Weird chapter numbering huh? It's because those that read the original ending will find this chapter as well as the last two all address the time period that happened in the original chapter 20. So I'd said there were several reasons I initially glossed over the ending. One of the biggest reasons was that I didn't want to say who Misaki would choose. I wanted the reader to decide. I tried to leave it vague and put in things that supported either guy. But if I was going to extend the ending and make it more like the rest of the story... I just couldn't see how to do it without me weighing in on what she would do or who she would pick. So sadly, this chapter shows what I think she would have done and eliminates the one and only thing I really liked about the other ending - giving the reader the opportunity to decide for themselves what she would have done. So sorry about that. I feel quite selfish making this change. If I was a better writer maybe I could have figured out how to leave it unclear.

Chapter 20.4

Misaki sobbed in Takumi's arms for a good 20 minutes. She cried until it felt like there was no water left to give. And then she lay her head limply against Takumi's chest feeling weak from her emotional release. It was true that her cry had left her feeling better, but it had also left her feel exhausted. But at least now she could speak without choking on her words. Misaki sat back up and faced Takumi. Now that her tears and snot covered a sizable section of Takumi's shirt, it was impossible to hide from him that she and Tora had fought. Misaki came clean and confided in Takumi.

"Tora told me before we'd left for the dinner that he needed to give me something and that we had to have a serious and personal talk," she explained. "I thought he was going to propose." A small snort escaped her. She felt so foolish now. Her father had taught her there were no fairytales yet she had so easily forgotten his lesson.

Takumi was taken aback. Misaki was disappointed that Tora hadn't proposed? He felt a panic run through his body. They were far more serious than he'd known.

"But no…" Misaki continued, "he just wanted to give me my diary back." She paused and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "The kicker was that he had this diary since I was in the hospital in a comma. He had it all that time and never told me. He kept talking about how I should try to remember things… he even said spending time with you might help me remember… but the best tool available to help me was right there in his hand and he hid it from me. I… I feel so angry, and betrayed, and confused and sad… I just… I can't even explain why this hurts so much."

Takumi nodded. He remembered Misaki telling him about her father's betrayal and how it had been so difficult to trust men after that. Tora had broken her trust. Takumi knew that he had done the same thing but in his case it was a single impulsive act and he had thought at the time that she had broken it off with him. He hadn't spent 18 months hiding something from her. He hadn't watched her struggle and withheld the life preserver. He hadn't stolen years of her life.

Takumi remembered Tora's words… "unlike her ex-boyfriend I don't lie to her." He shook his head. It seemed to him that Tora really hadn't changed. He was still a lying, opportunist. "Misaki," Takumi said, "I don't necessarily know all that you're feeling right now, but I understand how much trust means to you and I'm sorry that he hurt you. You know you can stay here while you decide what you want to do, right?"

Misaki was so grateful. She didn't plan to take advantage of his hospitality for long, but she would feel much more comforted here than in a hotel and tonight she really needed that. "Thank you." She replied. She gave the weakest of smiles and her gaze fell on the book.

Takumi noticed and he turned to her and asked, "so…. Have you read any of it yet?"

She shook her head. "Takumi?" she asked, "can I stay here… on the couch… tonight?"

He nodded. "Is there anything you need? Anything at all?"

Misaki remembered Phillip the nice limousine driver. "No. Phillip… the driver you sent for me is taking care of that."

Takumi nodded. He texted Phillip and asked to have Misaki's items delivered to his apartment once they were ready. Takumi looked back at Misaki and saw that she had and picked up the book.

This old book could hold the key to so much for her. Or it could reveal ugly truths she'd rather not know. "I have mixed feelings," she tried to explain as she turned the book over in her hands, "I really want to read it… I mean I know I have to read it… it's just what if I can't remember the past because there was something bad in it? What if it turns out I was a fraud?"

Takumi smiled. "Well I was there and you were not a fraud." He put his arm around her and pulled her to him. "You were fierce and brave. You could face anything head on and if it was ugly, you'd deal with it." He gave her a reassuring squeeze. "You are still that same girl. And you can face this." He picked up the empty coco cups and brought them back to the kitchen. "If you would like some privacy, I can go in the other room," he offered.

Misaki thought about it. "Well I'm not sure. Maybe you could grab a book and we can both read to ourselves on the couch?" she suggested. "It's just that I don't want to be alone but I'm not sure what is in here and I don't know if it's something I can share with you."

Takumi nodded and went to his bedroom to retrieve his glasses and a volume of fiction. He sat down next to 'Misaki and opened his book. He normally loved to read, but tonight the novel couldn't hold his interest. He read and reread the same page over and over but the words just didn't compute in his mind. His gaze kept creeping over the book to the girl sitting next to him. He watched as her eyes changed emotions and as her checks changed colors. What could she be reading?

Misaki discovered in the first few pages that her diary consisted almost entirely of stories about Takumi. She hadn't realized how appropriate it was to be reading this diary here in his apartment. Eventually she looked up and caught a Takumi staring at her. She smiled and set the book down. "It seems you have a pattern of watching me," she said.

