same mess and that caused an inevitable sense of companionship.
"I don't know," Malfoy replied. "There's no way we are going to be able to convince the world we fell in love. The mere thought is utterly ridiculous."
"You don't say," she agreed.
He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, as if attempting to alleviate his headache, and said: "Let's go talk to Blaise, no matter how distasteful that idea might be. His mother is a bit of an authority when it comes to divorce, maybe he'll have something to tell us."
"Why should we tell your friends when we can't tell mine?" Hermione protested.
"Do you really want to tell your friends?" he asked incredulously. "Because if I could keep it from mine, I most assuredly would. I just don't know what else to do at this point."
"Fair enough. Let's go then."
And so they headed back to the hotel, and were invited in the room of a very shocked looking Blaise Zabini.
"Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger coming to see me together, now here's something I'd never thought I'd see," he said. "Can I offer you a drink?"
Both their faces morphed into a similar expression of disgust. "I'm never drinking again," Hermione muttered.
Blaise chuckled. "I see. What brings you here?"
Draco looked at Hermione, but she just shrugged. It's your friend, that gesture told him. You deal with him.
"I don't know if you noticed," Draco said. "but we both had a bit too much to drink, last night."
"I think everyone noticed," said Blaise.
"Yes, well, apparently we got married."
The silence was deafening. Hermione buried her face in her hands, embarrassed more than she ever thought possible, and then Blaise started laughing.
"That's a terrible joke, Draco."
Malfoy rolled his eyes and shoved their certificate in Zabini's hands. When the other Slytherin saw it, he paled considerably. "You idiot," he hissed at his friend. "That's for at least five years. What the hell were you thinking? Your mother is going to have a heart-attack."
"I wasn't exactly thinking, Blaise," Draco snapped. "Do you have any useful information for me? There has to be a way to undo this, an annulment or something."
"The only thing I can think of is if the marriage wasn't consummated."
Both Hermione and Draco blushed at that. Blaise took one look at their faces and burst out laughing again. "Never mind then."
"For fuck's sake, Zabini, this isn't funny!" Draco exclaimed, fed up with his friend's reaction. "We never should've come here."
"No, no! Yes you should. I'm sorry, man, I'll help in any way I can," Blaise hurriedly said, ceasing his laughter.
"How can you help?" Hermione asked despondently. "There isn't much we can do, I'm afraid."
"Perhaps not about the marriage, but you two are definitely going to need to do some damage-control, and let's just say that that is something of a Zabini specialty."
Both Draco and Hermione perked up a bit at that. "Is there a way to keep it secret?"
"No," said Blaise cheerfully. "Everyone is going to think you're drunk, foolish teenagers ruled by hormones. Your reputations, especially yours, Granger, will be ruined, and good luck finding a job after that."
They both gaped at him. "That's it?" Hermione asked angrily.
"Unless," Blaise continued, as if uninterrupted. "We make it sound good."
"How in the hell do we make this sound good, Blaise?" Draco asked, ready to hit his unappropriately happy friend in the face.
"The public is always a sucker for forbidden love, Draco," Blaise said. "Spin them a hopelessly romantic story of your love conquering all obstacles, and they will adore you."
"No one could possibly be stupid enough to believe that," Draco said.
"You'd be surprised," said Hermione. "There are a lot of stupid people in the world."
At that moment, the door opened. "Hey, Blaise, have you seen Draco? I can't—" Theo entered the room and stopped talking abruptly when he saw who was sitting there.
"What the hell?"
That sentence, Hermione mused, summed up the last 12 hours pretty accurately.
Hermione fled the room during Blaise's explanation, needing a moment alone. She hurried back to her own hotelroom, looking forward to a moment of peace and quiet, but was met by an irate Ginny Weasley in the corridor.
"Hermione, what the hell is this? Please tell me it's a bad joke!" Ginny threw a Daily Prophet at Hermione's feet, displaying a photograph of herself and Draco Malfoy at the door of the chapel, kissing enthusiastically. The headline read: Malfoy-heir and War-heroine get married: did hate turn to love?
"Oh fuck. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck..." Hermione was not in the habit of cursing, but if there was one situation in which it was justified, it was this one. "Oh gods, Ginny, we've been so unbelievably stupid! I don't know what to do!"
She was near crying, her bottom lip wobbling and a lone tear leaking out of her eyes, but she held it together, if only just.
