chapter 2: recognition
"One sees that all explicit opposites are implicit allies—correlative in the sense that they "go with" each other and cannot exist apart." - Alan watts
Notes:
so much gay in this chapter
Summary:
Where are they? Light struggles with his own feelings. A dark mass watches.
"L?"
The dead detective approached Light steadily.
Light hesitated… it was strange, alien almost. To see the man he had murdered through a death god… alive and walking once again. His face contorted with concern and surprise.
What the hell? Light couldn't help but question the other man's presence.
It wasn't the fact that the great detective was so vividly gliding his way that disturbed him. No. What disturbed Light was that he remembered every nitty-gritty precise detail of the man to be able to determine that L was exactly as how he was when he had died in his arms 5 years ago…
To have so much of his genius brainpower storing this information... Light felt mildly disgusted at himself. Ryuuzaki... or rather, 'L'... should've been insignificant. Yet... Light regarded L in such high respects that any time he spent with the man, he was thoroughly engrossed - unable to think about anything else but L.
"Surprised?" L smiled deviously.
Light took a deep breath, holding back a bitter growl. It was him and his ludicrous successors that ended Light's reign. What did he want from him now? They were both dead. Was he here to gloat his failure?
Despite Light's suspicions, L did not look hostile, nor vengeful... merely curious .
"Of course." Light innocently raised a brow, "How could I not be?"
L chuckled, " I'm just here to see my dear 'friend', is that so wrong?"
A sharp pinch assailed his chest. His face contorted (only slightly) at the mention of Light being his 'friend' even after he had murdered him. L continued to behave innocently, almost allowing Light to believe he wasn't lying. Light didn't believe it one bit. How could he?
"Whatever happened in life doesn't change that Light-kun." L tilted his head, discerning Light's reactions. The detective's eyes traveled across Light's body. Light sorely did not miss the violation of his privacy (or rather, what felt like it.)
The detective's eyes fixated on the bullet holes in Light's clothing. Light merely crossed his arms.
"...you should be angry. What are you planning, Ryuuzaki?"
L chuckled. "Surely, that's not all you have to say to me..."
"I don't know what you're talking about." The murderer replied.
"Hmm, I do enjoy these mind-games with you Light-kun, there's always something or other you're hiding... like that laugh I just heard. I must say, it's absolutely befitting of a megalomaniac... It lead me straight to you. Died so soon? You look so young still." The ghoul-looking detective floated closer. Light openly scowled.
"Sorry, you're not getting any information out of me, L. More importantly, why are you here? You didn't use the death note secretly while I wasn't looking did you? Otherwise, how are you even in the same space as me?"
L chuckled again. It was getting on Light's nerves, "If you're not willing to share information with me... why would I share information with you? Oh wait, even better... What makes you think I would tell you , even if I did ? Game on, Light-kun."
Light scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself. Additionally, if you don't seem to recall: I won ."
"Hmmm…. Did you now...? Care to answer as why Light-kun is here then, and not... reigning supreme ?"
Light was so close to punching the intolerable detective. He didn't. He said nothing.
"For someone who played god... I would have expected better..." L seemed to enjoy egging him on.
Why did he ever in his right mind think fondly of this man, again? An error on his part. Light vowed to never again fall to such folly. "More importantly, you lost, because I managed to kill you without even touching the death note. You're just trying to get under my skin because you're a sore loser."
"Hmm, you mean the same kind of 'sore loser' you are? I see you're resorting to the 'who lost first' argument now... does the 'god of the new world' know where we are by any chance? Surely someone with such high authority in the world must know... but wait, didn't Light-kun just ask me that question?" L made a little teehee noise.
L's lips curled ever wider seeing the pure 'murder' written all over Light's face. It took every fiber in his being not to punch the man straight on the nose. Light's fists clenched gingerly.
"We are in Mu. I know that much."
L stepped gently forward, then abruptly inched closer. The speed in which L was suddenly was in his face would have startled anyone. Not Light. He returned the piercing observing eyes, with his own impenetrable molten glare.
"Continue," L smiled.
You want to play at this again? Alright. So be it. Game on.