"You already know you're my favorite attraction, does it really surprise you?" he asked.

"What about Yukimura?" She asked with a playful smile. "It seems you were pretty enamored with him as well."

Takumi's eyes lit up with recognization. "You mean the kiss." Misaki nodded. "I only did that so you wouldn't feel awkward that I had kissed you. My prepubescent self kind of kissed you before you were ready and I thought if you believed I randomly kissed everyone you wouldn't be so uncomfortable around me."

"Is that why you were kissing that girl in England?" Misaki asked.

Takumi looked shocked. He glanced at the book in her hands. She was only about 10 pages in. How did she…. "Misaki! How did you…"

Misaki had a big grin on her face, "I remember Takumi. I remember everything! I'm still mad at a Tora, but I am so grateful he gave this diary to me. I'm so happy to have my whole life back!"

Takumi leaned over and gave her a big hug. He pulled away. "Misaki… I tried to go after you that night… I couldn't find you. I am so sorry. It was just a kiss. It only happened that once and I was drunk and I thought you had left me and I…I…. I'm so sorry! I am even more sorry I didn't chase you down to the ends of the Earth and force you to forgive me. I just couldn't face the possibility of a future without you. I feel into despair and I turned to drugs to deal with my grief. I was so messed up I couldn't pull my shit together to find you and I couldn't bare the idea of you seeing me like that. A day hadn't gone by where I haven't thought of you. Can you ever forgive me?"

Misaki was shocked. She reached over and embraced Talumi. "I'm so sorry," she said. "We were a couple of hot headed, stupid adolescent weren't we. Why we didn't we talk? I ran off not letting you explain and you…. I'm so sorry Takumi. Obviously, I suffered for a year, but you… it's been five years and you still seem to be in so much pain."

"Can you forgive me Misaki?" He asked again. The urgency in his voice was palpable. The fear in his eyes undeniable.

Misaki didn't know what to say, "Takumi, it's been five years. Of course I forgive you."

Takumi's face lit up. He went forward to hug her but stopped when he heard the doorbell. Who the hell was coming by at this hour? He went to the door and found Phillip waiting outside with various bags. Takumi thanked him and wished him goodnight and then returned to the couch. There was so much planning that they needed to do. "Misaki," Takumi asked, "do you want me to move here or would you prefer to move in with me in England?"

Misaki wasn't sure she'd heard him correctly. "What are you talking about?" She asked genuinely confused.

The enormous smile on Takumi's face fell. "Aren't we getting back together?" he asked.

Misaki's eyes widened a fraction of an inch. "Takumi," she tried to decide how to say this, "I'm already in a relationship." The hurt on his face was so evident. "Now that I remember everything, I know I loved you. I will always love you. And I'm not angry with you about anything that happened in the past… but…we went our separate ways and we can't change that. I love Tora. Not in the way I loved you. We don't have this consuming, passionate love. But he is good to me. He's my best friend. He…"

"He lied to you," Takumi shouted cutting her off. "He broke your trust. He withheld your past for 18 months. Why would you forgive him and not me?"

Misaki took Takumi's hands in her own. How could she make him see that he was forgiven. "It's not that I don't forgive you. It's that when I was inEngland and you kissed that girl… we both just walked away and we didn't talk. If we'd talked things would be different now. I can't do the same thing this time. I can't just walk away from Tora and jump to conclusions. He deserves a chance to explain. He's done so much for me. We've been through so much together. I regret giving up on us so easily. I wish I hadn't. But I can't do the same thing this time."

"Aren't you giving up on us now Misaki?" Takumi felt tears pooling in his eyes. Why wouldn't she give him another chance?

"Takumi… I wish things were different but right now there is no us to give up on. I wish we could try again Takumi, but that would be wrong to do to Tora. The feelings I have for you… they are so intense. They are real. I honestly am completely and entirely in love with you. But that doesn't mean we would be happy together. It doesn't mean if we tried again that it would work out this time. I love Tora, and no, it's not as intense, but I know what the future holds with him and it holds happiness. We will be happy together and we will love each other in the kind of way that will lead to a successful marriage. You and I… we're adults now. It's painful for me too, but fate just didn't mean for us to be together."

"But Misaki, you don't know if we would be happy too. We could even be more happy."

Misaki smiled, "the important word there is 'could'. I love you Takumi. You will find such an amazing wife someday and I will be beyond jealous. I might smile and congratulate you at your wedding but I'll be wishing I could pull her hair out." Misaki felt a yawn escape her lips and the heavy burden of the evening weighed on her body and soul. She had been through an emotional rollercoaster and her body ached for sleep.

Takumi was heartbroken but he'd talk to her in the morning. It was clear now that she needed sleep and if nothing else, Takumi always put her health above everything. Takumi insisted she sleep in his room and that he take the couch. He reasoned that he had always chosen to sleep on the couch and he'd bought the bed for her. Neither of them slept well that night, but the turmoil of the day did eventually do its magic and the two eventually found peace in the world of the unconscious.