"So it is real, then?" Ginny said, and her anger was replaced with worry for one of her closest friends. "This is my fault!" she then exclaimed, surprising Hermione. "I should never have allowed the other girls to egg you on like that! I'm so sorry!"
"You didn't exactly force me to marry him, I'm sure, Ginny. It's not your fault."
"How did it happen?"
"i would like to know that too... I can't remember anything!" Hermione wailed.
"Granger, did you tell her? What the hell?" Malfoy had arrived on the scene.
"She didn't have to," said Ginny, glaring at Draco. "You might want to take a look at the Prophet."
When Draco saw the article, he paled to the point of being almost transluscent. He then met Hermione's gaze, and with a small voice, said: "We're going to have to take Blaise's advice, otherwise we're both ruined."
Hermione just nodded, all out of words to say.
Draco seemed to sense she was about to crumble, or maybe he was just as close to a breakdown as she was. "There is no point in trying to fix this now. You are all staying here for a couple of days more, right?" The question was directed at Ginny.
"Two more days," the witch said.
"Well then, I'm going to get some sleep. We will discuss this tomorrow."
Hermione was so relieved at the idea of sleep that she didn't even comment on his commanding tone. She almost ran back to her room, unwilling to face anyone else, followed at a slightly more normal pace by Ginny.
Back into her room, she was relieved to notice that housekeeping had done their job already, leaving no trace of what happened.
"Ginny, I know you want to talk about it, but I'm tired, my head hurts so much I could faint, and if I don't succomb to a hopefully dreamless sleep right now I'm going to cry for hours. So can you please come back later?"
"Of course, Hermione. I don't think the other girls have seen the article, so we still have some time before we need to figure out what to tell them. Get some rest, and I'll see you at dinner!"
Sleep did help, even if it served only to recover some of her courage. If part of Hermione had hoped she'd wake up to find that everything was just a dream, she ignored the disappointment and focused on doing what she did best; planning.
She started making a list of the possibilities she had, although that list was depressingly short. When she had no choice left but to admit that she was stuck with Malfoy for the time being, she started writing down what they ought to discuss.
As much as she disliked the notion, she was rational enough to admit that Blaise was right; the only way to salvage what was left of their reputation, was by giving it a romantic spin. The problem was that she sincerely doubted they'd be able to pull it off.
She was interrupted from her thoughts by a loud knock on the door. "Come in!" she called, and was surprised to see both Ginny and Malfoy enter her room.
"Hermione," Ginny said. "We have a serious problem."
"We're well and totally fucked," Draco added, looking livid.
"What happened?"
"Ron and Harry are here," Ginny answered.
"Oh no. Can't you send them away?"
"They're already making a scene in the lobby," Malfoy said. "If we want to have even the slightest chance at playing the 'we are hoplessly in love' card, we need to do some damage conrol right now."
"Ginny, go get Harry and Ron and bring them here," Hermione said, taking control of the situation at once. "But try to take a detour, because Malfoy and I have some things to talk about."
Ginny nodded and left to do what was asked of her, hoping that, by some miracle, her fiancé and her brother would see reason easily enough.
"I do hope you won't expect me to be present while you explain everything to your friends," Malfoy said, looking even paler than usual. "I'd like to leave this place in one piece."
"No, I really don't want you to be there," Hermione hastened to say. "That would be terrible. I'm pretty sure Ron would try to kill you."
"So what was it we needed to talk about?"
She shot him an unimpressed look. "What do you think, Malfoy? I want to know if we really are going to act as if we're hopelessly in love, and if we do, how on earth will we be able to convince anyone? We hate each other with a passion!"
Draco inhaled deeply, and put his hands to his temples in an attempt to ward off the headache that was building up more and more with every passing minute. "I don't see another option," he said, and the words seemed to cause him actual physical pain. "Blaise suggested to use that passion-thing to our advantage... There is a thin line between love and hate, and similar nonsense."
Hermione worried her lip while thinking and comparing all possible outcomes in her mind. "That might actually work," she said at last. "Although it's going to be very unpleasant for the both of us."
Draco snorted and mumbled something about being punished for his youthfull stupidities. Before she could react with a forceful 'what did I ever do wrong enough to deserve you?' a loud noise sounded through the corridor.
"I think that's Ginny's warning," said Hermione. "You have to leave, now."
"Fine. Keep your attackdogs on a leash, will you?"