Light elegantly adjusted his posture. "...I'll assume you've already memorized… the human who uses the notebook can neither go to Heaven nor Hell. Technically, as a death god told me, the human shall go to ' Mu'for using the death note. In terms of definition it means nothingness and I would assume I would have become nonexistent. But here I am. And here..." He motioned to L with a little antagonism, "... you are. That's what I don't understand. Why are you here if we are in 'Mu'? I highly doubt you used the death note before you died."
L floated above him with a smile. "Indeed."
Light huffed, waiting for a reply.
"...Yes, indeed….however, Light-kun. That is incorrect. I find it... fascinating that despite this self-destroying definition of 'Mu' you have... you still accepted the aforementioned consequences."
"Hmph, you'll never understand. It was for the good of the world. Sacrifices had to be made."
L gave him a mysterious smile. Shivers ran down Light's spine. He quietly muttered, "Martyr Complex." Just loud enough so that Light could hear.
Light punched him finally, and L kicked him back (obviously). The failed god hissed angrily, but the satisfying, resounding crack from his knuckles connecting with L's face balanced the pain he had received back. They both stumbled backwards before resuming a tolerable standing distance apart. L rubbed his nose and continued his explanation bitterly.
"...nothingness could be described as a definition of Mu , but that is not as relevant as it could be... Mu means 'not applicable'. The answer is not as binary as 'yes' and 'no', 'heaven' or 'hell', 'nothing' or 'something'." L shuffled closer towards Light once more, taunting Light to interrupt him. Light hesitated, but didn't react. No way would he let L get that satisfaction "...Un-ask the question' is what it says. We are not in heaven, hell, nor nothingness, we are in something else entirely."
Infuriatingly, L boldly drew even closer than before.
Light swatted the detective out of his face. "L, please. Be serious."
"No need to be so serious, Light-kun." L chuckled.
"I must say I can't help but get carried away when I am in your presence Light-kun... I... too, first speculated that this was going to be a vast expanse of pure white only to myself... It's been far too long and well... " The detective deliberated, looking at the failed god in front of him.
"Spit it out, L."
There was a pregnant pause before L decided it was appropriate.
"...Light." L dropped the honorific the Light's surprise. "I'm sincerely glad to have found you."
Raven tresses brushed against auburn as L drew closer to Light.
What? Light had a hard time grasping what L had meant. He hadn't predicted the conversation to take such a turn. To hear such a line from his rival, enemy, and victim .
.. .L was... glad? Of all people... L should've been the angriest...
Light had frozen stiffly, deliberating his next response.
L continued to observe him closely. Wishing all of this would go away, Light closed his eyes. He opened his mouth in order to say something, but closed them again - at a loss for words.
The silence reigned for another few minutes (or what felt like a few minutes).
"...Light." The detective called out.
" I'm glad that of all people I could have met... I was able to find you. " He repeated.
The failed god's eyes dilated, unable to stay shut in order to verify L's revelation. That familiar pinch of guilt attacked him once again. A knot formed on his vocal chords.
…
…
…
" I- "... Light's voice festered, as if suddenly someone had thrown acid down his throat. He choked instead. Perfect auburn hair fell upon his face, obscuring his own expression. He grit his teeth in silence.
L must just be saying this to toy with him. With his feelings. How? How was he doing this? Why did he have such feelings in the first place. They were getting in the way of a witty comeback, and Light felt utterly helpless as his own emotions drowned his usually dominant logical half.
Lies again... he hissed.
How dare he…
I'll show him…
This is the perfect time to manipulate him.
This is when I take advantage of thi-
The rival detective halted his thoughts with a single clear timbre voice.
"Light. Shut the fuck up. I can hear you thinking."
The detective possessively ran his hand through Light's auburn tresses, cementing a different kind of feeling altogether in Light's mind. Light gaped, floored by what just came out of L's mouth. Noticing this, L added an explanation.
"Don't ruin the moment...Frankly, I prefer you shut your mouth for just one second, as… I'm sure your pretty little lips want nothing more than to say a believable lie. We're dead. Just let me have this."
Light continued to be stunned, eyes wide.
"...I'm sure you may think I'm lying to you..." he mused. "But, that's quite all right... "
Without warning, the detective tucked his chin on top of the man he was sure he had offended. Light gulped.
"None of that matters..." he drawled. "I've been wanting to say something for a while now... but I missed my chance. I'm not going to miss it again. He who strikes first, wins. You are... how to say... a first for me."