Hermione refrained from reacting to that statement, focusing instead on what she was going to say to her best friends. This was going to be a disaster.
"'MIONE!" Ron called out as he barged into her room. "Please tell me it's a joke! This is Malfoy trying to mess with us, isn't it? I'll kill him!"
Ginny quickly closed the door behind the boys and cast several charms to ensure their conversation would remain private. "I tried to calm them down," she told Hermione. "To no avail, unfortunately."
"Hermione, are you okay?" Harry said as he grabbed her by the shoulders to inspect her for injuries. She could only hope the glamour-charms she had put over the hickeys on her neck were still strong enough to hide the embarassing reminders of last night. She would have little choice but to tell her friends the truth about being married; that did not mean she wanted to go into detail into what happened after the 'wedding'.
"I'm fine, Harry. Well, as fine as I can be considering the circumstances. I need you both to calm down so I can explain."
Harry let go of her hastily, a look of horror on his face. "So it's true then. How the fuck is that possible?"
Ron was getting progressively more red in the face and looked like he was trying to hold his breath.
"I can explain!" she interjected quickly. "Just listen to me, Harry, please!"
He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply in an attempt to control his temper, before agreeing to her request. "Explain, then," he said shortly.
Several revelations came upon Hermione at once, then. The first one being that she had never expected Harry and Ron to be so mature as to hear her out, the second one was that, as of today, she could officially be considered as the least mature of them all, which came as a bit of a shock if she was honest with herself, and the last and most worrying one: she had absolutely no decent explanation to give them.
"Er... We were both really, really drunk?" she then said, sounding very unconvincing.
Harry and Ron gaped at her while Ginny hid her head in her hands with a suffering sigh.
"That's it?" Harry said. "That's your explanation."
"To be entirely honest with you, I'm not really sure how it happened," she continued on, realizing she was only making things worse and yet somehow incapable of stopping. "The whole night is a bit of blur, to be honest. All I know is that I woke up with a ring on my finger and my name changed in all legal documentation. I really can't believe the Prophet got wind of it so quickly."
Harry took of his glasses and started cleaning them, more to have something to do with his hands than because they were actually dirty, Hermione suspected. "Alright," he said, once he had put the glasses back on his nose. "We need to find a good lawyer so we can figure out how you can get divorced as quickly possible."
Ron threw a horrified look at Harry. "She can't just divorce him right now, Harry, everyone will think she is a..." he trailed of at the look Hermione gave him.
"I suggest you're very careful about what you're going to say next, Ronald." When Ron remained silent, she turned towards Harry. "Unfortunately, Ron is right. The wizarding world is far more conservative than the Muggle world when it comes to relationships and weddings. Not only that, but apparently a couple can only divorce after five years of marriage."
As she explained this to her friends, the gravity of the situation hit her full force and she couldn't stop the broken sobs that shook her body.
Harry being Harry, he immediately forgot all about his anger and enveloped her in a hug, desperately trying to console his best friend.
"It's alright, Hermione, I'm sure we'll figure something out."
Even Ron managed to overcome his usual awkwardness around emotional girls after a push from Ginny, and patted her on the back in what he meant to be a comforting way.
"I'm sorry," Hermione said once she regained control of her breathing. "It's all a bit much. I can't believe I've been so stupid!"
"I can't believe you're a Malfoy," Ron added.
Ginny elbowed her brother. "Not helping, Ron. Hermione, Malfoy was talking about Blaise's advice," she said. "What did he mean?"
"And why would you go to Zabini before coming to us for help?"
"His mother has been married eight times, I think, which makes him a bit of an expert when it comes to marriage and divorce. He said that, while divorce was indeed impossible, there was one way of salvageing our reputation."
Harry noticed the look on her face and understanding washed over him.
"Please don't say what I think you're going to say," he begged.
She grimaced but said it anyway. "We need to make this look like we planned to do it. We have to act like we're star-crossed lovers in an attempt to win the public's sympathy, otherwise, war-heroïne or not, I might never find a job."
Her declaration was followed by Harry Potter cursing in a way she rarely heard him do.
"Brightest Witch of our Age my arse," Ron added. "How could you be so stupid?"
"You guys do realize what this means, right?" Ginny asked, brows furrowed. "You'll have to pretend to get along with him too if we want this to be convincing."
Hermione sat down on the bed and sighed deeply. "That's it," she said. "I am utterly and irrevocably doomed."
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