Light reminded L of a quote he once read... he chuckled inwardly, but wasn't able to say it to Light's face.
You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful. — Amy Bloom
He took another look at livid, motionless man underneath him. Are you that stunned? Surely you should have noticed at least some of what I've felt.. if not back... L quietly chewed his fingernail in reverie. A meek Light has appeared, what a rare sight. The detective sighed, wondering why he was so fatally attracted to this particular beautiful and brilliant serial killer. He would most likely be the end of him, not just the first time, but every time.
Light was terrifyingly restrained. After much waiting, It worried L.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Light?" He checked.
"..."
"Light."
"..."
"..."
" Light , are you alright?"
Light stiffened.
The detective frowned and tilted the face of the younger genii upwards. Light struggled; refusing face him. Hands and wrists tangled in the air while L attempted to disarm the former serial killer. Light met every challenge with his own, palms walloping against the perceived attack.
"L, don't! " he muttered angrily.
..Oh?
L's lips curled. A reaction.
The detective managed to wrangle purchase, and entwined his finger against the younger man's own. The younger man's voice hitched at the surprising intimate hold the detective went for.
L held Light in his hands with determination. The murderer gasped. Molten amber brown eyes met obsidian with a thousand furtive questions. L caught his gaze and held it there.
" Light , I'm going to repeat this: I can hear you thinking. Spit it out."
The murderer trembled, confused.
He began to say something, lips mouthing agonized words…
'...but' Light closed his mouth again, his vocal chords didn't seem to want to cooperate.
"..."
Another pregnant pause. Light tried harder.
"...I killed you." An exasperated voice cracked into the Mu. Light's eyes met L's for another infernally long second, before they fell to his feet.
"... "
"..."
"..."
"...Yes, you did." L admitted.
"..."
"..."
"..."
Light looked distressed, then muttered begrudgingly, "I am ' Kira' ."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...so I have gathered." L drawled bluntly.
Light growled angrily, startling the older detective. "...THEN WHY? When I've..." He hissed, "I've..."
"...I've..." Light's voice croaked and then expired once more. His lips began mouthing something inaudibly. He shook his head un-decidedly.
"Light, spit it out."
The failed god grit his teeth one last time, before relenting to the pressure.
"Damnit, L!" He shouted hoarsely,
'...I've missed you.' Light couldn't bear to ever say such embarrassing words out loud. He hoped L could lip read.
…
L could indeed lip read. The detective dragged a long breath, senses awake more than ever. He caught Light's words exactly as he mentioned them and sought out any more clues within the other man. Light refused to betray any other clues. That was all he would allow L to get. He continued to grit his teeth in silence.
Moved by this, L tenderly returned the words in his own voice, "I've missed you too." Light's ears flushed red.
They stayed in this position for what time seemed to deem inappropriately long.
Neither moved... until L shifted and adjusted himself to locked his gaze to the largest serial killer he had ever had the opportunity to gaze upon.
...Those brilliant amber eyes that met him, tentatively, meekly.
How such an innocent looking face had the gall to fervently kill so many in the name of justice... was so intriguing, even at this very moment.
With a stroke of his pen, he killed.
Obsidian eyes shimmered, operating in his ever growing intrigue. It was filled with a warmth that Light had never expected to see him exude.
Their expressions conversed a thousand words neither dared to speak.
Their eyes fought, melted, and then spoke again in what was nothing but something at the same time.
They stayed like this until L broke the silence - his grip tightening.
"...Light, let us explore the world of nothingness together."
Light huffed angrily. Seemingly disapproving of doing such an activity together with the relentless detective.
L chuckled. "Alright, alright. If you turn any redder, you might turn into a strawberry. Let me say something more familiar instead."
His husky voice murmured witty remarks about Light's inconsistency. He continued sweet nothings consisting of embarrassing but accurate observations of Light's flaws. Whatever else L deemed to say seemed to appease Light.
The murderer hummed, basking in the comforting sassy familiarity.
They stayed like this... for a little while longer.
"Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it." - W. Somerset Maugham
…
…
Far in the distance from the two currently muttering genii, something... darkened menacingly.
Immediately alert, the detective and murder fixated their perceptive eyes... to something amiss.
End Notes:
gay gay gay